View Full Version : True Story

Lizard Of Oz
19th Nov 1999, 05:44 AM
A friend of mine goes to the zoo.

Decides to visit the monkey house.

Buys a small bag of peanuts to feed the monkeys.

Standing in front of a cage full of medium sized monkeys.
(don't recall what kind) He is handing out peanuts and a
monkey grabs and pulls his finger. With all his might my
friend frees his finger. He's pissed now. He places a peanut
in the palm of his hand, and offers it to the offending monkey.
When the monkey reaches between the bars to grab the peanut, my
friend grabs the monkey's arm and pulls him hard against the
cage several times. The monkey screams. Then every monkey in
the friggen zoo starts screaming. I'm rolling on the ground LMAO.
My friend is escorted out of the zoo by a guy in a khaki suit,
and pith helmet.

Don't like my post? Go Here (http://www.amishrakefight.org/gfy/)

[This message has been edited by Lizard Of Oz (edited 11-19-1999).]

19th Nov 1999, 11:35 AM
BAHAHAHAHAHAH! That sounds like something Homer Simpson would do /~unreal/ubb/html/wink.gif

If you got any problems with what I gotta say, please feel free to click here (http://members.xoom.com/longshaft/biteme.htm).

19th Nov 1999, 01:11 PM
oh the memorable visits to the zoo as a child, and seeing various animals doing the nasty...


19th Nov 1999, 05:03 PM
Next time take him to the gorrilla cage and see what he does... /~unreal/ubb/html/smile.gif

If you don't like what I have to say, then move on!!!

Lizard Of Oz
26th May 2000, 06:57 PM
Since we're digging up old sh!t...

Last one I promise.

26th May 2000, 08:06 PM
First of all, if the little damn monkey pulled my finger, I'd fart. That'd teach him.

Secondly, you're just lucky they all didn't start throwing their poo at you all at once.

Thirdly, ROFLMfnAO!

Because hey, if it weren't for Llamas? I wouldn't seem like such a great guy.

27th May 2000, 12:04 AM
I gotta say, this was the last thread I read before driving home from work today. I just pictured your buddy with his sore finger going "C'mere you stupid fecking chimp, you want a peanut? c'mon chimp, that's it...that's it...GOTCHA *THUNK* how do you like that *THUNK* you little feck *THUNK* grab my finger will ya *THUNK THUNK* you fecking like it????

I was laughing so fn hard driving home thinking about this, people were staring at me in the rushhour traffic. I hope they thought I was listening to comedy on the radio or something.

Because hey, if it weren't for Llamas? I wouldn't seem like such a great guy.

24th Jul 2000, 12:38 PM
It's been almost two months since I visited this thread. Yes, I deliberately looked for this one so I could bring it back from the dead.

Should'a held the little b@stards arm and started hoofing him in the balls through the cage!!!!

25th Jul 2000, 01:52 AM
roflmao. thats funny

25th Jul 2000, 03:32 AM
OMFG!! That's hilarious. But I cant figure out what's funnier...lizard's post..or morety's reply. hahahahahahahhahahahahahahaah...damŮ that's funny

25th Jul 2000, 08:08 PM
HAHAHAHAHAHA first i have to say OMFG THAT IS FING HILARIOUS second, i would like to say HAHAHAHAHAHAHA third i would like to say HAHAHAAAAAA I AM DYING ON THE FLOOR. that is the funniest thing i have heard all day :D

25th Jul 2000, 08:24 PM
THAT'S HILLARIOUS! BUHAHAHAHA! ROFLMAO!! I'd have to say that Morety's reply made it 3 times as funny!

The Dopefish
25th Jul 2000, 08:31 PM

25th Jul 2000, 08:57 PM
That's one of the funniest things I've heard in a while.

26th Jul 2000, 01:48 AM
What if he woulda ripped it's arm off...ROFLMAO!!

Little b@stard mokey..c'mere..*whack* u like that? *whack* want some more? *whack......riiiiippp!!!*

oops..here little monkey..here's ur arm back..

22nd Dec 2000, 12:29 PM
Think of a whole cage of monkeys going ape over it too!

A whole crew of chimps jumping up and down screaming and pointing and looking for p00p to throw as their poor buddy is getting his head thwacked on the iron bars by Lizard's buddy.

Then along comes an army-dressed zoo keeper security guard guy to "escort" him out. Liz, did your buddy go peacefully, or did he try to defend his actions? What? I gotta know!

el Gato
22nd Dec 2000, 12:45 PM
Did the chimp look like this?http://www.anyfun.net/pics/pics/anim40.jpg

Nice *bump, m0rety!

22nd Dec 2000, 01:01 PM

Naw, it was the ugly one up front here...

14th May 2001, 03:14 PM
ROTFLMAO!!! OMG!! How the feck did I miss this thread!!! That's so frickin hilarious!! :D

14th May 2001, 05:01 PM
Hey Lizard, I wanna hear more zoo stories!!!! Tell us another one? Please???????

14th May 2001, 05:11 PM
If I were being confronted by a zookeeper, I gotta say that I'd go willingly and without restrain. We all know all the cool tools they have to keep animals (most of them larger and fiercer than us humans) in order:

- typical steel prod
- tazer/electrical stick
- tranquilizers
- muzzle

Yep... no resistance for me. "I'm sorry Mr. Zookeeper!... It won't happen again - I promise!"

(but the thought of grabbing the monkey's arm and yanking on it through the bars.... hahahahahhahaahahahahahahhahahaha!)

15th May 2001, 12:08 AM
My friend's wife worked at the Metro Toronto Zoo for a few years in their PR department. She told us (my hockey team) some hilarious zoo stories...

My true zoo story:

It's not well known, but the Toronto Zoo has an amazing collection of animal sperm. This is important as it helps ensure the survival of many species.

Well, in order to get a sample from a rhinocerous, it takes a few people. There was a 'coach' who would call much like a rowing instructor, and he was saying "everybody up, everybody down, everybody up, everybody down..."

15th May 2001, 03:06 AM
morety, that is disgusting

rotflmfnao to the rest of it though

15th May 2001, 04:24 AM
ROTFLMAO@this thread!!!!! :D

15th May 2001, 05:45 AM
BHAHAHAHA LMAO THAT MONKEY, I mean C'mon he's damn ugly :) LOL

what a way to start a day, thanx guys!

15th May 2001, 09:30 AM
You cannot touch my monkey!!!

15th May 2001, 05:24 PM
There's a place near where I live called African Lion Safari. You can drive your car along trails and gaze at rhinos, giraffes, lions, etc. My advice, don't take the car through there, use their monorail system instead.

The monkey section is insanity. Monkeys perch in the middle of the path and won't move. Their partners climb all over your car and rip off anything they can get their little fingers under. We watched as they tore of my brother-in-law's wipers, side stripping, hubcaps, pieces of peeled paint, part of the vinyl roof, and other stuff I can't remember. You'd have to be an idiot to get out of your car and try and stop them, they might tear you to shreds. Eventually they moved on, throwing all these items at each other and letting the little monkeys play with the shiny new toys. I joked that there is a detailing shop just outside the preserve where the monkeys sell your car parts back to you. I'd warned him this could happen beforehand, so he couldn't get pizzd at me, and luckily his car wasn't worth much.... :)

15th May 2001, 06:16 PM
Morety, LMAO now that's a job I can live without!

15th May 2001, 07:40 PM
:eek: :eek:

ph34r mega DUNG!!!

15th May 2001, 08:45 PM
HAHAHAHAHAHA first i have to say OMFG THAT IS FING HILARIOUS second, i would like to say HAHAHAHAHAHAHA third i would like to say HAHAHAAAAAA I AM DYING ON THE FLOOR. that is the funniest thing i have heard all day
I guess that just made my day :)

15th May 2001, 08:58 PM

18th May 2001, 12:48 AM
My dear god I haven't laughed this hard since ummm I don't know when probaly since I heard
for the first time the "All your base thing".

and Morety you make this thread what it is

ohh dear.......