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The_Dudester
20th May 2000, 10:08 PM
Yes my brothers, once I was like you. I had no direction in my life, I had no comprehension of the true purpose of our existence.
Then I was visited by the spirit of the great goddess Xylene, and I saw the light.
Join us my brothers (and sisters) in worship of the mighty fragging one and your heart will be at peace.
You will also become far better at UT, as your soul is enriched by the holy skills of Xylene herself.
Join us and all this can be yours.

------------------
We live for the great goddess Xylene; we die for the great goddess Xylene.

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape.

Obv. (http://AOANLA.tripod.com/)

WAnk
20th May 2000, 10:56 PM
do i get a special position in the church?

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
ummmm WAnk??

The_Dudester
20th May 2000, 10:58 PM
I don't see why not my son.

You shall be rewarded for your faith by the post of Buffer of the Holy Goo-gun.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
We live for the great goddess Xylene; we die for the great goddess Xylene.

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape.

Obv. (http://AOANLA.tripod.com/)

Wolf Blackstar
20th May 2000, 11:34 PM
I've heard of hokey religions before but this is ridiculous. :D


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
- |PuF|Wulfy, aka [MERCS]Sgt_Sin|PuF
http://www.angelfire.com/games/UTstuff/images/chainsaw.GIF
PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Bring on the pain!

The_Dudester
20th May 2000, 11:37 PM
Join us Wolf, in the inner peace that comes with accepting Xylene into your soul. You too can experience our newfound joy.



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
We live for the great goddess Xylene; we die for the great goddess Xylene.

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape.

Obv. (http://AOANLA.tripod.com/)

UY
20th May 2000, 11:55 PM
lol

The_Dudester
20th May 2000, 11:58 PM
You see, even simply reading our topic has infused UY with divine joy, causing him to laugh out loud.
Witness the perfection of Xylene.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
We live for the great goddess Xylene; we die for the great goddess Xylene.

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape.

Obv. (http://AOANLA.tripod.com/)

Dus
21st May 2000, 12:04 AM
Perfection my a$$, nobody's perfect (but me).
Because I am a crackhead.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I'm a bombexpert, if you see me freak, RUN!

[BuF]Blorgg
21st May 2000, 12:06 AM
Don't worry that buzz will wear off in the morning ;)

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Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Dus
21st May 2000, 12:10 AM
I sure as hell hope not!

WHOOPIE!!!!!!!

MOO, MOO, MOOOOOOOOOO

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I'm a bombexpert, if you see me freak, RUN!

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 12:20 AM
All earthly joy is transitory.
Only the holy joy of Xylene is eternal.
BURR and Blorgg join us and discover your inner truth.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
We live for the great goddess Xylene; we die for the great goddess Xylene.

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape.

Obv. (http://AOANLA.tripod.com/)

Dus
21st May 2000, 12:22 AM
I have already found my inner truth:
I am a MAD COW!

MOOOOOO!

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I'm a bombexpert, if you see me freak, RUN!

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 12:24 AM
That is not your inner truth...all illusions of individuality (even of a Encephalitical Bovinish nature) are simply that.
We are all one with Xylene, who is all.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
We live for the great goddess Xylene; we die for the great goddess Xylene.

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape.

Obv. (http://AOANLA.tripod.com/)

[BuF]Blorgg
21st May 2000, 12:25 AM
We have grown curious about your divine ways tell us more.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 12:32 AM
We of the Church of Xylene recognise that there is only one true force or being in the Universe.
That force takes the form of the great goddess Xylene, arch-fragger and Mistress of the Holy Eightball.
All other beings are merely the dreams of this most holy being, and therefore we all owe our existences to her.
Those who acknowledge in their souls the nature of reality can become closer to the perfection of the goddess Xylene herself, gaining amazing powers.
As a High Priest of the Goddess, I will live forever, unless the Goddess herself wills that I should die for her own ineffable reasons.
If you join, as Initiates you will first see a steady increase in your UT skills as your souls join with the perfection of Xylene. With diligent worship other skills and insights will follow.
So join us now and experience the divine joy of the Mistress of the Holy Eightball.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
We live for the great goddess Xylene; we die for the great goddess Xylene.

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape.

Obv. (http://AOANLA.tripod.com/)

Dus
21st May 2000, 12:37 AM
If this mistress of the Holy Eightball can dream me a nice meadow, I'll join.
Me cow, me love grass!
I do anything for grass!

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I'm a bombexpert, if you see me freak, RUN!

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 12:42 AM
The actions of the Goddess are not for us to dictate, BURR. However, if you make a holy offering of chocolate, and continue with your devotions then the most holy Xylene might bless you with your deepest desire.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
We live for the great goddess Xylene; we die for the great goddess Xylene.

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape.

Obv. (http://AOANLA.tripod.com/)

Dus
21st May 2000, 12:45 AM
Will a holy offering off milk do?
Me cow, me gots lots of milk!

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I'm a bombexpert, if you see me freak, RUN!

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 12:47 AM
Chocolate is the preferred offering to the Most Holy One, but milk may be acceptable in this case, if offered with true devotion and love for your Goddess.
The Mistress of the Holy Eightball is most beneficient.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
We live for the great goddess Xylene; we die for the great goddess Xylene.

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape.

Obv. (http://AOANLA.tripod.com/)

[BuF]Blorgg
21st May 2000, 12:56 AM
I'm afraid I've got nothing to offer her. Am I now doomed for all eternity?

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 01:04 AM
No Blorgg, not at all.
The Goddess is infinite in her ineffable compassion.
Though you may have nothing *physical* to donate to her holy worship, you can still devote your spirit to her.
In many ways this is the greatest offering one can make to the Mistress of the Holy Eightball, but it can be an arduous path to take. You must master the six mantras of the Perfection of Xylene, and search deep within yourself to discover the inner truth of Xylene for yourself.

I will post the six mantras when the world is ready for them, but until then you must redouble your inner search for enlightenment. This is best accomplished by the playing of UT, which brings you closer to the Divine.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."



[This message has been edited by The_Dudester (edited 05-20-2000).]

[BuF]Blorgg
21st May 2000, 01:08 AM
I have started to go down a long path of hardships and I have found that I can now hear Xylene whisper to me, tho not very clear it fills me with joy. But at the same time it leaves me mistified with thoughts about what she's trying to say or not to say to me

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

UY
21st May 2000, 01:09 AM
So...if I win the 1on1 with her in the Puf tourney...then you will turn your worship over to my God? You will have no leader?
:D

And if I lose, it will be because of the pl ;)

Dus
21st May 2000, 01:12 AM
NO-ONE can defeat Xylene, for she is powerful enough to dream grass!!
Me like grass!

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I'm a bombexpert, if you see me freak, RUN!

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 01:14 AM
UY, you fail to grasp the ineffable nature of the Goddess.
She may chose to test the faith of we Believers in the True Faith by "losing" to you in the tourney, but this will not change the Truth of Xylene.

In fact, I pray that the Deepest Truth have mercy upon you in this tourney, to spare the effect defeat might have on your own faith.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

JuDDa
21st May 2000, 01:22 AM
Well i want the missionary position. ;)

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 01:25 AM
And you shall have it Holy Missionary JuDDa.

Go forth and spread the divine word of the Holy Xylene.


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 01:45 AM
My brothers (and most holy sisters), I must leave you now, for a time, to contemplate the esoteric mysteries of the Perfect Goddess.

Feel free to post any questions you have hear and I shall endeavor to enlighten you with the Truth of Xylene when I return.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

Dus
21st May 2000, 02:51 AM
I have a question:
where do I leave my milk?

MOO?

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I'm a bombexpert, if you see me freak, RUN!

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 03:05 AM
The Church of the Most Holy Xylene accepts your compromise.
Xylene takes many forms and it is possible that your species' own religions are another path to the Truth.

The Church of Xylene and the race known to the Borg as Species 8472 are now officially allied.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

Zaccix
21st May 2000, 03:18 AM
Procedamus In Pace.

In Spiritus Xyli.

In Nomine Xylene Amen.

;)


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
=Z==A==C==C==I==X=

jenny?
21st May 2000, 03:48 AM
OMG, Dudester you are too funny. I just found this thread.. LOL :)

I am very pleased with your neverending struggle to spread my word. You will be blessed with eternal.. something. The great goddess is appreciative of your God-like ( ;)) efforts!

Oh and by the way, I have an extra special position for WAnk. *cough* ;) ;) ;)

-Jenny grins :)

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
If rhymes were Valium, I'd be comfortably numb.

MoyDoy
21st May 2000, 11:38 AM
Xylene, I will spread the word to the members of my clan and make them worship you. I have seen the truth.

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 12:58 PM
Since I was last here, we have been visited by the Goddess Xylene Herself.
She has pronounced Herself pleased with our neverending devotion.
We should all celebrate this most Holy visit with a sacred period of UT-CTF.

We have also gained a most worthy convert, Initiate MoyDoy. He is so filled with the Love of Xylene that he wishes to spread the word to the rest of his clan. In recognition of this effort, I award him the post of Holy Missionary Initiate, under the tutelage of our High Holy Missionary JuDDa.

Finally, we have had a most apposite query from Initiate BURR.
Do not worry Initiate, the milk will be collected by the Holy Power of the Dreamer of Worlds. All you must do is dedicate it to Her.

We must now all search within ourselves for closer union with the Deepest Truth.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

Vortex
21st May 2000, 01:52 PM
This sounds good! What must I do to gain acceptance to this most holy of religions?

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when
a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica">quote:</font><HR>ArachnoSpores - The fatal spores with the funny name!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 02:03 PM
I have posted the requirements for Initiation into the Church of Xylene on the 1st page of this topic. However, I find your enthusiasm for our holy order to be most gratifying so I shall enlighten your soul here as well.

The first requirement is that you recognise the First Truth of Xylene: That the Great Goddess Xylene is All, and all earthly things are merely Her dreams.
You may also wish to dedicate yourself to the Divine Consort of Xylene, the Holy WAnk, although this is not strictly necessary.
Next you must make an offering of Chocolate to the Mistress of the Holy Eightball.
Finally you must spend several hours in Holy Communion - this may best be achieved by the playing of the Ineffable Game : Unreal Tournament.

At this point you shall be ready to become an Initiate of the Church of the Most Holy Xylene.


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."



[This message has been edited by The_Dudester (edited 05-21-2000).]

Vortex
21st May 2000, 02:11 PM
That's cool. I already fulfill those criteria anyway, I believe and the chocolates are on their way!

All hail The Church of Xylene! \0/

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when
a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica">quote:</font><HR>ArachnoSpores - The fatal spores with the funny name!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 02:19 PM
Welcome to our fold, Initiate Vortex!

I see great potential within you for our holy cause.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

8-4-7-2
21st May 2000, 02:26 PM
As the most powerful and perfect species throughout the whole galaxy I refuse to bow down in front of another god, what name s/he
ever has!

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 02:29 PM
Foolish species!

Although your mighty hive mind may rule Fluidic Space, it is as nothing to the Eternal Xylene. Be careful you do not anger Her, for Her Mighty Eightball can destroy your race in an instant.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

8-4-7-2
21st May 2000, 02:40 PM
You fool. Our species has no primitive hive mind. You mean those cruel Borg we wage war with. We use telepathy to communicate, not your simple verbal language. Everything I think is instantly tranfered to your Internet. However The Church Of Xylene and Species 8-4-7-2 could make an alliance to crush all weaker and unworthy species or unbelievers!

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 02:47 PM
Your telepathic link is very similar to the hive mind of the Borg. However I concede that there is retention of individuality within your society. I apologise humbly for what must have been an egregrious insult.

As for an alliance between the Church of Xylene and your species, I feel that it may not be possible. We seek to enlighten others to the Truth, whereas your species seeks only conquest.
However, if your species renounces its acquisitive nature and accepts Xylene into its heart we may have a deal.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

8-4-7-2
21st May 2000, 02:59 PM
We accept your values and appreciate the Holy Xylene as(one of) the most powerful being(s) in your Galaxy. But we don't share this values.
We think that a peaceful co-existence should be possible. Let there be peace!

Boom
21st May 2000, 09:15 PM
Xylene's spamming powers in the early days were nothing short of miraculous.

But these days....

her rare appearances are getting to be like Elvis Sightings ;)

Well ok, I'm totally exaggerating, but there has been a drastic decrease in Xylene sightings.

What's worse is the lack of Xyleneage in #planetunreal. I want to play against all the best, that includes you Jenny. :) The last several times I've seen Xy in #planetunreal she has been like..

&lt;Xylene&gt;-Where is Y5?
***Xylene has left #planetunreal

*Sigh*, I guess when you get to be a superstar like Xylene, you forget all about the little people like Boom ;)

BTW, Congrats on the fanclub Jenny, You Go Girl!!!!

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
Clan [Boom]
The undisputed, undefeated, world champion, 1on1, UT clan.
[Boom]Boom|PuF

Wolf Blackstar
21st May 2000, 09:39 PM
lol @ Dudester.....that's some pretty powerful crack you're on.


http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
- |PuF|Wulfy, aka [MERCS]Sgt_Sin|PuF
http://www.angelfire.com/games/UTstuff/images/chainsaw.GIF
PuF (http://puf.cjb.net): Bring on the pain!


[This message has been edited by Wolf Blackstar (edited 05-21-2000).]

ThrasherX9
21st May 2000, 09:45 PM
Well i'll be damned, Xylene, a goddess. Who wouldve known. Come to me in my dreams Xylene and i'll join your, uh... religion :)

/me hopes i see xylene in my dreams wearing absolutly Noth... uh... Never mind.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I forgot what a sig was...

The_Dudester
21st May 2000, 09:45 PM
Crack? We of the Church of the Most Holy Xylene do not use such substances...

...although we have been known to smoke a certain plant known as Kan-na-bis.

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

jenny?
21st May 2000, 10:10 PM
Hehe, lately it does seem that every time I'm in #planetunreal I'm looking for WAnk.. :)



http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
If rhymes were Valium, I'd be comfortably numb.

ThrasherX9
21st May 2000, 11:30 PM
nuaghty, naughty, naughty xylene... :)

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
I forgot what a sig was...

Vortex
22nd May 2000, 09:09 AM
Now that I have been officialy welcomed into thsi new religion, are we going to perform any rituals? You can't have a religion without rituals can you?

http://www.planetunreal.com/images/bullet2.gif
"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when
a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica">quote:</font><HR>ArachnoSpores - The fatal spores with the funny name!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>