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Selerox[PuF]

Guest
Not fair! A wanted a bigger part than that! /~unreal/ubb/html/frown.gif

As he gazes at the bunker's vid screen Selerox shakes his head, he hadn't expected Wolf to be quite this efficient. "Some things you just have to settle yourself..."

<As he walks out of the bunker, railgun in hand, he absent mindly kicks a book lying on the floor, the cover reads: The Idiots Guide to Cloning>

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PuF: Come play dying.

Send articles/rants/editorials to The Soundoff, home of the world-famous Llama Farm!

{MNSG}a_nuke saugt Eselpenises aller Tag
 

CHRYSt

You can't help that. We're all mad here.
Jan 14, 2000
4,851
0
0
44
www.crawlspaceradio.com
Hey guys, Do us a favor and don't spam this thread. It was actually pretty cool until Taskmaster left. If you don't have a story (preferably one along the lines of Taskmaster dying) to tell, then don't post.
I'll update this particular post with a continuation of the story when I have the time.

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

p.s. Fück BellAtlantic
 
G

GunnerX

Guest
As Selerox sits down to read his new found "Idiot's Guide to Cloning", GunnerX appears out of the shadows. "You fool!" He exclaimed. With one pull of the ripper gun, Selerox's head was rolling on the ground. "Headshot!", shouted GunnerX.

GunnerX picks up the almighty book and puts it away in his trusty bag, then he disappears into the shadows.

In a lab 30 miles away, with the "Idiot's Guide to Cloning" propped on the table. GunnerX begins his experiment. With a huge vial of Taskmaster's blood, he took one drop. Which was all that was needed.

3 Days later, a cry could be heard from the lab. "IT'S ALIVE@!!!.. NO, THEY'RE ALIVE!!". Slowly, 20 figures, all looking like Taskmaster rises from their crypts. GunnerX has been successful in cloning Taskmasters!! The "Idiot's Guide to Cloning" was the key!

GunnerX then instructs the group of Taskmaster and tells them their objective. "Get CHRYSt!". The Taskmaster's gather up weapons and armor and went their separate ways, seeking the mighty CHRYSt!

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[MUTTS]GunnerX

"If at first you don't succeed, don't try Sky Diving!"
 

CHRYSt

You can't help that. We're all mad here.
Jan 14, 2000
4,851
0
0
44
www.crawlspaceradio.com
CHRYSt is busy hanging out at 6 frags.

"Oohhh hohohahaha!!! Wheeee!!! I love it when they release the starving gorillas on Taskmaster!!"

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

p.s. Fück BellAtlantic
 
G

GunnerX

Guest
GunnerX has received a tip that CHRYSt has been "hanging out" with the gorrillas at 6 Frags!!

He then rushed to the communication console and issued an alert to the Taskmasters. By this time GunnerX was able to clone 200 Taskmasters and have sent them all to 6 Frags.

Upon arrival, the Taskmasters saw that CHRYSt was surely "hanging" with the gorrillas. With a quick coordinated fashion, the 200 Taskmasters subdued CHRYSt and the other gorrillas. From the looks of it, the gorrillas have made CHRYSt the "Gorrilla King"! They were very impressed by his feces flinging skills! From the smell of it, it seemed that CHRYSt was teaching these other gorillas lessons on feces flinging.

The Taskmasters brought CHRYSt and the gorrillas back to GunnerX's lab. GunnerX then took some blood sample from CHRYSt and a gorrilla.

The most hideous of all creation was upon us. GunnerX has created a Gorri-CHRYSt! The ultimate feces flinging machine! Let's just hope Wolf does not catch Gorri-CHRYSt off guard and blow his head off.

Out of nowhere, a figure appears. It was Scully!! What is she doing here? No! It can't be! She's attracted to Gorri-CHRYSt! What sick mind this woman has! With a quick flash of her legs she grabbed the momentarily stunned GunnerX and placed a gun to his head. He motions all the Taskmaster's to drop their weapons and lie on the ground. She then proceeded to Gorri-CHRYSt. With a flash, she was gone and so was Gorri-CHRYSt.

What does this woman's evil twisted mind have in store for Gorri-CHRYSt? We shall soon find out...

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[MUTTS]GunnerX

"If at first you don't succeed, don't try Sky Diving!"
 

Taskmaster

Godlike - I like God
Nov 29, 1999
953
0
0
www.geocities.com
With a final squeak the cart came to a stop at the foot of the bed. A small white cup containing a pair of light blue pills was removed by the soft smooth hands of a young nurse. She stood for a moment, lost in pity and sadness, as she let her eyes wander over the body lying in bed before her. Covered nearly from head to toe in a stiff white body cast, was a "John Doe" found left for dead.

It had been months, it seemded, since he had been brought in, barely alive. She still couldn't believe he was alive. By all accounts he should have been dead after the tragic accident he must have suffered. From the rumors she had heard, even part of his brain had been exposed through the ragged gap of flesh on his head.

She pressed the last pill into his mouth through the small opening in the cast. Holding the "sweat" covered glass of ice water up to his mouth, she inserted the free end of a straw for him to drink from. The water was returned to the small nightstand beside the bed.

The metal chart was lifted from the end of the bed and opened. The slender blonde made some quick notes to the end of the chart, glancing at the wall clock hanging at the end of the ward, several times while writing. It was 4:35.

From inside the sterile white cast a pair of bright blues eyes watched - sparkling with hope - as the young lady sat down in the chair by his bedside. She reached for the Holy Bible and began reading it. "The Lord is my shepard, I shall not want..."

The bright eyes of John Doe closed, as a tear streaked down his cheek. The terrifying images fled from his mind as he was enveloped by a peaceful feeling. Slowly bits and pieces of his past would burst forth into his consciencous mind... He held onto hope that one day he would be able to remember who he was, what had happened to him. He was only certain of one thing -- he would not rest until he found out the true meaning of the one word that filled his every thought... Taskmaster!

"Taskmaster," said the barely audible voice, cracked and wracked by pain from lack of use. "Taskmaster!"

***********

"7:03PM" muttered the security guard as he made a note in his log. He signalled the young lady to continue as the yellow arm that blocked the exit slowly raised with a jerk. The headlights of her car lit up the non-descript sign in the tree lined median... "Advanced Genetic Research - Department of Defense". The red tail lights faded into the darkness.



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)
 

Taskmaster

Godlike - I like God
Nov 29, 1999
953
0
0
www.geocities.com
"Ladies and Gents, step right up!" barked the carney standing in front of a dirty white tent covered with various unbelievable freaks of natures claims. "See the world-famous, one and only, Gorri-CHRYSt!"

"The missing link?! Half-man, half-gorrila!"

"You there... come over here!"

"You may never have the opportunity to see this twisted freak of nature again!"


*** OK, so basically I am just bumping this thread to the top. ***


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)
 

Morety

The Farterator
Feb 23, 2000
12,316
33
48
61
Toronto
www.legionoflions.com
*Morety was still in Florida taking a break from (simulated) reality and was drinking beer by the pool between hockey games

*Morety, sees three redeemers spawn side by side.

*Morety tries to pick up the one on the left, but it isn't actually there

*Morety grabs the one in the middle, and staggers with a silly grin back to his lawn chair.

*Wolf Blackstar cocks his sniper rifle, with the full zoom (8.3) and the cross-hairs lined up on the crotch of Selerox.

*Wolf Blackstar snickers to himself as he thanks himself for downloading the "Crotchmaster" mod, and has to re-aim.

*Gueryella flings poo on what is known as the Planet Unreal Forums.

*Gueryella thinks he's intelligent.

*Gorr-CHRYSt is running around a room defending against a mob of TaskMaster clones using his alt/fire poo spew.

*The real Taskmaster is lying in bed with half a head drinking/eating power-ups.

*Morety alt/fires the redeemer.

*Morety sees Gorr-CHRYSt and a roomfull of TaskMaster clones waiting to get fried

*Morety slaps the side of his cheek.

*Morety cries ouch!@#%$#$$ as he was stung by a bee.

*Morety's redeemer jerks to the left

*Morety cries as he gets stung by yet another bee.

*Morety's redeemer jerks to the right.

*Morety gets stung several times in succession by bee after bee after $%##$ing bee.

*Wolf Blackstar settles down from his snickering and draws a bead on Selerox' crotch.

*Morety's redeemer lands right on Wolf Blackstar's head.

*Wolf managed a rifle shot, but missed Selerox completely and hit Gueryella flinging his poo posts.

*Gueryella's body falls off the asteroid in Face and lands on the real TaskMaster, knocking him back down to only one health.

*Taskmaster's trigger finger went off at the impact, sending an alt/fire from his ASMD into a crowd of clones.

*Taskmaster fires, igniting a bright pink ball of fire.

*Taskmaster clones explode into giblets as the detonation of the ball ignites not only them, but the methane in the poo spew being used by CHRYSt.

*CHRYSt watches as the flame raced toward his sphinctre. However, lacking self control, he could not, would not, take his finger off the alt/fire button. The flames raced up the poo spew, into his sphinctre, and ignited him from the inside out.

*Boom laughs gleefully and hits his taunt button..."Boom"

*Selerox misfires his rocket as the Giblets of CHRYSt hit him on the back of his head. The rocket ignites his TaskMaster Cloner 2000 and it explodes.

*Selerox thinks about putting himself in the Llama farm for this silly suicide. But decides he likes himself and doesn't.

*Selerox' giblets land on Boom and knock him into the lava.

*Morety respawns by the pool and orders another beer, wishing the bar would have stocked Canadian beer.



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Morety[PuF] - Betcha can't eat just one...well c'mon...EAT ME!
 

Wolf Blackstar

That other Wing Commander guy
Dec 13, 1999
2,309
0
0
Tau Ceti V
www.angelfire.com
Taskmaster fades back into conciousness..... he looks around....he is surrounded on all sides by blue liquid?.....

He cannot speak. Yet somehow he is breathing. He is alive.

Taskmaster tries to see beyond the blue liquid, and through its distortion, he can make out heavy metallic bulkheads lined with computers and sensor equipment.

"Where am I?" goes through his mind.

Suddenly the silence is broken. "Nowhere of consequence - the secrecy of my lair must not be disclosed for now. Know now that you are safe here until you recover. Then we'll have work to do, and I mean work - this has gone way past FUBAR."

"Wolf?"

"That's right. You can't speak, but the computer is translating your neural impulses and printing them on a screen. You're getting my audio feedback through the computer as well."

The screen flashes: "what am I in..."

"It's a bacta tank. Over 85% of your skin was burned by the bacon fat, and we had to irradiate a massive infection out of your body, which was caused by the chiggers. In addition, we had to replace some of your bones - they were too thoroughly shattered."

"Why did you save me?"

"Well, it seemed that to everyone else, it was a "beat up on Taskmaster" thread, so I changed all that. But i had a more important mission at hand."

"Who are you working for?"

The Wolf sits down, loading magazines with match-grade sniper rounds. "No one but myself - I make my own business."

"You're -"

"That's right. A mercenary. I fought my share of battles from many sides over the years. I'm a veteran of the Tribal Wars; I needed money, so when I joined the Tournament, I went into business. But don't worry; I never go back on my word, neither do I return until I fulfil my contracts. Speaking of which, this has gotten far more out of control than what I'm being paid for. Remind me to call my superiors and tell them that my price has doubled."

"What's your mission?" asks Taskmaster, straining to see through the thick bacta.

Wolf snaps another mag into his rifle and cycles the bolt. Ka-Click!
"I'm here to put an end to CHRYSt's cloning operation - and that includes anyone else who gets involved." Wolf test-feeds a belt of depleted-uranium slugs into a Minigun. He stuffs his 782 gear to capacity with ammunition. "What I'm curious about is: Why you? Why not anyone else?"

Taskmaster shifts around in the gooey blue fluid. "It's because - he thinks I "amuse" him."

"I see. That explains why I found you still alive. Heres a sitrep: When I destroyed CHRYSt's stronghold, I knew CHRYSt would escape, but I intended to destroy all his cloning equipment and eliminate the clones themselves. It appears I have failed; Taskmaster clones still stalk the surface of this planet, and now we have Gori-CHRYSt. This has to stop. I can't let it get any worse."

"What are you going to do?"

"Find the source of the new clones and destroy it. Destroy any genetic material they still have, and terminate any hostile threat - including Gori-CHRYSt, if necessary. I also need to find out what Scully is still doing here. This has gone too far."

"But even if you destroy all the genetic samples they've kept, they can still use me for more."

"I'm not about to let it happen. But if you become too much of a security risk...." Wolf doesn't finish the sentence.

He slaps on a shield belt and grabs a Redeemer off the weapon rack. Then he walks out the heavy metal door, leaving Taskmaster alone in the dark blue liquid.

The silence returns.



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-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"
PuF: Bring on the pain!
 

trinity

Noli me tangere
Jan 3, 2000
383
0
0
Southern California
as wolf leaves unsuspectedly, a woman creeps into the lair. she does a few well-aimed back vaults (thereby evading the
tribes-esque laser-turrets) and lands in front of the bacta tank. She then methodically destroys the turrets and then hefts the bacta tank.
**man is it heavy** what has this poor sap been eating? shrapnel and bacon grease? oh wait he has...
* she decided to drag it out instead *
where will he be taken. what evil purpose is she stealing him for. will she sell him to the highest bidder? or keep him for her own amusement?
** who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. and women**




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"And since I am the ranking officer on this ship, if you don't like it, you can go to hell."
 

Taskmaster

Godlike - I like God
Nov 29, 1999
953
0
0
www.geocities.com
Hey Wolf... nice one man. You managed to include just about every piece of idiotic junk these guys have thrown in this thread (and I mean that in a nice way /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif) in a concise manner and still make it interesting...

Now if only I can figure out what to do with the real Taskmaster who is still semi-dead in the Advance Genetic Research facility with a sexy nurse taking care of him...

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)
 

the creatoR

New Member
Jul 7, 2000
27
0
0
Bravoo!!!!

Someone should make a movie out of this!
Let´s call it "jesus! CHRYSt Superstar!!"

[This message has been edited by the creatoR (edited 04-21-2000).]
 

Taskmaster

Godlike - I like God
Nov 29, 1999
953
0
0
www.geocities.com
Let's not and say we did!


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)
 

Taskmaster

Godlike - I like God
Nov 29, 1999
953
0
0
www.geocities.com
Looks like something happened to our thread?! Not sure what, but it says there are 9 pages when there were 15 earlier. Maybe some of it was archived? Not sure.

Oh well.... such is life?



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)
 

Taskmaster

Godlike - I like God
Nov 29, 1999
953
0
0
www.geocities.com
Uh, nevermind... looks like they changed from 15 messages per page to 24 or so per page. Thread is all there just on fewer pages.

Happy Easter all....


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)
 

Wolf Blackstar

That other Wing Commander guy
Dec 13, 1999
2,309
0
0
Tau Ceti V
www.angelfire.com
The night chills with an icy wind as the creature the world has known only as "Gorri-CHRYSt" makes its way across the back country. Having long ago escaped the cages and chains of the freak-shows, the disgusting abomination of a lifeform has been on a rampage, mauling the hell out of anyone it comes across, leaving behind corpses with their faces bashed in or ripped off.

Wolf tracks the creature by it's unique, as well as incredibly powerful, stench. He can smell the reeking animal from miles away, and it is so strong it would be almost impossible to lose its trail.


The freak of science and nature rubs its armpits and grunts. It's eyes light up as it detects the odor of human stench. It gets excited at the promise of blood. It jumps up and down and scratches itself some more.


Seconds later, It charges into the brush, screaming a blood-curdling roar at the top of it's lungs, arms raised to crush, tear, and smash anything in it's path.

The Wolf is undaunted by the fierce and incredibly ugly monster heading in his direction like a speeding 18-wheeler.

He stands his ground.

Gorri-CHRYSt advances to within 5 yards of Wolf, than leaps into the air, limbs hooked like predatory claws ready to rend flesh and shatter bones.

The creature's eyes glow a diabolical red, and it's fang-filled mouth precipitates filthy green saliva like a rabid bulldog on speed.

It casts a shadow as it comes down on the Wolf.

Wolf dodges to the left.

Gorri-CHRYSt lands where Wolf had been standing, tearing the general heck out of the ground where his prey was located only moments before.

"Not too bright, are you, monkey-boy?"

The squalid mutant's face whirls around to face two Striker-12 shotguns held level. Wolf doesn't even wait to finish the sentence before he fires.

Twin crimson-orange flares lance into the night as 12 rounds of .70 caliber deer slugs and 12 rounds of armor piercing "Satan's toothpicks" flechettes tear into the monster's furry sides.

A most unearthly roar echoes throughout the sky. The residents of the nearby village lock their windows, bar their doors, and say their prayers.

The monster is far from dead. Now bleeding purple radioactive slime, it appears more enraged than before. It swipes at the Wolf with deadly claws.

The claws tear right through Wolf's Kevlar vest and flak jacket like it was silk. Fortunately it was not a direct blow. Still, It was more than enough to draw blood.

All expressions of humanity leave the Wolf's face as he faces the creature. His eyes turn to cold steel, and his face radiates nothing but pure, anadulterated rage.

Throwing the shotguns aside, Wolf pulls out a relic from the days of DOOM. A plasma rifle spits bright blue balls of burning superheated gas directly into the face of the furry monstrosity.

The result has instantaneous effect. The monster clutches its face and screams.

Wolf simultaneously activates a Damage Amplifier and a Quad Damage, and moves to the next stage. In one hand, a minigun spits blazing streams of 7.62 mm depleted-uranium slugs, while the other hand steadies the original DOOM chaingun, firing incendiary ammunition.

The raw firepower strikes the monster with more force than the Hammer of Thor. Fur, giblets and radioactive slime fly in all directions for miles as the most horrific creature ever to stalk the face of th earth is torn to shreds by the hail of amplified streams of hot lead.

Wolf stands in the purple glow, His face a mask of rage as he screams: "Die, you son of a bitch, Die! Die! DIE!!!!!"

An incredibly meaty explosion marks the demise of Gorri-CHRYSt as the weapons finally exhaust the chains.

Wolf is standing knee-deep in ejected brass, and is covered with bits and pieces of fur and gibs. Slime has stained his assault vest and flak jacket. He doubts that he has ever smelled so bad in his entire life. The acrid flavor of cordite mixes with the pervasive Gorri-CHRYSt stench.

"God damn it. I need a shower and a cold beer."

Too bad, Wolf thinks, this was only the beginning of the task at hand, and was, in all probability, the easy part.

The moon emerges from behind the clouds, and the chilled winds fan the wilderness as the mysterious mercenary dissapears into the night.

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-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"
PuF: Bring on the pain!




[This message has been edited by Wolf Blackstar (edited 04-26-2000).]
 

Morety

The Farterator
Feb 23, 2000
12,316
33
48
61
Toronto
www.legionoflions.com
/me strolls down the streets with an old, rickety wooden wheelbarrow in tow...

"Bring out your dead. Bring your dead bodies here. Bring out your dead."

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Morety[PuF] - Betcha can't eat just one...well c'mon...EAT ME!

Because deep down, we all miss our ancestry of being naked poo flinging monkeys. - CHRYSt
 

Taskmaster

Godlike - I like God
Nov 29, 1999
953
0
0
www.geocities.com
Taskmaster lay motionless, which is pretty much all hs could do, given he was in a near full-body cast. His eyes peered straight ahead through the openings in the white plastered head cast. His mind was whirling a hundred miles and hour, but he body was still.

His mind raced with a thousand thoughts, but his hands barely twitched, his eyes barely blinked, his lungs barely breathed. "Had it finally happened?" he wondered in the deepest recesses of his mind.

On the adjustable, rolling table in front of him sat a laptop computer. It was specially equiped for the handicapped, and included voice recognition software as well as text to speech software. The computer sat waiting, still displaying the Planet Unreal forum text it had just read moments ago.

"I-I-I can't believe it!" he muttered. Someone had written a good story, and - the horror - it wasn't me! "Have I finally been topped? Has some one emerged to topple the thus far undisputed king of weird fictional deaths?"

Suddenly he felt it... deep inside. A feeling some how familiar, yet some how foreign. It was the feeling of determination welling inside him, driving him forward. He realized now that he had lost hope, lost his reason to live.

Now hope burned within him. He knew what he must do, he knew he must fight to survive. Through the sheer power of his will he forced his fingers to twitch, then to quiver and finally to clench!

Tears formed in his eyes and he relished their warmth as they streamed down his cheek. "Nurse." he tried to scream with his barely used voice. "Nurse!" he managed to shout through his strained vocal cords. He knew what he must do.....



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)
 

Wolf Blackstar

That other Wing Commander guy
Dec 13, 1999
2,309
0
0
Tau Ceti V
www.angelfire.com
The tranquil cloak of darkness cast by the night is torn to shreds by harsh and piercing white lights. HMM-WV's and Jeeps form a corral around an area of the desert several miles in diameter. The lights are placed on posts and run by portable generators. They illuminate the area as brightly as if it were midday.

Scores of men dressed only in black biohazard suits walk the quarantined area. They pick through the grass and load the remains of Gorri-CHRYSt into a flatbed truck, piece by chunky piece. Around the perimeter, white sport-utility vehicles without license plates circle endlessly, and men in fatigues stand holding M-16's at the ready.

A doctor sits on the flatbed truck. He labels and bags each giblet, entrail fragment, and chunk of fur.

Men with flamethrowers torch the ground wherever the slime has landed, closely followed by men with Halon dispensers, quickly extinguishing the smoldering ground.

Others disinfect the area with powerful chemicals. Great pains are taken to insure that even the smell is obliterated.

High in the skies, two black assault helicopters circle like vultures, beaming powerful searchlights across the terrain. They bear no markings whatsoever.

In the midst of it all, Wolf stands talking with the two men who are overseeing the operation. One of them wears black suit and tie, has white hair, and is on his third cigarette of the evening. The other man wears a dark blue suit, and is carrying a black suitcase. Both of them sport smug, oily faces.

"And tell your bosses that my price has doubled."

"That would be most......inadvisable" says the man with the cigarette. "I don't give a f___ what it is, this mission is FUBAR, and I'm damned if I'm gonna clean up a mess that you guys started, and made worse, for the original price. And don't try to pull any of those moves like you've done in the past - I'm not some jackass federal agent who hunts UFO's and pays too much attention to his red-haired partner to smell a rat from his superiors when it comes."

"Your proposal is acceptable. But we we will require more information and status reports" says the man with the suitcase. "Incidentally, were you able to get a handle on the security risk?"

"Yes, but my sources are saying that he might just be another clone. This whole affair is turning to bantha dung real fast."

"In the future, we would appreciate if you would be able to utilize less......force......in your missions....."

Wolf stares at the men with an expressionless face. "At least I got the job done. Everyone else you sent is either dead, or has screwed the pooch."

"Yes....well.....try to insure it doesn't happen again."

"Sir?" a voice pops up from one of the guys in the chem suits. "The area has been cleansed, sir."


"Excellent. Prepare to move out." The man tosses his cigarette to the ground and steps on it. "I'll keep you guys posted" says the Wolf. The man with the suitcase follows him as they climb into one of the white SUV's and set off across the wasteland.

Within minutes, all equipment is removed from the scene, and not one sign remains of the operation, or Gorri-CHRYSt. The lights are shut off and loaded onto the trucks as the last of the men depart.

As the convoy retreats into the distance, the helicopters break off their patrol, and the desert is once again restored to its dark and quiet self.



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-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"
PuF: Bring on the pain!


[This message has been edited by Wolf Blackstar (edited 04-26-2000).]
 
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