A scream of pain shattered across the lake outside of Quimbo's cottage. A rabbit who had been sitting by the side of the lake turned and looked momentarily, before going back to cleaning itself.
Quimbo sucked his thumb while checking the wooden door for any more splinters.
He found one and screamed again.
Frowning he walked out into the sunlight with both thumbs in his mouth and headed towards his vegatable garden. Quimbo was a good gardener. No, he was the best garderner. All the village knew it but sadly so did Quimbo. He'd earned his reputation for having a firey temper and a big ego rather than a neatly planted cabbage patch.
"Sod off!" He shouted at the rabbit. The rabbit didnt move.
"Sod off or i'll skin ya and cook ya!". Quimbo never actually followed through his threats but he was hoping the rabbit didnt know this.
Scientists are unsure if rabbits are able to show facial expressions, but if they could this one was showing the expression of mild amusement. Having an angry dwarf, sucking both his thumbs, make threats upon your life is enough to make anyone smile.
Quimbo stood and gazed at the smiling rabbit for a while before a shimmer near the lake side caught his eye. He wandered over to have a look. It was a fish. Nothing strange about a fish in a lake, he thought. He turned to get on with planting the sprouts and then it clicked. He span back just to make sure he wasnt still drunk from the night before. Damn. He hadn't imagined it... the fish wasnt in the water. He thought to himself trying to work it all out.
"Maybe one of the fisherman dropped one on their way back?" He said to the rabbit, who just wiggled its nose in reply.
*plop*
His head turned towards the noise and was just in time to see a silvery fish jump out of the water onto the shore. The fish flopped about a bit, gasping for air before finally slowing to a halt. Quimbo walked over and picked it up, turning it over in his hands.
*plop*
Another one further to his right.
*plop*
And another further along from that.
"Bloody hell" he said to anyone who might be listening, just incase this sort of thing happened a lot.
The truth is that Quimbo wasnt a night time drinker. He wasnt even a daytime drinker. He was one of those few 'alltime' drinkers. He hadnt seen soberness for the last 5 years ever since his wife died and he was buggered if he was gonna see it again. He usually didnt know what day it was, which baffled the rest of the villagers as to how he knew when to plant his crops. The first two years of good crops had been put down to luck by the village council. The next 3 years , it was decided, MUST be due to divine intervention.
After about 10 minutes of watching suicidal fish make their last great leap before heading off to the Chip shop in the sky, he decided that fish really shouldnt be doing this and ran towards the village to tell the others.
---
"Maybe they were sunbathing?" Kardo sheepishly enquired. Kardo was a member of the village council and was in charge of all the villages money. The rest of the council werent to worried about Kardo stealing any, because quite frankly, he wasnt that bright. It required a small amount of intellect to pull off something like that, and Kardo didnt have it. However, he could count, and was punctual. This made the council happy. The village ran up a few debts over the year and if they werent paid on time, things went missing. Usually body parts.
"Fish?! Sunbathing?" Proclaimed Celsik, who'd held the position of mayor, although no one could remember why.
"Well, yeah, fish sunbathe don't they?" Kardo wasnt too sure this was true but he was damned if he could think of another reason why the fish had committed the 4th great sacrilidge.
Within the dwarf community there were 5 great sacrilidges... Number 1 was Murder but this was ignored if the victim was a git. Number 2 was adultery. Dwarfs mate for life. In their culture, interchangable women is almost unheard of. Number 3 was theft of another dwarfs property but this was exempt if the victim was also a victim of the first sacrilidge. Afterall, what did a dead dwarf want with leather boots? The 4th was suicide. It is believed that killing yourself is very cowardly, but if you really must die, then you could always act like an utter git and hope someone commits number 1. The 5th was singing out of tune. The numbering system of the sacrilidges are not in order and number 5 is probably the worst that anyone can commit. Theres nothing more annoying than an out of tune dwarf.
"Sigh. No Kardo, fish dont sunbath, they dont have little shops where they can buy sunoil and they dont enjoy the odd surfing session. They're fish. They erm.... well... What exactly do fish do?" Celsik enquired.
"They jump into fishing nets" proclaimed Zalkar. As a human Zalkar would be an idiot, but as a dwarf, he was a genius. Dwarfs arent well known for their IQ's. If a dwarf doesnt understand something he'll either try to kill it, or eat it. Dwarfs dont usually like the smarter members of their race but Zalkar was a familyman, and was responsible. On top of that Zalkar, his wife Minas, and his daughter Tresha were strong supporters of the old ways which pleased the council more.
"Ah, well then. There's your answer! The fish believe that the fishermen are there with the nets." Celsik look around with a smug grin on his face. He nodded to himself and slammed the ceremonial hammer down to call the end of the meeting.
--
Quimbo plodded out of the village hall thinking to himself. His thoughts were along the lines of 'That dumb bugger' and 'Who voted for him anyway cos I sure as buggery didn't!'.
The answer is that no one voted for Mayor Celsik. The entire village was so appauled at the line up of candidates that no one actually voted for anyone. In town law this meant that Mayor Celsik, who was running for re-election at the time, was automatically returned to his post. That was 20 years ago. Its been the same every election since. Well, except for 7 years ago when someone had voted for Tresha's pet guini-pig, but they couldnt have a guini-pig as mayor... they'd be the laughing stock of the whole dwarf community. It would be worse than the time when one of the villagers from Timagora had married a pebble. Well, its an easy mistake to make, the pebble did have moss growing on it and if you squinted kinda looked like a minature dwarf.
As Quimbo walked back to his cottage, his mind all over the place, he looked at his reflection on the lake surface. He stuck his tongue out and carried on. It was only after he'd got home that he'd realised something horrible. Something to ghastly for words. The dead fish were gone. He ran back to try and find them. If the villagers came to the lake and saw no dead fish then Quimbo would be in big trouble. No one likes a drunk dwarf who tells stories and gets everyone all excited about nothing.
He thought momentarily about what to do. He could always kill a load more fish and lay them by the side of the lake, but it was getting dark as it was and he didnt have time to catch that many fish. He sat down on a rock and thought about his predicament for a long time.
--
Quimbo sucked his thumb while checking the wooden door for any more splinters.
He found one and screamed again.
Frowning he walked out into the sunlight with both thumbs in his mouth and headed towards his vegatable garden. Quimbo was a good gardener. No, he was the best garderner. All the village knew it but sadly so did Quimbo. He'd earned his reputation for having a firey temper and a big ego rather than a neatly planted cabbage patch.
"Sod off!" He shouted at the rabbit. The rabbit didnt move.
"Sod off or i'll skin ya and cook ya!". Quimbo never actually followed through his threats but he was hoping the rabbit didnt know this.
Scientists are unsure if rabbits are able to show facial expressions, but if they could this one was showing the expression of mild amusement. Having an angry dwarf, sucking both his thumbs, make threats upon your life is enough to make anyone smile.
Quimbo stood and gazed at the smiling rabbit for a while before a shimmer near the lake side caught his eye. He wandered over to have a look. It was a fish. Nothing strange about a fish in a lake, he thought. He turned to get on with planting the sprouts and then it clicked. He span back just to make sure he wasnt still drunk from the night before. Damn. He hadn't imagined it... the fish wasnt in the water. He thought to himself trying to work it all out.
"Maybe one of the fisherman dropped one on their way back?" He said to the rabbit, who just wiggled its nose in reply.
*plop*
His head turned towards the noise and was just in time to see a silvery fish jump out of the water onto the shore. The fish flopped about a bit, gasping for air before finally slowing to a halt. Quimbo walked over and picked it up, turning it over in his hands.
*plop*
Another one further to his right.
*plop*
And another further along from that.
"Bloody hell" he said to anyone who might be listening, just incase this sort of thing happened a lot.
The truth is that Quimbo wasnt a night time drinker. He wasnt even a daytime drinker. He was one of those few 'alltime' drinkers. He hadnt seen soberness for the last 5 years ever since his wife died and he was buggered if he was gonna see it again. He usually didnt know what day it was, which baffled the rest of the villagers as to how he knew when to plant his crops. The first two years of good crops had been put down to luck by the village council. The next 3 years , it was decided, MUST be due to divine intervention.
After about 10 minutes of watching suicidal fish make their last great leap before heading off to the Chip shop in the sky, he decided that fish really shouldnt be doing this and ran towards the village to tell the others.
---
"Maybe they were sunbathing?" Kardo sheepishly enquired. Kardo was a member of the village council and was in charge of all the villages money. The rest of the council werent to worried about Kardo stealing any, because quite frankly, he wasnt that bright. It required a small amount of intellect to pull off something like that, and Kardo didnt have it. However, he could count, and was punctual. This made the council happy. The village ran up a few debts over the year and if they werent paid on time, things went missing. Usually body parts.
"Fish?! Sunbathing?" Proclaimed Celsik, who'd held the position of mayor, although no one could remember why.
"Well, yeah, fish sunbathe don't they?" Kardo wasnt too sure this was true but he was damned if he could think of another reason why the fish had committed the 4th great sacrilidge.
Within the dwarf community there were 5 great sacrilidges... Number 1 was Murder but this was ignored if the victim was a git. Number 2 was adultery. Dwarfs mate for life. In their culture, interchangable women is almost unheard of. Number 3 was theft of another dwarfs property but this was exempt if the victim was also a victim of the first sacrilidge. Afterall, what did a dead dwarf want with leather boots? The 4th was suicide. It is believed that killing yourself is very cowardly, but if you really must die, then you could always act like an utter git and hope someone commits number 1. The 5th was singing out of tune. The numbering system of the sacrilidges are not in order and number 5 is probably the worst that anyone can commit. Theres nothing more annoying than an out of tune dwarf.
"Sigh. No Kardo, fish dont sunbath, they dont have little shops where they can buy sunoil and they dont enjoy the odd surfing session. They're fish. They erm.... well... What exactly do fish do?" Celsik enquired.
"They jump into fishing nets" proclaimed Zalkar. As a human Zalkar would be an idiot, but as a dwarf, he was a genius. Dwarfs arent well known for their IQ's. If a dwarf doesnt understand something he'll either try to kill it, or eat it. Dwarfs dont usually like the smarter members of their race but Zalkar was a familyman, and was responsible. On top of that Zalkar, his wife Minas, and his daughter Tresha were strong supporters of the old ways which pleased the council more.
"Ah, well then. There's your answer! The fish believe that the fishermen are there with the nets." Celsik look around with a smug grin on his face. He nodded to himself and slammed the ceremonial hammer down to call the end of the meeting.
--
Quimbo plodded out of the village hall thinking to himself. His thoughts were along the lines of 'That dumb bugger' and 'Who voted for him anyway cos I sure as buggery didn't!'.
The answer is that no one voted for Mayor Celsik. The entire village was so appauled at the line up of candidates that no one actually voted for anyone. In town law this meant that Mayor Celsik, who was running for re-election at the time, was automatically returned to his post. That was 20 years ago. Its been the same every election since. Well, except for 7 years ago when someone had voted for Tresha's pet guini-pig, but they couldnt have a guini-pig as mayor... they'd be the laughing stock of the whole dwarf community. It would be worse than the time when one of the villagers from Timagora had married a pebble. Well, its an easy mistake to make, the pebble did have moss growing on it and if you squinted kinda looked like a minature dwarf.
As Quimbo walked back to his cottage, his mind all over the place, he looked at his reflection on the lake surface. He stuck his tongue out and carried on. It was only after he'd got home that he'd realised something horrible. Something to ghastly for words. The dead fish were gone. He ran back to try and find them. If the villagers came to the lake and saw no dead fish then Quimbo would be in big trouble. No one likes a drunk dwarf who tells stories and gets everyone all excited about nothing.
He thought momentarily about what to do. He could always kill a load more fish and lay them by the side of the lake, but it was getting dark as it was and he didnt have time to catch that many fish. He sat down on a rock and thought about his predicament for a long time.
--
