The Mormon Joke Thread

Peavey · 17th Jul 2012, 02:32 PM

Alright, I got a hell of a mormon joke, but in order to drop this atom bomb of a gut-ripper, I'm gonna need some forum participation. So go ahead and tell your best and worst mormon (see how I didn't capitalize it?) jokes and I'll drop mine in a few days or so.

Firefly · 17th Jul 2012, 02:36 PM

They believe god can get married and have kids.
That cracks me up.

Jacks:SmirkingRevenge · 17th Jul 2012, 03:24 PM

ok ok.
Mitt Romney is so Mormon... how Mormon is he?

Mitt is so Mormon that his foreign policy for Israel will be centered on Jackson County, Missouri.

Mitt is so Mormon that he’ll make the income tax a flat 10% and collect fast offerings to fund Medicaid.

Mitt is so Mormon that he doesn’t do Pilates, he does golden Pilates.

Mitt is so Mormon that if he’s elected the “First Lady” will be known as the “First Wife.”

Mitt is so Mormon that he asks his donors to stack their chairs after fundraising dinners.

Mitt is so Mormon that he refers to expatriates as “apostates” and non-US citizens as “Gentiles.”

Mitt is so Mormon that he’ll rename the "Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms" the "Word of Wisdom Squad."

Mitt is so Mormon that he’ll assign a friend to every new member of Congress.

Mitt is so Mormon that he thought the debt ceiling was something which could only happen inside of a temple.

Mitt is so Mormon that he doesn’t go on the campaign trail, he goes on “missions.”

Mitt is so Mormon that he won’t deport illegal aliens, he’ll just retroactively disfellowship them.

HugoMarques · 17th Jul 2012, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Firefly

They believe god can get married and have kids.
That cracks me up.

If that's true, then the allmighty WAS married.

My guess is all the 20th century wars were his way of dealing with the divorce.

Lizard Of Oz · 18th Jul 2012, 12:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Firefly

They believe god can get married and have kids.
That cracks me up.

Hmmmm. I though He raped some innocent virgin, and then promoted His bastard son to ruler of the known universe... or am I thinking of Kim Jong Il?

FuLLBLeeD · 18th Jul 2012, 02:37 PM

They're against gay marriage but are perfectly OK with having multiple wives.

Their entire doctrine is based around something a convicted con artist came up with give or take 200 years ago, with no evidence to support whether or not he was telling the truth.

The joke is those things are true.

dotnetbeast · 18th Jul 2012, 11:54 PM

You know what's funny bout mormans?

I don't know. You tell me.

Vaskadar · 19th Jul 2012, 06:34 AM

I once met a mormon...

Spoiler Warning! (move mouse over box below to reveal)

I then realized that there were one too many M's in the religion's name.

Firefly · 19th Jul 2012, 07:03 AM

If Mitt romney is elected you'll all become mormons.

*Sir_Brizz* · 19th Jul 2012, 07:45 PM

A gay guy and a Jew walk into a bar and...

Too soon?

cryptophreak · 19th Jul 2012, 08:36 PM

Leave it to the professionals.

Zur · 19th Jul 2012, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Firefly

They believe god can get married and have kids.
That cracks me up.

What's their written address ?

*Morety* · 22nd Jul 2012, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lizard Of Oz

Hmmmm. I though He raped some innocent virgin, and then promoted His bastard son to ruler of the known universe... or am I thinking of Kim Jong Il?

Comedy gold.

FuLLBLeeD · 23rd Jul 2012, 12:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cryptophreak

Leave it to the professionals.

Last time I posted this Hermskii made a post about me having two gay dads or some other dumb ****.

That routine owns though. David Cross is the best.

17th Jul 2012, 02:32 PM	#1
Peavey American Cheeseburger Join Date: Jul. 17th, 2001 Posts: 2,919	The Mormon Joke Thread Alright, I got a hell of a mormon joke, but in order to drop this atom bomb of a gut-ripper, I'm gonna need some forum participation. So go ahead and tell your best and worst mormon (see how I didn't capitalize it?) jokes and I'll drop mine in a few days or so.

17th Jul 2012, 02:36 PM	#2
Firefly United Kingdom is not a country. Join Date: Feb. 20th, 2000 Location: Bucks, England - Nowhere near Europe Posts: 4,647	They believe god can get married and have kids. That cracks me up. __________________ My Facebook \| My (tiny but comfortable) part of the net \| Huge list of Unreal related links \| UT Unlimited

17th Jul 2012, 03:24 PM	#3
Jacks:SmirkingRevenge Slow Burn Join Date: Jun. 18th, 2006 Location: somewhere; sometime? Posts: 9,013	ok ok. Mitt Romney is so Mormon... how Mormon is he? Mitt is so Mormon that his foreign policy for Israel will be centered on Jackson County, Missouri. Mitt is so Mormon that he’ll make the income tax a flat 10% and collect fast offerings to fund Medicaid. Mitt is so Mormon that he doesn’t do Pilates, he does golden Pilates. Mitt is so Mormon that if he’s elected the “First Lady” will be known as the “First Wife.” Mitt is so Mormon that he asks his donors to stack their chairs after fundraising dinners. Mitt is so Mormon that he refers to expatriates as “apostates” and non-US citizens as “Gentiles.” Mitt is so Mormon that he’ll rename the "Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms" the "Word of Wisdom Squad." Mitt is so Mormon that he’ll assign a friend to every new member of Congress. Mitt is so Mormon that he thought the debt ceiling was something which could only happen inside of a temple. Mitt is so Mormon that he doesn’t go on the campaign trail, he goes on “missions.” Mitt is so Mormon that he won’t deport illegal aliens, he’ll just retroactively disfellowship them. __________________ "Aut inveniam viam aut faciam."

18th Jul 2012, 02:37 PM	#6
FuLLBLeeD fart Join Date: Jan. 23rd, 2008 Location: Kansas Posts: 940	They're against gay marriage but are perfectly OK with having multiple wives. Their entire doctrine is based around something a convicted con artist came up with give or take 200 years ago, with no evidence to support whether or not he was telling the truth. The joke is those things are true. Last edited by FuLLBLeeD; 18th Jul 2012 at 02:39 PM.

18th Jul 2012, 11:54 PM	#7
dotnetbeast Taxation Without Representation Join Date: Feb. 14th, 2006 Posts: 5,675	You know what's funny bout mormans? I don't know. You tell me. __________________ See I made it from home, see I made it alone And all these peasant mother****ers take shots at the throne Time after time, again and again They wanna see a nigga lose but I’m destined to win

19th Jul 2012, 07:03 AM	#9
Firefly United Kingdom is not a country. Join Date: Feb. 20th, 2000 Location: Bucks, England - Nowhere near Europe Posts: 4,647	If Mitt romney is elected you'll all become mormons. __________________ My Facebook \| My (tiny but comfortable) part of the net \| Huge list of Unreal related links \| UT Unlimited

19th Jul 2012, 07:45 PM	#10
Sir_Brizz More Than Just Mad Skill Join Date: Feb. 3rd, 2000 Location: >:3 Posts: 25,271	A gay guy and a Jew walk into a bar and... Too soon? __________________ 64 65 61 74 68 62 6f 6f 67 65 72 73 20 6d 6f 74 68 65 72 20 6f 66 20 63 6f 75 72 73 65 Liandri Archives - A veritable smorgasbord of information about the Unreal series If Titanic taught me anything, it's to never let go until you're a frozen corpse staring hopelessly into a barren horizon.

19th Jul 2012, 08:36 PM	#11
cryptophreak unbalanced Join Date: Jul. 2nd, 2011 Posts: 690	Leave it to the professionals.

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