Mormon guide to overcoming masturbation.

Jordan L · Mar 3, 2008

The more Naughty its made out to be, The more enjoyment :mwink:

Kantham · Mar 3, 2008

haslo said:
Yeah, and this:

The truth is that not everyone does it (and most of the websites that tell you otherwise are trying to make money off ads related to sex). You see, there are some real dangers to participating in the act of masturbation. The mormon church teaches that masturbation, or other types of self-stimulation is wrong. Here's why: While masturbation can seem harmless, it elicits sexual feelings that are intended only for marriage. This habit-forming activity quickly leads to other activities such as viewing pornography and participating in homosexual activities.

Riiiiiiiight.

REAL DANGERS. OMG.
We are males, we produce sperms everyday, we have to empty the bottle. A "god" made us this way. Idiots.
And if a man decide to be Gay, that's against the church's will, right? What about lesbians? No mention of that anywhere?

Zur · Mar 3, 2008

I'm guessing that there a lot of Mormons out there that make love to their bed

.

Steyr · Mar 3, 2008

BobTheBeheader said:
Actually, I have some personal experience advice for anyone interested. Just start watching lots and lots of anime. Non-hentai anime. Works great. I haven't spanked the monkey in longer then I have in a long time. Deleted about 10GB of porn, replaced it with anime.

Careful man, watch too much anime and you'll end up neutering yourself, like this guy.

But yes, masturbation is a horribly dangerous activity. I can't seem to find that masturbation accidents page anymore, but it's pretty ugly. Just remember, STAY AWAY FROM THE VACUUM CLEANER!!!

Continuum · Mar 3, 2008

fixxed

Steyr said:
STAY AWAY FROM THE electric/motorized equipment!!!

B · Mar 4, 2008

Kantham said:
Riiiiiiiight.

REAL DANGERS. OMG.
We are males, we produce sperms everyday, we have to empty the bottle. A "god" made us this way. Idiots.
And if a man decide to be Gay, that's against the church's will, right? What about lesbians? No mention of that anywhere?

Lesbians also fall under the gay category.

Kantham · Mar 4, 2008

Ah
I haven't heard of a lesbian marriage in years though.

TomWithTheWeather · Mar 4, 2008

Yay for religion demonizing people's natural sexual urges. FAIL

Unreality · Mar 4, 2008

yeah woo back to nature

*fap fap fap*

Sarevok · Mar 4, 2008

I'll stop masterbating if someone can find me the scripture in the bible where it says it's wrong. I challenge thee!!!

TossMonkey · Mar 4, 2008

B said:
Lesbians also fall under the gay category.

Sir Lancelot: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
Sir Galahad: I don't think I was.
Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.
Sir Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
Sir Lancelot: No, it's too perilous.
Sir Galahad: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.
Sir Lancelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on.
Sir Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?
Sir Lancelot: No. It's unhealthy.
Sir Galahad: I bet you're gay.
Sir Lancelot: Am not.

It's just all so perilous!

Mister_Prophet · Mar 4, 2008

Well I guess if heaven exists and it turns out the Mormons were really right, I'll have a lot of explaining to do.

Firefly · Mar 4, 2008

mormons = bunch o wankers

Ordagon · Mar 4, 2008

hhehe i have readed the whole bible, just to discuse my teachers at catholic school. and i remember a lot of pron in it. remember the guy and his daughters that were saved fromo soodma and gomorra? these girls had sex with his father because god said it to them. ehhe i think god its a jerky voyeur hahhaha. i am glad to be viking ( evolving to techno viking). any way like some said: eff yeah!!!! take it !!!! There is semen everywhere!!!! and girls masturbate too.

Big-Al · Mar 4, 2008

Firefly said:
mormons = bunch o wankers

I find that OFFENCIVE!!! HOW DARE YOU COMAPARE MY RICH WAYS TO THAT OF ...mormans

gregori · Mar 4, 2008

TossMonkey said:
Sir Lancelot: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
Sir Galahad: I don't think I was.
Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.
Sir Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
Sir Lancelot: No, it's too perilous.
Sir Galahad: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.
Sir Lancelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on.
Sir Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?
Sir Lancelot: No. It's unhealthy.
Sir Galahad: I bet you're gay.
Sir Lancelot: Am not.

lol

neilthecellist · Mar 4, 2008

BobTheBeheader said:
Sorry for the double post, but:

The church just wants to make sure the kiddies are unspoiled and totally innocent. before they get their hands on 'em. Because that's the way they like 'em!

It actually took me a while to understand that picture, didn't realize it was a light switch until I had a second look.

Leonardo · Mar 4, 2008

WOOPS!

neilthecellist said:
Until I had a second look.

Dude that made me shoot Vault thru my nose stop that !

T2A` · Mar 5, 2008

http://nothingtoxic.com/media/1153740115/Mormons_Get_Told_Off_by_an_Old_Granny

I'm totally saying that if I ever get accosted by religious freaks.

XxDangerxX · Mar 5, 2008

TossMonkey said:
I am seeing no good reasons to stop yet.

You'll see plenty when you read "Every Young Man's Battle".

Honestly, this book helped me with the habit.
I've been without for 2 months and 1 week!

5-year record, that is.

Mormon guide to overcoming masturbation.

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brown bread?

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