A Modest Proposal - Dear American liberals

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MrSmiles

selimsrm
Jan 8, 2005
1,674
0
0
35
Swizzle Firma
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, slate it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own ways.

Here is a model dissolution agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (you are however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan Hockey Moms, greedy CEO's, and Rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran, Palestine, and France, and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or way of life are under assault, we'll provide them job security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian Values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru Station Wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing Doctors (that is practicing, Howard Dean) who will follow to your turf (sic). We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.

We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and The National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach The World To Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty its best shot.

Since it often so offends you we'll keep our History, our Name, and our Flag.

Would you agree to this?

In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR on who will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall Law Student American

P.S. Please take Barbra Streisand.

Sounds good to me.
 

funkblast

I posted in the RO-me thread
and all I got was
a pink username!
Aug 4, 2001
1,151
17
38
105
California
Visit site
Efficiency and progress is ours once more
Now that we have the Neutron bomb
It's nice and quick and clean and gets things done
Away with excess enemy
But no less value to property
No sense in war but perfect sense at home:

The sun beams down on a brand new day
No more welfare tax to pay
Unsightly slums gone up in flashing light
Jobless millions whisked away
At last we have more room to play
All systems go to kill the poor tonight

Gonna
Kill kill kill kill Kill the poor:Tonight

Behold the sparkle of champagne
The crime rate's gone
Feel free again
O' life's a dream with you, Miss Lily White
Jane Fonda on the screen today
Convinced the liberals it's okay
So let's get dressed and dance away the night

While they:
Kill kill kill kill Kill the poor:Tonight
 

FuLLBLeeD

fart
Jan 23, 2008
946
1
18
Kansas
awwsmack.org
Dear conservatives,

We're having a blood orgy with aborted fetuses to honor socialism on Saturday. You're invited but make sure you bring an American flag to burn!
 

Hazel.H

Member
Jan 15, 2004
700
0
16
The Battle Hymn of the Republic

Is there anyone else here who's never heard of this? The title sounds like a theme tune for the bad guys from some cheesy sci-fi movie.
 

FuLLBLeeD

fart
Jan 23, 2008
946
1
18
Kansas
awwsmack.org
Reading this again it actually sounds kind of reasonable, I mean we get Hollywood and NBC and the Conservatives just get ****ty stuff like Sarah Palin and Bibles.
 

Lizard Of Oz

Demented Avenger
Oct 25, 1998
10,593
16
38
In a cave & grooving with a Pict
www.nsa.gov
Dear American conservatives, rightists, social regressives, fascist, theocrats, Palin supporters, et al:

While I agree to your basic proposal of dividing up the goods, I do however disagree with the allocation.

When we split we will be taking all our "socialist" programs with us. These are, but not limited to, the
Air Force, Army, Navy, Marines, Coast Guard, Boarder Patrol, Postal Service, public school (and vouchers),
police, fire protection, airports, dams , bridges, roadways, highways, sidewalks, street lights, traffic lights,
air traffic corridors, airwaves, national parks, the strategic oil reserves, etc...

Yours,
The real "Real Americans™"

P.S. You are more than welcome to take Palin, Beck and Limbaugh with you. Just be careful with Palin, she likes
to quit when the going gets tough and believes the boogyman is trying to kill her grandma. Oh, and make sure
that Beck takes his meds, and make sure Limbaugh stays off his "meds".


.
.
 
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FuLLBLeeD

fart
Jan 23, 2008
946
1
18
Kansas
awwsmack.org
Dear American conservatives, rightists, social regressives, fascist, theocrats, Bush supporters, et al:

While I agree to your basic proposal of diving the up the goods, I do however disagree with the allocation.

When we split we will be taking all our "socialist" programs with us. These are, but not limited to, the
Air Force, Army, Navy, Marines, Coast Guard, Boarder Patrol, Postal Service, public school (and vouchers),
police, fire protection, airports, dams , bridges, roadways, highways, sidewalks, street lights, traffic lights,
air traffic corridors, airwaves, national parks, etc...

:tup:

Nobody owns like Lizard of Oz. :)
 
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BillyBadAss

Strong Cock of The North
May 25, 1999
8,879
60
48
48
Tokyo, JP
flickr.com
Those silly neo-cons. They only want to break away so they can create laws that will allow them to moleste their daughters if they turn out to be hot. What will those amoral neo-cons try next.

The funny thing is they would have more poverty in the end as their ideal way of running things caused the poverty that we have now.
 

kiff

That guy from Texas. Give me some Cash
Jan 19, 2008
3,793
0
0
Tx.
www.desert-conflict.org
Dear American conservatives, rightists, social regressives, fascist, theocrats, Palin supporters, et al:

While I agree to your basic proposal of dividing the up the goods, I do however disagree with the allocation.

When we split we will be taking all our "socialist" programs with us. These are, but not limited to, the
Air Force, Army, Navy, Marines, Coast Guard, Boarder Patrol, Postal Service, public school (and vouchers),
police, fire protection, airports, dams , bridges, roadways, highways, sidewalks, street lights, traffic lights,
air traffic corridors, airwaves, national parks, etc...


.
no, you don't get the military and local services since they're constitutional. you only get to keep medicare, medicaid, social security and obama-care :p