Just to clear things up a bit...

Mister_Prophet said:

Azura, I don't think it's realistic for you to expect the sort of feedback you're aiming for when you post threads in this way. Keep in mind the general subject matter of these forums (specifically the offtopic section) and then think about the kind of responses you're going to attract.

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Oh, I'm perfectly aware of that and the fact that this forum encourages brain rot. I'm just defining territory here and it doesn't go beyond that.

If it pleases some sad git to think they've found someone else to tease for the purposes of daily entertainment, they'd be wrong because a) I'm acting on principles and not because I'm sensitive crybaby, b) I actually enjoy giving people their own medicine ad nauseam because getting worked up on something is stimulating. I'm actually getting what I want.

You also have to understand that your problems are generally of the like that will garner more snickers from this sort of crowd than say...an actual support group that can relate to your issues and help you with them. The most anyone here is gonna tell you is, "Cheer up emo kid, and stop being a pedo."

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Problems, problems, problems. Everyone focuses on problems these days. And if you don't have enough problems, you can switch the TV on to watch some reality tv tripe and share someone else's problems. I started this topic by defining a situation in the hope that a few would reflect on a similar experience and have a clue of what sort of internal state I'm in. If you're showing pity, please keep it because it's useless to me. It doesn't make me feel better inside and it probably never has. I've spent years going to see people to find a solution so I can function normally again and all that has done is made things worse. It's not my head that's sick but my heart. It's only recently that people are standing to understand that you can't solve all dysfunctions through logic or hard medication. That's where the EFT and TAT stuff comes in.

So, I obviously have issues. But does that stop me from being reasonable ? Not at all. I could act like the perfect adult and be instantly respectable. No one would be the wiser. Or I could act ultra rational like I sometimes do (uninteresting as that is). However, it actually doesn't bother me to be the way I am because there are some good sides. And, in the same way I love to backlash at attacks, I also love to argue with people that show any slimy behaviour that demonstrates some profound lack of respect for others. That's the sort of adversity I thrive upon.

Interbellum said:

Have you tried TMS? Seeing everything (including death and emotional issues) as an engineering problem is not only efficient, but can also be immensely empowering, btw.

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Thanks. What I'm into at the moment is techniques including the two I mentionned (TAT is used to treat combat veterans and has done wonders) and some others like NLP and a subconcious reprogramming approach.

shadow_dragon said:

Has Azura ever shocked or offended anyone?
I don't get the purpose of this thread? Someone said you were crazy in some thread because they were teasing you for saying something dopey and you react with this?

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I don't know. That comment from Sjoz (guess I should vent at him) came accross as very serious. Now, I don't mind my sanity being put into question and I don't wouldn't mind the pedo jokes either but I just don't like it when someone is like, "oh hai, you're not living up to my standards of normality so therefore you should stop what you're doing and saying". For me that's just the green light going up saying "attack!" to defend my place in existence.

dotnetbeast said:

I did not say that you were a retard, and its my own fault on why no helping hands come my way (more on that later). I think you assumed the worst from what I said, but its just that theres a lot more serious things that I think about in my life.

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It was a post addressed to the forum as a whole. I'm saying retard because that's basically the way I was 3-4 years back. My brain just couldn't keep up with anything and I couldn't remember anything. So people just assumed I was thick. Like one of my bosses used to say that it took a while "before the coin dropped". Incidentally, the ****er fired me and didn't pay me three months which just goes to show how people take advantage when they think you're an idiot. I later found out that vitamin B complex helps a lot with the memory.

I guess it's ok being selfish to a certain degree and to care for your own ass. We all are and well all do it to some degree. However, there's a point where it's obviously doing some harm. It's like recently this woman starts posting messages about all sorts of crap about my appearance and assuming things about my personality. She kept trying to justify her bluntess saying it was part of her personality and she didn't care what I thought because I was just a pixel on the screen. Boy, did I waste her time because she just couldn't help answering back despite saying she didn't care. Some people really do have a massive pole stuck up their ass.

Plus, about helping hands not coming one's way, yes it is a person's fault if things are like that. You have to be capable of giving people something so they then feel like giving you something in return. It's just plain marketing. You rub someone's back they rub yours. That's the theory and these being are hard times and selfishness being rampant, there's bound to be someone somewhere that gets the short straw.

I'll add that when you're emotions are on the blink, whatever might be the cause, it's very difficult to talk with people and have something going. That's because what you're saying isn't that important and people will decide if they like you if your moves match theirs and if you press some of the right buttons. This is exactly what is taught in neuro-linguistic programming and it goes a long way to explaining why I've failed a lot of job interviews and why I'm a loner. It really is a social handicap and I'm determined to do away with it.

Anyway, I might seem like I'm venting here but I'm just getting this out of my system. I'm fed up of being judged on some bull**** criteria that doesn't have any basis and having to put up with the same crap here. This is something I want to fight and put an end to. And if have to put my fist in a recruiter's face to get my point accross, so be it.

Hazel.H said:

I can recommend counselling (look for a chartered psychologist), it takes a while but it really helps to talk through and rationalise past experiences. Self-help books can only go so far, imo. PTSD is relatively common and treatable.

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Been there, done that with absolutely no progress at all. I could have written a biography by now with all the times I've gone through explaining things to someone and all it does it flame me up inside.

Besides, I went to see Patrick Moriau a few weeks ago. He's a politician that happened to be on the commission that was created to determine if the police had committed any mistakes during the Dutroux investigation. He told me that the police was incompetent at the time and things haven't improved much since then. He was aware that police had acted a little roughly with family members and acted as if they were somehow involved. So, besides this "false" idea that I think that some members of the Belgian police are slightly racist (yes, this word can apply to nationality too), the rest is cold hard facts. How do you suggest I rationalize that ?

As I said, I'm getting some treatment using those alternative methods I mentionned. They don't change a single thing about what I think about this. However, they bring a huge change about I feel about the mess. With just a few words and gestures it's like I feel home again. Wonderful isn't it ? Sometimes I think losing one's memory could be a blessing in such circumstances.

shadow_dragon said:

@ Azura - you need to take these things less seriously and you need to stop kidding yourself. Everytime you've claimed to not care about something you immediately behaved as if you do and you claim to be reasonable in the same post as you make sweeping statements about "people" and the world. Nothing is as simple or as universally sordid as you make out.
Scale it down a bit and if you find circumstances suck... Change the circumstance.

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Oh, I don't deny that but there's some things I just cannot let pass. It's either that or lose all pride. Because being abnormal, unintelligent, unimaginative, poor or whatever is just another way to say that someone is inferior. And I'm sorry to say that on an objective basis the world of today is a more inconsiderate place than it was 10 years ago before 9/11. Oh, and believe me, I'm working on those circumstances but it takes time and it takes a ton of effort because, as you know, it's best to make it out early on in life or risk going up against a bias that can only increase as you get older. In other words, I'm not going to amaze anyone with my programming knowledge when some ex-classmates have been in the business for seven years.

Aye sir, will do ;P .

Hahaha n1 Rambowjo