Meet The Spartans -547282/10
I really don't even know what to say, other than this was the worst experience I've ever had at a cinema in my entire life...and I've seen Baby Geniuses.
Maybe I just didn't get it. Who am I to judge really, I grew up in a world where me and friends found movies like Ace Ventura funny. The best comedy I can remember from my youth was My Cousin Vinny or Ghostbusters. But this movie...man it has to be seen to be believed. It was my friend's birthday and I met up with him and his other friends at our local theater under the assumption we were going to watch Sly kill countless generic brown people in a good old American action movie like Rambo. But to my utter shock and dismay, the ticket he handed me said "Meet The Spartans". I don't know why he wanted to see this, and I don't even think he knew why. I could have sneaked out I suppose, but hey...it was my friend's birthday and I didn't want to be a dick. If I had known the movie would be...well let's not call it a movie, it was more of a sequence of "scenes". But the point is, this is perhaps the worst movie ever made in the history of film cinema. I know I know, a lot of you are going to say "But Proph! Surely you haven't seen <<Insert Random Horrible Film Infamous On Teh Internets For Being Craptastic Here>>, it can't be worse than that!" Oh how awesomely wrong you will be.
But the worst part of my experience wasn't the film itself, actually. I was in a packed audience. Every ****ing seat was filled with the same looking blond/brunette teenage girl or stupid looking teenage boy with the same haircut. Every stupid moment, which was about every second of the film, invoked laughter and outright hysteria in the crowd. I am not lying, they all stood up at the end and applauded. Clapped even. At first I thought I should administer Seppuku to myself for committing such a terrible crime against nature by just being there. But when that audience broke the sound barrier over and over with Retard Level enthusiasm I knew the future as I knew it was ****ed and I had to stay alive as long as humanely possibly so when the day came that it would be legal to open the first drive threw abortion clinic, I would be set for life. Because if the present is any indication, we will certainly need them. There's no doubts about it anymore. Kids really are getting stupider. And movie studios have proven that there are no lows they are willing to descend to get those mongoloid digits to swap green cotton for ticket paper. If my parents took me to see this when I was 12, they'd be so ashamed they would have drowned me in the bathtub and then kill themselves in a closed garage with the car on. There's really no excuse here, if you take your kid...or allow your kid...to see this movie, you are an unfit parent.
In fact, I would dare you all to watch it just so you can truly understand where I am coming from here. You will see that I am hardly exaggerating. This is only another installment of a long line of yearly parody movies that exist to plagiaries a bunch of movies from the past year and stuff them full of all the worst pieces of media **** that we all are so sick to death of already and put them all into one movie. And this is the worst one yet, although to be fair I've only seen Epic Movie and the last couple of Scary Movie sequels (don't even get me started why, it's never my call...please believe me!).
So if you really want to see exactly why the movie Idiocracy has so much truth to it, you can watch Meet The Spartans. Just do me and your fellow human being a favor, ok? If you walk out of the theater laughing and amused, please....kill yourself.