AVP

Emmet Otter said:

I knew the movie was going to be a typical big bang explosion hollywood trash when i saw the trailer with that hard rock music to syke us up. This movie is an embarresment to the 1st Alien (even though it had nothing to do with it)

It not even based off the comics. It total garbage! Crap, utter crap, pure crap and just plain.......CRAP!!!!!

Who ever wins!?!? We lose $10 and 2 hours of our life!!

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Now go on Emmet, say how you really feel. Don't pull any punches
on our account...

But the important thing is, am I right? About the chick in Freddy vs Jason, I mean.

GotBeer? said:

But the important thing is, am I right? About the chick in Freddy vs Jason, I mean.

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Yeah, I wished that too

I still think FvJ was better, only because it allowed for humans to get butchered, which was not really allowed much at all in AvP.

Jason was awesome because they were always about people getting laid.

FurociousFa said:

Jason was awesome because they were always about people getting laid.

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True! And after the recent study that a little porn can be good for you, you'd think the AvP producers would've put something in the movie... You know, a boob shot for the guys and maybe a butt shot for the girls. Ah well.

So this is the greatest movie ever made. Let me count the ways.

Zoom in: Our new Ripley is all sorts of climbing on ice. This shows she's rowdy and ready for action. Weiland calls and needs her help and she's like "NO." And then she's like "YES."

The thing to remember from this scene? While climbing ice alone you must always pick up your phone.

Stafford: We need your help now. I have flown this helicopter here.

Black Ripley: You think I would have noticed the helicopter land. Or at least seen it.

Stafford: I'm sure it is very loud here, and making helicopters appear shows how rich and important the guy from Millenia is.

Fast forward. They find a pyramid in the ice. They get a bunch of experts who will all be dead in about five minutes.

Italian guy: This pyramid is like every other pyramid in different parts. This must be from the first people ever born ever, before they all got blown up and scattered around with different types of pyramids.

Guy from the ancient past: I'm going to be Egyptian! I call smooth walls!

His friend: I'm cambodian! I claim the spires!

Weyland: My experts say this may be Egyptian because the walls are smooth. This is in spite of the fact there are no ****ing smooth walls when you see it.

Audience: We're drunk!

Blonde French Girl: A gun is like a condom.

Random guy: How do you figure?

Blonde French Girl: One fires bullets, and this is terrible writing.

Black Ripley: When we get on the ice no one ever goes anywhere alone. This is how people die.

Audience: Weren't you just CLIMBING UP A SHEER FACE OF ICE alone in the first scene?

Spud: I have kids and I'm scared of flying. I'm a chemical engineer.

Black Ripley: Why are you here?

Spud: It's a little known fact that every pyramid is made entirely out of chemicals. I have kids, and like to take pictures. These character traits will become important when....no wait nevermind I'm dead.

Team: Let's split up. This way we can all die. Half of us will die in ways ripped off of the first Aliens movies, the other half from ways ripped off of the first two Predator movies.

Predators: We must get to this pyramid to hunt the aliens! Shoot the laser so we can get down to it!

Black Ripley: So you found this pyramid using your satellites? Why are you using satellites?

Weyland: To find minerals?

Black Ripley: I thought you made billions in robotics?

Weyland: You use minerals to make robots. Now shut up bitch. By the way I'm dying. I have to suck my anti-cockroach sauce out of this inhaler.

Black Ripley: Is there a reason your inhaler is attached to an air compressor?

Weyland: We'll see!

Black Ripley: Hey, you said your satellites can see heat, right?

Weyland: Oh yeah, totally.

Black Ripley: So if someone shot a GIANT ****ING LASER FROM SPACE to BURN A HOLE INTO THE ICE, you'd pick that up right?

Weyland: Of course not.

Predators: We remain undetected.

Everyone else: Hey this is a great pyramid. HOLY **** WE'RE ALL DEAD!

Blood French Girl: Hey, this facehugger is dead but I'm still alive OMG THE LIFECYCLE NOW TAKES FIVE MINUTES! ALIENS EVERYWHERE!

Weyland: Predator!

Predator: I will kill y.... No I won't, my Xray vision shows you are in fact sworming with cockroaches.

Weyland: Wow. This inhaler has surprisingly high pressure. Good thing I hooked it into this air compressor. BURN!

Aliens: Our lips curl CONSTANTLY. Let's kill every Predator but the important one with the giant red vagina for a face.

Black Ripley: I have given Steven Segal his gun back and accidently killed an alien. I am now his equal.

Predator: Jesus, we kind of suck against these aliens.

Vagina: I am a flying vagina. I pop out of my vagina and infect people. I am killed by beings with vaginas for faces.

Audience: We mostly have never seen a vagina ever so this is a brand new original design idea for a creature.

Italian guy: It's a good thing I can read every language in the world from back in the day, because now we get to flashback to when Predators killed all of civilization to destroy the aliens they couldn't control.

Black Ripley: What?

Italian Guy: Oh yeah, well, one guy escaped and he built THIS pyramid just in case.

Black Ripley: Just making sure.

Stafford: I'm what passes for an interesting character in this movie. I am not to be trusted and was hiding guns. These character traits will be important later because....nevermind I'm dead.

Italian Guy: MY CHEST IS EXPLODING!

Predator: I can catch this alien, and squish him, because HIS blood isn't acid yet. In fact, sometimes the blood is acid, this serves our real god, the ****ty Script God.

Black Ripley: Like how this alien head I use as a ****ing retarded shield doesn't have any blood?

Predator: This is correct.

Black Ripley: Oh no! We are being chased, we must escape up the laser burnhole, it's a good thing the winch works again and is five billion times faster.

Aliens: Foiled!

Black Ripley and Predator: Wheee! We're flying! It's a good thing no one saw the X-Files movie or this would be a really sweet scene.

Queen alien: I don't miss the rest of me. I will now rampage around.

Black Ripley: I'm running through Bones! I've never seen Jurassic Park and this is a brand new scene!

Queen Alien: **** YOU BITCH! We're in the arctic! There are no airlocks!

Predator: I have strapped the alien onto this big heavy thing, using the chain it's been dragging around all movie, just to be sure we would know how the movie would end two hours ago!

Queen Alien: Don't let go Rose!

Predator: I will respect you by burning your face, just like my hideous red vagina face is burned.

Predator: I am dead.

Other Predators: Black Ripley, have a staff. We've never seen Predator 2 and this is a brand new original scene.

Black Ripley: Can I get a ride home?

Other Predators: No.

Predator's Body: I HAD AN ALIEN IN ME! OH THE SHOCK!

Predalien: I am supposed to be menacing except for the fact I'm in a Predator ship filled with Preds who are all armed to the teeth trained to kill the adult me.

Audience: Hey, wait a minute, so the alien life cycle is back to being like three hours? Wasn't it a week in the future?

Paul Anderson: We're assuming no one saw any other movie ever made. Back to counting my loot.


THE END

hmm... i don't know, some people have told me that it does not have a real storyline, and if that is true, i would haft to say that i would take the movie spiderman 2 over this one.

omg
omg
cemetary in amazing detail just explained the exact and entire story..if you can picture that all in your head like me it was like watching the move twice...eww its worse second time around..

That kept me laughing for.. minutes. Well, it was funny anyway.
Still haven't seen the movie. Probably won't. Watch me care.

Cem pretty much summed it up...

this is what I read in other forum....It makes sense..


Well I recently gave AvP a look see and I can seriously tell you that it is not the trash that the critis are making it out to be. Granted it gets a little corny at time (during the first 40 minutes) but its a very enjoyable film from start to finish. Theres a few wierd looking shots but every film has them. All in All I was impressed. It was not the high art of the origional Alien films but nor the trash that was resurection. Dont knock it till you've tried it.

Anyway, I was browsing through IMDB when I came across this. Whether its real or not who knows, but it looks legit. I personally think this is another Fincher-esque problem going on here.

Enjoy:

Hi, I'm back from the screening and Q&A and while I was able to ask some of the questions you guys posed, I couldn't get them all in. Regardless, many of the people who were also there had similar questions.

Enjoy:


When Anderson and the effects guys approached the tables, they were smirking with each other. The first subject that came up, no thanks to me, was the length and PG-13 rating.

So here it is, from the horses mouth.

About the studio's cutting of the film, which he had no control over, he said, and I quote, "All of the best scenes were cut." Anderson was obviously very annoyed at the way the film was released. However, this was not purely because of the PG-13 limitation, which incidentally, the studio enforced THREE WEEKS before the release date! It was always going to be R until then. Part of the reason for the cutting was that some of the effects were not ready by the time the release date came around. The effects team had very little time to do anything.

As far as the content that was cut, apparently we see all those who die, die on screen, but he also said that there is a sub-plot that we will have to wait for on DVD. Yes there will be an R-rated Director's cut DVD although they don't know the release date yet.

Without saying anything that could dig his own grave, Anderson tactfully pinned the fault of the poor quality of the film on the studio's cut. We all know that the script and performances was not quite up to par either, but then it was time for me to ask my first question.

"What specifically, makes you [Anderson] such a fan of the original 6 films?"

He went on to say that he thought they each had their own unique voice and were incredibly creative within a genre that often leads to purely formulaic films (ahem, mate, this is you!). He said that he was attempting to add his own unique voice to the series while paying hommage to the original source material. He also thought that the creatures, were the two greatest inventions in Science Fiction history. Someone then said, "Beyond lightsabers?" and he replied, "yes, even beyond lightsabers."

Some other effects questions were asked, which had some cool insights. The explosion sequence encompassed for half the budget, which was only 65mil in the first place (for a film like this, this is nothing), and all the shifting of the walls, yes ALL OF IT, was completely CGI. There were no moving live sets. Having watched it again, I have to say, I couldn't tell, and all my friends know that if there's some CG in a film, I'll see it. That impressed me. Also, they changed the appearance of the Queen slightly, adding a ridge to her crown and taking away, what they call, the "high heals" that she wore (the second reverse knee). Also, 80% of all the shots with an Alien in it was the hydraulic Alien they built.

Anyway, effects aside, I asked another question.

"I know that the AVP project has been surrounded by controversy since the first attempt in the early nineties. Why did you choose to not use any of the pre-existing stories, the original comic series, the Peter Briggs script, etc?"

He told me that he wanted to make the film his own. He also proclaimed that he'd had the idea for this film ever since seeing Predator 2. I thought that was probably ego-driven BS, but regardless, it's what he said. He also said that the Peter Briggs script is completely off-limits, shelved indefinately by Dark Horse and they won't let anyone tough it. Sounds to me like he tried, heh heh.

Later I asked some technical nerd questions. I wasn't the only one. I started by stating that I noticed some glaring continuity errors between this film and the pre-established occurences in the previous 6 films. Anderson stopped me before I could continue and said due to the "mangling" of the film, there was a lot left out. I asked, "Does that include the acceleration of the alien life cycle or was that just conveniant."

Whoops, I had hit a nerve. He shook his head. "No, no, the machine that the Predators built to house the Queen pumps her full of hormones that accelerate the birth of the creatures. If we'd seen the REAL film, we'd know that." Ouch.

The answer to why Aliens attacked the incubated predator was that the alien inside the Predator was not sanctified by the Aliens because it was essentially a different species due to the DNA reflex the Alien's possess. Okay, I guess I could go with that.

The Q&A wrapped up with talks about the digital intermediate and the difference between working with Super35 and Anamorphic.

I tried asking a last question but they ended it before I could. I pretty much hogged the Q&A as it was.

Afterwards I went and shook Anderson's hand. He remembered me from a mutual acquaintances birthday party. I told him I couldn;t wait for the Director's Cut and was really nice. I asked about a sequal and he said he'd thought about it but nothing concrete was in motion. They were waiting to see about the returns. I told him I had what he neede and I would send him my treatment through CAA. I assured him it was a direct sequal and he said, "Good." I then said, so they're letting you have a Director's cut, huh? He said, "yeah, it'll be great." Then I said, can I give you some advice from the youngest generation of filmmakers, namely, me." He said, "Sure, go for it." I said, "The facehuggers are fast, damn fast, get rid of the matrix shot when they jump out of the eggs for the first time." He said he'd take that into consideration. Then I started talking about the reviews. I talked about IMDB and how much of a "Lover Versus Haters" war had erupted. He seemed amused by that and then said, to my surprise, well, as a filmmaker, I'm satisfied with the film, but as a fan of the originals, this cut really pisses me off, so it makes sense I guess." he said he'd check it out (the IMDB boards) but I can't gaurantee that will happen. Just know that, if in a week or two someone comes on claiming to be Anderson, it might well be him.

All in all I was really happy about what he had to say. It was great to hear a filmmaker so honest about his work and he knows that he has a long way to go before he is any good as a filmmaker. Having talked to him before, I know that the films he is making now are films that, he feels, will only get him to a place where he can really excel.

Oh well, there it is, hope that shed some light on some stuff. Oh, and apparently, the book they wrote is based on the original R-rated cut, so that'll tell you what is missing.

babau said:

this is what I read in other forum....It makes sense..

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So basically there is a glimmer of hope for this movie if and when it comes out as an unrated or R-rated Director's Cut... Sounds like the director had more in mind for the movie than what the stinking producers allowed to keep the PG-13 rating.