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CHRYSt
9th Feb 2000, 03:12 AM
You're not amusing me properly. I don't like this daily slowdown thing. The internet is a very boring place.

------------------
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Taskmaster
9th Feb 2000, 03:48 AM
*Taskmaster|PuF feverishly juggles running chainsaws for CHRYSt's entertainment!

*Taskmaster|PuF cuts off a hand trying to catch the chainsaw on the downswing!

*Taskmaster|PuF stands on one hand (see above) for CHRYSt's amusement...

*Taskmaster|PuF collapses in a heap on the floor due to blood loss to make CHRYSt laugh!

Laugh CHRYSt...laugh!

*Taskmaster|PuF gets carted off in a black body bag for CHRYSt's enjoyment...

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

CHRYSt
9th Feb 2000, 04:17 PM
LOL!! Woo hoo! Do it again! That kicked butt! Yay! better than shiny stuff!

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Taskmaster
10th Feb 2000, 10:33 AM
*Coroner sends sample of Taskmaster's DNA to new cloning facility at the University of Tampa.

* Taskmaster|Puf - the clone grows up and develops an insatiable desire to do tricks for CHRYSt.

* Taskmaster|PuF clone juggles several glass beer bottles for CHRYSt's pleasure.

* Taskmaster|PuF clone tosses each of the three beer bottles in sequence to CHRYSt who chugs them and throws them back never once losing the rhythm.

* Taskmaster|PuF breaks each bottle on his front of his skull to tickle CHRYSt's fancy.

* Taskmaster|PuF clone eats glass, while ignoring the blood running down his forehead and into his eyes, so CHRYSt can have a good belly laugh.

* CHRYSt claps wildly as Taskmaster|PuF clone spits up bloody chunks of his esophagus (sp?) on to the sidewalk.

* Taskmaster|PuF clone kicks at the vultures that have landed to eat the bloody bits of carrion. "You cutting in on my act!"

* Taskmaster|PuF clone grabs a can of gas and pours it all over himself to appease CHRYSt's boredom.

* Taskmaster|PuF clone sets himself on fire, suppresses his screams of agony as he disenergrates into a pile of ashes for CHRYSt's satisfaction.

* CHRYSt spots a beautiful glass ornament that Taskmaster|PuF clone formed in his innards as he was burned to a crisp.... all to put a smile of CHRYSt's face!

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

BillyBadAss
10th Feb 2000, 12:29 PM
I wish I got that kind of attention. /~unreal/ubb/html/frown.gif

CHRYSt
10th Feb 2000, 12:31 PM
YAY!!! See, now, THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT!!! GO TASK!!! ENCORE!!!

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

tykeal
10th Feb 2000, 02:20 PM
Billy it's because neither of us are Inhuman. Well, as far as this forum is concerned I'm not but as CHRYSt and I have already discussed we Gleeptoidians really don't consider ourselves human to begin with.

Taskmaster
10th Feb 2000, 02:40 PM
*CHRYSt throws virtual dollars into Taskmaster|Puf's virtual hat



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

CHRYSt
10th Feb 2000, 04:51 PM
Well spent virtual dollars.

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

tykeal
11th Feb 2000, 03:19 AM
For that I even give up my stock options on the shiny whirly things and give them all over to you. /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

Taskmaster
11th Feb 2000, 10:31 AM
* Taskmaster|PuF spots CHRYSt walking along the sidewalk near the park.

* Taskmaster|PuF thinking CHRYSt is a girl, as he is wearing his "female" PuF skin, hands her a virtual rose.

* Taskmaster|PuF wearing his PuF mime skin, grabs his invisible rope and pulls himself toward the lovel (girl) CHRYSt.

* Taskmaster|PuF the mime is blown backwards into the street by the invisible wind.

* CHRSYt looks around to make sure no one is watch before laughing at such obviously lame theatrics.

* Taskmaster|PuF the mime seems to be caught in a invisible box!

* CHRSYt points feverishly toward Taskmaster|PuF.

* Taskmaster|PuF the mime assuming CHRSYt is simply playing along, continues to search for an opening in the invisible box.

* CHRSYt begins wildly motioning for Taskmaster|PuF the mime to turn around.

* Taskmaster|PuF the mime finally turns around in the now shrinking box just in time to see a large semi-truck bearing down on him!

* Taskmaster|PuF the mime still entrapped by the invisible box, is hit head on by the front grill of the semi.

* The large crowd of onlookers applaud Taskmaster|PuF's performance.

"Wow, that the best pretending to be a bloody mass on the street I've ever seen!" commented CHRYSt as he went on his way...



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

CHRYSt
11th Feb 2000, 11:14 AM
I like being amused by bloody mimes. I also like wearing the skins of young ladies as I do my little kooky dance. /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Taskmaster
11th Feb 2000, 02:34 PM
"Ladies and Gentlemen, children of all ages! May I direct your attention to the center ring!" shouted the ringmaster clad in his tux and tails as he made a sweeping gesture toward the center of the big top.

Several spotlights focus on the center ring where a large round cage protects the audience from the fearsome lions contained within.

* Taskmaster|PuF, dressed in an all white jumpsuit, every square inch covered in sparkling sequins, steps boldly into the cage.

* Taskmaster|PuF bows to the audience in each direction as flashbulbs light the tent like a hundred firecrackers dancing across the panarama of wide-eyed children eating their cotton candy and popcorn.

* Taskmaster|PuF flashes a wide smile to the crowd as he snaps the business end of his cured leather whip near one of the large apricot colored lions.

"Ooohs" and "Aahhs" emit from the excited crowd as the king of the jungle leaps gracefully from the tarnished metal stool he was perched on, across a large empty expanse and onto another metal stool.

* Taskmaster|PuF barks an order at another seemingly tame lion, and with an unseen hand signal, the beast opens wide his maul and with large, white fangs exposed lets out an awesome roar.

"Whoa... you need some Listerine!" jokes Taskmaster|PuF into his microphone to scattered laughter from the gathered specators.

* Taskmaster|PuF wheels a pair of large metal hoops into the center of the cage. A pair of the large jungle cats move to their appointed positions on cue.

* Taskmaster|PuF looks into the crowd and catches the eye of some friends, whom he scored free tickets for, and recognizes them as CHRYSt, BillyBadButt and Tykeal! He flashes two thumbs up, al la Mike Meyers.

* Taskmaster|PuF turns his attention back to the metal hoops and turning a dial on each lites the hoops in a blaze of burning gas! The flames dance a seductive dance of orange, yellow and red, with the hypnotic motions of a belly dancer.

In a few scant moments both big cats have jumped through the fiery circles several times and the fires are extinguished.

* Taskmaster|PuF grabs the hoops to wheel them out of the way and severly burns each hand on the red hot metal. He clenches his teeth in pain, but the smile never leaves his face. He glances up at this friends in hopes they didn't notice his total goof up.

* Taskmaster|PuF drags one of the large metal platforms to the front of the cage. The rough metal of the platform ripping at the seared flesh of his hands causing them to bleed.

* Taskmaster|PuF grips the handle of his whip gingerly, now in almost obvious pain, and cracks it loudly for effect. The largest of the lions ambles onto the platform, a gleam of menace in his ferocious eyes.

* Taskmaster|PuF steps up to the lion, feeling the hot breath on his face and smelling the stagnate food in his nostrils. He braces his hands on the upper and lower jaw of the growling animal, and parts the massive mouth.

The crowd cheers (tribute to Bushwhacker) with anticipation of what is about to transpire. Whistles and cat calls add to the chaos of the moment.

* Taskmaster|PuF calls for complete and absolute silence over his microphone.

"The slightest noise could aggitate this lion into an uncontrolled frenzy!" he lied for dramatic effect. The circus band began to play softly at first and then built into a dramatic crescendo.

* Taskmaster|PuF inserts his head into the lion's mouth, as beads of sweat appeared on his forehead. The blood from his shredded palms begens to drip unnoticed onto the Lion's tongue!

* Taskmaster|PuF screams in tremendous pain as the vice-like jaws of the lion clamp down on his neck crushing his windpipe.

* Taskmaster|PuF struggls in vain to free his head from the maul of the strong lion. His hands pull in a futile effort to part the muscular mandibiles, tear the muscles in his hands into tattered strips of flesh agains the ragged fangs.

* Taskmaster|PuF's headless body springs back from the lion's mouth and drops to the floor in a shower of blood spraying around the center ring.

* Taskmaster|PuF's body doesn't last long as the remaining hungry lions joined in the feast of blood.

The horrified audience flees in horror amid wild chaos. Men, women and children run around in dismay like chickens with their heads chopped off.

"Wow man! What a show!" chimed CHRYSt downing the last of his popcorn.

"Killer!" laughed BillyBadButt at his simple pun.

"I would have paid to see that show!" added Tykeal as they trio climbed down the bleachers and exited the tent.

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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif



[This message has been edited by Taskmaster (edited 02-11-2000).]

Taskmaster
11th Feb 2000, 05:22 PM
Man, I didn't realize that last one was sooo long. Each one has gotten longer and longer... I just can't keep this pace up...even if it is for CHRYSt's amusement! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

*Taskmaster|PuF dances around trying to avoid the bullets CHRYSt is shooting at his feet.



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

BillyBadAss
11th Feb 2000, 05:51 PM
Bravo!!!! Bravo!!!!! I want more!...MORE, MORE, MORE!!!!!!!!

wiz4ha
11th Feb 2000, 07:44 PM
*Wiz trys to stop this Taskmaster from going insane, but while Taskmaster is juggling some C4, he throws one over to Wiz, and Wiz is blown up.

*After the dust settles, Wiz is unhurt.

*onlookers seem amazed, and wonder what happened...

*Now, Taskmaster is throwing knives, and other assorted things that will hurt (ouch) at Wiz.

*OH oh, too late, Taskmaster has gone insane, trying to please CHRYSt.

*CHRYSt, looking on, gets great ammusment from Taskmaster battling Wiz.

*AH HA! Twas all a staged act! Taskmaster is not trying to hurt or kill Wiz, but rather is acting with him, and both are doing a great job. CHRYSt claps on in amusment!



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WiZ
Smiley Games (http://Smileygames.8m.com)

"What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Matter? Never Mind"

BillyBadAss
12th Feb 2000, 10:47 AM
Nobody got hurt! I am not pleased!!!

wiz4ha
12th Feb 2000, 05:19 PM
*Wiz and Taskmaster over hear BillyBadAss'es comment, so they decide to walk over to him

*upon ariving up next to BillyBadAss, Wiz and Taskmaster start to beat up BillyBadAss.

*BillyBadAss got his his wish, of seeing someone get hurt

HehE! Just jokes BillyBadAss.

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WiZ
Smiley Games (http://Smileygames.8m.com)

"What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Matter? Never Mind"

CHRYSt
13th Feb 2000, 05:24 AM
Oohhhh..fireworks
<awed, glazed eyes stare at explosions>

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Taskmaster
14th Feb 2000, 08:29 PM
* Taskmaster|PuF stands on the sand barge, just a few yards off shore, surveying the row of fireworks in the fading glow of sunlight.

* Taskmaster|PuF double checks each canister and fuse to ensure every thing will be perfect for this Valentine's Day firework display (hey, work with me here people!).

* Taskmaster|PuF sees that the usual crowd has gathered for this year's festival. It was easy to spot the PuFs as they were the only ones in commando and soldier skins while everyone else was in swimsuits.

* Taskmaster|PuF holds up a hand-held mirror and says...

"I see Tykeal and BillyBadButt.... and I see CHRYSt... and Wiz4ha. I see that good little boy, Nigma666... I see Kevin and Sally and Bobby..." just like the show Romper Room (you're too young to remember /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif )

* Taskmaster|PuF get the signal from the nearby fire marshall that it is time to begin. Taskmaster|PuF fires up his lighter and sets the first fuse ablaze!

* The firework bursts overhead in a tangled web of glittering sparkles that change from green to red before drifting down as orange embers.

* Taskmaster|PuF lights a times fuse that launches several flash charges just good for making loud booms and several goldenrod clusters, that light the sky a brilliant gold.

* Taskmaster|PuF fails to see the small glowing embers land in his thick flowing mane of hair.

* Taskmaster|PuF begins to smell a very foul odor as he lights yet another timed fuse.

* Taskmaster|PuF suddenly realizes that his hair is on fire and he scalp is broiling like an egg on asphalt!

* Taskmaster|PuF screams in agony as the fire marshall yells at him to drop and roll. The fire marshall scrmables around for a fire extinguisher.

* Taskmaster|PuF drops to the sand getting a bunch of fine, white gritty sands in his eyes. "I can't see! I can't see!"

* Taskmaster|PuF rolles helplessly on the powdered sand trying in vain to put out his burning head.

* Taskmaster|PuF rolls into a box of waiting fireworks setting the box on fire.

* Taskmaster|PuF is severly burned by the flames of the ignited rockets, sparkler, firworks, roman candle, etc all firing at once. Several flash charges detonate right in the box, permanently deafening Taskmaster|PuF.

"Ooooh! Look at that one! It's in the shape of a guy!" exclaimed CHRYSt!

"Man, these shows get shorter every year!"




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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

tykeal
15th Feb 2000, 11:38 AM
NO!!!!! NOT ROMPER ROOM!!!! *shiver* I think I'm going to go hide in a corner now *shiver*whimper*

CHRYSt
15th Feb 2000, 11:48 AM
CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!
I love a good fireworks show!!! Oh boy! I can't wait for the easter one.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Taskmaster
15th Feb 2000, 02:37 PM
* Taskmaster|PuF is deep in thought over his next exciting installment of "You Killed Taskmaster!"


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

CHRYSt
15th Feb 2000, 02:38 PM
oooohhh..that sounds like a good show. We could start a themepark from it.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

wiz4ha
15th Feb 2000, 06:41 PM
*Wiz starts to think...."Themepark eh?"

*Wiz runs off, to be back in a few days (or mins in the forums....Heh)

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WiZ
Smiley Games (http://Smileygames.8m.com)

"What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Matter? Never Mind"

wiz4ha
15th Feb 2000, 06:47 PM
*Wiz runs back to CHRYSt, Tykeal, Taskmaster, and BillyBadAss

"guess what boyz? See the news lately? NO? oh, then you wouldn't know about the newest themepark to open up! I ran to florida, and kinda...just kinda...took over that famous amusment park there (not using any names =)"

"Taskmaster now has his own themepark, where he will be killed, over and over again, with staged acts featuring me, CHRYSt, Tykeal and BillyBadAss. 1 question: how many times can a person die? oh ya, in the world of UT you can respawn!

*All of the guyz decide to go to the new theme park, which, on that day, opened with over a million people to watch Taskmaster get killed over...etc.

*can Taskmaster handle it? my guess, yes.

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WiZ
Smiley Games (http://Smileygames.8m.com)

"What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Matter? Never Mind"

CHRYSt
15th Feb 2000, 09:02 PM
oohhh..rollercoaster through taskmaster's innards.

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

tykeal
15th Feb 2000, 09:06 PM
Oooo... does it have a shooting gallery? Can I shoot taskmasters? *cackle* look at that I fragged him again!!!

Doh! Mommy why's the target pointing a gun at me?

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I belch in your general direction.

Taskmaster
16th Feb 2000, 10:42 AM
"Welcome to 6 Frags Over Florida!" said the lady behind the thick plexiglass windows. Her name take read Cyrss and she was sporting a sleek, sexy little number, just right for the commando on the go.

"How can I help you?" she added with a smile.

"Uh, Let's see... there are tu of us add-ults. Ands we hayv tu chillen, so I reckon we need tu add-ults and tu chillen tickets."

"That will be $150 dollars, please. Here is your park map." smiled Cyrss as she shoved a folded map through the small opening in the window.

"Gee, I leff my Pulse Gun in the car. Can I rents one here?"

"Yes sir, just make a left once you enter the park and you can rent anything from our fine selection of weaponry." replied the attendant as she pointed to one of the shops just inside the gates.

"The Taskmaster Tower Of Terror is closed for refurbishing, but our newest attraction just opened this month... Taskmaster, the Musical." regurgitated Cyrss for the umpteenth time this morning.

"Hey, lets geit on the monorail, pa!"

As they walked through the turnstiles and gave then tickets to the over-happy employee standing at the entrance gate they heard the far off voice saying... "Welcome to 6 Frags Over Florida!"


More to come......



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

CHRYSt
16th Feb 2000, 11:27 AM
Taskmaster the musical...is that anything like Cannibal The Musical?

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Taskmaster
16th Feb 2000, 11:43 AM
Hmmmn... I don't know... I have not thought it up yet...

I'm trying to come up with another fun, but not so long, way to kill myself (so to speak)...


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Taskmaster
16th Feb 2000, 04:07 PM
"Look daddy! Look..." shrilled the excited little girl holding a half eaten corn-dog as she pointed to the whirling, twirling shiny thing. "I want to go on that ride!"

"I dunno..." her dad replied, "it doesn't look very safe."

"It looks fun! I want to do that!" pressed the girl.

"Well I suppose they couldn't have a dangerous ride at a theme park, could they?" said her father as they drew closer to the amusement ride.

A huge colorful sign announced the ride as Taskmaster's Teacups. It was a whirling, twirling, shiny set of rotating teacups, seemingly larger than those at some other nameless theme parks. *cough*Disney*cough*

"Why don't we just watch it once to see what it does." suggested the dad much to his daughter's disappointment.

"Aw okay." sighed the little girl in resignation.

She sat on the bench with her dad and gnawed the last cold, cornbread covered piece of animal flesh off the grease soaked wooden stick.

* Taskmaster|PuF, being a safety conscious theme park owner, always rides the various attractions to ensure the customer has the best possible experience for the money.

* Taskmaster|PuF steps in to a white teacup, spotted with green energy balls and painted with yellow flak cannon explosion, and secures the lap belt.

* Taskmaster|PuF listens to the acne-faced kid who is operating the ride give his speil about staying seated at all times and about how this particular teacup ride automatically spins the teacups.

* Taskmaster|PuF smiles and giggles with delight as the ride begins to rotate and the teacup he is in begins to whirl.

Whirl shiny teacup! Whirl!
Twirl shiny teacup! Twirl!
Spin shiny teacup! Spin!

* Taskmaster|PuF begins to get a little nauseous as his teacup begins to spin faster.

* Taskmaster|PuF realizes too late that his teacup is spinning out of control and that the flimsy lap belt cannot hold him in.

"Holy Jesus!" exclaimed the shocked father as he watched a man be flung from the dizzying teacup ride at a fast rate of speed.

* Taskmaster|PuF lands head first on the concrete pavement exposing what little grey matter it contained to the world. It looked like a grey jello mold sitting in some ketchup.

"Sir," scolded the ride operator, "I told you to remain seated at all times!"

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif



[This message has been edited by Taskmaster (edited 02-16-2000).]

wiz4ha
16th Feb 2000, 08:15 PM
*Wiz and a few other men come over with a cart, a cover, and they are all whereing gloves.

*"Ewwww...." exclaims Wiz. "Wheel him out of here quietly not to disturb the guests" Wiz wispers to one of the men.

*"Right" says one of the men.

*They pile what little remains of Taskmaster are left on the cart, and then cover it.

*Wiz, not realizing it, is standing on the cover, and, as the cart is being wheeled away with Taskmaster on it, the cover comes off of the dead corpse.

*the crowd gasps as they see what was a man, now just a body with a smashed head.

*one of the guests pukes up an elephant ear (it's a dessert alright!) that he had just eaten...

*a man walking by causually walks by in front of the crowd, acting as if nothing has happened. This man...is Taskmaster!

*the crowd is amazed by what has happened so far on their great vacation to Six Frags over Florida!

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WiZ
Smiley Games (http://Smileygames.8m.com)

"What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Matter? Never Mind"

Taskmaster
17th Feb 2000, 09:30 AM
Wiz, I appreaciate your willinginess to participate, and you have some good ideas, but if I may offer some tips, with no offense intended. I think these will help you.

Creative Writing 101

1) Presentation is as important as having a good/funny idea. Capitalize first words and proper nouns, etc.

2) Use the same tense through the entire storym and especially in the same sentence. That is stay in present tense or past tense.

Sentence using past tense:
I ran down the street and jumped over a hole.
Sentence using present tense:
Wiz runs down the street and jumps over a hole.
Bad past tense and present tense mix:
Wiz runs down the stree and jumped over a hole.

3) Read what you have written to ensure it reads as it should. You will often find sentences that just do not "sound" correct when you read them. May need to change it.

For example, you wrote:

*Wiz and a few other men come over with a cart, a cover, and they are all whereing gloves.

This does not read correctly. I believe it is a run on sentence (should be reworded or become two sentences)

* Wiz and a few other men, who were all wearing gloves, wheeled a covered cart over to the dead body.

4) "Flesh" out the story just a bit more. Use more descriptive words when explaing an action or setting. As in the example above you use "come over with a cart" I used "wheeled a covered cart over". Both say the same thing but one invokes a "clearer" mental image than the other.

Keep at it! You and I seem to be the only ones willing to risk writing something... CHRYSt just stops by to clap or throw out a skimpy little paragraph! What's up with that? /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

CHRYSt
17th Feb 2000, 11:45 AM
You're entertaining me. I'm just along for the ride. And It's a great ride so far. Maybe I can add to the story from a spectator's point of view.

*CHRYSt stands amazed at what his whining of boredom has achieved

"A theme park! All for the sake of making me not bored! And over there is a snow cone!! Someone didn't finish it!"

*CHRYSt runs over and picks up the half melted, but delightfully blue freezy treat.

*CHRYSt notices a tent with a sign that reads: "Taskmaster's really cool and funny stuff"

"This looks pretty cool. It might be funny too." says CHRYSt, and goes in.

*CHRYSt walks in to see a Taskmaster clone in the center of the tent about 100 feet in the air on a tightrope.

*Taskmaster also has a large vat of sulfuric acid below him to add to the suspense

"I guess this explains why they gave me the gas mask" says CHRYSt

"Don't worrrrrrryyy abouut ith" Said a drunken clown. (who happened to have had his spleen removed with a circular saw in the last act. They also didn't have any stitches available, so his intestines were kinda poking out.) "Tashkmasher neeeevvvverrr falllz. -hiccup!- Heee does thish a thouzzzand timess a day! -hiccup!-"

*CHRYSt stares in delight at the unfortunate clown, and claps in wonder as the clown falls over unconsious from blood loss and bacterial infection.

*Turning his attention back to Task, CHRYSt notices that the rope is worn thin in a few spots.

"Must be all the sulfuric gas that's evaporating from that vat" he mutters.

*Task screams as the rope snaps from the stress of his weight and the weakening of the acidic gas.

*CHRYSt watches in wonder as the clone plummets into the vat of acid

*CHRYSt claps and cheers as the clone manages to pull himself out of the acid and falls on the floor.

*Taskmaster begins spasming as his skin is slowly burned away by the caustic (and apparently slightly diluted) liquid.

*On comes the ringmaster "It's all part of the show, folks...all...part..of...OH THE HUMANITY!!!"

*Task is being reduces to a mass of stinky carbonic slag, but is still able to scream and writhe. "SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! KILL ME!! KILL ME!!! OH THE PAIN!!! he screams as his last breath is drawn...then the acid eats it's way into his brain, and he dies.

*CHRYSt is jumping up and down in delight as the cleanup crew is shoveling Task's remains into a Hazmat barell. Encore! Enco...

*Then CHRYSt begins to cry. The dead clown stole his snow cone.

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Taskmaster
17th Feb 2000, 12:04 PM
Excellent! I laughed! I cried! I tried to kill Rex Reed, but he got away! Very creative!

* Taskmaster|PuF throws heaps of rotting flesh at CHRYSt's feet in appreciation!

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

After lunch I'll see what else I can think up... Are we really sick puppies?

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

CHRYSt
17th Feb 2000, 12:17 PM
*CHRYSt sees a Sick Puppy ride in the dstance, at the other side of the park...

"Maybe I'll visit that sometime soon."

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

tykeal
17th Feb 2000, 07:56 PM
*tykeal rushes to the Sick Puppy ride ahead of CHRYSt and finds a sick puppy.

"Oh that's lame."

*The puppy hearing this jumps up and rushes to attack tykeal. Just before reaching him though it runs into Taskmaster | PuF and starts gnawing on his crotch.

"That's got to hurt!"

*CHRYSt upon hearing "Taskmaster...<mumble><mumble>.. hurt<mumble><mumble>" rushes over to find out what is happening and starts applauding the audacity of the puppy.

*Taskmaster | PuF in an effort to try and enterain everyone just grins and bears it as the puppy starts really digging in.

*Gnawing it's way into Taskmaster | PuF's gut it starts to go hog wild as Taskmaster | PuF starting to really feel the pain starts to beat at the puppy inflicting more pain and destruction to his already weakend form.

*Finally beating off the savage puppy (which became quite the pile of goo) he collapses into quivering heap and expires.

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I belch in your general direction.

Dr.Quake
17th Feb 2000, 09:48 PM
keep it going alll i give you my support!
to add to the story i'll say: ......WHAT!!!......


fin


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Dr.Quake
"The doctor is in"
Smileygames.8m.com (http://Smileygames.8m.com)

Taskmaster
18th Feb 2000, 11:06 AM
Holy crap.. I am pissed! I just spent over an hour typing in a cool story and it got lost from the reply form! Piece of junk!!!

No way am I typing it all back in again!



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Taskmaster
18th Feb 2000, 11:34 AM
At least our company is giving us half the day off today. I'll have cooled down by Monday! Maybe I will try to type it back in. Won't be exactly the same since I was making it up as I went along, but the general idea will be the same.

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif /~unreal/ubb/html/frown.gif /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

wiz4ha
18th Feb 2000, 10:09 PM
I never did enjoy Enlglash mush Taskmaster...

<IMG SRC="/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif"">

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WiZ
Smiley Games (http://Smileygames.8m.com)

"What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Matter? Never Mind"

Taskmaster
21st Feb 2000, 09:48 AM
Sorry if I came across as patronizing, I didn't mean to. I was just wanted to help you write with more "ummphf!" I like to write stories... and have several short ones. So I get over eager to help... /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Taskmaster
21st Feb 2000, 06:02 PM
Taskmaster|PuF while hanging an autographed litograph of the UT box cover art, hit his thumb with the hammer.

Taskmaster|PuF drops the hammer out of reflex and it lands on his bare foot breaking his big toe!

Taskmaster|PuF jumps backwards in pain, stumbling backward over the pile of wooden blocks left on the floor by his daughter, twisting his ankle.

Taskmaster|PuF still falling backwards hits the ledge of the open window and tumbles out, landing in a boody heap on the concrete driveway below.

Taskmaster|PuF wife, who is just leaving on her way to buy groceries, backs out with the mini-van and crushes the last recognizable remains of Taskmaster!


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

wiz4ha
21st Feb 2000, 06:05 PM
just never mush liked englash cos it was boring..heh. i still did great though (for some odd reason)...

See Taskmaster, i could write it better, but im on a deal where you pay your internet by the hour after 15 hours of use. if i spent time to spellcheck and grammar check etc., it adds to much to my bill. heh. now you see?

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WiZ
Smiley Games (http://Smileygames.8m.com)

"What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Matter? Never Mind"




[This message has been edited by wiz4ha (edited 02-21-2000).]

Taskmaster
22nd Feb 2000, 11:50 AM
Now you are talking in a language I can understand.. saving money!! I use a free internet service at home, but I have the company's T1 line by day! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

Try FreeINet or NetZero! Yes, you may see some ads (you get used to ignoring them) but it is free.... Of course, fo 19.95 you can get unlimited and not worry about the hours..

Ping for UT may suffer, but I can still playwell enough!


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

FuNkMaStEr
22nd Feb 2000, 12:44 PM
pardon me as I make my way to God-like status

wiz4ha
22nd Feb 2000, 07:33 PM
got a ways to go. hehe.

saving money is good, especially for me.

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WiZ
Smiley Games (http://Smileygames.8m.com)

"What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Matter? Never Mind"

Taskmaster
23rd Feb 2000, 03:03 AM
Yea Funk, I'm stupid! Stupid like a - uh, like a, uh, what do you call one of thos dog like furry animals that live in the woods? Stupid like a racoon! Yea baby!

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

FuNkMaStEr
23rd Feb 2000, 03:13 AM
um.. you're scaring me task....

::slowly backs away from task::

Taskmaster
23rd Feb 2000, 02:23 PM
"Die! Die!" scream Taskmaster as the headless corpse of the enemy droped to the floor in a heap, blood seeping from the neck.

"Die! *click* Di... Huh?" exclaimed a confused Taskmaster. "My ripper seems to be stuck!"

Taskmaster runs away from the wouded and pissed player to the nearest dark corner so he may examine his malfunctioning ripper.

"Hmmmn, I've got plenty of ammo!" observed Task as he eyed the queue of gleaming, razor sharp projectiles.

"I could just toss this ripper down and pick up one of the other 35 laying around on the ground over there..." though Taskmaster, "Nah! I'll just fox this one!"

(Editor's note: Taskmaster, being of little brain, has not caught on to the fact that he always dies in these stories!)

"Must be something jamming the launching mechanism thingy." he muttered absent-mindedly to himself as he held the ripper up to his face for a closer look.

(Editor's note: Taskmaster's story telling is so predictable, so I'm sure you can already see what is going to happen!)

"Hey, I'll just remove this piece of flak cannon shrapnel that is stuck in the mouth of the ripper." said Taskaster suddenly determing the problem.

BOOM! BOOM! a pair of rockets light up the darkness in a fiery explosion blowing Taskmaster into several bloody parts...

(Editor's note: well, I'll be darn! I didn't see that one coming!)

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

FuNkMaStEr
23rd Feb 2000, 02:26 PM
wow task you're stupid

CHRYSt
23rd Feb 2000, 02:33 PM
Shut up, funk. He's my entertainment committee.

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

FuNkMaStEr
23rd Feb 2000, 02:55 PM
someone's being very rude toDAY! /~unreal/ubb/html/frown.gif

Taskmaster
23rd Feb 2000, 05:20 PM
The sun was lazily rising over the trees behind him, casting his shadow across the large expanse of cliffs. Taskmaster sat on the thin ledge of granite over looking a breath-taking valley of green trees. The steep rocky crags below stood like fangs in the mouth a lion.

The gentle breeze stirred the hair on the back of his neck as he absently kicked his dangling legs. An occasional rock would be dislodged by the motion of his legs or from his adjusting positions, and clatter down the steep slope.

"Hey Task, hold this will you?" asked CHRYSt as he handed Taskmaster his backpack.

"Sure," he agreed as he placed the pack down on the ledge. CHRYSt walked off, back to the four-wheel drive vehicle they had drove up to the secluded hiking area.

Taskmaster watched with secret jealousy as a bald eagle soared effortless on the warm breezes, riding the thermal air currents higher and higher in the morning sky. If the eagle knew he was being watched, he gave no indication. His cry echoed across the open valley from rocky canyon wall to rocky canyon wall with a haunting loneliness.

"Yo Task..." called Xylene as she happily bounced dangerously close to the edge of the overhang. "Keep an eye on this bag will ya? It has my camcorder in it."

"No problem!" nodded Taskmaster as he glanced up at Xylene, shielding his eyes from the bright morning sun with his hand. He couldn't help but watch Xylene a little too long as she trotted off toward the nearby stream.

Task turned his attention back to surveying the unparalleled vista spread out before him. The sun light danced on the mist of the waterfall that cascaded down the cliffs across the canyon, creating a shimmering rainbow. "It doesn't get any better than this" recounted Taskmaster feeling as if he was lost in some beer commercial in the Rockies.

Wiz4ha walked up panting as he struggled to drag an aluminum canoe by himself. He dropped the end he had been holding heavily onto the rocky ground behind Taskmaster.

"Can't wait to get this canoe in the water!" enthused Wiz. "Man what a great day!"

"Yea, you always did have a thing for big shiny metal things!" jabbed Taskmaster. "Hey, when is Rooster and his family getting here?"

"Uh, they had to stop back at that last gas station..." Wiz motioned off in the distance, "The kids need to go - uh, you know take a break."

"Are we there yet?" joked Task as Wiz trudged off for a drink of water.

Task noticed a large 6-point buck standing majestically in a clearing amoung the trees. It looked up, seemingly making eye-contact for a brief few moments before bounding into a cluster of trees. "Good thing OFUY decided not to come along!" he considered, "or we be eating venison fritters tonight."

"You gonna sit there all blessed morning?" inquired CHRYSt who had approached while Task was absorbed in watching the stag.

"Tykeal wants you to watch his pack too." stated CHRYSt as he tossed the second backpack on top of his. "Where's Rooster?" he asked rhetorically as he walked off...

"Probably up there on the ridge..." laughed Task imagining Rooster perched on the ridge of the Lava Giant level, popping holes in whom ever was dumb enough to stick their head out for a peek. Task chuckled lightly to himself at the recollection.

Taskmaster squirmed a bit in the rising heat of the morning and wiped the gathering moisture off his brow. "I can't wait to get down the---" started Task.

"Whoa! Help me!" screamed Task as the ledge cracked under the weight of he and all the supplies. He slid down the rocky canyon wall grabbing frantically at the jutting rocks trying to stop his fall.

A large rock to the side produced a couple of broken ribs, causing Taskmaster to suck in a deep breath cutting off his scream. A jutting outcrop snapped his leg sideways breaking his femer easily with a horrid crack. The rough bark of a tree shredded the skin from his back leaving chunks of bark embedded in the exposed muscle. Finally the rock hard ground stop his sudden freefall with a bone jarring thud, ending the incredible pain.

CHRYSt, Tykeal, Wiz4Ha and Xylene stood at the new edge of the overhang looking down in silent shock. The silver canoe was a twisted mess of metal mangled by a rock, tettered part way down the cliff walls, shining brightly with reflected sunlight.

"Oh my God.... I can't believe it!" stammered Xylene. "I just bought that camcorder yesterday!"

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif


[This message has been edited by Taskmaster (edited 02-23-2000).]

FuNkMaStEr
23rd Feb 2000, 05:28 PM
talk about a random story....

Taskmaster
24th Feb 2000, 03:21 AM
Funk: If I was at home, where MY computer is and MY copy of UT is, then I would be playing! As for being LAME you have about 0.0000001th of an inch to talk...

You have posted some of the lamest stuff I have seen on the board in a while! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

At least I am making an attempt to provide a little interesting story to folks. I've haven't seen you post anything of note... Let's see your story!


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

tykeal
24th Feb 2000, 03:45 AM
*tykeal watches as Shock is vaporized again and starts to lament the injustice of killing his pet storm cloud.

Borrowing Taskmaster's drawing table while he is off looking for CHRYSt he starts to draw out elaborate plans as well.

Spinning a wonderfully complicated equation into existence he pulls a little bit of stuff from the 6th dimension out of thin air and starts molding it into form.

"Gleeptoidians don't take kindly to their pets being destroyed," he keeps ranting under his breath.

"Soon Taskmaster, soon."

After a bit more time molding and figuring out equations tykeal finishes.

"Ahh... wake my little one, yes, wake."

A tribble is formed.

"I've got you now Taskmaster! Tribble, seek and destroy Taskmaster."

The tribble bounds off in search of Taskmaster, but unbeknownst to tykeal Taskmaster has snuck up behind him and is leveling his shock rifle at him.

"Dodge This!" Taskmaster screams as he pulls the trigger annihilating tykeal and the tribble that had just run off.

*sigh* I guess you just can't win them all /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

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I belch in your general direction.

[This message has been edited by tykeal (edited 02-25-2000).]

Taskmaster
24th Feb 2000, 11:01 AM
What you didn't like my story? I thought it was very poignant! Did you see my falling to my death coming or was it a surprise?

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

FuNkMaStEr
24th Feb 2000, 11:02 AM
it was um interesting....

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

oh btw how old are you task?? /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

tykeal
24th Feb 2000, 11:29 AM
Egad! What were we doing in the BBR (Big Blue Room for you non ufies out there)? *shiver* the horror of that nasty ball of flame. Wait... maybe it was cloudy over me. Yeah that's it, I need to work on my training that little storm cloud to follow me better.

Hehe, cool. Now I've got a roaming lightning gun *cackle*. *cringe* Don't hurt me for a Quake reference *duck*

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I belch in your general direction.

Taskmaster
24th Feb 2000, 12:21 PM
Tykeal, what in the world are you rambling about?

Funk: Did you actually read this post from the begining? I am writing little entertaining stories (skits, jokes, whatever) about getting killed so CHRYSt can be entertained! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif It just for fun so the story makes sense to him (I hope) and the other guys that are participating.

I am 34 years old...



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

tykeal
24th Feb 2000, 12:31 PM
Was I rambling. I think you mentioned something about being outside (BBR). Oh, the horror of seeing a nasty ball of flame in the sky... I can just feel the migraine now *shudder*

As for the little storm cloud hovering around me, just think about. What better way to get rid of idjits then to train a little cloud to give them a lightning bolt up the arse when they annoyed you /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

----
*tykeal pets his storm cloud and names it Shock.

"Be a good cloud and go give Task a shock for me huh? That'll put a bit of a spark in his day *grin*"

*Shock floats over to Taskmaster | PuF and gives him a little zap.

*Taskmaster | PuF jumps up and looks real annoyed at Shock.

"Hey, Tykeal, what's up with this dingy cloud hovering around you?"

*Shock gets annoyed and crisps Taskmaster | PuF.

*A voice out of nowhere... "Head Shot"

*tykeal exclaims, "Oooo... I didn't realize that a lightning bolt was considered a Head Shot! Cool."

*CHRYSt looks over and snickers at the smoking remains of Taskmaster | PuF.

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I belch in your general direction.

CHRYSt
24th Feb 2000, 01:15 PM
*CHRYSt broke one of his fingers and can't make long stories at the moment.



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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

tykeal
24th Feb 2000, 01:32 PM
*tykeal runs over to administer first aid to CHRYSt's finger and trips.

*Shock thinking it's an attack promptly zots CHRYSt.

*CHRYSt not thinking it's funny impact hammers tykeal while he's on the ground and then slaughters Shock.

*Taskmaster comes in and complains that he's the one that's supposed to die, not tykeal.

*Shock (new and improved with extra shocking action) still disgruntled with Tasmaster's comment of "dingy cloud" fry's Tasmaster again.

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I belch in your general direction.

Taskmaster
24th Feb 2000, 01:54 PM
Tykeal... I'll deal with you soon enough! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

CHRYSt... a broken finger has to put a cramp in your UT playing... I want to play you online tonight! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif I need any advantage when we play as you clobber me normally.



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

CHRYSt
24th Feb 2000, 01:56 PM
*CHRYSt, meanwhile, lost his hold on the impact hammer due to his broken finger, and it bounced itself into Task's head.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Taskmaster
24th Feb 2000, 02:23 PM
* Taskmaster struggles to his feet, shaking off the dizziness and massive head ache.

"Thank God for that metal plate in my head!" exclaimed Task as he wiped the dirt, grit, dust, grass, sand, mulch, twigs, hair, pebbles and so on, off his PuF soldier skin.

Taskmaster, with a small trail of thin white smoke still rising from the burnt hair on his head after that strange lightning strike, stand before his drawing board - the one he always goes back to.

He feverishly begins to sketch the scematics for a strange device. He plots points, designs electrical circuitry, twirls strands of insulated wires, and creates die-casted, molded plastic parts.

Soon he holds ups an umbrella-type device with wires leading to a small computer controlled device attached at the bottom of the wooden handled umbrella.

Taskmaster stands out side on the highest hill he can find and begins screaming bad things about Tykeal. Soon a black storm cloud appears on the horizon, moving rapidly in his direction.

Taskmaster gets giddy with delight as he switches on the make-shift device and opens the umbrella for shelter.

The storm cloud hoovers overhead bellowing loud thunderbolts as it rages at Taskmaster's bad-mouthing of its master. A powerful bolt crackles down hitting Taskmaster's umbrella with a resounding BOOM!

Taskmaster device absorbs the powerful force of the electricity in the lightning bolt and fires it out through the tip of the umbrella in a focus stream of positively charged electrons. The storm cloud is vaporized in to harmless hydorgen and oxygene atoms and dispersed by the the upper atmospheric winds.

Taskmaster stands triumphantly at top the hill thrusting, waving and jumping up and down, as a mysterious voice announced "You are the WINNER!"

Taskmaster begins looking around for CHRYSt and his impact hammer, but the coward has run off for pain medication...

"Tomorrow is another day..." mutters Taskmaster through his cracked teeth. The evening twilight is filled with a maniacal laughter!



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

FuNkMaStEr
24th Feb 2000, 02:27 PM
maybe instead of PRETENDING to play with these lame posts you can actually go play /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif /~unreal/ubb/html/wink.gif

Taskmaster
24th Feb 2000, 04:10 PM
It's nice not being the one to die for a change! Heheh... /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

tykeal
24th Feb 2000, 04:21 PM
*bow* I know the feeling, so I thought I would help /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

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I belch in your general direction.

[This message has been edited by tykeal (edited 02-24-2000).]

Taskmaster
25th Feb 2000, 03:10 AM
What could be more twisted than to have a guy eat crushed glass and then shape the molten glass into an ornament with his stomach muscles while being burned alive? /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif



[This message has been edited by Taskmaster (edited 02-25-2000).]

FuNkMaStEr
25th Feb 2000, 03:15 AM
EH?

tykeal
25th Feb 2000, 11:37 AM
*Waking screaming from a nightmare tykeal looks around and feels safe in the darkness.

"It was just a dream, I wasn't really outside. The horror, the injustice... hey wait a minute... I'm not in my cave!"

Looking around a bit more carefully, tykeal realizes that he's in a tent!

"It's Taskmasters fault I tell you. All his fault. I'll get him!"

Suddently he heres something outside. Beep, beep, beep, beep....

"What's that?"

Getting up he crawls from the tent only to stumble across a translocator disk.

"No!!!!" he screams as Taskmaster pops in from out of thin air telefraging tykeal.

"Ha! Thought you could get me while I was asleep did you?" Taskmaster cackles gleefully. "Showed you!"

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I belch in your general direction.

tykeal
25th Feb 2000, 11:38 AM
I'm curious just how long this story session is going to last /~unreal/ubb/html/wink.gif

/~unreal/ubb/html/frown.gif I just realized I may not be posting as often started on Monday. Ah, the wonders of a new job /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

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I belch in your general direction.

jenny?
25th Feb 2000, 11:39 AM
Hm.

-Jenny watches in awe

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Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day..

FuNkMaStEr
25th Feb 2000, 11:54 AM
here's my story:

there were once these people who would post messages about how they simulated actual gameplay of UT and it looked really lame..

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

beheheh

tykeal
25th Feb 2000, 11:57 AM
Funk, haven't you ever RPGed? You know, table top or Live Action? It's a similar concept... just go with the flow :P

Besides, when you can't play because your at work, you need to make up for it anyway you can /~unreal/ubb/html/wink.gif

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I belch in your general direction.

FuNkMaStEr
25th Feb 2000, 12:04 PM
but you dont RPG an FPS lol maybe AD&D which i have done lol

tykeal
25th Feb 2000, 12:37 PM
I wouldn't say you can't RPG in FPS. Thief is very close to an RPG. Also if you haven't tried System Shock 2, though it's not the greatest 3D engine in the world, it is most assuredly an RPG that is using a FPS system.

Besides, even Quake had some mods that did a semi-RPG in the engine... ever hear of Future vs Fantasy?

Also, the Unreal engine actually lends itself to the idea of using it for RPG systems. You could even go so far as to create a Distributed FPS RPG MUD (how's that for acronyms /~unreal/ubb/html/wink.gif )

In fact, I keep trying to work out the details on doing just that, I just don't seem to have the time at home to really sit down and work on it *sigh*. I believe Digital Extremes is now working on a similar concept to mine for a professionally made game, using none other than the Unreal engine.

You know what, if they pull it off, I'll return to MUDding... just with a better game play *grin*.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I belch in your general direction.

CHRYSt
25th Feb 2000, 01:02 PM
*CHRYSt's finger feels a little better, but it's still a pain to type...however...

*CHRYSt is headed over to the Sick Puppy ride (I bet you thought I had left the park!) when he notices Taskmaster and Tykeal killing each other repeatedly.

*Task glances over and notices CHRYSt coming in his direction

*Oh, crap! I guess this means I'm gonna die again soon says Taskmaster.

*CHRYSt pulls a small box out of his pocket

*Heeheehee! CHRYSt laughs exuberantly over his new toy.

*Hmmm...He seems to be ignoring me, thought Task.

*CHRYSt glances around suspiciously, and then goes back to fiddling with the box.

*Taskmaster suddenly finds himself beneath an anvil.

*Taskmaster respawns. "Jeez, that sucked."

*Task looks into the air wondering where the anvil came from. "I guess it fell off of one of the rides."

*CHRYSt is laughing hysterically

*Oh, well, I'm glad I can still entertain you, CHRYSt says Task.

*CHRYSt is laughing hysterically

*"What's so funny?"

*CHRYSt goes back to fiddling with his toy

*What have you got there?

*Fiddle fiddle*

*"Hey, I'm talking to y..."

*A swarm of rabid lemurs attack Task, devouring everything that isn't bone

*Task Respawns. "Hey, that hurt!"

*CHRYSt is loving it

*"Did you do that, you little bastard? asks Task

*CHRYSt nods and starts fiddling again

*Well, quit it. It really hurts.

*Fiddle fiddle*

*Task starts running towards CHRYSt, now realizing that the little box is one of the new -Kill Taskmaster At Home- remote controls that are on sale throughout the park.

*DON'T PUSH THAT BUTTON!!!

*Rooster appears out of nowhere, and hits Taskmaster with a shock rifle combo.

*Rooster dissapears again.

*CHRYSt is laughing his arse off

*Task respawns

*Look, if you don't quit that, I'm gonna get really pissed off...

*10,000 ninjas pop out from behing stuff, throw 10,000 shuriken into taskmaster, and go hiding behind stuff again.

*Taskmaster respawns

*A fat woman falls on top of Taskmaster

*Taskmaster respawns

*"look, quit..."

*Johnny the Homicidal maniac appears, uses his head exlpody power on Taskmaster (then goes and hacks up several innocent bystanders) and walks off

*Taskmaster respawns

*Taskmaster ducks and covers his head

*Nothing happens

*Taskmaster glances up nervously

*Nothing

*Task notices CHRYSt cursing at his little remote control

*"HAHA! Dead batteries!!!" Exclaims Taskmaster

*Task begins running towards CHRYSt with an enraged look. "I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!!!"

*Task is telefragged by Tykeal

*CHRYSt is happy.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

tykeal
25th Feb 2000, 01:12 PM
*ROFL* I couldn't stop laughing it was great /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

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I belch in your general direction.

Taskmaster
25th Feb 2000, 02:28 PM
"Hey I didn't like th---" exclaimed Taskmaster!

Task gets tramppled by herd of charging wild elephants...

*Taskmaster respawns

"No cut that ou----" yells Taskmaster.

Tasks get gored by a dozen bulls as they run down the street.

*Taskmaster respawns

"I REALLY mean i---" He starts to scream.

Taskmaster gets flattened by a steamroller.

*Taskmaster respawns

"I really hate Fridays!" cries Task to his counselor at the Betty Ford Clinic.




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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Taskmaster
25th Feb 2000, 02:30 PM
Oh, by the way Funk, the first couple of stories had nothing really to do with UT - the juggler, the glass-eating clone, the mime, etc. where not about UT. Just about geting killed in creative and, hopefully, humorous ways. /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

tykeal
25th Feb 2000, 02:30 PM
*Task's counselor responds by pressing the button on her new remote control.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I belch in your general direction.

CHRYSt
25th Feb 2000, 02:33 PM
*Taskmaster has contracted a particularly quick working strain of that flesh eating bacteria

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Taskmaster
25th Feb 2000, 02:47 PM
* Taskmaster showers with a bottle of anti-bacterial soap to kill all the bacteria.

* Taskmaster applies some full body conditioner to restore all the flesh eaten by the bacteria.

* Taskmaster make stupid faces in the mirror trying to be hot and sexy - but fails.

* Taskmaster wishes he was young again....



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

FuNkMaStEr
25th Feb 2000, 02:48 PM
intersting, but truthfully their not that funny to me.. prolly cuz i have twisted sense of humor sorry /~unreal/ubb/html/frown.gif /~unreal/ubb/html/frown.gif

tykeal
25th Feb 2000, 02:50 PM
*A rhino comes charging in after Task and turns tail and runs from the atrocity of Task's pose.

Ooops, now there's a good reason to not be young anymore /~unreal/ubb/html/wink.gif

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I belch in your general direction.

tykeal
25th Feb 2000, 02:52 PM
That's a pity Funk.

People say I have a warped sense of humor too, but then again, I also have a tendency to have fairly "earthy" humor... must be the farmer in my blood (only about 2 generations away).

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I belch in your general direction.

CHRYSt
26th Feb 2000, 02:03 AM
*CHRYSt sets his remote to target Funkmaster

*Funkmaster is engulfed in a cloud of cyanide

**Funkmaster does not respawn

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

FuNkMaStEr
26th Feb 2000, 03:01 AM
wow i can just the feel the love in this thread

tykeal
26th Feb 2000, 11:26 AM
Oh my.... poor FuNkMaStEr.

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I belch in your general direction.

wiz4ha
26th Feb 2000, 02:56 PM
wow! i've missed alot. I've been gone for 3 days, and the topic is at 90! Last time i posted it was near 40.

ah well...

*Wiz shows up after many days of being gone and shows off his great looking haircut

*Everyone is amazed by the new dew, clapping and cheering as they stare at his Dark Brown hair

(*For posting this, I'll probably die somehow like getting telefragged from Tykeal, or maybe die from just one of CHRYSt's odd thoughts flowing through his mind*)

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
WiZ
Smiley Games (http://Smileygames.8m.com)

"What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Matter? Never Mind"

Taskmaster
28th Feb 2000, 12:10 PM
"Can you feel the love tonight?" sings Taskmaster as CHRYSt plays the piano.

"Tooo night!" sing the mellow backup singers

* Taskmaster punches Wiz4ha across the jaw with a right cross for talking while he is singing!

"When the moon shines bright...." croones Task.

* Taskmaster kicks Wiz4ha hard in the ribs for spitting blood on the stage as he sings.

"It's enough for a wide-eyed wonderer..." Task pretends to know the words.

* Taskmaster bludgeons Wiz4ha on the skull with the microphone stand for gasping and wheezing from the hard kick in the side, disrupting Task's musical performance.

"Expect the very beeeeessssstttttt!" finishes Task!

* Taskmaster screams at the dead corpse of Wiz4ha for getting his blood all over the female undergarmets that are being thrown on the stage!

(Sorry Wiz4ha, but you asked for it by ignoring us! You can't ignore ME! I won't allow it!!) /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Morety
28th Feb 2000, 04:09 PM
*Then in walks Morety. A hush grows across the crowd as people wonder "who the hell is that guy, and why is he walking into the centre ring?" Morety then lays down on his back as the hushed crowd looks on, wonderingly. He undoes the string to his Toronto Maple Leaf track pants, and drops them to knee level as he lay on his back with his knees up to his chest. He then pulls out his trusty zippo, sparks it up, and strategically places it adjacent to his exposed anus. Taking a deep breath, and bearing down, PHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTT, a ball of flame shoots out from between his buttcheeks. Astonished, the crowd looks on in silence, until the single, slow clap clap clap of Chryst starts echoing eerily in the silent hall. Chryst stands as he claps. Then another joins in, then another and another as the clapping rises to a deafening roar. Morety, however, was slow to rise. He gingerly pulls his track pants back up and walks very penguin-like to the bathroom looking for some Solar-Cain to put on his burnt arse.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Here's Lucy, she's choosy who calls her on the phone. She's from a very rich foreign family, but displaced it, 'cause of rivalry at home.

wiz4ha
28th Feb 2000, 05:21 PM
I ignored you? hehe, i had matters to attend to, so the PU forums were on hold. heheh...nice death for me though...just how i always wanted to die. =P

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
WiZ
Smiley Games (http://Smileygames.8m.com)

"What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Matter? Never Mind"

wiz4ha
28th Feb 2000, 05:21 PM
Now, let me think.... I remember going to the meeting when...

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WiZ
Smiley Games (http://Smileygames.8m.com)

"What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Matter? Never Mind"


[This message has been edited by wiz4ha (edited 02-28-2000).]

[This message has been edited by wiz4ha (edited 02-28-2000).]

wiz4ha
28th Feb 2000, 05:39 PM
I did goto the meeting with the intentions of hurting Mr. Burns...

"Blast! I must have grabbed mothers make up kit!"

"Excuse me ma'am....Oh my lord.. Skinner!!!"

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
WiZ
Smiley Games (http://Smileygames.8m.com)

"What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Matter? Never Mind"




[This message has been edited by wiz4ha (edited 02-28-2000).]

wiz4ha
28th Feb 2000, 05:49 PM
I know the 2 above things make no sense when put together, but, Can you name that Simpsons episode?!?!

***Bonus points if you acuratly name the episode number***

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
WiZ
Smiley Games (http://Smileygames.8m.com)

"What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Matter? Never Mind"

wiz4ha
28th Feb 2000, 05:51 PM
Am I ignoring you guys now? Just wondering...don't wanna make anyone sad...hahahaha...laff..=)

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
WiZ
Smiley Games (http://Smileygames.8m.com)

"What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Matter? Never Mind"

Taskmaster
28th Feb 2000, 06:29 PM
"All systems go!" affirmed Taskmaster into the microphone built-in to his air-tight helmet. He held tightly to the side of the space shuttle Endeaver.

The earth spun below him, a bright blue orb, with swirls of white clouds and greenish-brown land masses, sparkling like a brilliant sapphire against the pitch black darkness of space. Distant stars, planet, and galaxies formed a million pin points of lights that took his breath away! Taskmaster watched in muted silence at the awesome beauty of the sun breaking from behind the eastern edge of the earth as India rotatated into view.

"God, if you do exist, you have one incredible, indescribeable view!" he thought to himself. He couldn't help but wish that CHRYSt, Tykeal, Nigma and the other PuFers were there to see this marvelous vista.

"Roger that!" came the reply from the earth-bound mission controller. "All vital signs are within acceptable limits." "Proceed with spacewalk."

Taskmaster's focus was drawn to the satellite suspended from the end of the shuttle's robotic arm as it stood silent and still like a fly with it's wings pinched closed. He released his grip on the spacecraft hull and pulled himself along the extended robotic arm, slowly leaving the confines of the cargo bay.

Behind him trailed the insulated life-line that tethered him to the huge metal space vehicle, through which all manner of electrical wires monitored his every bodily function. Taskmaster took one nervous look back to ensure he was indeed still attached to the shuttle. The blankness of space reflected on the face plate of his helmet.

Seconds seemed like hours and hours seemed like days, as he painstakingly made his way toward the end of the Canadian made retractable arm. "Houston, I have reached the payload." anounced Taskmaster as he stopped in front of the malfunctioning, man-made, metal monster.

"Copy that!" sqauwked the disembodied voice in his helmet. "Scheduled repair window is 30 minutes."

"NORAD has informed us that there maybe some space junk nearby, but closest fly by is projected as a 450 mile miss." noted the controller matter of factly.

"Affirmative Houston" he answered. Taskmaster located the solar array computer control junction and began the tedious task of loosing the titanium fasteners.

"Is there a problem?" came the nonchallant query a few moments later, "Your vitals are up a little."

"Negative!" answered Taskmaster, "My nose just started itching a bit. Nothing to worry about."

Moments passed but the itch remained. The more he tried to ignore it, the more it seemed to itch. He twitched his nose frantically, but itch persisted. "Arrgh, this itch is driving me nuts."

"Repair window is closing fast." came the tense reply. "How soon can you finish?"

"Almost done, if I could just stop this itch!!" was Task's frustrated reply. "Man this itches!"

"You need to relax!" instructed the voice, "Your vitals are too high!"

Takmaster didn't hear the last request as he pried violently at the face shield of his helmet with the tool he used to lossen the fastners.

"Do you read?" inquired the ground controller. "Abort the repair! Return to Endeavor NOW!" came the order.

The face plate finally relented to the pressure forced upon it and the void of space rushed into the spacesuit imploding and exploding Taskmaster at the same time. The white space suit floated aimlessly at the end of the tether as bits and pieces of Taskmaster floated through the frozen expanse of space, pulled slowly into the Earth's orbit.

"Hey look at that!" exclaimed CHRYSt as he pointed up into the purple twilight. "A shooting star! Make a wish!"

"I wish Taskmaster was here to see this!" said Tykeal.

"Yea!" agreed Wiz4ha as he itched the tip of his nose.

.
.
.
Hey, this is the story I lost last time after spending an hour or more. The original was much better but I just can't make it as good as the original for some reason. Oh well, this isn't that bad, so enjoy... /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif



[This message has been edited by Taskmaster (edited 02-28-2000).]

CHRYSt
28th Feb 2000, 06:37 PM
*CHRYSt and all the rest slowly stop clapping, and begin to boo.

*They all realize that no one died.

*CHRYSt is very angry about paying 3 bucks just to see someone not die

*CHRYSt goes backstage, carrying several razor blades, a spool of 8g surgical wire, and a rubber chicken.

*Morety is later found eviscerated, hanging upside down from a ceiling fan with a rubber chicken tied to his schmeckel, and all his internal organs stapled to a nearby wall.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Morety
28th Feb 2000, 08:55 PM
It was later found out that Morety couldn't handle the pain from his attempted feat of greatness. His burnt anus hurt worse than the hemmorhoids of a naked hockey player sitting on a cold bench for hours. He'd actually begged Chryst to put him out of his misery. Chryst happily obliged. Morety, RIP.

(Dang, now I'm going to have to change my name!)

FuNkMaStEr
28th Feb 2000, 09:11 PM
well im bored off my butt /~unreal/ubb/html/frown.gif

tykeal
29th Feb 2000, 01:21 AM
*tykeal retrieves FuNkMaStEr's butt and takes a close look at it.

"You call this a butt? At least Morety had the decency to roast his!"

*tykeal hands it back to FuNkMaStEr and tells him "At least next time have a reason for loosing it! Being bored doesn't count."

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I belch in your general direction.

Taskmaster
29th Feb 2000, 11:46 AM
"Caw" squawked the big, black turkey buzzard, as it tore a peice of bloody carrion off some roadkill. It hopped nervously around watching the strange animals moving nearby.

"Hey get out of here!" yelled one of the strange animals that was now moving toward the him. Flapping his powerful wings he took to the sky heading toward the shelter of the tree that lined the road.

"Damn buzzard!" exclaimed the cop to no one in particular, but loud enough that the woman standing by nearby could hear.

"Oouuhhh that was gross!" she said shuddering, trying hard not to look at the bloody flesh that had become brutally scrapped aross the rough, rocky pavement.

"OK, so tell me again what happened?" asked the highway patrol man. The flashing light of his crusier alternately colored his face hues of red and blue.

"Well... I was just driving along," started the woman, indicating the way she was traveling with her hands, "and the road was clear. Not a car in sight!"

The ravenous buzzard took the opportunity to make another attempt at feasting on the fresh meat. He quietly pecked the tender muscle with his sharp, pointed beak.

"I don't understand it" she sobbed. "I saw this sparkling flash of blue and there he was!" She wiped her eyes. "I know it sound unbelievable, but he just appeared in front of me!"

"Take your time..." comforted the officer. "The morning sun often causes drivers to be temporarily blinded."

"No, the sun was behind the trees." she argued, "I could see fine... he just literally appeared out of no where!"

"Geesh, that buzzard is back..." interrupted the officer, obviously annoyed at the buzzard's persistence. "Scat!" he shouted waving the bird away with his hands.

The buzzard took flight immediately, dragging a long strand of slimey intestines behind him like the tail of a kite. He flew low over the ground toward the security of the trees, passing over a beeping beacon with a glowing blue light that was tilted sideways in the tall grass.

"Hey, there's a wallet over her in the dirt." noted the cop as he walked back toward the lady who was still sobbing and shaking.

"Hmmm, Poor guy's name was Taskmaster|PuF." read the officer, "Member in good standing of FoX."

The officer reached in his car and radioed dispatch for the nearest coroner and went back to talking to the shaken lady.

The buzzard sat perched in the branches of a pine tree enjoying the meaty feast of raw intestines. He watched nervously for other predators and glanced wairly at the strange creatures guarding his lunch below.

"Caw! Caw!"


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif



[This message has been edited by Taskmaster (edited 02-29-2000).]

CHRYSt
29th Feb 2000, 11:52 AM
Wow, That one was pretty uhhh Hitchcockian?.
So, Taskmaster, are you PuF or FoX, or both?
(And don't give me some cryptic "all and nothing" BS either /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif )

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

tykeal
29th Feb 2000, 12:36 PM
Obviously FoX is another forum? Might I enquire what one?

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I belch in your general direction.

Taskmaster
29th Feb 2000, 02:21 PM
Uh, well, uh... (Taskmaster stalls thinking of witty answer)

I am a FoX by day and PuF by night! No, wait.. I am PuF by day and FoX by night. Well technically I am a PuF any time I am posting and playing UT and a FoX only by association.

I'm an innocent bystander... I just happen to be in the right chat room at the right time, or the wrong time, depending on how you look at it! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

tykeal
29th Feb 2000, 04:25 PM
Darn... I hoped that posting that question in a more remote thread I would get the answer *sigh*. So much for being "sly like a fox" *lol*

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I belch in your general direction.

Taskmaster
29th Feb 2000, 05:05 PM
I think this thread is pretty decent - the story parts I mean - even though they are a bit "gross" by some standards. Too bad more people haven't discovered this little off-topic gem!

Where is my book deal? Where is my cash advance? Where are my pants? /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

Ok, so let me go ponder how I will be killed next!


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

tykeal
29th Feb 2000, 11:31 PM
You know what's funny is I think about 1/4 of my posts are done in this thread /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif Well, that's how it feels to me /~unreal/ubb/html/wink.gif

It's this thread of answering Linux questions *lol*

-----
*tykeal is baffled with how well this thread is staying alive... well, it is, Taskmaster isn't /~unreal/ubb/html/wink.gif

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I belch in your general direction.

Taskmaster
1st Mar 2000, 03:26 AM
Taskmaster stood momentarily, gazing around with pride at the lovely garden atmosphere of his Six Frags Over Florida theme park. Sculpted topiaries in the shapes of Nali cows, Skaarj warriors and other mythical Unreal Tournament creatures, line the white brick walkway leading up to the magnificient fountain at the center of the park.

The flowers were in bloom, the trees covered with tiny new leaves, the grass a lush green impeciably cut and the incredibly landscaped flora and fauna covered with fresh cyprus mulch. The sweet smell of orange blossoms wafted on the gentle breeze mixed with the smells of cotton candy, popcorn, corn dogs, burgers and the like.

"I'll be over in the Deathmatch Dunes area of the park," Taskmaster informed some unseen person via his two-way radio. "I'm gonna ride the Gut Wrencher!"

"Ro*crackle*er" squawked the brief reply from the radio.

"I can never understand what he says!" muttered Taskmaster, shaking his head in bewilderment. "Must have been that new guy Zaccix..." he mused.

He walked with a spring in his step as the lovely warmth of the sun filled him with a childish delight. It was like summer vacation here almost every day! "I love my job!" he almost yelled.

"Clean up n*sqzz*ded on *sqsscckkk* Sick Puppy! *pop*" announced the radio atached to his belt, which was turned down, but not off.

Gut Wrencher! Six Frags answer to that other park's Spaced Mountains, stood like a modern day behemoth, a huge structure of metal and concrete shaped like a human bowel. The queue line was twisted and painted like the large and small intestines.

"Excuse me there you goth, uh, no, rivethead looking fellow!" said Taskmaster as he introduced himself to a young go-getter leaning casually on a metal sign. "What do you think of the Gut Wrencher?"

"Rulez dude." came the reply. "Just stay away from Taskmaster's Teacups! That rides an accident waiting to happen!"

"Uh, yes, well... okay then. Stay away from the teacups you say." Taskmaster fought off a sudden feeling of embarassment.

"So what makes this ride 'rule" as you say!" inquired Taskmaster?

"Oh man! You just got to stand up on the stomach drop right before acid alley!" exclaimed the young man waving his hands wildly... "What a -beep- rush!"

"Hey thanks for the tip!" exalted Taskmaster. "I'll try that." he said as he walked in the side door. The young man saw a friend and walked over to meet him, exposing the sign he had been leaning on.

"Notice: Remain seated at all times!" warned the sign. "Not recommended for pregnant women, people with bad backs, or people with heart problems."

The flashing strobe lights cast the ride in an errie light that made time seem to pass by in a series of slides, like playing Unreal Tournament on a Pentium 90. The neon lights streaked by in a blur. The wind rushed by at 60 miles per hours. Passengers screamed at each dip, twist and jolt.

The adreneline pumped through his veins with each beat of his racing heart. His mind was reduced to it's most basic instinctive nature, seeking that thrill of being on the edge! It was a rush!

"Man I feel so alive!" he thought to himself as he released a primal scream of pure excitement. He squirmed his way from under the safety restraint system and rose to his feet...

"Flash" the strobe light captured the fleeting moment, burning it briefly into the eyes of the beholders, like the page in a scrapbook, like a photo in an album. It was indescribable... it was just an incredible feeling... no words would do! Taskmaster was standing in the middle of this surrealistic image surrounded by estactic fellow passengers.

The moment was gone, the light was gone, the world was gone, enveloped by darkness in the absence of light. The thuderous noise - the screams, the coaster rattling noisily on the metal track, the throbbing music pounding from massive stereo speakers - surrounded him in, tickling him along every inch of skin.

"Flash" the strobe again snapped the scene in it's blinding white light. The metal support for the coaster track over head, instantaeouly severing his head in that precise moment. The blinding flash of pain exploding in his head, the ringing in his ears, the bone splinter crushing of his skull, the headless body propelled backwards by the force... What a rush... what a rush!

Darkness...a dream! Flash...reality!
Darkness...silence! Flash...screams!
Darkness...death! Flash...a white light!

Life, in the end, fades just like last night's dream. Life, in the end, fades like so many photos in a yellowed album. Life, in the end, was totally gut wrenching. Life, in the end, was just a rush, just a rush...


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

[This message has been edited by Taskmaster (edited 03-01-2000).]

[This message has been edited by Taskmaster (edited 03-01-2000).]

Morety
1st Mar 2000, 04:34 PM
Big round of clap for the TaskMaster for his wonderful work of fiction.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Alka Seltzer, Tang, and a Fifty, it's all over...Hangover.

CHRYSt
1st Mar 2000, 09:53 PM
Tee hee hee. Beheadings Rulez.


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

tykeal
1st Mar 2000, 10:21 PM
It brought tears to my eyes... oh wait, that's just some of Taskmaster's blood /~unreal/ubb/html/wink.gif. Good job /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I belch in your general direction.

Taskmaster
2nd Mar 2000, 09:30 AM
"Thank you!" exclaimed Taskmaster blowing kisses to the throng of adoring fans! He quickly bowed down, not noticing the sniper bullet lodge in the wall behind him with a quite "ping"!

"You like me! You really like me!" he cried out excitedly, again making a quick bow, just in time to avoid the rocket that screamed past where his head was just seconds before.

"Oh thank you so much for coming tonight!" he enthused before he hurriedly ran off stage. He shrugged his shoulders at loud explosion that shook the stage behind him.

"Must be the fans stomping their feet for an encore!" he thought as he left the building....



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Taskmaster
5th Mar 2000, 06:20 PM
How will Taskmaster meet his untimely demise next? What wild and wooly adventure will he unwittingly take into the jaws of danger? What part of his anatomy will find it's self wrenched from it warm internal rest to be exposed to the world?

Stay tune to find out....



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Taskmaster
6th Mar 2000, 03:27 AM
Riiiinnnnngggg! demanded the phone on Taskmaster's desk. Taskmaster scrambled to pause the Journey MP3 he was listening to on WinAmp, as he debugged through another bug.

Riiiinnnnngggg! sounded the phone again as he removed his headphones and grabbed the phone's reciever.

"This is Taskmaster, may I help you?" he asked...

"Well, well!" said the sinister voice on the other end, "So we meet at last Taskmaster!"

"Uh, but this isn't really meeting, it's more like just tal--" started Taskmaster.

"SILENCE!" shouted the voice. "You're constant inane chatter is tiring! That is precisely why I have taken it upon myself to silence the 'voice of reason' once and for all!" Taskmaster winced at the evil laugh that echoed on the phone.

"I have booby-trapped your phone so that it will EXPLODE violently if you remove it from your ear!" boasted the disembodied voice!

"H-h-h-how do I know you are telling the truth?" inquired Taskmaster as he wiped the newly forming beads of sweat from his forehead.

"Just move the phone away from your ear and see! HAHAHAHA" teased the voice. Taskmaster resisted the urge to hang up. He swallowed hard.

"Look at the cord leading from the reciever to the phone." instructed the man at the opposite end of the phone. "See those extra wires taped down with tan tape?"

Taskmaster noticed for the first time that the phone cord did indeed have wires cleverly taped over the existing tan wire. He used one hand to peel back some of the tape exposing four colored wires, one red, one green, one yellow and one black.

"I-I-I bet the red wire is the power." worried Taskmaster over the phone.

"No the red wire is for --- " began the voice, "Ahh, very clever Taskmaster... I almost fell for that! It is of no matter, as you will soon be a bloody stain on the walls of your cubicle!" Again the evil laugh on the other end.

"Why are you doing this?" asked Taskmaster trying to gather his wits. He glanced around at the three others occupying his cluster of cubicles. He quickly scribbled a note that read "Phone Bomb! Clear the area!" and passed it to them.

"Why? WHY?" screamed the voice in disbelief, "Because you know the secret of FoX and I can't have you exposing it!"

"But I'm not going to tell anyone... honest!" reasoned Taskmaster.

"You won't be able to tell, when I'm finished with you!" threatened the caller. "And don't try anything funny! The phone has a mercury switch so if the phone is moved suddenly it will explode immediately!"

Taskmaster's grip on the phone was slipping due to the sweat. He momentarily changed hands, taking great care to keep the phone pressed to his ear, and wiped his hands on his slacks. He switched hands back cautiously.

"But I'm not the only one who knows about FoX..." he explained. Taskmaster tried not to move his head very much as he glanced askance at his desk drawer and slid it slowly open. He pulled out a tube of liquid glue.

"I mean, I'm not really into UT anymore..." he claimed, "I'm playing, uh, that, um, Age of Empires II game now."

Taking his time Taskmaster applied a liberal amount of super glue to the area of his ear and the phone reciever.

"Too little, too late!" snorted the voice.

Taskmaster held his breath and slowly released his hold on the receiver. The glue held the phone firmly to his ear, but the weight of the phone began to immediately pull at the flesh causing his ear to throb and ache.

Taskmaster made small talk, alternating between begging and pleading, as he slowly unscrewed the two computer case screws from his desktop computer.

"What was that noise?" demanded the caller, having heard the faint scrape of metal as the computer case was removed.

"I was just trying to get comfortable in my chair -- my shoulder is killing me from holding this phone." replied Taskmaster.

"Don't worry!" mocked his nemesis, "In a minute, it won't be your shoulder killing you, it will be ME! Mwuahahahaha!"

Taskmaster bent the lightweight computer case into a "U" using his legs. He slowly began lifting the U-shaped casing up to his ear and the phone hoping to prevent the blast from killing him outright.

"What's going on!" asked Taskmaster's boss as he suddenly appeared from around the corner.

Taskmaster spun out of instinct at the unexpected interruption. The phone exploded loudly with an incredibly forceful blast. The force of the blast thrust Taskmaster's grey matter out the other side of his head all over his boss. The concussion from the blast knocked his boss backwards.

Portions of blood and guts splattered on the circuit boards of the now open computer causing it to short circuit. Thick white smoke and sparks rose from the beige box as a small fire erupted. The remains of Taskmaster's body slumped forward onto the keyboard tray.

"You're fired!" barked his boss at the headless stump of a body, as he surveyed the bloody mess, the ruined computer, the stained carpets, and his ruined, imported silk tie.

"Beep - beep - beep"

"And hang up the freaking PHONE!"


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Morety
6th Mar 2000, 12:40 PM
Here's some ideas for you Task:

Bungie Jumping with the cord attached to particular extremities.

Spontaneous Human Combustion while filling your car in a gas station.

There could be a forest fire in california, and a fire-fighting plane could go to scoop up some water and unsuspectingly scoop you up with it as you're scuba diving, and then it drops you onto the fire.

Engaging in a sword fight with the Knights Who Say Nit.

Any one of the Darwin Award recipients' methods, they're all funny.

By having a one-ton weight being dropped (by CHRYSt) onto your head. The sound effects could be quite funny.

By hiding behind one of three haypiles, while CHRYSt selects which one to blow up by pushing one of three plungers. We could even put money on this one.

By being in an airplane which crashes in the Arctic. You begin by eating one of your fellow passengers, who then infects you with salmonella, making you die of food poisoning. (The passenger was a clown, and you thought he kind of tasted funny at the time.)

Please feel free to use any of the above, they aren't copywrited.

By the way, ever since the "Blue Angel" episode gone bad, my wife won't buy me white underwear any more. /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif


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Alka Seltzer, Tang, and a Fifty, it's all over...Hangover.

Morety
6th Mar 2000, 08:39 PM
Hahahahahaha. The secret of Fox!!! LOL

(I don't detect a bit of resentment towards your boss do I?)



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Alka Seltzer, Tang, and a Fifty, it's all over...Hangover.

Morety
6th Mar 2000, 08:40 PM
The big question now is....

"Who is the killer?"

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Alka Seltzer, Tang, and a Fifty, it's all over...Hangover.

tykeal
6th Mar 2000, 10:24 PM
Dang it!!!! I almost had the secret.... one of these days Taskmaster!!!! /~unreal/ubb/html/wink.gif

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I belch in your general direction.

wiz4ha
7th Mar 2000, 05:25 PM
I know who the killer truely is? The question is, DO YOU?! BWAHAHAHAHA..er Ha.

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WiZ
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What is Matter? Never Mind"

CHRYSt
9th Mar 2000, 11:59 AM
I know the secret, and I'm not telling!!!! Neener, neener, neener!
Oh, wait, maybe thats a different secret...Well, I won't tell you that either!

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Morety
9th Mar 2000, 01:13 PM
This thread easily has my vote as the most entertaining.

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I like you better in your rags, Cinderella, 'cause that's when you like to play.

Taskmaster
10th Mar 2000, 05:35 PM
Work has finally picked up a bit as of late, so I will not be able to post as often. I may have to actually post from - gasp! - home!

I'm posting this from home... I'll have to think of the next story. See ya soon... heheh.



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

tykeal
10th Mar 2000, 11:02 PM
Sounds like a familiar problem Task. My new job is eating all my time during the day. Thing is I relish it /~unreal/ubb/html/biggrin.gif

Err... no, not that kind of relish... I hate pickels

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I belch in your general direction.

Squishy
11th Mar 2000, 05:48 PM
yes give that man a star bravo

/me snikers

Squishy
11th Mar 2000, 05:48 PM
yes give that man a star bravo

/me snikers

Squishy
11th Mar 2000, 05:48 PM
yes give that man a star bravo

/me snikers

Squishy
11th Mar 2000, 05:49 PM
yes give that man a star bravo

/me snikers

Taskmaster
14th Mar 2000, 03:28 AM
Thanks guys, but in case you missed the significance, it is an alagory of sorts. I am the stranger, and Unreal Tournament is Black UT, (duh). Basically what I am saying is that I have put off UT in my life for now and I'm riding away from it. I'm probably not going to be writing any more stories for a while and AI'm laying off the forum.

I've been using the internet and this forum alot as of late and I'm getting concerned about getting fired over it. So I'm trying to quit cold turkey so to speak.

It has been fun and I appreciate all the kudos from you guys. I'll check back for a day or two, but lately the forum just hasn't held my interest!

I had to go to the dentist to get a temporary crown put on a tooth that broke this Sunday so I was rushed at the end of the story. I didn't get to detail it as much as I wanted.

"Adios partners!"

Taskmaster|PuF

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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Taskmaster
14th Mar 2000, 11:00 AM
The wind swept across the lone street of this one horse town. The orange sandy grit filled the air like a fog and sage brush tubbled helplessly past driven by the harsh wind.

The sheriff of this small western town had been killed a few months back, but the desperados had all left once the gold being found in the nearby river slowed to a crawl. Only a few scattered locals still panned the cold river waters for flecks of the precious metal.

The saloon, once the hot spot for nightly brawls and racy women, now only a haven for the town drunk, who is more often than not, passed out at the bar, lost in his drunken stupor. The delivery of spirits had slowed month by month as more and more of the gold crazed miners moved on to rich territory.

The sun was rising low in the morning sky as a stranger on a white horse ambled down main street. His galant mount stopped directly in front of the sheriff's office, shaking his head at the dust spray of dirt that pelted him. The rider dismounted from his steed and grabbing the reins led the animal closer to the building where it would be protected from the sudden lashes of the wind.

The stranger opened the door and walked in. The jail cells doors were all open and the cells empty. The crude wooden desk was tidy but vacant. The gun racks on the walls were empty as well. Two iron keys hung on the wall behind the desk.

"The sheriff isn't here." said a female voice. The stranger turned to see a young lady, no more than 24, standing in the door.

She smiled kindly at him, noticing his white leather outfit, the pair of six shooters strapped to his waist and the white hat sitting tightly on his head.

"Are you the new sheriff?" she inguired after noticing the dusty silver star pinned to his chest.

"I'm just passing through, ma'ma" he said tipping his hat, "and I was just making sure there isn't any trouble here."

"Well sir, the sheriff is dead." she recounted, "Shot by some outlaws as he tried to break up a fight in the saloon."

"All them men have gone now, since the gold is gone." she continued. "The sheriff's family moved back East I reckon."

"Then I guess I best be moving on after I get a bit to eat." he said, again tipping his hat as he moved to the door.

"Marshal!" plead the young lady, "There is still trouble here. I've been praying to God for help... and then, then you show up." She couldn't help but think him an angel, seeing him in all white, his face glowing with a bright smile.

He release the door handle and turned to face the woman again, the guns on his hips creaked in their leather bindings.

"There is a man here by the name of Uriah Troumont. He's corrupting all the young folks, teaching them the evil ways of an outlaw. He takes them away from their school work and fills their heads with crazy ideas. Preacher says they don't come to church no more."

"Black UT? Here? I've been tracking that scoundrel for months!" grimaced the marshal. "You find go find him and tell him to meet me at noon!"


The marshal sat at the saloon watching the sleeping town drunk at the other end of the bar. He pushed the empty plate to the side and finished the last of his sasparalla.

He drew his two pistols from their holsters and examine them one at a time. Polishing and cleaning them in case of trouble. He had honed his reflexes in countless duals and endless practice, yet he did not relish the killing. It was just his job to protect the innocent from the evils of the wild west.


Black UT stood in the middle of the road, opposite the marshal. Guns gleamed in the afternoon sun light. The wind had settled slightly in the heat of the day but dust and dirt flew by occasionally.

"So marshal," shouted UT, "you think you can resist me eh? Think you can stop me so easily?"

"Your luck has run out!" responded the stranger. "You grip is about to be broken."

Their eyes locked and formed narrow slits as muscles tighten in anticipation. Fingers flexed. Eyes focused. Breaths held. Hearts pounding.

In a blur of motion and the echoing explosion of two guns being fired, it was finished. A gust of wind blew a sheet of stinging clay across the street.


The sun burned hot overhead as the stranger on the white horse ambled slowly out of town. The orange sand clouds and the shimmering heat rising from the desert sand seemed to fade the stranger like a dream.

"I don't reckon we'll see that one again." said an old man with weathered-beaten face.

"Who was that lone stranger?" wondered the young lady as she watched him disappear on the horizon.



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

CHRYSt
14th Mar 2000, 11:39 AM
Wow. Good story. And none of the usual gore.

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Morety
14th Mar 2000, 12:59 PM
So, when he's riding out of town, a rattlesnake rattles it's tail, spooking the horse who then bucks...the lone stranger, who looks very familiar, but based on the time period is probably TaskMaster's great grandfather, falls off the horse.

As the horse bolts, TMGG (TaskMaster's Great Grandad) gets his spur caught in a stirrup, dragging his arse along the ground. In a wild-eyed frenzy, the bucking bronco takes a detour through a cactus patch *yip-oww-yikes-ooh-owch-zowie-sploit-ahhh-eww*, turns left across the desert, filling the legs of TMGG's pants with sand, which finds its way into the underwear and grinds his parts as he bounces along. In the middle of the desert, the horse being thoroughly exerted, has a heart attack and dies. TMGG did not have a canteen and was dying slowly of dehydration. When he was too weak and could move no more, a buzzard came down and plucked out his eyeballs, let out a "caw-caw" when the coyotes chased it away. The coyote's then started eating his guts while he was screaming out in pain. Then, suddenly, a 1 ton weight fell out of the sky and killed him.

(Good story TM. I just wanted to see the hero die too.)

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I like you better in your rags, Cinderella, 'cause that's when you like to play.

CHRYSt
15th Mar 2000, 02:35 PM
Alas, we must part, dear Taskmaster! I, always shall remember thee, and thy tales. Farewell, and may your travels return you one day to our company.

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Morety
15th Mar 2000, 09:58 PM
'tis a sad sad day. Yeah, I did totally miss the analogy of it all. I really don't want you to get cactus spurs up your arse and sand in your parts or anything like that. Thanks for the entertainment. I know what you mean about the damn forum sinking into your work time...I'm trying to cut down a bit myself, and I just started.

Best of luck, and I'm sure we'll see you around, if not as much. Thanks for the entertaining stories. /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

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I like you better in your rags, Cinderella, 'cause that's when you like to play.

CHRYSt
27th Mar 2000, 11:15 AM
I think we can't let the memory of our god fearing jester of death die.


*bump*

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Selerox[PuF]
28th Mar 2000, 09:32 AM
There is no chance at all of me reading all of that, surfice to say that this is one hell of a thread.

Seeya later Task, it's been cool having you around.

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GunnerX
28th Mar 2000, 10:56 AM
As the sun slowly drowns in the horizon, the lone figure of a good man, riding his horse fades away. The night is quiet and the town of UT was silent. The desperado that once roamed the village is gone. As the wolves howl in the background, the crickets play their solemn music.

Dawn is coming, and the sun slowly takes a peek over the horizon. Alas, a figure of a man on a horse appears! The townspeople peek through their window. Then they rush down to their doorway and gather in the main street. Who is this man coming this way? Has the lone cowboy come back? As the figure grew closer and the Sun shone brigher, it was clear that this was not the lone cowboy. It was a new person. Someone unknown to the townspeople.

Finally, the man reached the main street where the townspeople have gathered. The man slowly gets off the horse and gave it a nice pat on the head. He spoke, "I am GunnerX of clan MUTTS, I am here to fill the void that was once unfilled." The townspeople cheered and welcomed the stranger to the city of PuF. The stranger was untrained but, the townspeople were more than happy to help. The man was a stranger no more, he was GunnerX. He would practice a lot and stayed up late at night and early morning to play with the legend they call "Rooster".

---------------------------------
That's my story of the day. /~unreal/ubb/html/biggrin.gif

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[MUTTS]GunnerX

CHRYSt
3rd Apr 2000, 12:20 AM
*CHRYSt fidgets with his remote control

*CHRYSt laughs hysterically as an anvil falls from the sky to crush GunnerX's head

*"OK, I guess I've found a new source of amusement...someone get the spiked ball gag!"

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Wolf Blackstar
3rd Apr 2000, 03:13 AM
And through it all, the immortal mercenary Wolf Blackstar laughs as he watches from afar.

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-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"

GunnerX
3rd Apr 2000, 02:29 PM
Dang, I should lay off that alcohol for a while! /~unreal/ubb/html/biggrin.gif What was I thinking!!

Thanks for the Anvil CHRYST! /~unreal/ubb/html/biggrin.gif

At least I amused you! hehe, now to hit you on the head with the spiked ball so you forget everything, hahaha. /~unreal/ubb/html/biggrin.gif

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[MUTTS]GunnerX

"If at first you don't succeed, don't try Sky Diving!"

Morety
3rd Apr 2000, 04:47 PM
While laughing, Wolf Blackstar did not notice the fly heading heedlessly in his direction. While Wolf's head was tilted back with his mouth open in laughter, the fly went straight through the lips and landed on his tonsils.

Immediately, Wolf clapped a hand to his mouth, slicing open his top lip, as he hacked impulsively trying to dislodge the fly. The fly, however, went further down into his throat, causing further fits of coughing and choking.

Morety noticed Wolf in the distance, and started racing for the figure, who was by now obviously lacking oxygen as his face was turning from red to blue. Poor Wolf was on his side on the ground, in the fetal position, gasping for but the slightest breath of oxygen. But it would not come.

By the time Morety arrived to apply the heimlick maneuvre, it was too late. Yes, Wolf Blackstar was laughing from afar, but it was too "afar" for Morety to arrive on time.

Looking at the lifeless body on the ground, Morety pulls out his rocket launcher. Left click...one...two...three...right click to package the rockets...four...five...six...GIBLETS! as Morety gets thrown back and loses about 30 pt.s of damage from the blast. Not to mention he needs a trip to the dry cleaners now.

/me likes giblets.
/me thinks he might have been feigning.

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Morety[PuF] - Betcha can't eat just one...well c'mon...EAT ME!

Morety
3rd Apr 2000, 04:48 PM
While laughing, Wolf Blackstar did not notice the fly heading heedlessly in his direction. While Wolf's head was tilted back with his mouth open in laughter, the fly went straight through the lips and landed on his tonsils.

Immediately, Wolf clapped a hand to his mouth, slicing open his top lip, as he hacked impulsively trying to dislodge the fly. The fly, however, went further down into his throat, causing further fits of coughing and choking.

Morety noticed Wolf in the distance, and started racing for the figure, who was by now obviously lacking oxygen as his face was turning from red to blue. Poor Wolf was on his side on the ground, in the fetal position, gasping for but the slightest breath of oxygen. But it would not come.

By the time Morety arrived to apply the heimlick maneuvre, it was too late. Yes, Wolf Blackstar was laughing from afar, but it was too "afar" for Morety to arrive on time.

Looking at the lifeless body on the ground, Morety pulls out his rocket launcher. Left click...one...two...three...right click to package the rockets...four...five...six...GIBLETS! as Morety gets thrown back and loses about 30 pt.s of damage from the blast. Not to mention he needs a trip to the dry cleaners now.

/me likes giblets.
/me thinks he might have been feigning.

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Morety[PuF] - Betcha can't eat just one...well c'mon...EAT ME!

Vanilla
3rd Apr 2000, 06:45 PM
hey lay off wolf, will ya? hes just kinda, smug thats all. (although he aint immortal thats for sure...... /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif)

spyder913
4th Apr 2000, 12:40 AM
Heh there is no way I'll EVER read this thread... too damn long.

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Taskmaster
4th Apr 2000, 10:24 AM
"You there!" said the tall dark stranger wearing a full length black coat. He pulled out an FBI badge and flashed it quickly. "I'm Agent Mulder, FBI... and this is my partner Agent Scully."

"We are investigating a missing person report" added the saucy redhead also holding out an FBI badge. "Apparently a man named Taskmaster has been missing for a few months."

"Has anyone here seen any strange lights in the sky recently?" asked Agent Mulder between sunflower seeds. "Say around the time that stranger 'left?'"

"What my partner means," interrupted Scully, "is does anyone have any information concerning this fellow, Taskmaster?"

"Well, he had recently obtained God-like status, before he left!" chimed in Morety.

"So you were JEALOUS weren't you!" accused Fox Mulder, "and that's why you killed him! Isn't it?!" He moved meancingly toward the speaker.

"Uh, yes, thank you" replied Dana as she held back Mulder. "Anyone else have any thing to say?"

"You sure are attractive! Want to go out?" asked a drooling CHRYSt.

"I meant any information about Taskmaster!" stressed Scully as she rolled her eyes.

"He was pretty much a klutz and a moron. He was always injuring himself, blowing himself up, falling into lava and the like."

"So you think he may have killed himself?" asked Dana.

"Or is that a convenient cover up for what's really going on around here?" questioned Mulder, focusing his stare on CHRYSt.

"Isn't it true that one of you was envious of his 48,409 ranking in CTF and in a fit of rage you killed him!" shouted Mulder.

***********

"Hahaha" laughed the man hiding in the shadows of some thick trees. He watched Mulder and Scully from the darkness with his infrared binocculars and listened using a high powered microphone. He dropped a cigarette to the ground and snuffed it out with his heavy black shoe.

With a sinister sneer he unfolded his cell phone and dialed. "You may proceed with project 'Voice of Reason'!" he said sharply before hangin up.

***********

"Hey wasn't there a full moon about the time he disappeared?" Tykeal asked Mulder.

"Hmmn, full moon..." muttered Agent Mulder as he lapsed into deep though and began talking to himself, "...lunar madness, tidal forces, strange magnetic interferences..."

"What's your name?" inguired Scully to the lone figure standing quietly behind the others.

"GunnerX," managed the young man, "but I'm new here."

"Precisely!" exclaimed Mulder, snapping back to the current topic. "Mighty coincidental that you appeared so quickly after Taskmaster disappeared!"

"Well I - uh," stuttered GunnerX, "I'm new to PUF... I um, I just, um"

"And what's that you're holding?" barked Mulder.

"Um, ur, it's a, um, r-r-rocket launcher."

"I can't hear you!"

"A ROCKET LAUNCHER!"

"You did it, didn't you!"

"Yes, I admit it! I killed him!" blurted GunnerX. "He was running around killing me all the time, so when he was hurting from a flag run, bleeding from his heroic charge through 10 heavily armed players, I shot him in the back with a cluster of rockets!"

Suddenly, GunnerX's figure began to shimmer. His face changed into that of a square-jawed alien bounty hunter. "However, I was only able to kill the Taskmaster clone. The real Taskmaster is still alive... but not for longer!"

The man that had been GunnerX only moments before shoved the group of people in front of him into the two agents and bolted away.

Mulder scrambled to his feet, drew his gun and squeezed off several rounds. "Oh yea, Freeze or I'll shoot!" he shouted.

Mulder turned to help Dana to her feet, but was unable to get to her for all the clamouring, testosterone-laden UT players carefully helping her up. /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif


The single point of a red glowing cigarette and a small wisp of white smoke was all that was visible from the dark shadowy forest along the edge of the road, as a pair of cold eyes followed the departing FBI agents' car with a steely glare.

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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif



[This message has been edited by Taskmaster (edited 04-04-2000).]

GunnerX
4th Apr 2000, 10:46 AM
Bwahahaha! LOL, that was great! I can actually imagine Mulder and Scully talking like that, hehe. Thanks, been hectic at work today and needed something to make me smile. /~unreal/ubb/html/biggrin.gif

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[MUTTS]GunnerX

"If at first you don't succeed, don't try Sky Diving!"

Morety
4th Apr 2000, 12:03 PM
Easy Vanilla, Wolf Blackstar was already dead when I gibbed his lifeless body. He'll respawn. (They always do.)

It wasn't in any way meant as a slight.

/me notices Vanilla respawning in front of me. Hmmmm, one rocket left. Vanilla turns and runs looking for a weapon, even a ripper will do. I follow behind, aiming...waiting...*beep*, lock and load and let it rip! Heat seeking giblet maker on the way!

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

Good to see a (nowadays) rare posting from you Task! Nice to know you're not all work/no play in the office. Don't f\/ck up the job though.

...and I aint gonna bite at the "GunnerX" implications. /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

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Morety[PuF] - Betcha can't eat just one...well c'mon...EAT ME!

Wolf Blackstar
4th Apr 2000, 01:21 PM
Not bad, Mortey, not bad at all.

It is at this moment that Morety realizes that there was nothing "mean" about the kill (relax, Vanilla!). It is perfectly acceptable, and even well-done. Except for one problem.

He has gibbed a decoy.

It is the oldest trick in team games, and has been around since Starsiege Tribes.

It is a milisecond after realizing this that Morety's head does an impression of a grape in a vise...... SPLAT!!!

And echoing through the mountains, two seconds later, the distinctive crack of a rifle is heard.

"HEAD SHOT"

The Wolf taunts his enemy: "Boom!"

[This message has been edited by Wolf Blackstar (edited 04-04-2000).]

Taskmaster
4th Apr 2000, 06:33 PM
OK I was able to clean up and "finish" the story a bit.


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

CHRYSt
6th Apr 2000, 03:16 AM
Hi Task!!!! Good to see ya!

*Amidst all the clamoring over who shot who, CHRYSt strides over to Scully.

"So, you come here often?"

"Actually, it's my first time here."

"Well, if you'd like, I can show you the sights of this town."

"Umm...OK, sure. What sites does this town have to offer?"

"Well, I was thinking we could go see some of the local parks, there's some beautiful lakes..."

&lt;Yawn&gt;"You know, maybe I should just head back, I've got a lot of paperwork to get done, and a couple of autopsies to do..."

"Or, maybe we could start with my bedroom..."&lt;sly grin&gt;

"Now, that sounds like fun!"

*Scully locks her arm around CRHRYSt's and starts leading him towards the car.

*CHRYSt scores.


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

GunnerX
6th Apr 2000, 03:36 AM
All the while, scully was slowly reaching for the gun hidden at her back. She took a firm grasp and "smack!". CHRYSt's body becomes limp and immediately falls to the ground.

Scully motions to Mulder and he slowly walks over.

Mulder picks CHRYSt up and throws him into the trunk of the car.

Mulder and Scully bids farewell to the people of PuF and drives away.

The next morning, CHRYSt slowly gets up from the floor. Soon he realizes, he's in a mental Institute!

As the camera moves back, we see the sign on the door. "Herein lies the fool who thought he could score on Scully!"

"Headshot!"

/~unreal/ubb/html/biggrin.gif

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
[MUTTS]GunnerX

"If at first you don't succeed, don't try Sky Diving!"

trinity
6th Apr 2000, 03:57 AM
LOL. but if youre writing continuous stories, let me write the female parts ok? the whole scully walking and "getting friendly" with CHRYST thing was a little implausible...


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"And since I am the ranking officer on this ship, if you don't like it, you can go to hell."

Mute
6th Apr 2000, 04:14 PM
When have men's fantasies ever been plausible?

*Mute bops trinity on the head*

GunnerX
6th Apr 2000, 04:25 PM
Bwahahaha!!! Every woman flocks to me at first sight!!!


*smack!*

Gunner's GF wakes him up. Doh!!

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
[MUTTS]GunnerX

"If at first you don't succeed, don't try Sky Diving!"

CHRYSt
6th Apr 2000, 04:29 PM
*CHRYSt respawns

"Damn Scully, that was some kinky stuff with the bullet"

*Scully laughs and goes back to having sex with CHRYSt.

*CHRYSt scores again.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Taskmaster
6th Apr 2000, 06:03 PM
Yeah... and my arms are always tired... from beating off all the women! I don't want to hear any "beating off" comments either!!

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

I decided to pop in again and see if this thread had died yet.... I was glad to see that the spirit of creativity lives on!

Taskmaster quickly checked the bank of computer monitors. Each monitor showed various read outs, data list and status of the virtual reality program currently being run. Several medical monitors beeped quietly, as they observed CHYRSt's heart rate, blood pressure and so on.

"Look's like CHYRSt is having that Scully fantasy again." chuckled Taskmaster. The heart rate display was jumping and the blood pressure was rising. Just for fun he slid out a keyboard and quickly adjusted the excitablilty factor of the Dana Scully artificial intelligence file.

"I can't help but feel sorry for the guy" he thought aloud. "I mean living your entire life hooked to these computers but believing you're living a life!"

Taskmaster sighed and sat back in his chair. It had been fun for a while to program himself into the virtual reality universe that CHRYSt was confined to, under the guise of a UT player, but after a while it was taking too much time.

On a sudden whim, Taskmaster slid the keyboard out again and began creating another virtual entity. "Oh this will be classic..." he laughed. "Let's see.. I'll name him Biff...likes UT... likes industrial music, add 'rivet head' to buzzword data base, make him a member of the network administrator knowledge base subroutine and make him prone to visit the Planet Unreal forums."

Taskmaster stopped briefly to surpress his self-satisifed laughter. "And for the kicker I'll make him attracted to CHRYSt!"

Taskmaster made a few modification to the artificial universe and introduced the new Biff character into the world.

Taskmaster examined the monitors once more and noticed that the fantasy module had finished. He grabbed a clipboard hanging on the wall and noted the time and current readings on it before hanging it back on the wall.



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Biff
6th Apr 2000, 06:11 PM
Hi GUYS! I'm new to UT, but I love it already! Woo, it makes me faint just to think about it. If there is any one in the Washington DC area who is MAN enough to handle me, let's play together... and UT too!

Say, does any one know a guy named CHRYSt? That silly ole Dave stopped calling me after I told him I thought he was cute. What's a poor guy to do?

Toodles!

CHRYSt
7th Apr 2000, 12:03 AM
Hey, I have never held it against a man when he hits on me. It's quite flattering. Gay men are just as picky as straight ones.

Hey Biff, ya know, I don't swing that way...but I've got some friends that would love to *really* get to know ya.

But for now, I'm busy...

*CHRYSt starts humpin' away at Dana Scully again

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

CHRYSt
7th Apr 2000, 03:35 AM
Hey look! Scully's still here!

*CHRYSt scores



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

CHRYSt
7th Apr 2000, 03:44 AM
Hey, some of those cartoons made me laugh. That's not fair...Jesus is supposed to be boring! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

trinity
7th Apr 2000, 03:50 AM
Unbeknownst to CHRYSt, Mulder has been lying in wait for him since he saw Scully leave with that guy. CHRYSt leaves the bedroom to get some food and
***BANG***
CHRYST lies there in a puddle of blood 'n guts.
Mulder runs into the bedroom to find Scully, he runs over to her and asks her, "are you ok?"
"well i was", she replies "until you came over and wrecked everyhting. dont you ever learn?"
****BLAMMO*****
Mulder lies there in a puddle of blood 'n guts.
unfortunatly, the woman they both thought was Scully, is actually a bloodsucking shape-shifting alien. and its out to kill us all!


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"And since I am the ranking officer on this ship, if you don't like it, you can go to hell."

Taskmaster
7th Apr 2000, 01:41 PM
Man you are a trip.... just not sure to where! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

Check out www.reverendfun.com (http://www.reverendfun.com) to see my collaborations with a daily cartoon artist. Check out today's cartoon, 4/5, 4/3, 3/22, and 3/7... for more of mine. Later!



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Ciezo
7th Apr 2000, 05:31 PM
The bloodsucking shape-shifting alien comes after Ciezo first.

A large shadow looms over Ciezo. Slowly he turns around.

He sees that it's his girlfriend.

"Hey!"

*Blam

Ciezo falls to the ground and the alien sucks his blood.

"Whenever you think chainsaw, think Army of Darkness"




[This message has been edited by Ciezo (edited 04-07-2000).]

Wolf Blackstar
8th Apr 2000, 01:06 AM
The alien is startled by the sudden clamor of metal on the floor. A small metal cylinder bounces and rolls toward the alien, coming to rest just inches away from its feet.

The alien considers the small object, observing it with opaque eyes that shift like liquid and glow in the dark. It hisses, drooling acid on the floor.

The metal cylinder explodes in the creature's face, disintegrating its head and shredding its chitinous body into gooey chunks of giblets. Alien acid blood spatters the floor and walls.

A big beefy guy comes in and surveys the destruction wrought by the pipe bomb.
He then puts on his sunglasses, and slings a rocket-propelled grenade launcher on his back.

"My name's Duke Nukem" he says, "and I'm coming to get the rest of you alien bastards."



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"
PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Bring on the pain!

Taskmaster
9th Apr 2000, 09:03 PM
So CHRYSt, you still believe you're living in the "real" world? Good cause my bosses almost fired me for introducing Biff into your virtual real- uh, I mean never mind. I have to go now....

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Ciezo
10th Apr 2000, 12:23 PM
Where did Biff run off to anyway? =)

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Whenever you think chainsaw, think Army of Darkness"
http://teamx.clanhosting.com

GunnerX
10th Apr 2000, 12:33 PM
But alas!! Biff has been kidnapped by CHRYSt and has been turned into CHRYSt's personal love slave!!!

Poor Biff, poor poor Biff. We hardly knew you.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
[MUTTS]GunnerX

"If at first you don't succeed, don't try Sky Diving!"

CHRYSt
10th Apr 2000, 01:11 PM
Dude Task, that's weak! Homophobes really piss me off.

Biff's busy painting my house, and can't talk right now.

mmmmm....Scully...

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Morety
10th Apr 2000, 01:28 PM
/me is still scratching head trying to figure out whether it was really a decoy or whether it was lag...

Anyway, it wouldn't be the first time I got fragged for stopping to gib a body. /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

Mmmmmm. Giblets.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Morety[PuF] - Betcha can't eat just one...well c'mon...EAT ME!

Wolf Blackstar
10th Apr 2000, 05:47 PM
/me frags Morety again while he is scratching his head...

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"
PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Bring on the pain!

CHRYSt
11th Apr 2000, 12:02 AM
/me has sex with Dana Scully as everyone gibs each other.

(quite a one track mind these days, huh?)

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Morety
11th Apr 2000, 05:10 PM
/my dismembered member goes flying by Scully as she's skulling CHRYSt. She stops and runs after it, gets it stuffed by a taxidermist and uses it on herself.

/me then respawns naked and starts throwing fesces at CHRYSt and Wolf while scratching myself. (Damn fecal throwing monkey mod is turned on again.)

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Morety[PuF] - Betcha can't eat just one...well c'mon...EAT ME!

Taskmaster
11th Apr 2000, 06:09 PM
Might I interject (no pun intended) that things are getting a bit out of hand (again, no pun intended)! Maybe we should channel the story line in another, more wholesome direction... /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

trinity
11th Apr 2000, 09:04 PM
its a little late for that i think...

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"And since I am the ranking officer on this ship, if you don't like it, you can go to hell."

GunnerX
12th Apr 2000, 10:28 AM
*sigh*

/me wonders why every single thread ends up with nekked monkeys throwing feces at other people.

*splat* Uh-oh Mortey got some on Trinity.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
[MUTTS]GunnerX

"If at first you don't succeed, don't try Sky Diving!"

CHRYSt
12th Apr 2000, 12:58 PM
Because deep down, we all miss our ancestry of being naked poo flinging monkeys.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Morety
12th Apr 2000, 01:06 PM
roflmao

Morety
12th Apr 2000, 01:09 PM
Dang, I should know better than to roflmao in this thread...Here comes Wolf again...

/me hopes for a quick fragging as my stomach is hurting from roflmao.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Morety[PuF] - Betcha can't eat just one...well c'mon...EAT ME!

CHRYSt
12th Apr 2000, 01:13 PM
*CHRYSt gets up and looks around

"What has happened to this land? Ever since Taskmaster left us, it has changed from a wonderful spring of death and suffering for my pleasure, and has become nothing more than a castle of debuchery to amuse others."

*CHRYSt decides to take matters into his own hands.

*CHRYSt rounds up some leftover Taskmaster clones.

*CHRYSt puts all the clones into a box but 1.

*Taskmaster is whimpering as CHRYSt ties it to a chair.

*CHRYSt releases a swarm of chiggers into the room with Task.

*Task yells a lot as the chiggers bury themselves beneath his skin

*CHRYSt stands amused...thinking of what to do next.

"We're running short on clones...we'll need some fresh DNA. Until then, we'll have to do clone rationing."


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

Selerox[PuF]
12th Apr 2000, 01:49 PM
-Selerox walks through wrong door and ends up in this thread.

-Selerox decides to liven things up by adding turbo-lax to CHRYSt's Fanta.

-Selerox collapses laughing as CHRYSt ondergoes a full rectal-prolapse.

-Selerox realises that the wave of brown stuff is flowing across the floor towards him.

-Selerox leaps up swings across the room by a chandleer to escape the heaving mass of feacal matter.

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PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Come play dying.

Send articles/rants/editorials to The Soundoff (http://soundoff.cjb.net), home of the world-famous Llama Farm! (http://soundoff.cjb.net/llama.html)

Wolf Blackstar
12th Apr 2000, 04:51 PM
<UL TYPE=SQUARE>
<LI>Wolf Shock-Combos a crap-flinging ape into oblivion and wonders what to do next.

<LI>Wolf notices that the flowing mass of fecal contamination has spread out and has come to a stop.

<LI>"Damn, but that's a lot of crap! Why does it always have to be crap?"

<LI>Wolf lights a flare and pitches it into the now quiescent mass of methane-heavy bio-waste and watches it burn.
</UL>
http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"
PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Bring on the pain!



[This message has been edited by Wolf Blackstar (edited 04-12-2000).]

Taskmaster
13th Apr 2000, 09:53 AM
I had hoped that I was leaving this thread in good hands, however, I see that I was wrong! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif Well OK, you guys have done well, gave the old college try and, at times, were quite humorous, but please make way for the master.... well, maybe "master" is a strong word, but... if the shoe fits! /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif Boy, I'm in such a good mood today you'd almost think it was Friday. On with the story....


Beads of sweat formed quickly on Taskmaster's brow as he stood stiffly hunched over a rough-hewn stone pedestal. The dank cavern was dimly lit by small cracks in the ceiling that let in thin beams of the morning sun, that cut laser-like swaths through the dust.

The gold idol before him gleamed brilliantly in just such a thin ray of golden light. The brilliance of the solid gold sculpture was almost hypnotic in appearance.

Taskmaster ignored the drop of sweat rolling down his nose, even though it was screaming to be itched awayed. He was carefully eyeing every last inch of the sculpture, mentally calculating the approximate mass and weight. As his eyes traced the shape of the priceless idol, his hands cautiously filled a leather pouch with dirt and grit, hoping to achieve a weight matching that of the idol.

"Hey Task, you in here?" came the sudden loud voice echoing through the chamber, half scaring Taskmaster to death. Taskmaster startled, nearly dropping the pouch and losing his precarious balance.

"Stop!" hissed Taskmaster frantically, recognizing Morety's voice (even though he had never heard it or met him /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif ). Taskmaster heard the unmistakeable "spfitzz" of a poison arrow being fired from an unseen hollow in the narrow passage leading into the cavern. A moment later, with barely a scream, he heard the thud of a dead body fall to the floor.

He closed his eyes for a brief moment at the lose of another member of his expedition, but he shook all the thoughts out of his head and concentrated once again on the glittering gold.

With one hand poised over the golden sculpture and one hand holding the filled leather pouch, he moved with lightning fast reflexes, and in a single fluid motion he lifted the golden artifact and place the pouch quickly in it's place.

A self-satisfied smile formed on his lip, disturbing the beads of sweat on his upper lip. The sweat rolled down either side of his half-smile, but before they could hit the rocky floor of the cavern, the stone pedestal began to shake.

Soon the whole area began to shake violently causing the air to fill with the disturbed dust and small chunks of rocks to fall from the ceiling.

Taskmaster, driven by fear for his life, rushed toward the entrance, forgetting all cautions. He plunged headlong down the bobby trapped passages, jumped a forming chasm, ripped through huge tangles of cobwebs, and dove out the cave exit just as it was sealed by a massive boulder.

Taskmaster lay breathless in the dirt sucking in air for his burning lungs. Suddenly he felt a sharp pain in his right hand. He looked up to see a big black Army boot crushing down on his hand.

"Well, Taskmaster!" said a familiar voice. "Once again we see that there is nothing you can possess, that I cannot take away!" Taskmaster looked up at the face of his laughing nemesis, CHRYSt!

CHRYSt held up the golden figure high above his head catching the morning sun. The gold figure shown in all it's glory. The ancient Golden Carp of Buhuwana!

* Music builds to a climatic frenzy *

RAIDERS OF THE LOST CARP!


OK, ok... so it isn't very original, but at least I wrote it from scratch! So see where you can take this story.... /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Vortex
13th Apr 2000, 11:03 AM
Wow! I can't believe this thread is still going. Never posted or even read much of it until now so I don't really know what it's about. Still, it seems that most members here have posted on this thread so I may as well join them. Can I ask though, what is a chigger? It better not be a Pokemon! I won't try to expand that story cos I'd just mess it up anyhow. Unless Taskmaster and CHRYSt want to have a Pokemon battle or something like that.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when
a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."

CHRYSt
13th Apr 2000, 04:32 PM
Chiggers are small bugs that burrow beneath your skin and make it itch a lot and get infected. My granny got rid of mine when I was little by pouring hot wax on them and suffocating/burning them out...Speaking of which...

CHRYSt heads back to his secret lair of DOOM deep within the heart of suburban northern VA. In his right hand he is clutching the golden figure that he stole from Taskmaster.

CHRYSt enters the room where Taskmaster's clone has been tied up. Taskmaster is covered in blood, and someone has sewn his foot to his head. CHRYSt breaks out laughing, and nearly drops the golden figure.

"Ahhh...Morety's been here..." CHRYSt clicks a button, and 15 miles away, Morety finds himself swarmed with bees.

"I have the ultimate torture for you, Mr. Taskmaster...one of your counterparts unearthed it for me, and now it has given me the power of God himself!!! Bwahahahahaaaa!!! I am CHRYSt-like!"

Taskmaster begins to lecture about how Christ was just a mortal man, but CHRYSt pays no heed..."You let me have my fantasy! CHOO CHOO OUTSIDE!!!!" CHRYSt presses his face against a window to watch the train pass (I'm really doing this people...my office has a view of the tracks)

"Where was I? Oh yeah...shut up! If Ithink I'm special, then I'm special! I even have the helmet to prove it! Now, on to your torture!"

"Now, you will see what I have in store!Where are the keys to 6 Frags? Tell me or face my wrath!"

"I'll never tell!" says the brave, but fearful and currently chiggered Taskmaster. "Please, get these chiggers out of me!"

"Well, that I can do!" CHRYSt hops over to the kitchen and cooks a big heapin' plate of bacon. CHRYSt goes back down to his lair of DOOM and tells Taskmaster not to worry.

"What are you going to do? No, NO! Not that! ANYTHING BUT THAT! AAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRGGGGG!!!!" CHRYSt dumps hot bacon grease all over Taskmaster. All the chiggers instantly either die or flee their host.

"There ya go! Chigger free."

Taskmaster glares at CHRYSt through burnt eyelids. "Please, just kill me"

"Not till you give me that key."

"I can't! I won't have you slaughtering thousands of mes every day! It's unsanitary!!"

"Then prepare to take the worst I have to give."

CHRYSt inserts a pair of military grade earplugs into his nose.

CHRYSt realizes his mistake, and quickly puts them into his ears.

CHRYSt, very slowly, very methodically, takes the golden figure and places it on a table next to Taskmaster.

CHRYSt presses the golden figure's right eye twice.

A small key comes out of the top of the figure's head.

"Last chance, will you tell me?" asks CHRYSt as an evil grin spreads across his face.

Taskmaster, with sweat pouring down his burned headfoot fearfully shakes his head no.

"Your choice." CHRYSt turns the key.

Nothing happens for exactly 2.4533276990812213 seconds. Then, sound bursts from the golden figure:
"Baby, baby baby...."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...."

Taskmaster screams in bitter agony as Britney Spears fills his head.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

trinity
13th Apr 2000, 07:00 PM
CHRYSt, the chiggers, bacon grease, torturing of Taskmaster and the like, that was fairly accpetable, but forcing anyone to listen to britany spears? thats just plain EVIL

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"And since I am the ranking officer on this ship, if you don't like it, you can go to hell."

Wolf Blackstar
13th Apr 2000, 11:56 PM
Crazed with battle rage and blood fury, Wolf crashes through the door and with his bare hands, crushes the idol into a shattered pile of metal trash, finally silencing the infernal racket that even demons fear, much less refer to as "music."

Unfortunately, CHRYSt has escaped in the confusion.

Damn!

Wolf breaks out a Kabar and slices the ropes that held Taskmaster. "You look like hell, boy! Best be takin' a shower ASAP."

Before Taskmaster can thank Wolf for setting him free, he pulls an action-hero stage depart, crashing through the one window that has remained intact.



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"
PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Bring on the pain!

Vortex
14th Apr 2000, 07:01 AM
Ouch! Britney Spears! Perhaps u should change ur name to anti-CHRYSt LOL! Well, at least Taskmaster wasn't forced to listen to Steps.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when
a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."

Selerox[PuF]
14th Apr 2000, 07:11 AM
Selerox, long coat swirling around him, steps from the fog outside. He looks down at the pitiful remains of Taskmaster as he drags himself slowly towards the door, dripping with bacon fat.

Taskmaster almost makes it to the door when Selerox pins him to the floor with an iron clad guantlet, as he remebers what CHRYSt had said: "We're running short on clones, we'll need some fresh DNA. Until then, we'll have to do clone rationing."

Selerox bends down and whispers into the ear of the now trembling Task, "This is going to hurt you a lot more than me" and from his coat produces a long, valve studded syringe gun...



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PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Come play dying.

Send articles/rants/editorials to The Soundoff (http://soundoff.cjb.net), home of the world-famous Llama Farm! (http://soundoff.cjb.net/llama.html)

Wolf Blackstar
14th Apr 2000, 12:51 PM
......and dies as a rifle bullet pulps his cranium. His lifeless body collapses on Taskmaster, spilling blood and brains all over him. "This just isn't your day, is it?" says Wolf, holding a smoking sniper rifle.

"Now let's go, I just set this whole place to blow in 30 seconds!"

Wolf grabs runs out, dragging the bacon-fat and blood-stained Taskmaster with him.

the silence is deafening.......

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"
PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Bring on the pain!

Vortex
14th Apr 2000, 06:46 PM
One day we'll all be &lt;username&gt;-like and be able to contribute something to this interesting little story. If u can call it story that is. Anyway I have less than 70 posts to go now b4 IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo!

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when
a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."

Boom
15th Apr 2000, 07:13 PM
Ah, that's why this page is such a pain in the a$$ to read. Good luck on becoming Inhuman or whatever, but please don't do that again. /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

/me realizes he has unwittingly entered the thread of nasty deaths.

/me looks around nervously.

/me is suddenly crushed by the weight of the 192 posts in this thread.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
ShBoom, ShaBoom, Yadadadadadadadadadada, ShBoom, ShaBoom........

WAnk
15th Apr 2000, 08:18 PM
i think i am close to something here, better start spamming /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
ummmm WAnk??

Editors note: spam and die &gt;:\

[This message has been edited by Cobby (edited 04-19-2000).]

Wolf Blackstar
16th Apr 2000, 09:17 PM
/me chucks another post on the pile, further flatenning Boom.

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-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"
PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Bring on the pain!

Forty-Two
16th Apr 2000, 11:23 PM
/me adds a virtual ton'o'trash on top.

[BuF]Blorgg
17th Apr 2000, 06:27 AM
This topic is 14 pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14


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Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Editors note: Hrmmmm maybe we should close the thread&gt; &gt; /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif


[This message has been edited by Cobby (edited 04-19-2000).]

Selerox[PuF]
17th Apr 2000, 09:57 AM
Not fair! A wanted a bigger part than that! /~unreal/ubb/html/frown.gif

As he gazes at the bunker's vid screen Selerox shakes his head, he hadn't expected Wolf to be quite this efficient. "Some things you just have to settle yourself..."

&lt;As he walks out of the bunker, railgun in hand, he absent mindly kicks a book lying on the floor, the cover reads: The Idiots Guide to Cloning&gt;

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PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Come play dying.

Send articles/rants/editorials to The Soundoff (http://soundoff.cjb.net), home of the world-famous Llama Farm! (http://soundoff.cjb.net/llama.html)

{MNSG}a_nuke saugt Eselpenises aller Tag

CHRYSt
17th Apr 2000, 10:01 AM
Hey guys, Do us a favor and don't spam this thread. It was actually pretty cool until Taskmaster left. If you don't have a story (preferably one along the lines of Taskmaster dying) to tell, then don't post.
I'll update this particular post with a continuation of the story when I have the time.

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"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

p.s. Fück BellAtlantic

[BuF]Blorgg
17th Apr 2000, 10:14 AM
This topic now contains 200 posts WHOA /~unreal/ubb/html/wink.gif

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Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

GunnerX
17th Apr 2000, 10:34 AM
As Selerox sits down to read his new found "Idiot's Guide to Cloning", GunnerX appears out of the shadows. "You fool!" He exclaimed. With one pull of the ripper gun, Selerox's head was rolling on the ground. "Headshot!", shouted GunnerX.

GunnerX picks up the almighty book and puts it away in his trusty bag, then he disappears into the shadows.

In a lab 30 miles away, with the "Idiot's Guide to Cloning" propped on the table. GunnerX begins his experiment. With a huge vial of Taskmaster's blood, he took one drop. Which was all that was needed.

3 Days later, a cry could be heard from the lab. "IT'S ALIVE@!!!.. NO, THEY'RE ALIVE!!". Slowly, 20 figures, all looking like Taskmaster rises from their crypts. GunnerX has been successful in cloning Taskmasters!! The "Idiot's Guide to Cloning" was the key!

GunnerX then instructs the group of Taskmaster and tells them their objective. "Get CHRYSt!". The Taskmaster's gather up weapons and armor and went their separate ways, seeking the mighty CHRYSt!

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[MUTTS]GunnerX

"If at first you don't succeed, don't try Sky Diving!"

CHRYSt
17th Apr 2000, 12:38 PM
CHRYSt is busy hanging out at 6 frags.

"Oohhh hohohahaha!!! Wheeee!!! I love it when they release the starving gorillas on Taskmaster!!"

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

p.s. Fück BellAtlantic

GunnerX
17th Apr 2000, 01:26 PM
GunnerX has received a tip that CHRYSt has been "hanging out" with the gorrillas at 6 Frags!!

He then rushed to the communication console and issued an alert to the Taskmasters. By this time GunnerX was able to clone 200 Taskmasters and have sent them all to 6 Frags.

Upon arrival, the Taskmasters saw that CHRYSt was surely "hanging" with the gorrillas. With a quick coordinated fashion, the 200 Taskmasters subdued CHRYSt and the other gorrillas. From the looks of it, the gorrillas have made CHRYSt the "Gorrilla King"! They were very impressed by his feces flinging skills! From the smell of it, it seemed that CHRYSt was teaching these other gorillas lessons on feces flinging.

The Taskmasters brought CHRYSt and the gorrillas back to GunnerX's lab. GunnerX then took some blood sample from CHRYSt and a gorrilla.

The most hideous of all creation was upon us. GunnerX has created a Gorri-CHRYSt! The ultimate feces flinging machine! Let's just hope Wolf does not catch Gorri-CHRYSt off guard and blow his head off.

Out of nowhere, a figure appears. It was Scully!! What is she doing here? No! It can't be! She's attracted to Gorri-CHRYSt! What sick mind this woman has! With a quick flash of her legs she grabbed the momentarily stunned GunnerX and placed a gun to his head. He motions all the Taskmaster's to drop their weapons and lie on the ground. She then proceeded to Gorri-CHRYSt. With a flash, she was gone and so was Gorri-CHRYSt.

What does this woman's evil twisted mind have in store for Gorri-CHRYSt? We shall soon find out...

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[MUTTS]GunnerX

"If at first you don't succeed, don't try Sky Diving!"

Taskmaster
17th Apr 2000, 02:36 PM
With a final squeak the cart came to a stop at the foot of the bed. A small white cup containing a pair of light blue pills was removed by the soft smooth hands of a young nurse. She stood for a moment, lost in pity and sadness, as she let her eyes wander over the body lying in bed before her. Covered nearly from head to toe in a stiff white body cast, was a "John Doe" found left for dead.

It had been months, it seemded, since he had been brought in, barely alive. She still couldn't believe he was alive. By all accounts he should have been dead after the tragic accident he must have suffered. From the rumors she had heard, even part of his brain had been exposed through the ragged gap of flesh on his head.

She pressed the last pill into his mouth through the small opening in the cast. Holding the "sweat" covered glass of ice water up to his mouth, she inserted the free end of a straw for him to drink from. The water was returned to the small nightstand beside the bed.

The metal chart was lifted from the end of the bed and opened. The slender blonde made some quick notes to the end of the chart, glancing at the wall clock hanging at the end of the ward, several times while writing. It was 4:35.

From inside the sterile white cast a pair of bright blues eyes watched - sparkling with hope - as the young lady sat down in the chair by his bedside. She reached for the Holy Bible and began reading it. "The Lord is my shepard, I shall not want..."

The bright eyes of John Doe closed, as a tear streaked down his cheek. The terrifying images fled from his mind as he was enveloped by a peaceful feeling. Slowly bits and pieces of his past would burst forth into his consciencous mind... He held onto hope that one day he would be able to remember who he was, what had happened to him. He was only certain of one thing -- he would not rest until he found out the true meaning of the one word that filled his every thought... Taskmaster!

"Taskmaster," said the barely audible voice, cracked and wracked by pain from lack of use. "Taskmaster!"

***********

"7:03PM" muttered the security guard as he made a note in his log. He signalled the young lady to continue as the yellow arm that blocked the exit slowly raised with a jerk. The headlights of her car lit up the non-descript sign in the tree lined median... "Advanced Genetic Research - Department of Defense". The red tail lights faded into the darkness.



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Taskmaster
19th Apr 2000, 09:47 AM
"Ladies and Gents, step right up!" barked the carney standing in front of a dirty white tent covered with various unbelievable freaks of natures claims. "See the world-famous, one and only, Gorri-CHRYSt!"

"The missing link?! Half-man, half-gorrila!"

"You there... come over here!"

"You may never have the opportunity to see this twisted freak of nature again!"


*** OK, so basically I am just bumping this thread to the top. ***


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Morety
19th Apr 2000, 02:43 PM
*Morety was still in Florida taking a break from (simulated) reality and was drinking beer by the pool between hockey games

*Morety, sees three redeemers spawn side by side.

*Morety tries to pick up the one on the left, but it isn't actually there

*Morety grabs the one in the middle, and staggers with a silly grin back to his lawn chair.

*Wolf Blackstar cocks his sniper rifle, with the full zoom (8.3) and the cross-hairs lined up on the crotch of Selerox.

*Wolf Blackstar snickers to himself as he thanks himself for downloading the "Crotchmaster" mod, and has to re-aim.

*Gueryella flings poo on what is known as the Planet Unreal Forums.

*Gueryella thinks he's intelligent.

*Gorr-CHRYSt is running around a room defending against a mob of TaskMaster clones using his alt/fire poo spew.

*The real Taskmaster is lying in bed with half a head drinking/eating power-ups.

*Morety alt/fires the redeemer.

*Morety sees Gorr-CHRYSt and a roomfull of TaskMaster clones waiting to get fried

*Morety slaps the side of his cheek.

*Morety cries ouch!@#%$#$$ as he was stung by a bee.

*Morety's redeemer jerks to the left

*Morety cries as he gets stung by yet another bee.

*Morety's redeemer jerks to the right.

*Morety gets stung several times in succession by bee after bee after $%##$ing bee.

*Wolf Blackstar settles down from his snickering and draws a bead on Selerox' crotch.

*Morety's redeemer lands right on Wolf Blackstar's head.

*Wolf managed a rifle shot, but missed Selerox completely and hit Gueryella flinging his poo posts.

*Gueryella's body falls off the asteroid in Face and lands on the real TaskMaster, knocking him back down to only one health.

*Taskmaster's trigger finger went off at the impact, sending an alt/fire from his ASMD into a crowd of clones.

*Taskmaster fires, igniting a bright pink ball of fire.

*Taskmaster clones explode into giblets as the detonation of the ball ignites not only them, but the methane in the poo spew being used by CHRYSt.

*CHRYSt watches as the flame raced toward his sphinctre. However, lacking self control, he could not, would not, take his finger off the alt/fire button. The flames raced up the poo spew, into his sphinctre, and ignited him from the inside out.

*Boom laughs gleefully and hits his taunt button..."Boom"

*Selerox misfires his rocket as the Giblets of CHRYSt hit him on the back of his head. The rocket ignites his TaskMaster Cloner 2000 and it explodes.

*Selerox thinks about putting himself in the Llama farm for this silly suicide. But decides he likes himself and doesn't.

*Selerox' giblets land on Boom and knock him into the lava.

*Morety respawns by the pool and orders another beer, wishing the bar would have stocked Canadian beer.



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Morety[PuF] - Betcha can't eat just one...well c'mon...EAT ME!

Wolf Blackstar
19th Apr 2000, 08:15 PM
Taskmaster fades back into conciousness..... he looks around....he is surrounded on all sides by blue liquid?.....

He cannot speak. Yet somehow he is breathing. He is alive.

Taskmaster tries to see beyond the blue liquid, and through its distortion, he can make out heavy metallic bulkheads lined with computers and sensor equipment.

"Where am I?" goes through his mind.

Suddenly the silence is broken. "Nowhere of consequence - the secrecy of my lair must not be disclosed for now. Know now that you are safe here until you recover. Then we'll have work to do, and I mean work - this has gone way past FUBAR."

"Wolf?"

"That's right. You can't speak, but the computer is translating your neural impulses and printing them on a screen. You're getting my audio feedback through the computer as well."

The screen flashes: "what am I in..."

"It's a bacta tank. Over 85% of your skin was burned by the bacon fat, and we had to irradiate a massive infection out of your body, which was caused by the chiggers. In addition, we had to replace some of your bones - they were too thoroughly shattered."

"Why did you save me?"

"Well, it seemed that to everyone else, it was a "beat up on Taskmaster" thread, so I changed all that. But i had a more important mission at hand."

"Who are you working for?"

The Wolf sits down, loading magazines with match-grade sniper rounds. "No one but myself - I make my own business."

"You're -"

"That's right. A mercenary. I fought my share of battles from many sides over the years. I'm a veteran of the Tribal Wars; I needed money, so when I joined the Tournament, I went into business. But don't worry; I never go back on my word, neither do I return until I fulfil my contracts. Speaking of which, this has gotten far more out of control than what I'm being paid for. Remind me to call my superiors and tell them that my price has doubled."

"What's your mission?" asks Taskmaster, straining to see through the thick bacta.

Wolf snaps another mag into his rifle and cycles the bolt. Ka-Click!
"I'm here to put an end to CHRYSt's cloning operation - and that includes anyone else who gets involved." Wolf test-feeds a belt of depleted-uranium slugs into a Minigun. He stuffs his 782 gear to capacity with ammunition. "What I'm curious about is: Why you? Why not anyone else?"

Taskmaster shifts around in the gooey blue fluid. "It's because - he thinks I "amuse" him."

"I see. That explains why I found you still alive. Heres a sitrep: When I destroyed CHRYSt's stronghold, I knew CHRYSt would escape, but I intended to destroy all his cloning equipment and eliminate the clones themselves. It appears I have failed; Taskmaster clones still stalk the surface of this planet, and now we have Gori-CHRYSt. This has to stop. I can't let it get any worse."

"What are you going to do?"

"Find the source of the new clones and destroy it. Destroy any genetic material they still have, and terminate any hostile threat - including Gori-CHRYSt, if necessary. I also need to find out what Scully is still doing here. This has gone too far."

"But even if you destroy all the genetic samples they've kept, they can still use me for more."

"I'm not about to let it happen. But if you become too much of a security risk...." Wolf doesn't finish the sentence.

He slaps on a shield belt and grabs a Redeemer off the weapon rack. Then he walks out the heavy metal door, leaving Taskmaster alone in the dark blue liquid.

The silence returns.



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"
PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Bring on the pain!

trinity
19th Apr 2000, 09:58 PM
as wolf leaves unsuspectedly, a woman creeps into the lair. she does a few well-aimed back vaults (thereby evading the
tribes-esque laser-turrets) and lands in front of the bacta tank. She then methodically destroys the turrets and then hefts the bacta tank.
**man is it heavy** what has this poor sap been eating? shrapnel and bacon grease? oh wait he has...
* she decided to drag it out instead *
where will he be taken. what evil purpose is she stealing him for. will she sell him to the highest bidder? or keep him for her own amusement?
** who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. and women**




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"And since I am the ranking officer on this ship, if you don't like it, you can go to hell."

Taskmaster
20th Apr 2000, 04:55 PM
Hey Wolf... nice one man. You managed to include just about every piece of idiotic junk these guys have thrown in this thread (and I mean that in a nice way /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif) in a concise manner and still make it interesting...

Now if only I can figure out what to do with the real Taskmaster who is still semi-dead in the Advance Genetic Research facility with a sexy nurse taking care of him...

/~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

the creatoR
21st Apr 2000, 03:03 AM
Bravoo!!!!

Someone should make a movie out of this!
Let´s call it "jesus! CHRYSt Superstar!!"

[This message has been edited by the creatoR (edited 04-21-2000).]

Taskmaster
24th Apr 2000, 12:49 PM
Let's not and say we did!


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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Taskmaster
24th Apr 2000, 01:40 PM
Looks like something happened to our thread?! Not sure what, but it says there are 9 pages when there were 15 earlier. Maybe some of it was archived? Not sure.

Oh well.... such is life?



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Taskmaster
24th Apr 2000, 01:43 PM
Uh, nevermind... looks like they changed from 15 messages per page to 24 or so per page. Thread is all there just on fewer pages.

Happy Easter all....


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Wolf Blackstar
24th Apr 2000, 04:37 PM
The night chills with an icy wind as the creature the world has known only as "Gorri-CHRYSt" makes its way across the back country. Having long ago escaped the cages and chains of the freak-shows, the disgusting abomination of a lifeform has been on a rampage, mauling the hell out of anyone it comes across, leaving behind corpses with their faces bashed in or ripped off.

Wolf tracks the creature by it's unique, as well as incredibly powerful, stench. He can smell the reeking animal from miles away, and it is so strong it would be almost impossible to lose its trail.


The freak of science and nature rubs its armpits and grunts. It's eyes light up as it detects the odor of human stench. It gets excited at the promise of blood. It jumps up and down and scratches itself some more.


Seconds later, It charges into the brush, screaming a blood-curdling roar at the top of it's lungs, arms raised to crush, tear, and smash anything in it's path.

The Wolf is undaunted by the fierce and incredibly ugly monster heading in his direction like a speeding 18-wheeler.

He stands his ground.

Gorri-CHRYSt advances to within 5 yards of Wolf, than leaps into the air, limbs hooked like predatory claws ready to rend flesh and shatter bones.

The creature's eyes glow a diabolical red, and it's fang-filled mouth precipitates filthy green saliva like a rabid bulldog on speed.

It casts a shadow as it comes down on the Wolf.

Wolf dodges to the left.

Gorri-CHRYSt lands where Wolf had been standing, tearing the general heck out of the ground where his prey was located only moments before.

"Not too bright, are you, monkey-boy?"

The squalid mutant's face whirls around to face two Striker-12 shotguns held level. Wolf doesn't even wait to finish the sentence before he fires.

Twin crimson-orange flares lance into the night as 12 rounds of .70 caliber deer slugs and 12 rounds of armor piercing "Satan's toothpicks" flechettes tear into the monster's furry sides.

A most unearthly roar echoes throughout the sky. The residents of the nearby village lock their windows, bar their doors, and say their prayers.

The monster is far from dead. Now bleeding purple radioactive slime, it appears more enraged than before. It swipes at the Wolf with deadly claws.

The claws tear right through Wolf's Kevlar vest and flak jacket like it was silk. Fortunately it was not a direct blow. Still, It was more than enough to draw blood.

All expressions of humanity leave the Wolf's face as he faces the creature. His eyes turn to cold steel, and his face radiates nothing but pure, anadulterated rage.

Throwing the shotguns aside, Wolf pulls out a relic from the days of DOOM. A plasma rifle spits bright blue balls of burning superheated gas directly into the face of the furry monstrosity.

The result has instantaneous effect. The monster clutches its face and screams.

Wolf simultaneously activates a Damage Amplifier and a Quad Damage, and moves to the next stage. In one hand, a minigun spits blazing streams of 7.62 mm depleted-uranium slugs, while the other hand steadies the original DOOM chaingun, firing incendiary ammunition.

The raw firepower strikes the monster with more force than the Hammer of Thor. Fur, giblets and radioactive slime fly in all directions for miles as the most horrific creature ever to stalk the face of th earth is torn to shreds by the hail of amplified streams of hot lead.

Wolf stands in the purple glow, His face a mask of rage as he screams: "Die, you son of a bitch, Die! Die! DIE!!!!!"

An incredibly meaty explosion marks the demise of Gorri-CHRYSt as the weapons finally exhaust the chains.

Wolf is standing knee-deep in ejected brass, and is covered with bits and pieces of fur and gibs. Slime has stained his assault vest and flak jacket. He doubts that he has ever smelled so bad in his entire life. The acrid flavor of cordite mixes with the pervasive Gorri-CHRYSt stench.

"God damn it. I need a shower and a cold beer."

Too bad, Wolf thinks, this was only the beginning of the task at hand, and was, in all probability, the easy part.

The moon emerges from behind the clouds, and the chilled winds fan the wilderness as the mysterious mercenary dissapears into the night.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"
PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Bring on the pain!




[This message has been edited by Wolf Blackstar (edited 04-26-2000).]

Morety
25th Apr 2000, 05:17 PM
/me strolls down the streets with an old, rickety wooden wheelbarrow in tow...

"Bring out your dead. Bring your dead bodies here. Bring out your dead."

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Morety[PuF] - Betcha can't eat just one...well c'mon...EAT ME!

Because deep down, we all miss our ancestry of being naked poo flinging monkeys. - CHRYSt

Taskmaster
25th Apr 2000, 05:48 PM
Taskmaster lay motionless, which is pretty much all hs could do, given he was in a near full-body cast. His eyes peered straight ahead through the openings in the white plastered head cast. His mind was whirling a hundred miles and hour, but he body was still.

His mind raced with a thousand thoughts, but his hands barely twitched, his eyes barely blinked, his lungs barely breathed. "Had it finally happened?" he wondered in the deepest recesses of his mind.

On the adjustable, rolling table in front of him sat a laptop computer. It was specially equiped for the handicapped, and included voice recognition software as well as text to speech software. The computer sat waiting, still displaying the Planet Unreal forum text it had just read moments ago.

"I-I-I can't believe it!" he muttered. Someone had written a good story, and - the horror - it wasn't me! "Have I finally been topped? Has some one emerged to topple the thus far undisputed king of weird fictional deaths?"

Suddenly he felt it... deep inside. A feeling some how familiar, yet some how foreign. It was the feeling of determination welling inside him, driving him forward. He realized now that he had lost hope, lost his reason to live.

Now hope burned within him. He knew what he must do, he knew he must fight to survive. Through the sheer power of his will he forced his fingers to twitch, then to quiver and finally to clench!

Tears formed in his eyes and he relished their warmth as they streamed down his cheek. "Nurse." he tried to scream with his barely used voice. "Nurse!" he managed to shout through his strained vocal cords. He knew what he must do.....



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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Wolf Blackstar
26th Apr 2000, 03:05 AM
The tranquil cloak of darkness cast by the night is torn to shreds by harsh and piercing white lights. HMM-WV's and Jeeps form a corral around an area of the desert several miles in diameter. The lights are placed on posts and run by portable generators. They illuminate the area as brightly as if it were midday.

Scores of men dressed only in black biohazard suits walk the quarantined area. They pick through the grass and load the remains of Gorri-CHRYSt into a flatbed truck, piece by chunky piece. Around the perimeter, white sport-utility vehicles without license plates circle endlessly, and men in fatigues stand holding M-16's at the ready.

A doctor sits on the flatbed truck. He labels and bags each giblet, entrail fragment, and chunk of fur.

Men with flamethrowers torch the ground wherever the slime has landed, closely followed by men with Halon dispensers, quickly extinguishing the smoldering ground.

Others disinfect the area with powerful chemicals. Great pains are taken to insure that even the smell is obliterated.

High in the skies, two black assault helicopters circle like vultures, beaming powerful searchlights across the terrain. They bear no markings whatsoever.

In the midst of it all, Wolf stands talking with the two men who are overseeing the operation. One of them wears black suit and tie, has white hair, and is on his third cigarette of the evening. The other man wears a dark blue suit, and is carrying a black suitcase. Both of them sport smug, oily faces.

"And tell your bosses that my price has doubled."

"That would be most......inadvisable" says the man with the cigarette. "I don't give a f___ what it is, this mission is FUBAR, and I'm damned if I'm gonna clean up a mess that you guys started, and made worse, for the original price. And don't try to pull any of those moves like you've done in the past - I'm not some jackass federal agent who hunts UFO's and pays too much attention to his red-haired partner to smell a rat from his superiors when it comes."

"Your proposal is acceptable. But we we will require more information and status reports" says the man with the suitcase. "Incidentally, were you able to get a handle on the security risk?"

"Yes, but my sources are saying that he might just be another clone. This whole affair is turning to bantha dung real fast."

"In the future, we would appreciate if you would be able to utilize less......force......in your missions....."

Wolf stares at the men with an expressionless face. "At least I got the job done. Everyone else you sent is either dead, or has screwed the pooch."

"Yes....well.....try to insure it doesn't happen again."

"Sir?" a voice pops up from one of the guys in the chem suits. "The area has been cleansed, sir."


"Excellent. Prepare to move out." The man tosses his cigarette to the ground and steps on it. "I'll keep you guys posted" says the Wolf. The man with the suitcase follows him as they climb into one of the white SUV's and set off across the wasteland.

Within minutes, all equipment is removed from the scene, and not one sign remains of the operation, or Gorri-CHRYSt. The lights are shut off and loaded onto the trucks as the last of the men depart.

As the convoy retreats into the distance, the helicopters break off their patrol, and the desert is once again restored to its dark and quiet self.



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"
PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Bring on the pain!


[This message has been edited by Wolf Blackstar (edited 04-26-2000).]

Boom
29th Apr 2000, 05:37 AM
Boom visits Taskmaster (still in full body cast) at the hospital.

"Wow, you and the Wolf are great!" says Boom, "I wish could write like you guys, that thread is really something. I've read every post, and look forward to more."

"Thanks Boom." whispers Taskmaster through the mouthhole in his full body cast, "Um, while you are here, could you open the shades? I want to get a little sunlight."

"No problem." Replies Boom, "Let me just put down my redeemer..."

Taskmaster tries to shout, "WAIT BOOM, DO YOU HAVE THE SAFETY ON?" But in his weakened state, he can only get out, "Waaaaaaay..." before Boom (always true to form) kills his own damn self.

Will Taskmaster survive???
Will the body cast somehow protect him???

GRaVeDiGGeR
29th Apr 2000, 06:20 AM
sorry, i don't continue this story...it's been about a month or two since i been here and this post is STILL active...that's INSANE. are you people really this bored?

GRaVeDiGGeR
29th Apr 2000, 06:21 AM
sorry, i don't continue this story...it's been about a month or two since i been here and this post is STILL active...that's INSANE. are you people really this bored?

GRaVeDiGGeR
29th Apr 2000, 06:21 AM
sorry, i don't continue this story...it's been about a month or two since i been here and this post is STILL active...that's INSANE. are you people really this bored?

Morety
29th Apr 2000, 12:42 PM
/me holds the pistol trigger down and typekills Gravedigger.

* Gravedigger respawns in another thread, far far away.

This is an entertaining thread with some excellent creative work. I do most of my posting from my office, so yes, I am that bored.

/me gets combo'd by Wolf while typing this post.


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Freaking out on electric meat.

Wolf Blackstar
1st May 2000, 03:35 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica">quote:</font><HR>it's been about a month or two since i been here and this post is STILL active...that's INSANE. are you people really this bored?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

*snicker* *chuckle* *choke* *gasp* OK, can't hold it in any longer.....

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

/me continues laughing hysterically.

Thanks for making my work easier, Morety. :)

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"
PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Bring on the pain!

Our hearts go out to Prophetus (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~unreal/ubb/html/Forum3/HTML/007855.html). God bless you, we wish you the best.

Wolf Blackstar
1st May 2000, 04:30 AM
OK, back to the good stuff.

Somewhere in a different game world, a full moon is shining. The pale glow cast by the night orb illuminates the grassy fields and mountains, adding an ethereal ambience to the setting.

This is all rudely disrupted when an object comes careening downward from the stars at terminal velocity, where it lodges in the side of a rock with near-explosive force.

Amazingly, Taskmaster is still alive. The body cast seems to have remained intact. Peering through the two slits, he can see a deep purple sky and a full moon..... but no human-made structures are in sight.

The night suddenly comes alive with the sounds of untold hordes of creatures. Bird-like chirps are mingled with repeating sounds that resemble the calls of frogs. In the distance, more reptillian noises can be heard...... Taskmaster wonders where he is, and how many of these beasts he now hears are carnivorous......

--------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, The Wolf is eating dinner when a call comes through. After checking to insure a secured line, he patches it into his comlink. "Yes?"

The thin cold voice at the other end says: "It seems there's been a foul-up; our "package" has turned up missing."

"So much for your crack surveillance and security men......you do realize that this only raises my price, don't you? I hate having to clean up your messes."

The voice on the other end is silent. Then he says: "Actually, consider yourself.......fired."

The words are hardly finished being spoken when a team of Armani and Ray-ban clad assassins smash through the doors and windows of Wolf's house.

They lay down a punishing rain of lead with Uzi's and MP5's as Wolf dives across the table, rolls through the kitchen, and leaps into the basement.

The hitmen instantly dump grenades into the basement. After the explosions subside, the suits cautiously advance, and enter the room with weapons at the ready.....

It is empty.

Then Wolf's voice breaks the silence as he appears behind the goon squad with a fully-charged GES BioRifle.

"Translocator disk left in the gun room." He smiles as he releases the trigger.

The massive pulsating glob lands amidst the henchmen, obliterating them all in an enormous green explosion.

--------------------------------------------

The technician paces nervously back and forth in the charred remains of the lab. "How did this happen?" asks a man dressed in a suit and tie. His cigarette smoke fills the room with the stench of tobacco.

The technician stutters... "We're not exactly sure, sir......it's just that someone came in here, and...."

"Someone just barged in here, conveniently at the exact moment when the guards were changing shifts, and somehow brought a weapon of mass destruction in here and set it off. Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

"Well......y-yes."

Cold eyes bore through the technician's face like gun barrels.

"I am most displeased with your performance. Do you realize how far you've set us back with your failure?"

The technician fumbles about in his lab coat, and somehow manages to produce a CD.

"We kept backups of the genetic research, all of the data is on this disc. And then..... one of our men planted a homing device on the subject before he was lost. You should be able to track him."

"You've saved yourself a most.....undesirable reassignment." The man with the cigarette snatches the disc.

The lab technician flinches.

"Get back to work." The man stubs his cigarette out, pockets the disc, and leaves.

---------------------------------------------

In a dank, reeking dungeon, a piercing scream echoes off the walls as another clone is systematically tortured to death.

"They're still not strong enough."
CHRYSt watches the testing.

Selerox looks at the gibs of yet another Taskmaster clone, then observes the digital readouts ot the "testing" computers. "Yes....you're right.... we're missing some of the cloning data, and it's taking far too long to perfect this by trial and error. Their minds are just too......weak."

CHRYSt says nothing. His gaze extends out into the distance, beyond his stronghold of evil.

Then he speaks: "Don't worry about the cloning data, old friend. An "associate" of mine will soon be delivering us all we need....as well as lead us back to the real Taskmaster himself. And this time, there will be no escaping me. I will finish what I started."

He laughs, the essence of evil and hatred amplified as the wild cackling resounds throughout the dark halls.

Then all is quiet once more.......



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"
PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Bring on the pain!

Our hearts go out to Prophetus (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~unreal/ubb/html/Forum3/HTML/007855.html). God bless you, we wish you the best.




[This message has been edited by Wolf Blackstar (edited 05-01-2000).]

[PuF]Neo_Skinz
1st May 2000, 05:36 AM
Neo sits slighty tilted in his chair in a darkened room across from a shady figure. Neo has no idea of the shady figures identiy, the only distinguishable thing being his blue suit, though the mans identity of little concern to him.

A sealed envelope is passed across the table and Neo takes it and opens it. He flicks though the pages one by one reading the details for his assignment, under the watchfull eyes of his employers. Once finished reading through them Neo closes the documents and puts them back into the envelope, stands up and makes his way over the window.

"So the Wolf has returned after all this time", Neo says as he gazes out the window across the city. For a moment there is silence untill the shady figure behind him speaks. "Are you sure that you are up to this?". Neo sighs, "He was a respected fighter and good friend during the Skaarji/Earth wars...its a shame it has to end this way!"

One of the men in the corner comes forward from the darkness and whispers in the ear of the shady figure across the table. "Your chopper is ready Mr. Neo, you may proceed with your instructions, you have 48 hours to complete your mission", says the shady figure. "Is the equipment I specified loaded up?" Neo asks. "Yes" the shady figure replies. With out another word Neo exits the room and makes his way up to the roof where his helicopter awaits him.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
[PuF]Neo_Skinz
Visit Neo Skinz (http://www.neo-skinz.co.uk/) to see my Winamp and ICQ skins.

"Philosophy is to science as pornography is to sex!"

tykeal
1st May 2000, 05:45 AM
Little to CHRYSt's knowledge Taskmaster wasn't retrieved by his agent. Instead Tykeal stole him out from under everyone's nose.

But where has Tykeal been? Ahh... that is the question and one that shall be shortly answered.

------- Fade to flash back -------------

"Hey wasn't there a full moon about the time he disappeared?" Tykeal asked Mulder.

"Hmmn, full moon..." muttered Agent Mulder as he lapsed into deep though and began talking to himself, "...lunar madness, tidal forces, strange magnetic interferences..."

As Agent Mulder turns towards the man that Scully is questioning Tykeal quickly glances around making sure that nobody is looking and then quickly hurries off. Once away from everyone he pulls out a translocator control and shimmers out of existence reappearing on a star ship staying on the dark side of the moon.

"Right, Taskmaster's disappearance is perfect cover for my mission back to Gleeptoid IV. Soon I will deliver my report on the ripeness of Earth for conquest. Muahahahaha!"

--------- Jump forward a few weeks ---------

Returning Tykeal realizes that his report was very off base. Quickly starting a search he remembers the tracking patch he managed to stick on Taskmaster back on the camping trip they had had before Taskmaster opened 6 Frags. Pulling up data displays he starts scanning for the signal that should be still strong.

"What's this? Where is my signal?" mutters Tykeal under his breath. "Dang, he must of found the patch and removed it I guess I shall have to start my search without all the gizmos."

Tykeal pulls out a different skin and crawls in. "Nobody will recognize me like this," he muses. "Time to translocate down."

Thus starts his couple of month search for Taskmaster.

----------- Fade out of Flash Back --------

"Taskmaster, wake-up Taskmaster. C'mon it's Tykeal. I've found you after months of searching."

The figure on the medbay bed faintly flutters his eyelids. "Where... Where am I? What am I doing here?"

"Shh... don't worry, I've found you. No more horrible deaths without my say-so."

"Who are you? You said you were Tykeal? You don't sound like him, he was constantly killing me."

"I'm really Tykeal. What you saw before was how I really am. I've had a change of heart though. I can't be having you getting killed left and right. Well, at least not without my getting some of the action *cackle*choke* Sorry, it just kinda creeped out.

"I found you being held under sedation by Wolf. I couldn't let that continue I had to rescue you. Especially since CHRYSt has been gunning for you so much recently. He almost had you too, until I managed to spirit you away with both Wolf and CHRYSt none the wiser.

"Don't worry soon I shall have you in a shape to be able to take on everyone again and at that time I shall take over the worl.... errr... ummm.... everyone will live happily ever after, yeah that's it *blink*.

As we leave Tykeal we notice that there is a message flashing across the control screen, translating from Gleeptoidian we see "Admiral Tykeal the fleet will be in position in 12 earth hours what are your orders?"

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I belch in your general direction.

Taskmaster
2nd May 2000, 08:15 PM
Hey what do you mean "their minds are too weak?" I would be offended if I was intelligent enough to understand waht you meant! :)

So now I'm confused! IS the real Taskmaster on some other-worldly planet or is the real Taskmaster in Tykeal's mother ship? How can I write a story when I don't know what is going on? Oh wait... that's never stopped me before!


****************************


"Rrrrriiiiinnnngggg...." screamed a loud bell, demanding that it be acknowledged. It's shrill metallic chimming penetrated his deepest conscieness.

"Huh? What? Where am I?" queired a startled, and still half-asleep Taskmaster as he wiped a bit of drool from his chin. He shook his head and glanced around.

"Mr. Taskmaster!" boomed a loud voice that echoed around the emptying auditorium. "I would kindly ask that you find a more suitable location for sleeping than during my lectures!"

Taskmaster looked down at the stage to see his physics professor standing in front of a whiteboard covered with various equations.

"I fully realize that quantum theories of universal physics may be so exceeedingly beyond your miniscule comphrension as to appear boring, but I would dully appreciate the appearance of interest."

"Uh, yes sir. Sorry..." Taskmaster answered like a scolded child, "I've been staying up late to study."

The professor dismissed him with a less than sympathic wave and turned to erase the board.

Taskmaster felt the air conditioner kick on and suddenly noticed that he was soaked with sweat, and feeling rather chilly. He sat bewildered by an overwhelming sense of deja vu.

"Man!" he exclaimed to himself, "What a dream that was! Aliens, UFOs, FBI, black operatives, secretive genetic research."

He laughed tentatively at the recollcations of his dream, already beginning to fade from memory. "I have got to stop watching so much of The X-Files!"

Taskmaster gathered up his books and unfinished notes and left the building. He grabbed a soda at the Rattskeller and headed to his dorm.

"This would be a killer story..." he mused, "I think I'll write it down."




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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Wolf Blackstar
3rd May 2000, 03:03 AM
http://www.angelfire.com/games/UTstuff/images/XFile1.GIF


---------------------------------------------

As the fleet prepares to jump out-system, Admiral Tykeal takes a few minutes to relax and congratulate himself on accomplishing his mission.

With Taskmaster secured, the Gleeptoidians will have unlimited access to human genetics for research purposes. Tykeal revels in his own cleverness for choosing such an excellent specimen, as he is sure to provide the crew with plenty of "entertainment" on the long trip home.

The vessels engage their hyperdrive motivators and flash out of our dimension. No trace remains of the aliens or their secret mission.


http://www.angelfire.com/games/UTstuff/images/XFile2.GIF

---------------------------------------------

"And you're sure this device will work?" asks the man with the cigarette.

"Absolutely, sir. It's been tested before - we used it on monkeys. That's what he worked with before he gained access to Taskmaster for cloning purposes." The techie-henchman responds.

"Activate."

The techie-henchman throws a massive switch. Two massive electrodes cast blazing blue lightning bolts into the center of the room. After several seconds of elaborate computer-assisted animation, a portal begins forming.

Unfortunately, neither the smoking man nor his squad of henchmen have noticed the dark shadow that is slinking towards them even as they watch the inter-dimensional portal open.

http://www.angelfire.com/games/UTstuff/images/XFile3.GIF

---------------------------------------------

"Damn, what's taking the old bastard so long?" CHRYSt stands on the other side of the portal in anticipation.

*CHRYSt paces back and forth as only evil overlords can.

Suddenly, a small explosion of gibs bursts through the portal.

CHRYSt cannot recognize the thoroughly hollowpointed face of the dead man, but the stub of cigarette in his mouth is an instant giveaway.

The corpse holds in it's hand a CD case.....also neatly shot to pieces.

The portal collapses. No doubt the device on the other side is destroyed. Taskmaster is gone. The genetic research material is gone. All available sources have been eliminated. Another Ultimate Goal of World Domination(TM) is ruined.

"Ah well.....I don't need Taskmaster ro take over the world. After all, I still have unlimited resources of monkeys to experiment with!


"And besides", he chuckles, "no big deal about losing access to the portal. I'll be back soon. I'm evil. Thay can count on me returning. Soon, I will hold the advantages for myself once again!!"


*CHRYSt laughs diabolically*

*scene fades out as CHRYSt is laughing*


http://www.angelfire.com/games/UTstuff/images/XFile4.GIF


---------------------------------------------

In one of many of the small residential areas around the massive industrial complexes, a beat-up Chevy Suburban sits on the street.

Satisfaction, beams the Wolf as he loads several black suitcases into the back. The payoff of yet another accomplished mission.

Morety asks him what he plans to do next. Though they have been on opposite sides, Wolf has respect for this guy and thinks he's pretty cool, in an electric meat sort of way.

"After this wild ride? Right now I'm going home to sunny San Diego. After that, there's plenty more contracts available. I'm really glad to be done with this, as people were beginning to misinterpret me - they thought I was evil or something. I just work for myself, that's all."


"Guess I'll be seeing you around, then." says Morety.

"Oh, you will," says the Wolf. "But not the way you think you're going to."

"Hey! what the - " Morety's voice is cut off as Wolf injects him with a strange chemical.

"What did you do? I feel woozy...."

"Heheheh. This is a much more physiologically friendly way of erasing people's memories. Selected ones, to be exact. It removes them unconsciously, without harming one's conscious mind. None of that Hollywood stuff about people going through agonizing pain or any of that stuff."

"Hey...." says Morety. "I just remembered, I've got a hockey game tonight. I've got to get out of here."

"That's right," Wolf says. "You'll go back to doing what you're used to. Eventually, your conscious mind will be affected..... much like rebooting a computer. You'll probably doze off on your flight back. But you'll remember none of this - my role in this mission, anyways.....

This formula works so well, I can tell you that there are many government, military and certain other factions that think they've got their hands on the real Taskmaster right now. But all they have are clones - genetically malformed to prevent further cloning - the clones' minds are severly damaged if cloning is attempted. The clones these people have have also been chemically engineered to broadcast the same formula that will erase their memories as well. In fact, I used it on the real Taskmaster, who's probably waking up in class right now, wondering what he just experienced. When you regain consciousness, you'll think of this as nothing but a dream.....or say...a great story that was posted on a forum on the Internet somewhere......"

"Anyways..... I must move on now."

Wolf climbs into the Suburban and kicks the big 454ci V8 into life. The old truck roars its way out of Long Beach like a bat out of hell, with Wolf listening to the Grateful Dead on the long trip home.


http://www.angelfire.com/games/UTstuff/images/XFile5.GIF

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
-Wolf Blackstar

"A chainsaw! find some meat!"
PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Bring on the pain!

Our hearts go out to Prophetus (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~unreal/ubb/html/Forum3/HTML/007855.html). God bless you, we wish you the best.




[This message has been edited by Wolf Blackstar (edited 05-03-2000).]

Wolf Blackstar
3rd May 2000, 02:59 PM
Heheheh......I need the dark background for this to work properly......

Taskmaster
3rd May 2000, 04:51 PM
University of West Florida,
Pensacola, Florida
5/3/00 9:00 AM

"Awww man, that feels good." sighed Taskmaster as the warm water showered over him. He stood still for several minutes, leaning against the shower's tiled wall letting the soothing water run over him, from head to toe.

"I feel like I was hit by a truck" he mused, massaging his aching muscles. His head pounded, his thoughts were fuzzy and he was sore all over. "If I didn't know better, I would call this a hangover."

Since he didn't drink alchol, he could only assume this was what a hangover felt like, based on how his various friends had described the sensation. He didn't like it, which only made him more fascinated as to why someone would drink themselves into a stupor, puke all over, go through a hangover, and then call it having fun!?

Taskmaster just wanted to sleep, but he knew he had an important class to attend this morning. Try as he might, he was unable to shake the feeling that he was forgetting something important that he should be doing, or something he should be remembering.

Sister's birthday? No, not for a few months. Parent's anniversary? Nope, already past and he had forgotten as usual. Oh well, he was sure it would come to him soon or later.

He lathered up with a bar of soap. He noticed a very tender spot on the side of his leg as he ran the soap over it. When he rinsed the soap off he noticed a small red dot of blood and a forming bruise. "What in the world is that from?" he wondered aloud.

He washed his hair, rinsed off, and turned off the shower. After quickly drying off he tried to get a closer look at his leg. It looked like a mosquito bite, but a bit larger, and with an accompanying bruise.

Noting nothing major about the minor wound, he dressed and prepared breakfast in the toaster oven. Sitting to eat he scanned the campus newsletter, The Nautalis.

"Hmmmnnn... Participants wanted for dream therapy and hypnotic regression." he read. "That sound like it could be interesting!"

Suddenly noticing the time, he shoved the bagel into his mouth to hold it, and he gathered his books and notes. He left the school paper on his desk and headed to class.



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

Morety
3rd May 2000, 05:19 PM
/me squints his eyes and looks around...

"What am I doing here? Man, look how big this thread is. I don't have time to read it all, I gotta play hockey and drink beer."

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Whistling Belly Buttons Rule!

tykeal
3rd May 2000, 06:14 PM
Location: Somewhere on the way to Gleeptoid IV
34242.499 Glerk'na, Standard Gleeptoidian time

"Umm Admiral?"

"Yes? Can't you see I'm gloating?"

"We seem to have a problem. Remember you told us to clone Tasmaster to continue the experiments we need to perform? Well..."

"Out with it!"

"I think you should come see, sir."

------- Medi bay -----------

*In the background: Crash.... clatter.... "Get that thing out of here!"

"Sir, this is the problem"

*Tykeal shakes his head.
"I can't believe this is happening. What is that thing? I look's like cross between Taskmaster and a monkey.... and what is it doing tossing feces all over the place? Where did it get feces?"

"Sir, it's an Earth animal... where do you think it got feces?"

"Grr... Alright," Tykeal activates his comm, "helm, reverse course. We're heading back to Earth."

Tykeal turns to the officer. "Get that thing out of here, don't kill Taskmaster, find out what the problem is."

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I belch in your general direction.

tykeal
6th May 2000, 05:03 PM
Somwhere between Earth and Gleeptoid IV
77474.009 Herc'a, Standard Gleeptoidian Time

"Admiral, we have a problem"

"Not again, as if having a feces flinging Taskmaster semi-clone isn't enough. What's the problem now?"

"Oh, not much, just that the feces flinging Taskmaster semi-clone has morphed and is now eating the rest of the science crew."

"I told you to kill that thing!"

"I know sir, we jetisoned the creature 1 Glark'la after you told us to remove it's presence. However, apparently the thing managed to survive outside the hull and being in a warp bubble. It managed to find a way back inside. Apparently the exposure to the direct effects of the warp bubble have mutated it."

"Mutated in what way?"

"Well, sir, it seems to be some sort of brown ooze and it's devouring anyone that has had any contact with it."

"Are you sure that's the Taskmaster semi-clone and not some other alien being?"

"Positive sir, it screamed out 'Tykeal you git I'm gonna find you and I've got a rocket with your name on it!' Which we took to be some sort of Earth greeting or something."

Tykeal turns pale at the explanation, "That's not a greeting that's a threat. I think that thing has a vendetta or something against me. How soon until we reach Earth? I want to drop that thing off over CHRYSt's compound, it should be fun *grin*"

"I estimate another 14 Glark'las."

"Good... keep me informed of any other problems. Oh, and try and contain that thing."

"How sir? It's eating anyone that gets near it."

"How else? Drop a VR unit nearby with a replica of 6 Frags on it, that should keep it entertained or something."

"Yes sir."



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I belch in your general direction.

OshadowO
7th May 2000, 02:01 AM
don't mind me I'm just adding my name to this long long long post.
/add name OShadowO
//name added


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
0shadow0
Don't shoot!! I'll die if you do. I'm warning you....ahhhhggg...medic
Suicidal Maniac and damn proud of it!!
http://members.tripod.com/~fazal_k

[F-U]Ruffrider
7th May 2000, 02:46 AM
This is a big freakin topic!

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
AKA [Ci]Ruffrider
"My House!"
In the words of Boom... "Boom!"

Taskmaster
8th May 2000, 07:59 PM
"I tell ya, John," said Taskmaster as he slid his plastic tray along the stainless steel edge that ran the entire length of the cafeteria's food serving area, "something is really wrong here!"

"Wha'da mean?" John asked as he selected an entree.

"I haven't slept right in days." he answered. "My thought are all twisted in knots and I can't concentrate on..."

"Rocket Launchers?" Taskmaster suddenly blurted out as he looked at the menu.

"Rocket what?" asked his puzzled friend.

Taskmaster closed his eyes tightly for a moment. "That's what I mean!" he said now seeing that the menu read "regular lunches."

"Too much studying if you ask me!"

"Yeah, and when have you known me to study?" quipped Taskmaster.

"Well, that much is true." John grabbed three oranges from the ice of the desert bar and began toss them in the air. "Check this out..."

Taskmaster stood as if in a trance as a strange and foreign memory suddenly flashed to life in his mind's eye. He saw a mime juggling glass bottles get violently killed by a large truck.

"Hey man, what gives?" demanded John, with a gentle slap to Taskmaster's face. "You alright?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, fine." he muttered. "It just happened again. I keep seeing these people in my mind. Everytime I see them they get killed. I try to save them, but I can't!" Taskmaster shuddered in helplessness. "I really think I'm going crazy."

"Man, you're just under a lot of pressure with finals and all." reassure his friend as they sat down at and empty table.

"I hope you're right..." stated Taskmaster as he started at the lifeless meal. "I hope you're right."




http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)

tykeal
9th May 2000, 01:39 AM
"Sir, are you sure that was a safe thing to leave rampaging around in that compound?"


"Don't worry young slug, CHRYSt can take care of himself. I should know, the number of times he killed Taskmaster is phenomenol. You never know what you can do with bubble gum and a chiuaua until you see what CHRYSt can do!" *shudder*


The young officer looks at Admiral Tykeal and turns pale, "Sir! You can't mean out best torture method..."


"Actually, CHRYSt invented it, we had to tone it down some."


"Retch... Excuse me sir, but I can't possibly think of the ramifications of someone like that."


"Well, don't worry, either that slime will kill him, he will kill the slime, or well, I would hate to think of the consequences of that then"


*bleep* "Admiral we are approaching an adequate distance to be able to drop a translocator beacon on the campus were we've located Taskmaster what should we do?"


"Await my signal... I feel that we need to do some observation of Taskmaster in what appears to be a very contrived existence for him."


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I belch in your general direction.

[This message has been edited by tykeal (edited 05-09-2000).]

Ripper069
9th May 2000, 10:33 AM
MAN, is this the biggest/longest thread??? :)

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"Where Ever You Go, There You Are" Thunderdome

LordKhaine
9th May 2000, 11:17 AM
Earth Lunar Orbit
08/05/00
22:00 GMT

In total silence, the silence of space, circled a new power. A new, immense and yet unheard of force, a force that soon shall make such a bold and decisive move, all shall scatter before it.....

The bridge of the space ship was quiet, only the sound of the computers, radio chatter and the ever present throbing sound of the engines disturbing the silence. Here and there could be seen a member of the crew, all busying themselves with the varous tasks of differeing importance. A old greying man, the Captain of the ship, observed the view screen, surveying the beutiful site of a lunar sunset.

A man emerged from the shadows, the mysterius figure of Lord Khaine. He wears a full suit of jet black armour, with a fearsome skull mask, his long black cloak streams out behind him. He swept accross the brige like a dark shadow of death, his presence having an immediate and very powerful effect on the crew.

"My Lord, we have come out of warp and are hidden from earth scanners behind the moon", said the captain.

"Excelent work Captain, you shall be rewarded for your valuble service. Are the clones formed and prepared?" replyed Lord Khaine, his voice with a metallic hint.

"Almost my Lord, the Taskmaster clones will be prepared in 48 hours, they are in the final stages of formation."

"Order the troops to prepare for the attack, I shall lead the recon force personnaly. Our recon target shall be the theme park known as 6 Frags Over Florida. Our sources indicate that the real Taskmaster is residing in a college nearby. We shall not fail this time Captain."

"As you command my Lord".

The Captain departs to fufil his task. Leaving Lord Khaine with nothing but the view for company.

"At last we shall meet the mighty Taskmaster, with his memory erased his will be easy prey. And as for Tykeal, Wolf and Chryst, they are mere pawns to the greater powers. They waste there pityful time chasing clones."

He sighs, "All to easy."

Lord Khaine looks to the view screen and brings his fist down hard on to the railing.

"Taskmaster, you are mine. My master has dark, dark plans for you, and so do I."

Lord Khaine turns and leaves, and the bridge returns to normality.

CHRYSt
10th May 2000, 12:35 PM
"Yes, my lord."
The servant scuttles away in terror for he knows what awaits him, yet his loyalty to his master is absolute.

Deep within his own world, CHRYSt watches the outside. "Curses! That blasted Lord of the Khaine has returned to spoil all the glorious misery I have created upon this tiny planet. I must defeat him once again!"

CHRYSt begins his plans to step up his world demolition schedule.

"Bring me 5000 of my strongest monkeys! And a bear claw!" CHRYSt has the monkeys loaded into small pods equipped with hyper-velocity poo flingers and bananas. He has the bear claw loaded into his tummy.

"Open that portal!" The portal to the universe in which Earth exits is opened 4.68 billion clicks from the Gleeptoidian sun. CHRYSt broadcasts a message to the primary planet of GleeptoidVII and it's neighboring colonies:
"Gleeptoidians unite! We must descend from our positions of upper-dimensional awareness, for there is turmoil in the lower 3rd. The Lord of the Khaine has returned with a mighty army of Taskmasters, and he wishes to spread peanut butter across all within this realm! Join me, if ye be loyal, and we may defeat this Noog of Trathax!"

CHRYSt recieves a reply stating that all 14trillion Gleeptoidians are ready to give their immortal lives in the name of CHRYSt.

CHRYSt, with his force of Angry dirt weevils turns and begins his assault on the Lord of the Khaine...

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Where's the BACTINE?! Some of this blood is MINE!!" -- JTHM

p.s. Fück BellAtlantic

Wolf Blackstar
13th May 2000, 03:20 AM
http://www.angelfire.com/games/UTstuff/fleet.GIF

Wolf's boots clank on the starship's metallic hallway floors. He makes his way to the bridge. Red battle lights flash in the corridors, and on both sides stand heavily-armed space marines in battle armor, their weapons at the ready. Wolf enters a secret code at a computer terminal and walks through a heavy steel door, entering the bridge.

Crewmen sit at their stations, monitoring communications and tracking the two fleets. The tactical holo-display clearly shows their opposing positions.

Wolf turns to a gray-haired man in full dress uniform. "Your report, Admiral."

"It seems like we have an interesting situation, sir. The new force is of completely unknown origin, but the second fleet is undeniably CHRYSt's - and here's the kicker - the Gleeptoidians are backing him up. From what we've heard from our comm-intercept ops, we're fairly certain the new force is under control of a certain "Lord of the Khaine" whose plans include the familiar conquest-of-the-world-as-we-know-it affair. Ho hum."

"Move the fleet into laser range, Admiral."

"Are we going to full alert, and engaging?"

"No. Keep us cloaked for now. But have all fighters ready for action and all marines ready to launch. Charge the plasma accelerators to maximum."

"Already taken care of, sir. I anticipated such."

"Excellent. We'll just hang back for now and let them destroy each other. I want to see just how good a fighter this "Lord of the Khaine" is, and how well CHRYSt can hold his own on a fleet action. In the meantime, have some of heavy assault cruisers flank them from the other side of the moon and have them stand by. We'll wait until we get a better idea of what's going on before we get our fet wet."

"Yes, my lord." says the admiral, hurrying off to prepare the rest of the strike force.

Wolf stays at the bridge, staring through the viewscreens at the two fleets as pre-engagement maneuvers begin.


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-Wolf Blackstar
http://www.angelfire.com/games/UTstuff/images/chainsaw.GIF





[This message has been edited by Wolf Blackstar (edited 05-13-2000).]

tykeal
14th May 2000, 12:59 AM
Earth Orbit
22:30 GMT Earth Standard Time

Tykeal looks around at his crew of 5 Gleeptoidians pondering the vagaries of life. He doesn't look happy with the message that he is holding in his hand.

"Are you sure that this is correct?"

"Sir, the security codes match."

"Grrr... I can't believe that they would do this!"

Tykeal stalks over to the security officers station. "Where are they now?"

"Holding Lunar orbit, sir."

"What's their status?"

"CHRYSt's fleet seems to currently be manuvering for some sort of advantage over this Lord of the Khaine's fleet."

"And Wolf?"

"Sir, Wolf's fleet is holding their position. It looks like they are watching to come in and clean up whoever doesn't make it out of the confrontation."

Tykeal glances down at the missive again. "I don't care what high command says. We of Gleeptoid IV are not privy to what those of Gleeptoid VII do. CHRYSt can go suck a klak'thla-ta for all I care."

"Sir, high command states that we must assist CHRYSt."

"Fine, we'll help CHRYSt... just make sure the tracer on Taskmaster is correct."

"Sir, he injested it with his last meal. We've got at least 30 Earth hours before we have to administer a new tracer."

"Good. Ready the main phasers and the main shields. When CHRYSt and this Lord of the Khaine start make sure that we fire upon Khaine's warp cell."

"That could be dangerous sir. Our last report says that Khaine is using a power source from the 6th dimension."

"Make sure you get a clean shot then!"

"Yes Sir!"


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I belch in your general direction.

tykeal
14th May 2000, 01:05 AM
You know, for a thread that started out trying to entertain CHRYSt it sure has taken a decidely out turn.

Who would have thought that we would be fighting over who got posession of Taskmaster instead of who got to kill him in a new and exciting manner?

Who would have thought that the person we were orignally trying to entertain would now be about to start an extra-terrestrial war?

Ok... enough rambling... I just had to say something though :)


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I belch in your general direction.

titanus
14th May 2000, 12:04 PM
Wow this thread is long..

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" Repeat after me...I'll never, ever take on a god again." - Rugal B.

LordKhaine
15th May 2000, 11:37 AM
Earth Lunar Orbit
15/05/00
13:00 GMT

"My Lord, our sensors have detected a large fleet moving into an intercept course. Shall I inform the contact of the situation?"

"At once Captain, we must not get involved this early, the clones are not yet fully formed. Tell her to first sabotage the sensor's on CHRYSt's ship, then to use her charms on CHRYSt. Im sure Xylene will be up to the challenge, after Taskmaster damaged her camara, she will find a great deal of pleasure dealing the final blow to Taskmaster" replyed Lord Khaine.

Lord Khaine turned to the captain.

"Captain, put flight commander Zaccix on the secured channel imediatly"

"As you command my lord" replyed the captain, his hands dancing on the keys as he obeyed his orders.

The view screen crackled into life, the helmeted figure of Zaccix, commander of the 707th Silver Dragons squadron appeared.

"My lord, what is your bidding?"

"There has been a change in plans commander, order you squadron to prepare for launch in Deck 1, I shall meet you there shortly. It is time to test our stealth fighters in battle. With the new cloaking devices we shall be able to by pass the enemy fleet undetected."

"At once my lord, we shall be ready to launch in 2 hours"

"Excellent work Zaccix, Khaine out"

The view screen faded.

"Captain withdraw the fleet to a safe position at once"

"Yes my master", the Captain withdrew to obey his tasks.

"It is time Taskmaster..."

He pulled out a device, an evil looking device, with strange spinning lights and blades. Strange runes on the device glowed with a slow pulsating light.

"...for you to meet your maker"

Morety
15th May 2000, 01:21 PM
Meanwhile, back on earth, Morety is having his post hockey game beer.

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All that lives is born to die. - Page/Plant

Taskmaster
16th May 2000, 01:12 AM
"Yuucck...that stuff tastes terrible." exclaimed Taskmaster swallowing a mouth full of stomach tonic. "Lunch is really kicking me back today!"

"I knew I should have spit out that really hard chunk of gristle."

He pulled open the door of the mini-refrig that was sitting next to his bed. He grabbed an ice cold can of Caffine Free Pepsi (you too can place a product advertisement here for just pennies a day) and popped it open.

"Aahhh, that is some crisp, clean refreshment!" he sighed as he held the Pepsi can up, holding it ackwardly so that the entire Pepsi logo was visible to the viewers. He took a big swig of the cold liquid and washed down the linger after taste of the calcium carbonate.

Grabbing a half-empty bag of Dorito chips (this could be your product - ask me how!) he walked into the study and sat down in front of the computer.

"I can't believe that Zaccix guy said my web site was 'old' style." muttered Taskmaster as he continued his work of reformating his web site. He had spent a weekend updating it once, then after reading up on some JavaScript and DHTML, he had updated it again.

"This is so much better! I guess I should thank him for making me actually learn something." he said. "Why am I talking to myself?" wondered Taskmaster as he worked. "Oh yea, so all the people reading this can know what I am thinking."

After completing some final adjustments and testing, he uploaded his new site via FTP.

"Now, if only I can get people to visit the site to see all the hard work I put into it..." he thought. "All they have to do is go to <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/mondayadv"" TARGET=_blank>http://www.geocities.com/mondayadv"</A>

The heat generated by his desk lamp began to take its toll. His mouth was dry, his tongue was parched, his throat was tight, so he took another long, slow drink of cold Pepsi. Hard to believe they can pack that much delicious flavor into just one 12 ounce can!

Having satisified himself that the new web site was working fully, he shutdown the computer and turned on the television.

"Hey look!" thought Taskmaster, "It's the world premier showing of 'Glactic Battle Beyond the Cosmic Reaches of Outer Space'! I can't believe this movie is already on TV...it just came out about 5 years ago."

Taskmaster sat drinking his soda and eating chips while watching the beginning of the movie. During the commericals he flipped over to CNN to see if they would actually introduce a news story that hadn't played already for the last two days.

"I can't believe this plot!" laughed Taskmaster. "Who would believe that an unsuspecting moron accidentally stumbled into some type of top secret genetic research, and that these various human and alien species are fighting to gain the knowledge that is encyrpted in his DNA, and that their massive fleets of space ships are all perched in high Earth orbit just waiting for the most advantageous moment to attack?"

"Did they put 10,000 monkeys in a room to come up with that garbage? I mean come on..." critisied Taskmaster. "Of course that guy playing the humble, unwitting dupe is pretty cool, has an occassional burst of brilliance, and he likes Pepsi (see you get your money's worth here), so he can't be all bad!"

Taskmaster continued to watch the rest of the movie, and when it finished there was still nothing new on CNN. After watching a quick bout between Al Gore and George Bush on Celebrity Deathmatch he turned off his Sony television.

Since it was late, Taskmaster brushed his teeth with an Oral-B toothbrush using Tatar Control Crest paste, turned off the GTE made lightbulbs and crawled into bed. He knew he would have a restful sleep on his Sealy posturepudic sleeper.

"Thank you God for another wonderful day!" he chimed as he drifted off to sleep.


==============

Hehee, I was just having fun with this one. I still managed to leave the story wide open. I'm looking forward to the next twist and turn!

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I declare myself to be the self-annointed voice of reason for PuF! Opinions expressed by Taskmaster are not necessarily those of Planet Unreal! :)


[This message has been edited by Taskmaster (edited 05-15-2000).]

[This message has been edited by Taskmaster (edited 05-15-2000).]