Dr. Chryst: will you help me with my problem? You see, I cannot fit my... err, wang in "ordinary pants" because of the way I'm... endowed? Where can I find pants big enough for my large, manly wang?
Dear Doctor CHRYSt
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This problem has plagued many a man over the course of history. Certain nobles and lords in mideval times would use a method similar to Japanese foot bindings to alleviate this problem. It consisted of a hollow steel tube with a rounded cap on the end, attached to a belt similar to today's strap on dildo's.Originally posted by BZMew2|PuF
Dr. Chryst: will you help me with my problem? You see, I cannot fit my... err, wang in "ordinary pants" because of the way I'm... endowed? Where can I find pants big enough for my large, manly wang?
Unfortunately, this has been found to have certain medical side effects, and is considered unwise.
Another more modern method is to employ the reverse of the famed "Swedish suction pump." By encasing your penis in a highly pressurised environment, it will cause the cells to shrink, and possibly break, resulting in a smaller Johnson.
Some people, finding most current surgical and home remedies to be too intrusive or cumbersome have simply decided to stop wearing pants.
If you work in a place where a lack of pants would be in-appropriate, then bring a doctor's note with an explanation on your first day of not wearing pants. They won't be able to discriminate against your embarrassing medical condition, and you'll be much more comfortable and productive.
You may find further information here: http://www.penilefitness.com/penilefitness/
Dr. Chryst, I have the sudden urge to let all the voices out of my head, yes, all 9 of them, to go and wreck havoc amongst the population. But two of 'em sleep alot, I need a way to motivate the lazy f00s!
What you need are fresh bodies to put the voices in. Try reading H.P. Lovecraft's Reanimator for an idea of just how fresh is necessary.
Once the bodies are loaded with the new voices, you can get the lazy ones motivated with a hot poker or a cattle prod.
Mute
All you have to do is smile!
Dear doctor,
I can't seem to stop yelling "I've got the music in me", and "whop whop scoop how ya doing?" and "sandwich!!!" at random intervals. I know i shouldn't, but something carries me away. My officemate at work now has a hunted look and has erected a wall of empty computer boxes between us. What am I to do before I drive him away completely?
I can't seem to stop yelling "I've got the music in me", and "whop whop scoop how ya doing?" and "sandwich!!!" at random intervals. I know i shouldn't, but something carries me away. My officemate at work now has a hunted look and has erected a wall of empty computer boxes between us. What am I to do before I drive him away completely?
Mute
All you have to do is smile!
I think you have a more pressing matter at hand:
Making sure that you don't go home with a Coyote due to your drunkenness.
You see, when you are drunk, you don't mind so much that the chick you're hitting on is 5'2, 286 lbs, and has an adam's apple. If you manage to bed one of these women, you will never live down your friends recalling the story of when you went home with the "rhino girl." And heaven forbid you get her pregnant. You'll need to use 2, possibly 3 bullets to undo that mistake.
I think the best thing to do would be to work on deciphering the hotties from the uglies and your ability to choose the correct one.
The best way to handle both of your problems (both getting some, and getting some from a not-hosebeast) is to have backup watching to swoop in with a rescue if you
a) hit on an ugly chick
b) start to make an ass of yourself with a hot chick.
Just make sure this friend can be trusted. Many a good relationship has been ruined because the backup turned a double-cross for amusement's sake.
Fork + toaster = cured stutterOriginally posted by mute
I also have this stuttering problem and ADD obviously
For the ADD, you might want to be standing in a bathtub filled with warm salt water
Dear CHRYSt I can't believe I just typed that.
My WANG is 8 inches long but it's just not as seksi as yours. What can I do with it?.
My WANG is 8 inches long but it's just not as seksi as yours. What can I do with it?.
This question comes up a lot. Just remember, it's not the size of the wang, it's now many ports you probe with it.Originally posted by Kilham
Dear CHRYSt I can't believe I just typed that.
My WANG is 8 inches long but it's just not as seksi as yours. What can I do with it?.
Dear Dr CHRYSt, I seem to have fantasys about my animated dancing girl to the point i wish I was animated is that wrong of me to have a lust for her like a raging savage in heat?
This is a perfect example of a point at which you should tell your friends to f0ck off. it's none of their business who you b0ink. I've personally had a crush on Sodypop for years. you know I'd do her if I could.
Don't be afraid of your feelings, rather just embrace them.
Otherwise, shut the hell up and wrap your lips around a nice cool 9mm barrel.
Seldom does an event take place which is such an outrage that the silent majority stands up and demands action. But the silent majority is currently demanding that something be done about Dr. CHRYSt. To get right down to it, if, five years ago, I had described a person like Dr. CHRYSt to you and told you that in five years, he'd attack the critical realism and impassive objectivity that are the central epistemological foundations of the scientific worldview, you'd have thought me insecure. You'd have laughed at me and told me it couldn't happen. So it is useful now to note that, first, it has happened and, second, to try to understand how it happened and how life isn't fair. We've all known this since the beginning of time, so why is he so compelled to complain about situations over which he has no control? The only clear answer to emerge from the conflicting, contradictory stances that he and his death squads take is that he displays the paranoid malice that is the hallmark of true terrorism. All such combinations of audacity with ignorance would be supremely ridiculous but for one consideration: There are two related questions in this matter. The first is to what extent he has tried to set up dissident groups and individuals for conspiracy charges and then carry out searches and seizures on flimsy pretexts. The other is whether or not this is not the place to develop that subject. It demands many pages of analysis, which I can't spare in this letter. Instead, I'll just state the key point, which is that it would be wrong to imply that Dr. CHRYSt is involved in some kind of conspiracy to ridicule, parody, censor, and downgrade opposing ideas. It would be wrong because his vituperations are far beyond the conspiracy stage. Not only that, but he is extraordinarily brazen. We've all known that for a long time. However, Dr. CHRYSt's willingness to flout all of society's rules sets a new record for brazenness.
Anyone who takes even a cursory glance at this letter will quickly discover that Dr. CHRYSt spouts the same bile in everything he writes, making only slight modifications to suit the issue at hand. The issue he's excited about this week is incendiarism, which says to me that the central paradox of his perversions, the twist that makes his accusations so irresistible to the worst sorts of disrespectful, disagreeable swindlers I've ever seen, is that these people truly believe that he is beyond reproach. An inner voice tells me that his premise (that loathsome schemers are inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive) is his morality disguised as pretended neutrality. Dr. CHRYSt uses this disguised morality to support his tricks, thereby making his argument self-refuting. While intellectually stultified slumlords claim to defend traditional values, they actually bask in the rancorous shine of fogyism. Plan to join his camp? Be sure to check your conscience at the door. However stupid the national picture already is, there are some sick Philistines who are callow. There are also some who are incorrigible. Which category does Dr. CHRYSt fall into? If the question overwhelms you, I suggest you check "both".
I have no problem with the manifestly obvious statement that he should just quit whining about everything. I have no problem with the idea that he is capable of going berserk without notice. And I have no problem with the special privileges occasionally granted to spineless derelicts. What I do have a problem with are his uncivilized holier-than-thou attitudes. Given a choice of having him violate his pledge not to utilize questionable and illegal fund-raising techniques or having my bicuspids extracted sans Novocaine, I would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day. To borrow the immortal words of a certain, well-known authority figure, "Dr. CHRYSt has yet to acknowledge this." The original purpose of paternalism was to provide presumptuous conspiracies with the necessary asylum to take root and spread. Never forget that and never let Dr. CHRYSt poke someone's eyes out
Anyone who takes even a cursory glance at this letter will quickly discover that Dr. CHRYSt spouts the same bile in everything he writes, making only slight modifications to suit the issue at hand. The issue he's excited about this week is incendiarism, which says to me that the central paradox of his perversions, the twist that makes his accusations so irresistible to the worst sorts of disrespectful, disagreeable swindlers I've ever seen, is that these people truly believe that he is beyond reproach. An inner voice tells me that his premise (that loathsome schemers are inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive) is his morality disguised as pretended neutrality. Dr. CHRYSt uses this disguised morality to support his tricks, thereby making his argument self-refuting. While intellectually stultified slumlords claim to defend traditional values, they actually bask in the rancorous shine of fogyism. Plan to join his camp? Be sure to check your conscience at the door. However stupid the national picture already is, there are some sick Philistines who are callow. There are also some who are incorrigible. Which category does Dr. CHRYSt fall into? If the question overwhelms you, I suggest you check "both".
I have no problem with the manifestly obvious statement that he should just quit whining about everything. I have no problem with the idea that he is capable of going berserk without notice. And I have no problem with the special privileges occasionally granted to spineless derelicts. What I do have a problem with are his uncivilized holier-than-thou attitudes. Given a choice of having him violate his pledge not to utilize questionable and illegal fund-raising techniques or having my bicuspids extracted sans Novocaine, I would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day. To borrow the immortal words of a certain, well-known authority figure, "Dr. CHRYSt has yet to acknowledge this." The original purpose of paternalism was to provide presumptuous conspiracies with the necessary asylum to take root and spread. Never forget that and never let Dr. CHRYSt poke someone's eyes out
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