Rate the Last Movie You Watched

The Sorcerer's Apprentice 7/10

As this is a Jerry Bruckheimer production, normal values do not apply*. This rating is based in a Mindless Summer Blockbuster scale.

Explosions? Yes
Sense? No
Cheesiness? Yes
Fun? Some

Adults will suffer a degree of cognitive dissonance whilst watching the film but the kids will be fine and definitely will enjoy it.


*7/10 = 4/10 in RL.

Star Trek: Insurrection 3/10

I wish the producers could find a new plot for ST films. This one is another madmen seeking Paradise plot.

The crew of the Enterprise work to save the people of a Shangri-La from the predations of vile forces from within the Federation and elsewhere. The peaceful folk have abandoned technology (other than the push-up bra) for a simpler life as immortals on a distant planet. Not surprisingly, the lure of immortality has attracted interest.

Other than the repetition of a well-worn theme, the problems are numerous:

• Picard is a civil servant, not the bucconeering Kirk
• The entire economic basis of the baddies is just nonsense. We are to believe that a handful of folk can create a civilisation with technology beyond that of the Federation in less than a century.
• The scenes between Riker and Troi were just toe-curlingly awful.
• For a 1998 production, the CGI was very poor.
• Looooooong talking sessions. We do eventually get some action but it's quite a wait.

Clash of the Titans 7/10

It wasn't as bad as I was expecting.

Nine (the musical) 6.5/10

I liked this a lot better than I liked Chicago, but still not the best.

Knight & Day - 5/10

This is basically a comedy version of Mission Impossible 1,2 & 3 all rolled into one.
Someone in holywood sat down and thought about what comical pairing they hadn't actually tried yet and came up with Cruz & Diaz.
On paper, it sounds like it just might work - in reality it actually doesn't and the mad-cap capers these two get up to go from the sublime to the ridiculous very rapidly.
Some decent action sequences here and there but overall, very lacklustre.
Not a film to be taken seriously yet not that funny either.

Gladiator. Pleasantly gory. This is solid entertainment, nothing more and nothing less, kept up through the entire length of the movie - although the ending admittedly is way too lofty even considering the style of the rest. The characters are strictly black and white, the dialogues to be expected and the battle scenes... well, pleasantly gory. 7/10

Léon. I'll always love this movie. Few manage to combine action scenes and drama so well, and few develop such believable and likable characters that you can't help but care for. The action at least feels realistic, the direction is gripping and on top of it all, there's three leads worth seeing over and over again. 10/10

Un Long Dimanche De Fiançailles. Beautiful. That word applies to more than only the cinematography and art direction, which both are wonderfully done, but at the same time even eclipsed by the love story that connects the mysteries around a group of five French soldiers in the First World War that were sentenced to die. It also serves as a cry against war, which is characterised as being both horrible and horribly absurd. Topped off with three great performances by three actresses I keep enjoying (Audrey Tautou, Marion Cotillard and Jodie Foster), several shifts of perspective brilliantly executed and a spot-on score, this definitely is a keeper. 10/10

Berlin Calling. The movie is a real experience in sound effects and soundtrack, in some parts taking up the visual style of music videos (which in this case is fitting for once), but doesn't offer much else. The acting is less than stellar, even awkward at times, the plot and characters simple and formulaic. Style clearly rules content here. 6/10

DeUsynlige. On first sight, a film about a young man haunted by what he did in the past. Soon it progresses past that, though, becoming more and more unsettling, as well as showing the other side: the parents of the boy whose death he is responsible for, not being able to leave the past either. The jumps in time were subtle, and made things more interesting than they would have been if narrated in order. An intense ending and the excellent organ music complete the picture. 9/10

Piranha 3d

Ok this one is kinda hard to rate as it can be split into 2 categories. If rated on the tits, shaved vaginas, and gore it would be a solid 10/10

If you went in expecting an oscar winning performance and plot that would rival the best of movies, it could very well be the worst movie ever made.

At first I was VERY skeptical about this movie. The trailer contained some of the worst cg this side of the syfy channel. It looked almost unfinished to a certain extent. Well I can safely say the cg has improved ALOT. Instead of looking cartoony and crap, they blended in more with the background and had alot more definition to them.

The gore is over the top as expected and the death throes really gave the impression that you were getting eaten. Fantastic stuff there.

There were a few nodes to Jaws and previous movies in the genre, of note one particular one that I really appreciated
Now the piranhas weren't the star of the show; oh no. This was reserved for Riley Steele and Kelly Brooke skinny dipping to classical music. Shaved puss and fake tits abound, it was a mini porno for about 5 minutes.

As far as the 3d goes, it is still a gimmick and always will be. Sure the glasses have changed, but nothing jumped out like I was expecting it too. I got the same effect watching Friday the 13th Part 3 with the old red and blue glasses.

So as far as a rating goes, I can't give it a number. Therefore I give it 2 perfect, round, and natural DD breasts. Perfect for some, but may be lacking for others.

Capt.Toilet said:

Piranha 3d

Ok this one is kinda hard to rate as it can be split into 2 categories. If rated on the tits, shaved vaginas, and gore it would be a solid 10/10

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Aight i'm seein it

The Expendables - 4/10

Just when I thought Holywood movies couldn't get any worse lately, in drops The Expendables.
Touted as a summer blockbuster, this film has some pretty heavyweight actors, who on any other day and in any other movie, would have guaranteed action by the bucket load.
Sly Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzeneggerr, Dolph Lundgren and Micky Rourke to name a few.
Judging by that list, you'd think this film would be something monumental but it's anything but that unfortunately.
For a so called action film, this ranks as one of the worst movies I've seen this year..........and that's saying something.

Rambo first blood: 8/10

This is the only decent Rambo movie tbh. The credibility of the action is acceptable (compared to the helicopter vengeance scene and so on in the second movie..which honestly the only redeeming factor is julia nickson); there's convincing acting, the whole movie is drenched in a very moody atmosphere, and it was apparently completely shot in Canada, British Columbia. Extremily beautiful nature, both breathtaking and sad at the time.

King arthur: 7/10

Something was missing. It didn't really capture me the way it was supposed to? I couldn't really empathize with any of the characters either. Clive owen did a mediocre job, tbh. Remember him playing better than this. Overall....not that impressed. Did enjoy the beauty of the movie locations though.

Predator 8/10


Perhaps it isn't Shakespeare and Arnie certainly isn't ex-RSC but off its kind it is a most excellent example. The action's great, the tension gripping, the guns big and the dénouement most satisfactory.

Not to be missed (in the unlikely event that anyone of this parish hasn't seen it).


The Sum of all Fears 6/10

Given that it's derived from a Tom Clancy potboiler, I was quite surprised at how good it was.

A very solid supporting cast certainly helped overcome the blandness of the lead and the occasional willingness not to take the obvious (easy) choice in the drama was quite refreshing.

The events post the ball game (can't say more without spoilers) were very well done in the sense of creating and sustaining an atmosphere (no idea how realistic but certainly convincing).

The plot (especially in the timing of some events) doesn't bear a moment's examination but hey? Plotwise, there seemed to be a degree of repetition from earlier outings e.g. Jack Ryan spend his time telling his bosses that the Russian really is a good guy and that they've got it wrong. I think we did that one in The Hunt for Red October?

I liked how in the end it was the Russian President that was brave enough to step back from the brink.

Shoot Em Up - 8/10

My 2nd visit for this film that see's Clive Owen not taking himself seriously in a movie that does the same.
Brilliant gun blasting nonsense with a great soundtrack, full of action that the director never deviated from for a single moment.
Yeah, it's cheap and tongue in cheek but when the action's this much fun, it ticks all the right boxes for me.
Good movie.

Lruce Bee said:

Shoot Em Up - 8/10

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Wow.

I can't believe THAT many people actually like this piece of **** along with Crank.
I'd rather see Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore.

Kantham said:

Wow.

I can't believe THAT many people actually like this piece of **** along with Crank.
I'd rather see Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore.

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You tried to take Shoot em up seriously and thought it was going to have an emmy award winning plot so hush them lips.

Yeah don't take it seriously. It's too absurd and nonsensical.

Scott Pilgram vs The World 10 bagillion / 10


Holy crap, one of the best movies I've seen.... ever..... of all time. This movie made a better Street Fighter than (sob) Van Damme's.

Lruce Bee said:

The Expendables - 4/10

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Word. This movie sucked.

Sleuth (1972). There's nothing like an eccentric Englishman talking ill of his disloyal wife. Well, perhaps an eccentric Englishman engaging in a battle of wits with an equally able contender is. Thankfully, this film combines both. And in the end, it becomes even more British, with the battle shifting into a contrast of classes. 10/10

Sleuth (2007). It was a nice touch to have Michael Caine play the other lead here, and with him and parts of the positively absurd script (Harold Pinter wrote the screenplay!) there's the occasional moment of "this could go somewhere", but alas, it never does. I usually don't mind Jude Law, but he's more than irritating in this one. What's he trying to do, auditioning to be the new Joker in the next Batman movie? The overstyled art direction with all the high-tech equipment is too annoying and the class conflict rendered a little too RIGHT IN YOUR FACE for it to come eve remotely close to the original - or just to be enjoyable for that matter. A useless dark remake, with a retarded new ending. 4/10

Lord Of The Flies. An excellent youth movie that suffers from bad acting (hey, I know they're kids, but still) old technology, especially in the sound department (there's noticeably bad dubbing). The film's main strength lies in the characterization of the kids, and man in general for that matter. 7/10

Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels. A well-tested formula: it's been done before, and after, and it will be done again. It's got style, no doubt, but it got the same style as several other movies of the same genre. Nevertheless, I couldn't help finding some scenes very funny and it does deliver in entertainment, if you're not expecting anything original. 7/10

Notorious. Ingrid Bergman is a charming drunk indeed. To begin, the only flaw: somewhere in the first half the (otherwise very engaging) characters developed a little too fast. But then there are all the elements one expects and loves in a Hitchcock movie: then tension between the leads, the suspense (the scenes involving the key come to mind), an evil old woman, excellent camera work and a great solution. One of his best. 9/10

The Square - 8/10

Potentially higher because I had a hard time understanding the Australian accents so I probably didn't absorb as much as I could've.

But this is a really good suspense that has been compared to the likes of the Coen Brothers. I give it props for having one of the most unexpected endings I've ever seen.

On a related note, there's another Australian film called Animal Kingdom that looks pretty damn phenomenal (95% on RT):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5BsYRmMfus

Kantham said:

I can't believe THAT many people actually like this piece of **** along with Crank.

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Crank is Grand Theft Auto the movie, what's not to love? I think you're trying to take these movie seriously when they're supposed to be taken as outrageous over the top action.

Inception. 8.5/10

Alarmingly entertaining. See it if you haven't.

Tom Hardy is brilliant [as usual]