Remember kids,idle hands are the work of the devil [Archive]

Morety

23rd Jun 2000, 07:54 PM

Not only that, it helps prevent prostate cancer. Rub those balls boys, rub them for what it's worth!

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]LoL (http://home.triad.rr.com/jmayes/lol/)[Morety|PuF

The More-tician. Bringing up the dead (topics).

]LoL[ - Strength, honour, nekkidness and beer.

The Dopefish

23rd Jun 2000, 08:23 PM

Good advice.

/me continues his constant masturbation

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

SkummyB|BuF

23rd Jun 2000, 10:41 PM

ROFL!

Morety

24th Jun 2000, 12:09 AM

how the f*ck do you constantly come up with these?

"Beelzebub" put it over the top for me. Nice touch.

Kristina|BFH

24th Jun 2000, 02:56 AM

I don't have balls! What am I supposed to rub?

Goughmezz

24th Jun 2000, 02:58 AM

Now Kristina what kind of question is that??? Don't you have a clitorus? HAHAHA!!!!

Kristina|BFH

24th Jun 2000, 02:59 AM

Just wanted to see how many males knew of it. I certainly do. My favorite body part. Handle with care and it shall reward with great pleasures.

hehe

Morety

24th Jun 2000, 11:55 PM

I've heard of a clitoris, but I think it has something to do with foreplay, which I don't know too much about...

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]LoL (http://home.triad.rr.com/jmayes/lol/)[Morety|PuF

The More-tician. Bringing up the dead (topics).

]LoL[ - Strength, honour, nekkidness and beer.

Kristina|BFH

25th Jun 2000, 02:12 PM

Look it up MORETY!!! If you want a sex life it will make it fun for all.

:) :) :) :) :)

Trust ME. A satisfied woman will let you get away with more sh!t.

[This message has been edited by Kristina|BFH (edited 06-25-2000).]

[This message has been edited by Kristina|BFH (edited 06-25-2000).]

DividedSky

25th Jun 2000, 02:19 PM

Wasn't Clitoris an emperor of ancient Rome of something? :)

DS

FrigginAnT

25th Jun 2000, 02:23 PM

Oh what a thread....

Heehee i found out what a clitoris was when i was 17....it be your friend...and your enemy...be nice to it and she will be very nice to you :)

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{FU}Clan....I HEAR YA!!!!
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Losers_Revenge

25th Jun 2000, 05:27 PM

I thought that this might be a serious thread.....little did I know that it was going to turn into a sex ed class.....but man....it's a good thing no one else is around....I'd hate to have to explain why I wa laughing...(I'm at work :()

Morety

26th Jun 2000, 05:48 PM

for the record: I'm a 37 year old married man. Foreplay is a thing of the past. I jump in there and get it over with. As far as I'm concerned it's a race. Whoever comes first wins. ;)

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]LoL (http://home.triad.rr.com/jmayes/lol/)[Morety|PuF

The More-tician. Bringing up the dead (topics).

]LoL[ - Strength, honour, nekkidness and beer.

The Dopefish

26th Jun 2000, 05:53 PM

It's like a race eh?

*gun fires* AND THEY'RE OFF! :)

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

OshadowO

26th Jun 2000, 05:53 PM

I dunno Liguid Sin if somebody invents your blow job vendor machine then...then we will have no choice but to let the devil win. It's a losing batle I tell ya!
-------------
{SeeD}OshadowO
Here but not here

Dark_Outlaw lPuFl

26th Jun 2000, 06:02 PM

But see Morety, unlike us males, females sometime need a...ahhhh... "jumpstart" so to speak...

and if you treat the clitoris just right...she'll jump ya all the way to the finish line...

Kristina|BFH

26th Jun 2000, 06:09 PM

Don't listen to Morety Dope.

Got to take your time and enjoy it sometimes. Races are good for the late night Booty Call but it is soooo much better if she likes it.

Don't need foreplay, just go down and get things started. Then it's my turn.

Wolf Blackstar

26th Jun 2000, 06:22 PM

"Gun Control" plays a big part in this....

The Dopefish

26th Jun 2000, 06:25 PM

Kristina: I'm not Morety. I'm not 37! I think I would know. :)

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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Dark_Outlaw lPuFl

26th Jun 2000, 06:25 PM

as kristina says...go down, rev the engine...

next thing ya know...she's off!!!

time is the greatest tease of all...

that and a feather...

Dark_Outlaw lPuFl

26th Jun 2000, 06:26 PM

...gun control...

ROFLMAO...

Goughmezz

26th Jun 2000, 06:36 PM

Anyone here like giving oral to women?

Morety

26th Jun 2000, 06:37 PM

Looky all you young tykes telling Kristina "I can do foreplay! I can do foreplay!" LOL.

When we first met, it was house sex. Anywhere in the house that wasn't used was used. (Foreplay included)

Then it was bedroom sex. Mainly in the bedroom.

Now it is hallway sex. When we pass each other in the hallway, we say "F*ck you" "F*ck you too"

(I hope you all know I'm j/k) :)

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]LoL (http://home.triad.rr.com/jmayes/lol/)[Morety|PuF

The More-tician. Bringing up the dead (topics).

]LoL[ - Strength, honour, nekkidness and beer.

Dark_Outlaw lPuFl

26th Jun 2000, 06:45 PM

i like giving...but not as much as recieving...

nothing worse than a guy who says "why yes i like giving more than getting" just trying to get attention.

please...it's in our genetic makeup as males to have more fun getting than giving...but if ya know how to do it well...ur girl will have no problem giving...course, that's my experience...

26th Jun 2000, 06:49 PM

I knew that was going to be the punchline when I saw the topic.
Helpful hint: Try painting your fingernails pink...and pretend its somebody else ;)

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Don't start no $hit and there won't be any. Otherwise I'll DEVIATE from my normal nice self and jump all over your triffling a$s :]
{DvT}UY

26th Jun 2000, 06:55 PM

I think LS is giving Chryst a run for who can post the "greasiest/sickest" topics...but I think Chryst still has a commanding lead. It will be difficult for anyone to top his. :)

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Don't start no $hit and there won't be any. Otherwise I'll DEVIATE from my normal nice self and jump all over your triffling a$s :]
{DvT}UY

Morety

26th Jun 2000, 07:03 PM

...additional to UY's suggestion: You could always paint the other hand's fingernails blue and pretend you're screwing around on yourself.

Yep, CHRYSt still has the lead. We should take into account that L_S was out since after Christmas though...

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]LoL (http://home.triad.rr.com/jmayes/lol/)[Morety|PuF

The More-tician. Bringing up the dead (topics).

]LoL[ - Strength, honour, nekkidness and beer.

Goughmezz

26th Jun 2000, 07:48 PM

Morety-

HAHAHA!!!! "F*ck you" hahahaha!!!! "Hallway sex" hehehe...

L_S

26th Jun 2000, 07:56 PM

Ahh I see right through your little scheme guys. You're trying to bait me so that I go on a posting binge. Well I'm not your little posting whore, any entertainment value you get out of my posts should be coinsidered a gift.

btw my posts are neither greasy nor disgusting, but rather informative and revealing.

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"Set it, and forget it." Ron Popeil, genius inventor

27th Jun 2000, 12:17 PM

Definitely "revealing" Now I know why you too so many breaks in between games :D

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Don't start no $hit and there won't be any. Otherwise I'll DEVIATE from my normal nice self and jump all over your triffling a$s :]
{DvT}UY

CHRYSt

27th Jun 2000, 01:07 PM

When it comes to masturbation, remember:
1. Motor oil is NOT to be used as a personal lubricant.

2. I don't care how long you want it to last, don't plug your pee-hole with a drywall screw.

3. If you can fit more than one drywall screw in your pee-hole, you're either doing something wrong, or else you're just some kind of pee-hole widening freak.

4. Don't even THINK of using a fork.

5. When looking for a good place to masturbate, NEVER follow a Will o' the Wisp.

6. STOP! DROP! and ROLL!

7. Evil.

8. Always wear approved eye protection.

9. Don't use sandpaper to clean up.

10. When masturbating in public, please don't be selfish. Offer passerbys the opportunity to watch and learn. Not everyone knows the drywall screw trick.

If you follow these simple rules, masturbation can be fun and profitable. If you ignore them, you'll die.

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If it doesn't move, climb it. Or, if it moves real slow, that's OK too. Like old people.

CHRYSt

27th Jun 2000, 02:58 PM

Oh,one more.

Always use the buddy system. That way no one gets hurt.

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If it doesn't move, climb it. Or, if it moves real slow, that's OK too. Like old people.

L_S

2nd Oct 2000, 11:10 AM

Just saw the rerelease of The Exorcist and felt it necessary to remind all the young ones out there that Satan is everywhere. So do your part to combat his evil ways. Now if you'll excuse me I am about to go practice what I preach.

Morety

2nd Oct 2000, 11:38 AM

Sorry it took me so long to reply to this *excellent* bumped post, but it's not easy typing with one hand you kno-oh-Oh-OHYEAH-YESSSS!!!!!!

Ahhhhh. The poisons have left the building.

Boom

3rd Oct 2000, 03:34 PM

Hey, why is it that different hands feel differently on the Slang. A hand is a hand, right? I'm not even talking about skills or anything, just the feel of the flesh touching the flesh. I get these different reactions...

1. Doctor's hand - Very uncomfortable. Want it to stop. Glad I don't have cancer, now can I go home?

2. My own hand - Very nice. I could do this all day.

3. A girlfriend's hand - Wonderful, makes me smile and say things I don't mean.

4. An attractive woman touching it for the first time - Indescribable! Better than UT. I lose the ability to speak and can only make Three Stoogies sounds like, "Nyaa Nyaa Nyaa!" and "Whoopupupupupupupupup!"

BTW, this is why guys cheat. The only reason I never cheated is because my conscience/guilt is stronger than my desire for feeling number 4.

Boom

3rd Oct 2000, 04:43 PM

Oooo, I'm proud of that last post. I think it deserves its own thread.

Time for a little cutting and pasting. ;) :D

PsychoMoggieBagpuss

19th Mar 2004, 12:48 AM

fap fap fap fap

I'M TEH WINNEH!!

hyrulian

19th Mar 2004, 01:16 AM

?? :con:
What's the bumping occasion?

phillys

19th Mar 2004, 02:11 AM

/me masturbates

fap fap fap fap

hyrulian

19th Mar 2004, 02:34 AM

/me masturbates

fap fap fap fap
So that's how sounds of masturbation are spelled. :)

spm1138

19th Mar 2004, 02:49 AM

Isn't Clitoris a town in Greece?

I'm sure we drove past it on Lefkada...

It occurs to me that if you were beating teh meat hard enough to make a real audible FAPping sound you'd be in danger of doing yourself permanent damage.

PsychoMoggieBagpuss

19th Mar 2004, 03:13 AM

Isn't Clitoris a town in Greece?

I wonder if the postmen have as hard a time finding it as some of the guys on here do...........

stoned_jedi

19th Mar 2004, 03:33 AM

the best way of practicing foreplay is to learn to play the banjo

ding-ding-dingalingadingding

AMMAGETSVM

19th Mar 2004, 03:47 AM

?? :con:
What's the bumping occasion?

He's the last man standing.

PsychoMoggieBagpuss

19th Mar 2004, 04:11 AM

the best way of practicing foreplay is to learn to play the banjo

ding-ding-dingalingadingding

Ok, so your idea of foreplay is that scene from deliverance?

Uh oh.......