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L_S
27th May 2000, 02:42 AM
....picture this. Outside every high school, on every college campus, in every gas station restroom across the nation a vending machine that dispenses.......blow jobs.

------------------
"Set it, and forget it." Ron Popeil, genius inventor

LordKhaine
27th May 2000, 03:38 PM
LOL, this machine would make millions!, er not that id use it, you understand ;)

Morety
27th May 2000, 04:19 PM
I just feel sorry for the poor sloth that has to sit inside the machine and suck everybody's pecker.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Because hey, if it weren't for Llamas? I wouldn't seem like such a great guy.

Lizard Of Oz
27th May 2000, 05:33 PM
Anybody got a fresh dollar bill, this damn machine keeps spitting this old, dilapidated bill back at me?

MRHYDE
28th May 2000, 04:17 PM
L_S, you will surely get a sore throat after a day of work pal.

maxrevs
28th May 2000, 09:47 PM
lol , you'd better put the patent out on this one , bill gates is rumored to be investigating the possibilities of a similar machine , buy fo rthe top of your TV , its called the seX-box :)

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
See the nowhere crowds cry nowhere tears of honour.

L_S
29th May 2000, 03:20 PM
See that's the beauty of it. It's just a system of levers and pulleys all connected to a synthetic pair of silicon lips. 9 out 10 people in our test markets can't tell the diference between the BJ3000 and the real thing.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Set it, and forget it." Ron Popeil, genius inventor

Kristina|BFH
30th May 2000, 06:03 PM
I challenge your machine to a duel!!!!

You would definately know the difference!

Morety
30th May 2000, 06:11 PM
YEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May I be the first to welcome you to the forum Kristina. :)

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Because hey, if it weren't for Llamas? I wouldn't seem like such a great guy.

[This message has been edited by Morety (edited 05-30-2000).]

The_Dudester
30th May 2000, 06:35 PM
May I be the second?
<looks around>
Good...it seems that I may.

Welcome to the forums Kristina...(and what an entrance post :)).

<takes bow...steps off stage>
<twists his ankle in the fall off the stage>
<hobbles off quickly and painfully through a side exit>

Gir
30th May 2000, 06:52 PM
That´s the beauty of the internet. For all you know, you´re asking a guy for a blow job right now.



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I am the creatoR of all.

Morety
30th May 2000, 06:53 PM
I only said "welcome". :) I NEVER asked for a bj. (for the record)

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Because hey, if it weren't for Llamas? I wouldn't seem like such a great guy.

CHRYSt
30th May 2000, 06:54 PM
That's OK. When it's down there, it really doesn't have a face.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Dead chicks suck in bed.

p.s. un-Fück BellAtlantic

Azmo
30th May 2000, 07:29 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica">quote:</font><HR>For all you know, you´re asking a guy for a blow job right now.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Does it matter? As long as he doesn't have a moustache... ;) ;) ;) ;)

I can picture it now:

It's lunchtime, and I'm walking outside my school. One of my teachers is leaning against one of LiquiD_SiN's machines with his pants lowered on his ankles and his manhood stuck inside it. The machine is making soft rumbling noises, just like my teacher. Two seconds later I hurl on my shoes. Two months later I'm still having these horrible flashbacks. Some things are just better left to the privacy of our homes. :)

Will a portable version be available? We could all wear kilts and be pleasured all day long. http://members.spree.com/technology/azmo/smileys/smoke.gif No need for women anymore.....

The_Dudester
30th May 2000, 07:38 PM
Hey....how about some sympathy here? :)

(Oh, and also for a record, I wasn't going after a blow job either. They're not really my "thing".)


&lt;hobbles painfully into distance&gt;

:)

SEFE
30th May 2000, 07:42 PM
lol
u know they got used *ahem* underware vending machines in Japan.

now thats creative thinking... the cutting edge of crust-tech.

The_Dudester
30th May 2000, 07:51 PM
Yes...but in Japan, Shampoo are big.

&lt;hobbles about some more&gt;

&lt;falls over, in a transparent act to get some kind of sympathy&gt;

Boom
30th May 2000, 08:23 PM
Kristina, will you marry me?

I know we just met, but I've never had feelings like this before, it must be love.

The gang here will vouch for me, I'm a good guy and stuff.

If you marry me, I'll let you have my second Pop-Tart...

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Clan [Boom]
The undisputed, world champion, 1on1, UT clan.
[Boom]Boom|PuF

Kristina|BFH
31st May 2000, 02:52 AM
I think you will have to fight my boyfriend for me.

Hopefully!

Is the Pop Tart cinamon?

CHRYSt
31st May 2000, 02:54 AM
I bet I give better head than Kristina!
uh...wait a minute...I like girls. I don't give head. Sorry, I guess you win.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Dead chicks suck in bed.

p.s. un-Fück BellAtlantic

UY
31st May 2000, 03:00 PM
Sympathy? Somebody askin for sympathy?
THERE AIN'T NOT SYMPATHY HERE!!

You'll find it in the dictionary...somewhere between $hit and syphallis.
:D

(UY walls away shaking his head.....trying to understand ho such a sharp mind as Liquid Sin's ....could have go so far off track. At least, he thinks to himself...its not as bad as Chryst...no, nobody is that bad...shudders.) :)

el Gato|PuF
31st May 2000, 03:10 PM
You can make an extra buck by selling the, er, end product of your invention to the sperm banks. Big bucks there!

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Wish I was oceansize...

CHRYSt
31st May 2000, 03:15 PM
You could even have big tanker trucks stop by each machine once a month to collect and transport it. Wow, that would be an interesting contract for the truck comany.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Dead chicks suck in bed.

p.s. un-Fück BellAtlantic

Necroth
31st May 2000, 03:16 PM
Nah an BloW_Job machine, nah, i take the real thing. Somehow it seems more "appealing"

And how i suppose to keep it in "readyness" when standing for a machine. Most toilets or other "public" private places aren't quite "stimulating" either ;)

el Gato|PuF
31st May 2000, 03:27 PM
I bet monkeys would drive the trucks. But I'm not sure about the machine cleaning.

That would be nasty.

While you're at it, add an ATM, postage stamp dispenser, and photo-booth to it!

I can see it now... a tourist attraction, like those binoculars or duck food dispensers. Take your picture in Las Vegas at the BJ machine!



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Wish I was oceansize...

Boom
31st May 2000, 04:51 PM
Kristina, you want cinamon, you got it. :)

Anything for the future Mrs. Boom

Can't you just explain to this boyfriend guy that now that you and I have found each other, its time for us to fulfill our mutual destiny.

I'm sure he'd understand.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Clan [Boom]
The undisputed, world champion, 1on1, UT clan.
[Boom]Boom|PuF

UY
31st May 2000, 05:57 PM
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final
exam.
&gt; &gt;
&gt; &gt; She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up,except
for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
&gt; &gt;
&gt; &gt; A smart-*** (BOOM) in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme
sexual exhaustion?"
&gt; &gt;
&gt; &gt; The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
&gt; &gt; When silence is restored, the Teacher smiles sympathetically at BOOM,
shakes her head, and sweetly says, "You can write with your other hand."

:D j/k

Azmo
31st May 2000, 06:43 PM
ROTFLMFAO!!!!!

Kristina|BFH
31st May 2000, 07:50 PM
I should pass the exam as long as it is not oral.

Boom - He makes me happy in many many ways. I need to know what you can offer. You already know what I am coming with.

Netai[NWA]
1st Jun 2000, 06:26 AM
your machine is fine and dandy but saliva is a wonderful thing.. :o

oh and kristina, REAL bad idea for a post.. if anybody here knows what can result from one off-color comment coming from a female, it's me. :D

-jenny's tongue puts gene simmons to shame (anybody remember that?)


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
&lt;WAnk|Drunk&gt; hand + ass = erotic

WAnk
1st Jun 2000, 09:52 AM
hahah, wow, i smell a challenge coming on, jen v kristina v The Machine!!! ;) hehe, jk, but if you need a few impartial judges, boom and i are always available (/me whistles innocently :))

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
ummmm WAnk??

Netai[NWA]
1st Jun 2000, 12:14 PM
bah :o

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
&lt;WAnk|Drunk&gt; hand + ass = erotic

WAnk
1st Jun 2000, 07:28 PM
ehehe, just doing my part for the advancement of science and technology :) it will be a big sacrifice, i know, but i think i am up to the challenge!! (pun intended)

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
ummmm WAnk??

Kristina|BFH
1st Jun 2000, 09:50 PM
Thanks for the advise Netai - I'm more concerned with one of these boys being under age and I could go to jail.

LOL

Boom
1st Jun 2000, 10:46 PM
This thread is getting really funny. LOL at everyone :) BTW, I'm just playing and stuff Kristina. I have seen some stuff go overboard here, so please tell me to stop if I get anywhere near going over the line.

But as long as your digging it, I'm gonna keep woooing you with my schmooothness. ;)

You ask what I can offer? Just the best catch in New Orleans, honey. I'm an adult with a real job. I live alone. I'm clean and nice and stuff (never had any cooties and have the medical records to prove it). I don't really yell or get mad ever. My female friends say I look real cute now that I have short hair.

I am still friends with all my exgirlfriends because they were always my friends to begin with. I have a younger sister that I am very close with, so I never disrespect or take advantage of women.

I know there are ways to please a woman other than with my Boomstick. When is the last time you had a really good footrub? Or had your temples massaged?

I also know that every woman is different, there are no tricks to making a woman happy (in or out of bed). You have to pay attention and be willing to learn. I am a really quick learner (I'm in the running on the main forum for most improved PuFer).

What else do you need to know :)

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Clan [Boom]
The undisputed, world champion, 1on1, UT clan.
[Boom]Boom|PuF

Kristina|BFH
2nd Jun 2000, 12:35 AM
Boom -

When are you coming to NY?!

I've been to New Orleans - great place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there. Too many crazies.

I'm tempted but also happy where I am.

Thanks anyway.
LOL

Netai[NWA]
2nd Jun 2000, 02:37 AM
hey from my experience net love is (almost) always very very very very bad ;)

boom, stop hitting on the poor girl.. :o

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
&lt;WAnk|Drunk&gt; hand + ass = erotic

Boom
2nd Jun 2000, 02:57 AM
Gotcha Netai. That's the elbow in the ribs I was looking out for ;)

Kristina, that is the nicest rejection I've had in a while. :)

Waddaya say we just be friends and stuff. :)

It wouldn't work out anyway, I'm one of those crazies that makes New Orleans so.... different. ;)

Anyway, I treasured our brief fling and will cherish the memories. But you are official in the catagory of UT buddy in my mind :)

Now, back to the topic of this thread....

check out this link
http://www.fufme.com/

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Clan [Boom]
The undisputed, world champion, 1on1, UT clan.
[Boom]Boom|PuF

WAnk
2nd Jun 2000, 03:55 AM
ok, well all new romances aside, lets get back on topic for this thread. i think that these guys at Accu-jac (no fooling lol!) may be giving you a run for your money!
http://www.sexuality.org/l/sex/masturba.html#4.0.10

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
ummmm WAnk??

Voyd
2nd Jun 2000, 06:44 AM
LOL wank. and to think, you went out looking specially for that too :) good job.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
·ÐзVoyd

Kristina|BFH
2nd Jun 2000, 03:01 PM
Just friends is fine with me. Bud!

Boom
2nd Jun 2000, 04:45 PM
:)

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Clan [Boom]
The undisputed, world champion, 1on1, UT clan.
[Boom]Boom|PuF

Lizard Of Oz
2nd Jun 2000, 04:53 PM
Ah....Kristina...ah...Hi!

Just out of curiosity...What does "BFH" mean?



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
-Lizard

"There's someone in my head, but it's not me."

Kristina|BFH
2nd Jun 2000, 05:09 PM
Bit&lt;h from Hell

fits sometimes - not today tho.

In a good mood

FRIDAY

Boom
2nd Jun 2000, 09:09 PM
/me does the happy friday dance

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Clan [Boom]
The undisputed, world champion, 1on1, UT clan.
[Boom]Boom|PuF

Lizard Of Oz
3rd Jun 2000, 06:27 AM
Due to the recent advances in nano technology, we take you into Lizard's head...

Mental Note: Don't piss off Kristina.

Leggo my Eggo.

I can pet animals by the mouthful.

Mmmmmmmmm............sleep.

Where's my other sock?

...We now return you to our regularly scheduled program: In Search Of... Starring Leonard Nemoy. Tonights Episod: In Search of Shultze, That nutty Nazi.

hal
3rd Jun 2000, 11:51 AM
Crazy idea, L_S! Who'd want to be anything, other than first in line to use that machine!

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Visit the PuF Home Page (http://members.xoom.com/_XMCM/longshaft/puf/place.htm). hal{PuF}


hal{PuF}

jenny?
3rd Jun 2000, 07:58 PM
what if it malfunctions and lops off your happy squirty magical meat stick? then i'd have to laugh :o

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
The_Other_Girl[NWA (http://brandon.empnet.com/nwa)]

~Cobra~
3rd Jun 2000, 08:52 PM
wow.. the OT forum is weird...

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"nice shot"
aka. [SBL]-Cobra

L_S
3rd Jun 2000, 09:49 PM
Well jenny we did have that problem initially, but then we decided to go with a dedicated blow job machine as opposed to our orignal design which was an all-in-one blow job machine/cigar cutter. It sounded like a great idea, but after a few accidents resulting from poor button labeling, we realized what we had to do. They say hindsight is 20/20, and now that I look back I dont see how that one even made it past the drawing board.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"Set it, and forget it." Ron Popeil, genius inventor

[This message has been edited by LiquiD_SiN (edited 06-03-2000).]

jenny?
3rd Jun 2000, 10:02 PM
it's ok. we all make mistakes :o

could have been worse, like one of those cold-cut slicers they have at the deli

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
The_Other_Girl[NWA (http://brandon.empnet.com/nwa)]

Boom
4th Jun 2000, 02:06 AM
LOL too funny. I thought the dual purpose machine was a great idea. But then I tried to use it to clip my cigar and now my cigar is not smokeable.

Ummmmm, <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica">quote:</font><HR>happy squirty magical meat stick?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I didn't know you were going to med school Jenny. You must be a med student to know all that proper scientific terminology. ;)

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Clan [Boom]
The undisputed, world champion, 1on1, UT clan.
[Boom]Boom|PuF

Kristina|BFH
6th Jun 2000, 03:01 PM
Will there be an attachment for women or is this machine only for use by men?

Maybe you could make it a sperm bank for women to use on their way to work!!!

Kristina|BFH
6th Jun 2000, 03:03 PM
and Don't piss me off!

Still in a good mood - great weekend!!

hehe - /me giggles like a little girl.

Gir
6th Jun 2000, 03:06 PM
Anyone who doubts the sexuality of Kristina, please vote now.

Morety
6th Jun 2000, 03:19 PM
Kristina, would you honestly want the sperm of some guy using this machine to impregnate you? My guess it he'd look something like this...
http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Board/8442/inacan.jpg

or even this...

http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Board/8442/4850.jpg

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Because hey, if it weren't for Llamas? I wouldn't seem like such a great guy.

Gir
6th Jun 2000, 03:30 PM
Please remove those pics. I beg you. I´ve already lost my appitite.

Kristina|BFH
6th Jun 2000, 06:49 PM
EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

Let's hope all sperm banks go out of business before these two make the rounds. There's enough ugliness in this world, it should be against the law to spread it around.

Those man-breasts are puttin me to shame - at least mine don'd droop that much (yet).

OshadowO
16th Feb 2001, 02:41 AM
Ahh the good old days when we all had dreams of becoming rich....

Morety
16th Feb 2001, 09:02 AM
HEY LIZARD! I FOUND HIM!!!!!

http://homepages.lycos.com/wilhelm3/lycelebrity/schult.jpg


...um, now whadaya wanna do? :/

Swarthy_Foreskin
16th Feb 2001, 10:15 AM
There doesn't need to be a female attachment. Women already have the remote control orgasm machine. Right?

PsychoMoggieBagpuss
16th Feb 2001, 10:22 AM
Where did you dig out that picture of BaronSamedis' mum?

Morety
16th Feb 2001, 10:31 AM
I didn't know Sgt. Schultz was BS's mum! w00t! Now I can see the resemblance.

BaronSamedi, can I get your mum's autograph?

5150
16th Feb 2001, 12:08 PM
Why not get paid!
http://www.myunreal.com/BBS/ubb/Forum15/HTML/000410.html

Morety
16th Feb 2001, 12:11 PM
W00TAGE! I live in Toronto and I could use $145.00 :D

That's hilarious!

*but it fails to mention they'll be men performing the act...:/

5150
16th Feb 2001, 12:43 PM
Me cancels the bus rental.:(
------------------------
Me notices new song by Morety and goes to listen!!