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Old 17th Aug 2009, 05:06 PM   #1
MrSmiles
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A Modest Proposal - Dear American liberals

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Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, slate it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own ways.

Here is a model dissolution agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (you are however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan Hockey Moms, greedy CEO's, and Rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran, Palestine, and France, and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or way of life are under assault, we'll provide them job security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian Values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru Station Wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing Doctors (that is practicing, Howard Dean) who will follow to your turf (sic). We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.

We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and The National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach The World To Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty its best shot.

Since it often so offends you we'll keep our History, our Name, and our Flag.

Would you agree to this?

In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR on who will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall Law Student American

P.S. Please take Barbra Streisand.
Sounds good to me.
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Old 17th Aug 2009, 05:16 PM   #2
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Lol, what a bunch of sh1t. This is why I typically ignore chain emails from my grandma.
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Old 17th Aug 2009, 05:18 PM   #3
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lol that's pretty dumb
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Old 17th Aug 2009, 05:21 PM   #4
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Yeah, who would be foolish enough to take Barbara Streisand
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Old 17th Aug 2009, 05:26 PM   #5
FuLLBLeeD
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Yeah, who would be foolish enough to take Barbara Streisand
She looks like a deformed Lion. D:
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Old 17th Aug 2009, 05:29 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by MrSmiles View Post
Sounds good to me.
You're an idiot... & I would defend your right to be an idiot to the death.

That's what's great about Democracy.
We might not all agree or even get along & that's our right
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Old 17th Aug 2009, 05:30 PM   #7
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-1 for lack of cannibalism of the elderly.
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Old 17th Aug 2009, 05:30 PM   #8
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Dear conservatives,

Medicare, et al. is socialist by your own hypocritical views.
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Old 17th Aug 2009, 05:33 PM   #9
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Quote:
Efficiency and progress is ours once more
Now that we have the Neutron bomb
It's nice and quick and clean and gets things done
Away with excess enemy
But no less value to property
No sense in war but perfect sense at home:

The sun beams down on a brand new day
No more welfare tax to pay
Unsightly slums gone up in flashing light
Jobless millions whisked away
At last we have more room to play
All systems go to kill the poor tonight

Gonna
Kill kill kill kill Kill the poor:Tonight

Behold the sparkle of champagne
The crime rate's gone
Feel free again
O' life's a dream with you, Miss Lily White
Jane Fonda on the screen today
Convinced the liberals it's okay
So let's get dressed and dance away the night

While they:
Kill kill kill kill Kill the poor:Tonight
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Old 17th Aug 2009, 05:34 PM   #10
FuLLBLeeD
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Dear conservatives,

We're having a blood orgy with aborted fetuses to honor socialism on Saturday. You're invited but make sure you bring an American flag to burn!
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Old 17th Aug 2009, 05:37 PM   #11
Firefly
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why do I sense another lolitics thread being born?
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Old 17th Aug 2009, 05:46 PM   #12
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Quote:
The Battle Hymn of the Republic
Is there anyone else here who's never heard of this? The title sounds like a theme tune for the bad guys from some cheesy sci-fi movie.
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Old 17th Aug 2009, 06:27 PM   #13
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Those silly neo-cons. They only want to break away so they can create laws that will allow them to moleste their daughters if they turn out to be hot. What will those amoral neo-cons try next.

The funny thing is they would have more poverty in the end as their ideal way of running things caused the poverty that we have now.
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Old 17th Aug 2009, 11:45 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by BillyBadAss View Post

The funny thing is they would have more poverty in the end as their ideal way of running things caused the poverty that we have now.
Funny because the last time I checked socialism and the lefts discrimination leads to poverty and no individual rights. Go figure...

Last edited by Larkin; 17th Aug 2009 at 11:47 PM.
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Old 18th Aug 2009, 04:03 AM   #15
Firefly
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why do I sense another lolitics thread being born?
I'm psychic
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Old 18th Aug 2009, 05:26 AM   #16
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At the present, it's pretty difficult for upstart entrepreneurs to establish much of any enterprise due in part to the accessibility of health care options.
What a shame... can't even start up a private business because of government regulations? Hmm.

There's always home-schooling. At least until they take that away.

Phopojijo... if people are misreading your posts, you might toss in an emoticon or two.
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Old 18th Aug 2009, 08:22 AM   #17
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There's always home-schooling. At least until they take that away.
.
Remember this guy...



His name is Daniel Hauser, and he's the kid whose parents wouldn't let him get chemotherapy treatment for his Hodgkins lymphoma. (The BIG bad evil government eventually forced him into treatment and saved his life.) Well, seems because of religious reasons, he's was home-schooled, and at age 13 is completely illiterate.
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Old 18th Aug 2009, 09:12 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by Lizard Of Oz View Post
Remember this guy...



His name is Daniel Hauser, and he's the kid whose parents wouldn't let him get chemotherapy treatment for his Hodgkins lymphoma. (The BIG bad evil government eventually forced him into treatment and saved his life.) Well, seems because of religious reasons, he's was home-schooled, and at age 13 is completely illiterate.
Exceptions to a rule does not make the rule illegitimate.
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Old 18th Aug 2009, 03:01 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizard Of Oz View Post
Remember this guy...



His name is Daniel Hauser, and he's the kid whose parents wouldn't let him get chemotherapy treatment for his Hodgkins lymphoma. (The BIG bad evil government eventually forced him into treatment and saved his life.) Well, seems because of religious reasons, he's was home-schooled, and at age 13 is completely illiterate.
That's because home-schooling is very dependent on the intelligence and knowledge of the teacher - in this case, the parent(s) involved with the schooling. While systems like the public schools (and many private schools) have enough teachers to spread the effect to produce a reasonably bland mediocrity, the concentration of this responsibility is why I do not recommend home-schooling to the very dumb.



Anyway, here's my letter.

Dear wingtips,

While you argue back and forth between socialism, fascism, anarchism, "pure"/"evil" capitalism, and various other -isms, we, the people who actually get things done, have decided that we no longer care about your opinions. To the left wingtip, most of us are fascists who cruelly molest animals by not being vegan, and who are bent on destroying liberty anyway, so who gives a crap what you think? To the right wingtip, we're all terrorists bent on destroying the United States and desecrating the American way by not blindly believing you when you say we need to invade Ohio or some s*** like that, so, again, who gives a crap what you think? In conclusion, go f*** yourselves, and stop polluting our airwaves and Internet.

With all sincerity and patriotic fervor,
-- the middle 96% of the country

P.S. try to divide the country between yourselves like that, and you'll find yourselves living on reservations. If we could do it to the natives, we can do it to you.
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Last edited by Kaligraphic; 18th Aug 2009 at 03:04 PM.
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Old 18th Aug 2009, 12:44 PM   #20
Phopojijo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hal View Post
Phopojijo... if people are misreading your posts, you might toss in an emoticon or two.
You mean like the one you quoted when you first complained of it?

http://forums.beyondunreal.com/showp...8&postcount=44

Yeah... I responded to a deadpan personal attack from Larkin with a "properly emoticoned" non-serious jab back (("I'm stupid? I explained this twice and you still don't get it")) and yet I'm the problem?

Get real dude. Serious. Re-evaluate the situation here. Take a step back.
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