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Old 17th Jul 2012, 02:32 PM   #1
Peavey
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The Mormon Joke Thread

Alright, I got a hell of a mormon joke, but in order to drop this atom bomb of a gut-ripper, I'm gonna need some forum participation. So go ahead and tell your best and worst mormon (see how I didn't capitalize it?) jokes and I'll drop mine in a few days or so.
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Old 17th Jul 2012, 02:36 PM   #2
Firefly
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They believe god can get married and have kids.
That cracks me up.
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Old 17th Jul 2012, 03:24 PM   #3
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ok ok.
Mitt Romney is so Mormon... how Mormon is he?

Mitt is so Mormon that his foreign policy for Israel will be centered on Jackson County, Missouri.

Mitt is so Mormon that he’ll make the income tax a flat 10% and collect fast offerings to fund Medicaid.

Mitt is so Mormon that he doesn’t do Pilates, he does golden Pilates.

Mitt is so Mormon that if he’s elected the “First Lady” will be known as the “First Wife.”


Mitt is so Mormon that he asks his donors to stack their chairs after fundraising dinners.

Mitt is so Mormon that he refers to expatriates as “apostates” and non-US citizens as “Gentiles.”

Mitt is so Mormon that he’ll rename the "Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms" the "Word of Wisdom Squad."

Mitt is so Mormon that he’ll assign a friend to every new member of Congress.

Mitt is so Mormon that he thought the debt ceiling was something which could only happen inside of a temple.


Mitt is so Mormon that he doesn’t go on the campaign trail, he goes on “missions.”

Mitt is so Mormon that he won’t deport illegal aliens, he’ll just retroactively disfellowship them.
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Old 17th Jul 2012, 06:41 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Firefly View Post
They believe god can get married and have kids.
That cracks me up.
If that's true, then the allmighty WAS married.

My guess is all the 20th century wars were his way of dealing with the divorce.
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Old 18th Jul 2012, 12:52 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Firefly View Post
They believe god can get married and have kids.
That cracks me up.
Hmmmm. I though He raped some innocent virgin, and then promoted His bastard son to ruler of the known universe... or am I thinking of Kim Jong Il?

Last edited by Lizard Of Oz; 18th Jul 2012 at 02:20 AM.
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Old 18th Jul 2012, 02:37 PM   #6
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They're against gay marriage but are perfectly OK with having multiple wives.

Their entire doctrine is based around something a convicted con artist came up with give or take 200 years ago, with no evidence to support whether or not he was telling the truth.

The joke is those things are true.

Last edited by FuLLBLeeD; 18th Jul 2012 at 02:39 PM.
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Old 18th Jul 2012, 11:54 PM   #7
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You know what's funny bout mormans?



































I don't know. You tell me.
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Old 19th Jul 2012, 06:34 AM   #8
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I once met a mormon...
Spoiler Warning! (move mouse over box below to reveal)
I then realized that there were one too many M's in the religion's name.

Last edited by Vaskadar; 19th Jul 2012 at 08:50 PM.
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Old 19th Jul 2012, 07:03 AM   #9
Firefly
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If Mitt romney is elected you'll all become mormons.
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Old 19th Jul 2012, 07:45 PM   #10
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A gay guy and a Jew walk into a bar and...

Too soon?
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Old 19th Jul 2012, 08:36 PM   #11
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Leave it to the professionals.

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Old 19th Jul 2012, 10:27 PM   #12
Zur
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Firefly View Post
They believe god can get married and have kids.
That cracks me up.
What's their written address ?
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Old 22nd Jul 2012, 05:12 PM   #13
Morety
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizard Of Oz View Post
Hmmmm. I though He raped some innocent virgin, and then promoted His bastard son to ruler of the known universe... or am I thinking of Kim Jong Il?
Comedy gold.
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Old 23rd Jul 2012, 12:31 AM   #14
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Quote:
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Leave it to the professionals.

Last time I posted this Hermskii made a post about me having two gay dads or some other dumb ****.

That routine owns though. David Cross is the best.
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