View Full Version : Is it normal...
11th Nov 2001, 07:17 PM
Is it normal...
...wanting to punch my dad? This is no ****ing joke... today.. i got so pissed off with him that i wanted to punch him, hurt him physically until i got tired.. ****. why? because he got pissed off with me and my brothers for no apparent reason.. he began to beat up my little brother, and then he began to beat me too.. damn, there is a ****en LASH all across my brothers back, damn i started to cry.. and then he got pissed off with my other brother, but he didnt beat him, he just flamed him with words.. like "Why cant you be the BEST student in your class?,.. no, you peace of lazy **** are only satisfied with being GOOD students.." and then he started yelling at me.. "Damn, you make me waste lots of money for giving you a personal tutor!.. and you dont even spend that time with him well!, you lazy son of a bitch!" Damn.. with my tutor I spent from 8:30 AM in the morning until 11:00 oclock.. nearly 4 hours.. and he still complained.. The last words he said them out loud, even with my mom present. She doesnt even care.. the, the ******* started to meance that he were better off dead, than living with us, because we didnt give him any satisfactions.. yet he "gives" us a lot of them.. . with this my mother siad: "Dont say that!.. I love you, I dont care about them! They should die, not you!" and started crying... i´m starting to hate my mother too...
More crying from me and my little bro.. specially from me, because nearly everything he complained about was about me.. about my little bro, that ******* beat him just because he didnt pick up the cat's litter with a plastic bag.. instead my little bro picked it up with a piece of newspaper.. i still can hear his screams.. thats when I wanted to punch him until he started bleeding.. but i dont know... but somehow i controlled my rage.. I remember when he used to beat me up when i was 8-12 years old, just because i didnt study how he wanted me to study (that is, from since I got to school , like 2:00PM until 10:00PM at night)... and my mother never defended me or something. she just lets him do what he wants to do.. when i was in 1st year of highschool, there was this time when EACH ****en day he beat up my little brother (then, like 7-8 years old).. and not one day stopped.. one time, he beat him up so hard , my bro´s back had about 10 red lashes all over it.. and the following day, my little bro had a field trip.. and my dad didnt let him go (at last minute, bastard) just so they wont see how he abuses him... so they wont think bad of him... the worst part.. is that they dont.. they think he's a loving father, and good husband.. hes not even a good husband.. if were on the road (my parents and me).. everytime he sees a "good" girl. he honks the cars siren.. and he doesnt care if my mom notes or not.. bastard, like fi my mother werent beautifull, but anyway, I know she does watch at what my father does to her.. but she doesnt care.
His excuses are that he works every day.. he´s hardly at home for his work... that he never had a father to look after him and things like that.. now he´s menacing me that if i dont think well, and start studying, he will throw me out of the house. or put me to work as a construction worker or something like that.. ****.. like construction workers in third-world countries are paid well.. he tells my brother, that if wasnt the BEST student (he´s one of the top 5 in his class), his fate will be the same as mine.. i just hope he dies soon, or I´ll kick his ass, sooner or later. I wont tolerate him much longer.
11th Nov 2001, 07:50 PM
Is it normal to want to hit him? I'd say so. Does it sound like a good idea? Probably not. I know the post probably just highlights a few specific events, but it still sounds like your dad's priorities are a bit... shall we say, off. I do get the impression that being thrown out of the house might not be the worst thing for you. Out of curiosity, where do you live?
11th Nov 2001, 08:11 PM
Growing up can be a real bitch.....
I know....My dad was a drunk and beat us everyday. I lived in constant fear of a backhand. Not fun at all. My dad never said one word positive to me growing up. And when I finnaly stood my ground...I too was thrown out of the house....at 16. Got a job...paid my own way thru high school. At 18 got into a little scuff with the police and needs a little bail money or spend the weekend in jail...called home got my dad and he hung up on me! Nice. When I moved out he gave me the barbers stap he used to beat me with and told me "I would need it for my kids"....before I left the house I thru it away in the trash in front of him!
Sounds to me like you need to be around for your little brother anyway. I took all the beatings I could to protect my sisters saying things were my fault instead of theirs and I`m sure one day he with thank you much like my sisters have thanked me.
I never knew why I had been put into a situation like that......I only knew at a verry young age "I wasn`t going to do that to MY kids!!!"
Try to be stong and we`re all here for your suport!
11th Nov 2001, 08:30 PM
heh i know better than to get into a fight with a Marine.
plus i have too much respect for my father
11th Nov 2001, 08:40 PM
**** yo, like now if my dad try's to beat me, i will knock him the **** down!! Im sorry to hear yo dad is beating you up. Shame on that, Damn how old are you?? Man just try to stick with yo brothers bro 4 real!! Your dad kinda reminds me like mine. No 4 real, he's almost exactly thesame, but less beatingand more yelling!! He almost slapped plate in my moms face. Damn Thank god he's out of the house now !! Yo dont beat him, i know your frustration, but you have to be carefull around persons like that!! They will snap and then ya never know. Keep ya head up and tick with yo brothers thats my opinion.
Maybe some ****en workout would do
11th Nov 2001, 08:59 PM
well, me and my dad have a really good relationship now, but when i was a kid, he used to beat the **** out of me. he used to really have anger issues, from various reasons. i'm older now and i now what they are, and i can understand them. and they're not your ordinary reasons, trust me. i mean, he was adopted, he basically got the **** shaft of life for a long time, cultural revolution, all the great stuff, his dad got shot. sordid family ****, i didn't even find out till i was 17. he never used to be there. i mean, immigrant family, he got his masters here, worked for next to nothing for a few years, came home at 8-9 pm every day, both my parents did. it's actually pretty amazing that i'm not some doped up junky right now.
we used to have really tense arguments, i remember one time in particular when i was about 15? he backhanded me and i got a big gash on the bottom lip, bleeding profusely. i still have the scar. that was the only time i ever knew my father to have apologized to me. cuz i bled. another time was some time later, maybe when i was 17, that was when my mom told me all this **** i didn't need to know about my family. my dad and i argued about somehting, i can't even remember what now, and he pushed me to the ground, and by 17, i was already a big kid, i was almost his height, i could throw a punch. but at that moment, i probably did the smartest thing i ever did, i stopped myself. because i knew that it didn't matter how much better i would feel if i had hit him, he was still my father, and he'd always be my father. i went into my room, and proceed to put my hand through drywall (the same one i, last summer, put through a mirror, i have anger issues as well.) so hard that my hand swelled up like a grapefruit for a week. and my mom came in and explained exactly why my dad has such a bad anger/control problem. which was basically that he had to live in a shack till he was five and then got adopted by parents who couldn't care less about him, because his mother had to let him go because of the cultural revolution, and our family was getting persecuted. and that time, i really understood him. it's not a justification, nothing is, i mean you can't justify taking out your frustrations on your children, but i could say from taht day on i understood him.
now we're much better, we don't argue, when he starts sounding upset, and i've known him well enough to be able to tell, i just dodge out of the way. i just shut the **** up, and let him do his thing, and then maybe afterwards tell him he was wrong, and do it when he was willing ot listen. and you know waht, it works. we haven't had an arguement in years.
look, you're young, you live at home, you don't "need" to accomodate your father, he's suppose to be mature, he's suppose to be the adult, but when you grow up, you realize taht you have to. i realized this, and i realized that i would not be the person i am, if not for his presense. don't get me wrong, he's not exactly father of the year, when he wasn't going around building ships as a naval engineer, he was yelling at me for my school work, and when i become a father, i would never be the type of man he was, but i know one thing, that i love him, and i would not want to be anyone else's son.
look, i'm not justifying your father's behavior, i'm just relaying my own experiences. yeah me and my father's had bad moments, stuff i won't even write about here. but you're angry, impulsive, and not thinking rationally, when you can, then sit down and try to look at the big picture, not this specific incident, and try to figure out why he's like this. ask your mom, she's your best friend in all of this, she'll give you insight into this, and you can find out why she stays with your father. that too is a mystery from the situation you described.
the main question is whether or not this happens very often in your house. if it is, then you need help, talk to a school counselor or something. if it's not very often, then maybe you can talk to dad on a good day and work things out. it does do wonders.
13th Nov 2001, 04:42 PM
Thanks for the replys guys, alot.. i really needed some advice.. but now Í´m gonna clear some shiit I wrote (while pissed off, obviously, when I wrote this, I was OUTRAGED.. and now that I have had some time to think about it.)
* Well, for those who asked, Í´m a 16 year old teen, who happens to live in Ecuador (my parents are also from there). That kind of behaviour in parents is pretty "normal" in this country.. not his fault, probably they treated him the same way (but I doubt, my grandma is a very nice person). There was once a case (not realted to me in ANY way) that this woman killed his son because she was pissed off... sad but true. If I went to the cops they would say: "So what?! They also beat us when kids.." )
* When my dad mentioned 'death' he mentioned HIS OWN death.. not ours (me and my brothers)
*my mother, when she said those words, she told them without meaning it.. I love my mother very much, and I´m sure she loves us a lot too.. but she also happend to love my father a lot more than us.. and I guess she said that because she didnt want him to do something stupid.
*my parents dont drink alcohol or do drugs they are normal people... my dad has some health problems (not to serious, but he has them) and my mom smokes a cigarrette every now and then.. not an addiction... I smoke more than her (they dont know though.. hope they never know). Again, not an addiction.
probably my dads main problem is working to much.. he leaves to work at 7:00 AM and returns home at about 8:00 PM (of course, he comes home at midday to supper).. he also works on Saturdays (not much though) and on Sundays (only at night, at home).. he never had a father to guide him in his younger years.... only grandma. he´s a PHD in Hidraulics (obtained in the University of Arizona).. pretty much I can say lots of good things about him.. but its his attitude that pisses me off.. he can crack up easily, for any reason.. and yesterday (Sunday) it was a stupid one.. anyway he shouldnt but us (his children).. that´s just WRONG.. and i never knew why some parents do that to their children.. personnaly I´ll never to that to my kids (when I have them).
about support, i really do have lots of it.. but its mostly from cousins (+20 yr old) and my brothers.. i mean they can help me sort out the problem, with out no violence and shiit. But, still, I am seriously thinking of leaving home, at least for a while.. until the tensions calm down a bit. This is not going on all the time.. it´s rare.. (i mean the violent stuf) but then, his complaints arent.. whenever he sees me.. he does his best to tell me how lazy I am and ****.
well, those are my reasons for being so violent when speaking those words.. thanks for your advice :)
13th Nov 2001, 06:03 PM
If I had a dad who beat me up I would do the same to him. But then i,m different to most people...
13th Nov 2001, 06:03 PM
from waht I've heard and think. maybe your dad just wants you to have something stabel for your life when hes talking about your school. I dont know the economic situation over there in ecuador but maybe he wants you to have better chances than he had. try to find something good in him.
Maybe he really had some serious streass and maybe he cant put it in words what he want to tell you and your family. Maybe he is just an ass. but you have to face it! Dont go there an beat him up. that would be his level of communication try to make it better... at least with your own kids.
14th Nov 2001, 11:12 AM
Gringo I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know exactly what I would do but I'm an only child, so you should take as much of his **** as you can. That way he wont **** with your brother as much. Tough it out for your brother and then when both of you are grown and out of your parents house you should beat the son of a bitch into a bloody pulp...............but hang in there for now and be patient.
14th Nov 2001, 03:17 PM
hey gringo, i had a hard time with my dad growing up too. not once in his life did he say he was proud of me. and most of the time it was just criticism. i'm just about to turn 40 and i think to this day that my dad is the main reason i feel like i don't have anything to offer. that no matter how good i get at something-someone will do it better.
i told myself way back that i would be different than my dad. i have 4 kids now, and i never hit them-unless there is just no alternative- which is extrememly rare. i tell my kids every day that i love them. i see their lives this way: my present(today) will be their past, and i want them to look back on it and be happy. i understand parents getting angry but sometimes they are more concerned with their own feelings then their kids.
now that we are grown up, niether my brother or me talk to my dad. when you are 18 you will be able to leave. will your dad be proud of his actions when you no longer come around to see him? maybe he should parent you with example rather than an iron fist.
the first thing i do when i'm upset with my kids about something is let them know i understand where they are coming from.
now my 6 yr old son says "i love you dad" out of nowhere. that tells me i'm doing the right thing.
one last scenerio to let you know what my dad was like: when me and my bro were about 11-12 we had cows. one day they got out and had to be herded back. me and my bro didnt live up to my dads expectations so he threw dried horse **** at us. that sends a clear message. what a guy.
good luck dude.
Rukee seems like we have a lot in common...
14th Nov 2001, 03:25 PM
My dad died when I was ten. This made he happy, like a slab of angry weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Sometimes the best solution is to get out of your house and let your parents realize the err of their ways before reacknowledging their existence.
14th Nov 2001, 04:47 PM
Thanks for the replys guys..
Balton.de , i think your right, my DAD is too damn stressed, he has heart problems and shiit.. and i think his worst fear is that he studied alot and worked hard and if some day his life ends, he would have done all that for nothing.. and he wouldnt have had a reward or something for what he has done...
i think that´s what he fears most.
lucifx, i had the same blood-thirst feeling two days ago when he outraged.. but now i dont. i´m still pissed off with him, but i dont want to kick his ass or something.. i dont want to be like him.
vendetta.. for what you have posted i think your an excellent father :) good for your kids and your family.
14th Nov 2001, 05:56 PM
thx gringo, you already gave me more credit than my dad ever did.
14th Nov 2001, 06:32 PM
sounds like a rough spot to be in. doing a menendez brothers probably isn't a great idea right at the moment, dealing with it in perspective the way you are now seems to be a wise choice. you seem to be incredibly angry which is understandable, even under the best situations sons will rebel against their fathers at some point. you might want to try learning boxing or a martial art or something to release your stress. i guess you should just try and hang on in there for your kid brother till you're both old enough to split and support yourselves.
14th Nov 2001, 06:57 PM
listen, the whole "if he beats you beat him back" attitude is fuking stupid.
he's family. i was always brought up on the principle that you should respect your elders, and that blood is thicker than water. if anyone else in life tries to give you that kind of ****, by all means, beat their brains out. but he's your father, half your genetic material came from him, and in the situation you describe, he's not exactly a "bad" man who comes home and beats you on a daily basis for laughs. and because he's your father, you owe it to him to at least try to understand his problems. i'm not takign sides in this, remember, i've been through this a lot. if do nothing else for the man, try to at least do that. that's your obligation as a son, and trust me, if you do that, then you'll see things much more clearly. it looks like he's failing his obligation as a father, but his failure doesn't mean you can neglect your obligation. why do i say it's an obligation? because the parental bond is sacred. and because you have to live 18 years of your life with him, and relationships are never unilateral, both sides have to work on it. and i don't mean work on it, as in "get good grades to get your father to love you," or on the other side, "buy your son cool **** for him to love you." i mean work on it as in, understanding what's bothering the other side, and try to work on that.
your father has a lot of issues. yes it stems from the fact taht he's never had a parental influence in his life. yes he's constantly fearing that you won't grow up to be something special. in fact he's pretty terrified taht he's not doing something right. he doesn't show it to you but he's afraid taht if you don't turn out well, it's a reflection that he's failed. and he's terrified of that because he hasn't a fatherly influence in his life, and he doesn't know how it's done. it's uncharted territory for him, imagine you being in a stranger in a strange land for 20 years? now you understand his position. of course the manifestation of this is absolutely unhealthy, but you can see what it's like. what you can do right now, is to go to him and say, it's okay dad, it's okay to be scared, i know you find it hard, i know htere's no blueprint, but i'm not a fuk-up, and neither are you, and the reason being that you were an important influence in my life. this reassures him and you, and will ease tensions.
i went through that with my dad. my dad's father was killed when he was 1, he got adopted at 5 by people who couldn't give a rat's ass if he got ran over by a car. he never had a family presence, and i know that most of his frustrations in raising me came from that, and i told him (when he explained it to me) that he wasn't a good father, (yes i told him this) but he was a good man, and htat he tried, and that's all that matters.
it sounds like i'm taking your father's side, and telling you to bow to his whims, but that's not what i'm saying, i'm saying relationships are bilateral, and that this particular relationship is rooted in blood, it's not something you can discard, you're tied by blood, and your father doesn't seem like an incredible fuk-up (he gota phD for god's sake). so reasonably, one should expect taht you guys can calmly and rationally work things out, and mend this relationship, and a gesture from you can help jump start the healing process.
14th Nov 2001, 07:46 PM
This is part of the point! If hes part of the family then you are too and that should mean NONE of you do that! But I guess you,d better try and sort out those problems with him first!
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