How to Take a Shower

[Lizard Of Oz]

How To Shower Like A Woman:

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according
to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your
boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to
the bathroom.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your
gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting
fat.

4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long
loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83
added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83
added vitamins.

7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced
with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
red raw.

9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as
you must make sure that it has all come off).

11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to
get it waxed instead.

12. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you
lose the water pressure.

13. Turn off shower.

14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with
Tilex.

15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African
country.Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with
nails/tweezers if found.

17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

18. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any
exposed and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting
dressed.

How To Shower Like A Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave
them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the
way, flash her making the "woo, woo" sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut
scratch your balls.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one)

6. Wash your face

7. Wash your armpits

8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap bar.

11. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)

12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.

14. Pee (in the shower)

15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on
the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub when
you checked your Mohawk.

16. Partial dry off.

17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size.

18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

19. Leave bathroom fan and light on.

20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your
girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and
thrust your pelvis at her.

21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

[badmaninheaven]

I dont bathe.:p

[Flare123]

I just get in the shower, wash my hair with shampoo then wash the rest of me with soap. it takes 5 minutes to do and im out and 100% cleaned. :rolleyes:

[DeeperShade]

Ick, i must be a woman :eek:

I follow the first method, tho i dont have that many soaps/towels and stuff... :p

[Camel]

lmfao:D !!!!!!!

it's so true:D

[The Dopefish]

I'm split. :)

[EmptySpace]

:lol: Hehehehe... Funny stuff, and most of it's true! :lol:

[afkik]

its all true except for pissing in the shower....:con: :D

[Flare123]

yeah, why the hell would you piss in the shower? thats sick. :D

[G-Lite]

lmao :D
I'm kinda between a man and a women, but I sertainly don't pee in the shower! :con:

[tarquin]

I know of at least 1 female who admits to peeing in the shower. claims it works wonders for athlete's foot...

as for leg-shaving, IMO it's far too much mucking around for anyone of either sex.

[Flare123]

I bet 75% of you pee on the floor when trying to aim for the toilet :D

[afkik]

hm......no. :rolleyes:

[Selerox]

Originally posted by Lizard Of Oz
[b] 12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

lol :D

[Wolf Blackstar]

Originally posted by Flare123
I bet 75% of you pee on the floor when trying to aim for the toilet :D

Nope. My aim is like a sniper rifle. Never misses.

I don't do that in the shower though, and my hair isn't long enough to create a shampoo Mohawk, but everything else is dead-on.....farting included. :)

]LoL[Wolfram

[SadaraK]

Why is "ppe in shower" so late in the process? :D

[Lizard Of Oz]

http://www.80s.com/saveferris/images/ferris/pkshower.jpg




...and for you avatar hunters - one possibility:

http://www.tvdance.com/ferrisbueller/10a.gif

[pine]

LOL, man that's great. Now I'm pissed I just changed my avatar :(

[hal]

Yes women may take longer... but they smell so nice.

[IntRed]

thats a fact alright hal :)
i love them just for the smell of them
my shower takes 7 min tops, its the drying and after care that takes a while, shaving, looking at muscles :p, getting dressed

[ShockRifle]

I love this forum, cracks me up everytime:D

[PsychoMoggieBagpuss]

Suprised no one has used the Rooney avatar yet :D

[DRT-Maverick]

If you had long hair it'd take u long to wash it too! :p

[Clayeth]

It's scary how accurate that is... although I don't pee in the shower... any more. :D

[DRT-Maverick]

I hope to god you don't pee in the shower. You're walking in your own urine, ewww.

[Clayeth]

when I was little I use to aim for the drain ;)

I've reformed :D

[LHABulldog6]

Holy **** Liz, stay out of my bathroom.

/me snatches his notepad

[Beowolf]

My shower needs to be cleaned :o

Seriously, when you feel dirtier getting out of it than in it, it's time to start scrubbing :D

[Warm Pudgy]

peeing in the shower is actually beneficial to your feet

the amonia in your peepee kills athletes foot and other irritating fungi:D

[5150]

On a side note--urine is sterile.

Go for the gold and stay away from carl.:D

[pReTTy_vAcaNt]

I've done the shampoo mohawk, lol :lol:

While reading the women's showering one, I couldn't help but think about all the used up resources because of this. and thinking about all that soap they use makes me sick, it's like poisoning yourself :hmm:

[OM {god}]

just for the record i dont pee in the shower (all the time) but

I hope to god you don't pee in the shower. You're walking in your own urine, ewww.

pee + shower = goes down the hole and not on feet

that said theres just times when peeing in shower has to be done, such as hangover showers when you cant actually get out of the shower and goto the toilet in time

its

"groan groan groan mummble complain, too bright, need pee, legs dont work, work damn legs work, oops, peepee!"

[Nemephosis]

I pee in the shower. It gets washed away, so what :p

[Hunter]

http://www.80s.com/saveferris/images/ferris/pkshower.jpg


:lol:


i pee when i get in spend 10mins thinking of crap wash hair get out sit on pc in towel :)

[Thrash123]

Ugh. I share 3 showers with a wing of people in my dorm. I hope they don't piss in the shower, and I'm glad they don't walk around nude (I walk around in my undies, but that's it).

[DeDpoet|BuF]

when my soap is mostly used up I slide it thru my crack and shout "credit or debit?!?!"
:D

[Gundato]

:lol:


i pee when i get in spend 10mins thinking of crap wash hair get out sit on pc in towel :)


add "fart repeatedly" and you have my shower :D

[Hunter]

I hope to god you don't pee in the shower. You're walking in your own urine, ewww.


ur not because it gets washed down the plug whole.


:lol: @ gundy

i fart in the bath :)

[TheEndruu]

My shower is so dirty, I'm with Beo, I feel dirtier afterwards sometimes lol. It takes like a half hour for it to drain, it's pretty clogged. If I peed I'd be garunteed to be standing in my urine for the rest of the shower. And masterbating is a COMPLETE disaster, ending with it all in my leg hair. I no longer do that stuff in the shower, and never will again lol.

[Gundato]

and urin walking depends on the shower.

mine is pretty much a bath tub with a showerhead and curtain so mine will get washed down.

but those little stalls it really depends on your aim.

[Hunter]

My shower is so dirty, I'm with Beo, I feel dirtier afterwards sometimes lol. It takes like a half hour for it to drain, it's pretty clogged. If I peed I'd be garunteed to be standing in my urine for the rest of the shower. And masterbating is a COMPLETE disaster, ending with it all in my leg hair. I no longer do that stuff in the shower, and never will again lol.


you make me sick, clean your shower

[TheEndruu]

I'm always hoping my little brother will break down and do it.

[El Diablo]

:lol::tup:

God that's great! It's all so true too!

:lol:

[DRT-Maverick]

peeing in the shower is actually beneficial to your feet

the amonia in your peepee kills athletes foot and other irritating fungi:D

What if you're 'pissin' razorblades' from a urinal track infection?

[The Twiggman]

What if you're 'pissin' razorblades' from a urinal track infection?

Then it hurts to pee in the shower I guess.

But anyways ya that was hilarious, and so true too. Hehe no other way to put it.

[DRT-Maverick]

What if some guy walked into your bathroom and just pissed on your feet?

[TheEndruu]

That'd be awful rude of him.

[DRT-Maverick]

he's just trying to stop athlete's foot, right? ;)

[Kaligraphic]

Nope. My aim is like a sniper rifle. Never misses.

Is that why I keep hearing 'Headshot' coming from your house? ;)

when I was little I use to aim for the drain

I've reformed

when I was little I use to aim for the drain

I've reformed

So now you don't aim at all?

What if some guy walked into your bathroom and just pissed on your feet?

People do that all the time. It's kind of a greeting around here: say hello and piss on one another's feet. (j/k:))


And personally, I would say that one ought to do one's peeing at the beginning of the shower. Get it done with, and the water from the rest of the shower will wash it away. Hey, I can't spend all day in there, can I?

[laserL]

i piss in the shower before i even get in sometimes and if i do get in ill point upwards and piss all in the air and over the curtains/walls. i mean, it gets washed off with the humidity and water bouncing off you. i masturbate in the shower too sometimes shooting it onto the wall/soap dish and it takes awhile to get off (myself that is, i dont clean up the wall or soapdish)

also i like pissing behind the toilet and saying it must be a leak or something to the females of the house lol this is hilarious.

sometimes i piss in the sink

[Kaligraphic]

when my soap is mostly used up I slide it thru my crack and shout "credit or debit?!?!"
:D

Whoah, wait a minute - that's you?

I'm the guy who yells back "debit!"

[PsychoMoggieBagpuss]

sometimes i piss in the sink


Hah, I had a friend who did that.

He was a bit pissed and staying at his girlfriends parents house and his reasoning was that he didn't want to flush the toilet and wake everyone (at the time they had some trapped air in the pipes so lots of knocking occured whenever the toilet was flushed).

He navigated it in the dark without falling over anything (he didn't know where the lightswitch was either) and he thought he was successful, until the next day that is, when he gets up (late and hungover) and find his girlfriend and the rest of the family are glaring at him.

They leave pretty sharpish after a very somber breakfast. Its only when she drops him off home that she tells him that the plug was still in the sink.....

[flookster]

NOOOOOOOooooooooo!

I had to change vodka as my short of choice when something similar happened to me.

[LHABulldog6]

sometimes i piss in the sink

Along the highway, on our way from somewhere I cant remember, we stop at this putrid little Dunkin Donuts. And I pissed in the sink :)

[pReTTy_vAcaNt]

lol, we have these bathtub-like sinks, and the urinals look just like them, so I piss in the sink.

I had a friend who crapped in the urinal once :lol:

I also piss on the door handle to bathroom stalls and wank on the back of paper towels and the soapholders so when people grab/push them they get a load of spermies on their hands.










;) j/k

[Bean316]

I just shampoo and soap quick. However, I do use conditioner, on the account of me having long, curly hair, and if I don't, it gets hella nappy.

[PhrozeN]

pfff who takes showers. All you need to do is to learn how to hold your breath whlie using steel wool and matches

[K.Y.A.G]

The funny thing is...All of that is true..I think I'm going to go to the Mental hospital and talk about my future to those people there..yeah..:(

[Hunter]

when my soap is mostly used up I slide it thru my crack and shout "credit or debit?!?!"
:D


:lol:

soz only just came across the post

[TossMonkey]

When I get drunk I usually sit on the toilet having a turd and puking in the bath next to me at the same time... you should hear the noise...


Blllaaaauuauuurghhh

*fart fart*

blwwaaaaaauuuuuueeeeerrrgghhh

*plop fart*

lllllaaaaaaauuuuuuggrrrhhhh