Odes to the weapons of UT

I started these off in another thread, but decided to open a new thread for my Odes to weapons. I'll add more and more when I get bored of working.


Ode to spooge

Oh spooge oh spooge oh gun full of slime
Together we'll have us a whale of a time
I'll hold the alt-fire, and fill you with snot
and slime up November with one greasy shot.

I grab enemy's flags and run backwards and spam
the pathway behind me with boogers and phlegm.
I laugh as they slip and slide on my trail
Of green gooey guck and they land on their tail.

When Boom let's one fly, "achoo" he will say
which makes me laugh hard, as I re-spawn away.
They try to jump over, the globs on the ground
and end up with gib's, flying around.

Unreal had a suit to protect from the guck
UT doesn't have it, now man don't that suck
'cause when I go shooting those green gobs of goo
I'll end up dying more times than you.

...live by the snot...
__________________

ode to the translocater

Translocaters are weapons
the DM'ers don't know
when they play ctf
and don't know where to go

It's a neat little item
to get to and fro
and it's loads of fun nailing
a spawn sniping mO

You left click and right click
as fast as you can
and teletrain through
the flag capping man

It gets you to places
you'd never have thought
like the cliffs up in Lava
with one IH shot

when you telefrag someone
and they think it's lame
well you just seek them out
do it again and again

It speeds your recovery
getting back your grabbed flag
and it don't work worth sh!t
with the slightest of lag

I love this great weapon
it's a neat little tool
I'll throw it and throw it
translocater you're cool.
__________________

ode to the Sniper Rifle

Oh sniper rifle you're misunderstood
thanks to spawn sniping mO's in the Face neighbourhood
While I'm getting spammed by a shock toting ho
just one shot from my hip his head will explode

You're a wonder to carry in an open expanse.
Crossing bridges in Hydro, you give me a chance
while the enema snipers are defending their base
are using you 'gainst me while across them I race.

I don't have to wait for your bullets to hit
and your damage will give opposition a fit
to get 67 health from each body shot
They'll soon be needing a burial plot.

When announcer calls "HEADSHOT" there's no better feel
and the bouncing head graphics have loads of appeal
It's a shame that the spawn spots suck so bad on Face
or you'd soon be a favourite in this here PuF place.
__________________

ode to the redeemer

Oh redeemer you are such a weapon of power
your nuclear warhead makes the enema glower
The feeling I get when I hold you in hand
is a rush of great power, I do understand
that to fly you across to an enema base
I wish I could see the looks on their face
as I fly you around and then drop you down
in their laps to hear that m-m-m-m-Monster kill sound.

I'll double tranny jump on your ledge playing face
jump in-primary fire-back out it's a race
to keep from blowing myself up and seeing your light
if I don't there's a flag for my capping delight
In strangelove I ride you like a horse that has wings
redeemer you are one of UT's most wonderful things
except when I have you and am taking a shot
right when Troll walks in front of me and I get blown to snot.
__________________

Ode to the asmd shock rifle

asmd you are a delight to hold
I get me a feeling of power untold
I time up my alt fire, then primary shoot
the enema's gibs fly, while I smile and wOOt!

I use the primary to help my cappers go fast
I help them along by shooting their ass.
This may cause a problem if I don't hit them right
and they end up in Lava, then they flame me on sight.

I can alt-fire spam a room full of pink balls
and laugh with such glee when the enema falls.
alt then a primary there's a big bloody combo
I'll dance on their giblets to the tune of a mambo.

I take you and shoot you and watch people explode
while I think to myself "Yayyy, I just shock-ho'd"
I enhance you then I can see neat instant giblets
flying through the air, people's bodies in bits.

Oh asmd, you surely do rock
I fear you when in, the hands of a *Rooster*
You're hard to avoid, a pleasure to hold
When you're in my hands, I get quite bold.

Oh shock oh shock oh rifle so sweet
When I have you in my hands
The enema will face defeat.

oh shock oh shock, I love thee.

ode to the Impact Hammer

It's such a shame you're a last resort
On weapon priority lists long or short
I hold down the button and load up a charge
that could blow out a hole in a Koos galleon barge

Your alt fire deflects nasty rockets and shocks
You come in so handy jumping off November's docks
And leaving enema bases on the map that's called Hydro
I load up and jump and I fly out their window.

The Llamas on face, the portals they're campin'
I use you from behind them and they're evenings I dampen.
In DM's they all think you look like a vacuum cleaner
'til I run into them, then they think you are meaner.

You can get me to armour, and to amps and to shields
To die by your hands huge embarrassment yeilds
To frag with you Hammer, it's such a great sight
and the few times it happens, I laugh with delight.

Sam...

Enemy, enema, same thing.

ode to the rocket launcher

Oh launcher of rockets, you're a beautiful thing
I love the feel when you're under my wing
I'll lock you and load you and send you a flyin'
and tiptoe with joy through the bodies I'm fryin'.

I'll load up six alt fires, those nasty grenades
send them ahead 'round the corner to frag what awaits
I'll hold down the left while I hold down the right
and send off a bundle of rockets so tight

When chasing a capper, I'll wait for the beep
"Clean up on 6, there's some giblets to sweep!"
While they try to dodge left and they try to dodge right
they just can't escape your rockets of might.

I'll sit dropping rockets, down November's blue tube
and watch a red guy run into them, man what a boob.
You launch cappers home without team damage on
while the enema wonders where the capper has gone.

Oh launcher of rockets, those giblets you make
are a vision of beauty, make no mistake
You're a powerful weapon, you can't deny that
'specially when you make the enema go splat.

Ode to the Flack

Oh Flack you're a weapon who provides lots of fun
on coret to a newbie or spam-shooting one
Just hold down the button and run up the hall
but they suicide when they are facing a wall.

To get nice and high, and hold the right button down
and send smiley faces all floating around
gives a spammer like me a feeling of might
as hot metal goes flying, a newbie's delight.

You shoot around corners and rock when up close
but it's in narrow hallways that I love you the most
Cause if the other guy has got nowhere to run
your close spamming ways make you my favourite gun.

You come in quite handy grabbing enemy's flags
running backwards while lobbing your smiling grenades
As I run up the hallways you'd best clear the track
'cause I'm spamming away with my beloved flack.

Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyy

I won a medal *sniff, sniff* Thanks.

Ode to the enforcer

A dispersion pistol is what you used to be
That seems like such a long time ago to me
I no longer wait hours to see what you hit
as I watch the energy go slower than *a tar pit*

But out of the two of you, you are the one
that has proven to be my most favourite gun.
When I pair you up, it's sure lots of fun
as I hold down the alt-fire and off I will run
The two of you sound like a machine gun
as I dodge and I shoot 'til the enema's done.
I can feel like John Wayne, and excuse this pun,
but after my win, I'll ride off in the sun.

your alt-fire seems like a real gangsta's tool
who cares about aim when you're looking this cool.
holding you sideways and shooting some more
who cares if I'll die from a flack spamming whore.

You go back to our roots, of western frontiers
as you helped us to dominate arrows and spears
You don't deal much damage, but at least you look cool.
So for image and coolness, enforcer you rule.