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NeoNite
5th Jul 2001, 06:38 PM
You're about to read a story envolving the very cool Necris warriors who you probably recongnise from your ut game.
But it's different from other stories, cause i've written it from the Necris point of view. This time, humans are on the background.

I hope you do take the time to read this story; It's in no way perfect, but I do believe there might be a chance, that you will enjoy reading it.

To make it a official :D:

THe name Necris is the property of Epic megagames and DE, creators of the fine game Unreal Tournament.
Most characters appearing in this story carry a name that you can retrieve in your bot list. (or the bots in the sp tournament).
For example: VIsse is the Necris of the sp tournament. Loque is the grail face of loque in your bot list.
However, the names Laque, Tchi and many more, the weird and wicked new words, are mine.

Small update september the 26th:
You can find two stories in this thread:


- Necris story
- Nali skins. --> Starts on page 4.


There. Enough with the chit chat :) Read the story!


******


The Necris Story
By Neonite

Part one: Welcome to Necron.
************************

“YES, another one bites the dust!”, Loque screams! He’s the master when it comes to wielding the enhanced shock rifle. No living soul can beat him! He owns them all! Every single one of them. Even that crazy human called Tamerlane.
“Ha..”, loque smirks, “humans, filthy stupid humans. They’re all mine.”

Only 3 frags to go. Then, once again, Loque has beaten the other fighters.
It’s a nice arena, called Helleth. There are 15 other fighters, sure it’s a mess, and tamerlane is only 30 frags behind… but pfff!!! That silly human can’t beat Loque!
2 to go! “That’ll teach that stupid nali making faces at me! Damn nali’s, what’s wrong with them?”, Loque wonders.
Only one frag to go, Kragoth got in his way.
“Oh the humanity off it all”, Loque laughs!
BAM! Loque wins the match. Athena wasn’t careful enough.

LOQUE!
He jumps out of his seat!
“Whu whu.. what, who??”, he shouts! “Oh it’s you”.
“Yes little brother, it’s me, who else would it be?”, Laque snarls and
approaches him.
“What the hell were you doing?”, she asks.
“Well you see sis”, loque stumbles.
“Have you been messing with that vr-kit again BROTHER?”, she hisses, “you do realise that is MY vr-kit? Whatever happened to yours?”
“Eh I’ve lost my kit heh”, loque smirks. Truth is, he messed around with it, and it kinda blew up.
“What were you doing with it? Playing a silly game ?”,Laque stares at him.” A gam, Loque? Aren’t you a little too old for playing games?”
“Bu bu but”, Loque begins,” it’s a great game, you see eh you can shoot humans in that game…”

Laque interrupts him.
“Oh can you, Loque?”, she says amused.” And with what purpose? They’re not real. Heck they’re as unreal as you ever achieving a leader position in the Phayder clan.”
Loque seems irritated. Well wouldn’t you?
“Oh can it sis”, he mumbles.
“Sure dear brother”, she smiles.
To be honest, laque loves her younger brother. But she wants him to be strong, she wants him to be hard and ruthless. Surely she doesn’t want him to grow up and become a “human like being”! The horror!!!

“Hmm, interesting title for a game, brother”, says Laque amused.,” The Unreal Tournament, made by époque rising games.”
“Yeah it’s kind off neat”, Loque grins.
“My question is, where did you get it?”. Laque isn’t smiling anymore.
“Eh what are you talking about, sis?”, loque mumbles.
“Well, as far as I know, there aren’t THAT many games on necron, right?
And you know you can’t hide anything from me. And by the looks of it, you haven’t been playing this game that long, now have you?”…You got that superhuman aim from me, training all those countless hours in the Bakaido (sort of cybergym).
Loque starts walking towards the window.
“Ok ok, I’ve found it on one of our raids on earth, happy now?”.
Laque nods her head.
“Loque, dear brother, you know the nr one Necris rule, don’t you?”, she says using a soft voice,” if it’s human, or made by humans, it’s … filth”. You could feel the pure hatred flowing out of that one word.
“Damn right, sis, I know that”, he says, “but it’s a great game, maybe we can make a Necris version? Oh wait, that wouldn’t make sense, since you can already pound up humans in the game and...”
“Enough”, Laque interrupts,” it’s time brother.” I came to tell you the great news.
Slowly he turns his head.
“We’re planning a grand scale attack on that filthy planet, called…EARTH!”
Loque seems a little surprised.
“But but.. that was planned for Necundan this year (Necundan=November).
“Well, the plan has changed”, she smirks. All Necris war parties, clans, groups, armies are gathering in the Orb.
“T..the the o-orb?”, loque stutters..

Never in his entire life had he been in the Orb. It is the sacred headquarter of Necron. Only highly placed Necris are allowed to enter this gigantic building.
But the Necris were at war now, at war with the humans. No time for silly rules, or codes.
This time it was no simulated fight against an army of humans, this time it was for real.

“Sis, I don’t know if I’m ready for this”, he shouts!
Laque takes his hand. “You may find this hard to belief, brother, but I do belief you are. Sure you ‘ll never be the leader of any clan, but I do belief you have a great potential in you.
Let it out, loque, use it. The time is now, the time has come to proof you’re the brother of the leadster of the Blaidenmaiden. And I know you can do it!”
The Blaidenmaiden were the most notorious clan on Necron. The only members were females. Most Blaidenmaiden were excellent sharpshooters, skilled and experienced fighters, and very dangerous. Nocturnal beings, black widows.
“Visse”, loque whispers.
Laque looks at him.
“Visse? You’re still thinking about her loque?”
He turns away.
Mentioning the Blaidenmaiden, hearing that word, brings back that one name, this one name that makes him feel alive, yet so sad.
“Yes, I am”, loque whispers.
Laque shakes her head.
“Damn it, bro”, she almost shouts,” Visse is with Malakai now. Can’t you let go of the memories you have, of you and her?”
Loque says nothing.
“Unbelievable”, she snarls.
“Just make sure you gear up. I’ll meet you at the Orb in 3 quatrons”, Laque shouts when she walks downstairs. (1 quatron= 2 hours)

All of the sudden the room felt big. Big and empty. The 3 moons lit up the room, but loque felt like there was nothing but darkness around him.
“Visse”, he whispers, “why can’t I let go of you?”

On the other part of town, a clan of Necris were having fun with a human slave.
“Squeal boy, squeal!!!”, Arachne shouts!
All of the sudden a boot hits the human slave’s stomach.
“You like that?”, Nocturna says amused.
A white fist knocks the poor guy to the land of dreams.
“Useless”, Visse whispers.

“Heeeey nice one girl!”, Jared laughs!
“Yeah right on biotch!”,Visse shouts!
The blaidenmaiden were having a little fun across GraviCrun. GraviCrun was the capital of the necris world. Heck there was only one country, called Magran.
“Damn humans”, said Visse with a arrogant tone in her voice,” the only thing they’re good for is whiping the **** off your boot!
“**** them”, Necroth hisses,” worthless ****bags, that’s what they are. OOOh I’m sooooo craving to jump in that assaultship and wrecking havoc in the human cities!
“Right on, sister!” Jared cries and she kicks the unconscious slave in the mouth.
“Woooot 6 teeth this time! I’m getting better”, she shouts!
“Yeah only 4 last time , baby”, says Visse.
“When were we supposed to be at the Orb?”, Arachne asks.
“Ooh **** right,” shouts Visse,”uhm only 3 quatrons left, and it’s on the other side of town. Y’all know how big this necropolis is, right?
The other Maiden nodded.
“So what the **** are we supposed to do girl?”, Jared laughs.
“We’ll take a ****ing aerocat, what else bitch?”, Visse grins.
Aerocats are small hovering “cars”. Well they’re not that different from cars, only thing is, they run on human blood.

Before leaving Jared sliths the human slave’s troath.
“Well duh, we need fuel, now don’t we?”
The other Blaidenmaiden started laughing and when the poor slave was drained, they threw his body in the “canal of pain”. Anything organic falling in there, simply dissolves. Afcourse there was a huge fence, for making sure no drunken Necris would fall in.
The Canal is a product of, what else, pollution. But since Necris are a dark species, they don’t really mind. On the contrary, aside from the canal, pollution seems to feed them.
It seems to make them more active, more alive.
A long time ago, a group of Necris visited Napali, and one of them instantly threw up. He got sick and immediately had to return to Necron. The Nali didn’t really appreciate this, especially the one with the vomit all over him.
The Necris were insulted, and killed every Nali in sight; taking their heads back home.
Yes, dangerous species those nocturnal creatures from Necron.

The aerocat slides through the huge heavily lit streets of the city. In every street you could find nightclubs.. well.. there were only nightclubs in GraviCrun.
The sun never shines on Necron. Noone knows why. Noone cares. Noone gives a damn.
Necris look weird.
Their skin is pale, damaged, and they have no pupils. Most Necris have dark hair, some of them have white long hair. Most wear dark clothing.
There were many dark cults in GraviCrun. Almost every nightclub had it’s cult, performing dark rituals, sacrificing aliens (whether it’s human or from the planet qzuwabybiyan :D)
But there was one thing Necris would never do: kill one of their own.
In the entire history of Necron, there hadn’t been a case of Necris killing a fellow Necris.
It was a code of honor. A sacred rule. And all Necris respected that rule.
United we stand, divided we’re nothing but a crowd of stupid humans: dead.

Afcourse there were other dark species on Necron. For example the mandrax, a dangerous predator, feeding on the skin of Necris. The dark polluted woods called Divyon, were it’s favourite hangout. On few occasions it dared trespassing the forest limits, entering the city. But that was a foolish move, cause a clan of Necris hunters would surround the beast, and kill it. It’s organs were used for decorations, whilst it’s blood was useful for the speeders (sort of mini airplane, not bound to the streets as the aerocats.)

Not to mention the Zugruns, a wild dragon-like barbaric species, or the Fedhars…
I could go on like this, but let’s return to the Blaidenmaiden, shall we?

“Like .. ehm .. VISSEEE?”, jared shouts, whilst eating a spam sand-witch,” are we almost there, caaause I’m getting booored girl!
“Gee, patience girl,”hisses Visse.
“Wow, what’s happening bitch? Chill out!” Jared finishes her sand witch.
“I’m sure Malakai will already be there, don’t worry..you know”, she whispers to Visse.
“Yah, I mean”, begins Arachne, “he’s always late I know, but eh this time.. well it’s a big event, he’ll be there!”
“**** girl,” Visse growls,”how d’you know that for sure? I mean, I love the guy, yeah, but it seems to me his job is more important to him than I am.”
“Cool it babe”, laughs Nocturna,” if the ****er doesn’t show up in time, I’ll personally rip of his balls.”
Visse seems to be amused and laughs. Malakai is the leader of the Phayder. A brave, but also very dangerous Necris commando. They’re known all over the solar system and Earth for their violent raids. But no matter how wonderful Malakai is to the other Necris, Visse feels there is something wrong. Something is horribly wrong. She still loves him, with all her black heart. But is the feeling still mutual?
“Malakai”, she whispers and steps on the catpedal.

NeoNite
5th Jul 2001, 06:43 PM
Oh btw, I bet you already know :) but this is no story thread like the others, meaning i'm writing the entire story, ...

Whatever my sick twisted mind can come up with. :)

_Zd_Phoenix_
5th Jul 2001, 06:45 PM
interesting, a story based on the Necris world. I thought it started well, only the commentry with it (eg. Laque isn't smiling anymore) as if there is a narrator is offputting. But I hope you carry it on, it looks good! ;)

NeoNite
5th Jul 2001, 06:56 PM
Maybe I should describe the environments more? I mean, so that you can actually FEEL the necris world around you? :)
That'd be a challenge. :)
Oh maybe phoenix, i'll see, if it works i'll go on with it, if it backfires well... too bad, i still have my story. :)

Zenda
5th Jul 2001, 10:18 PM
Very much appreciated:)

I like the way you are mixing humor and romance into the action.

This bit:
On the other part of town, a clan of Necris were having fun with a human slave.
“Squeel boy, squeel!!!”, Arachne shouts!
All of the sudden a boot hits the human slave’s stomach.
“You like that?”, Nocturna says amused.
A white fist knocks the poor guy to the land of dreams.
“Useless”, Visse whispers.
was a really nice touch!

I've been very fond of the Necris blademaidens since UT came out ... it was love at first frag:) Freylis, especially. I'll probably write a song about her sometime.

I enjoyed your first part a lot, and look forward to the next ones:)

NeoNite
6th Jul 2001, 07:35 PM
Tnx zenda :)
Well i've been working on part 2. Eh I think this is a different story from the others on PUf, but the others, please give it a try :)
It's only 4 pages :)
Nah make that 8. :D

Ok the second part. It's a bit different from the first.

Part 2: Eve of destruction
************************

Laque arrives at the Orb. She pays the “cab” driver human eyes.
“There”, she says,” they’re fresh, cool, and very tasty. Enjoy.”
The cabbie was extremely happy.
“Thanks lady!”, he shouts.
Laque doesn’t hear him anymore. She stares up to the sky.
“What an awfully big building”, she sighs.
The Orb is indeed very big. It reaches into the stratosphere of Necron. It’s thousand lights brighten up a huge part of GraviCrun. Think of it as a form of moodlighting.
Not too bright. Not too dark.

The Orb also has a superior defense system. Any foolish Starfleet trying to approach Necron,
would immediately have been spotted by the WIDOWMAKER.
The Widowmaker is an impressive, big laserweapon. You can compare it to quake2’s big gun, but this one is way bigger. And you can choose the type of damage it would do.
Suppose you want the entire male crew of a starship to be obliterated? Simply enter the command. The weapon will do the job. Sure there are many other fire modes, but the Necris really like this one. Hence, the Widowmaker.
Then what happens to the female crewmembers you ask? Well of course they’re discouraged, for a while, but they won’t retreat. Times have changed, mankind has become very evil.
Look at what happened to Earth. Once it was a shiny, bright beautiful planet. Now it’s been dominated by dark corporations, who destroy the planet. And the souls of it’s inhabitants.

No, the Necris simply kidnap and enslave half of the remaining crew, and the others are taken care off. A huge artificial wormhole teleports the remains of the Starfleet into deep space.
Whereabouts, unknown. Only a small part of the human Starfleet escaped it’s cruel destiny and was able to return to Earth.

The wormhole is also used for their violent raids on Earth. Unfortunately for the humans, the only ones who can use the wormhole without any risks are the necris.

Surely Humans aren’t that stupid. It happened once, but that’s it. They fear the widowmaker.
On the other hand, Skaarj aren’t that bright. The widowmaker had already obliterated many Skaarj warfleets. Not to mention the ychtrons. You could consider them to be intergalactic llamas.

“Impressive, isn’t it”, said a man with a hard voice. Laque turns around.
“Oh it’s you malakai”, she whispers, “early, aren’t we?”
Malakai frowns.
“Well yeah of course, I mean, this is THE event of the year right?”, he laughs.
Laque looks at him.
“What?”, he stumbles.
“What about your wife, Visse, she’ll be glad to know you showed up in time”
“Oh yeah, yeah of course.. Visse sure I mean, of course”, he mumbles,” sure I’m here for my wife as well..uh I mean..Uh .”
Laque stares at the Orb.
“Uh I have to go ehm.. see you later .. yeah”, he says quietly.
Malakai disappears in the crowd.

Loque looks at the game. It looks great. Blue box, nice logo, love the artwork.
How could Laque have known he hadn’t been playing that game for a long time?
“Oh yeaaah”, loque says using a silly voice,” the box still looks brand new, there’s no spit on it or..”
“Excuse me compadre”, the Cabby says,” but is that “the unreal tournament” in your hand?”
Loque looks at the cabby. He’s surprised.
“Eeeeh yeah.. I .. it it is, how d’you know?”, he stutters.
“Quiet simple compadre”, the cabby continues and smokes another FluG (sort of cigarette, but on Necron they’re using these huge bugs instead.)
“My kid plays it the entire day, 38/12. I mean really, unbelievable, he eats when playing the game, he even has his own toilet near the V.r. machine.”
Loque smiles. “Not such a bad idea”, he thinks.
“Strange thing is, his aim is actually improving, you know?” the cabby laughs,” it’s the only reason I let that young brat play that game”.
Loque looks outside the window.

They’re driving over Neve’s Crossing, the biggest bridge over the canal of pain.
It looks beautiful. The image of the 3 moons reflects in the dark waste product.
Sometimes a Tygron jumps out ( compare this to a shark, but bigger and uglier) and devours a silly Nughok (smaller predator).
Indeed yes, there are several species who are able to survive in that canal. Life adjusts itself. Life can develop or survive under extreme conditions, circumstances. Whether it’s freezing, or near a volcano, there could be a presence of life.
Loque turns his head.
“Beauty isn’t she”, the cabby coughs.
“What?”, loque whispers?
“What? The Orb afcourse! I mean that’s what you’re staring at, right?”, the cabby laughs.
“Yeah yeah .. afcourse”, loque mutters.
The cabby looks at loque in his rear view mirror.
“Girl trouble compadre?” he asks.
“Me?, says loque using a soft voice, “ never.”
His thoughts drift away… thinking about what’s to come.
You’ll never know what the future will hold for you.

“Never forget who you are Visse”, the voice says, “you’re an intelligent bright young woman, and we’re very proud of you. You’re a strong Necris. Make us proud. Never lose faith in yourself. And find the true meaning of dark love. Never settle with anything less, Visse. For it won’t last very long…
“Hey Visse”, Jared says.” We’re at the Orb.”
“Are you ok, girl, cause you were dreaming back there”, Nocturna asks. She sounds very concerned about Visse. Of course, she’s her best friend.
“Uh what, but I was driving the cat and”, Visse stumbles.
“Nah girl, we had set the cat on automatic pilot, and typed in the coordinates to the Orb, just to be sure. We all know you’re a little airhead”, arachne laughs.
“Airhead”, visse whispers.
“Yeah you’re always zoning out, dreaming away”, says Laque.
The other Blaidenmaiden look up.
“Our leader is here”, Jared laughs.
“How are you today, mighty leader?” Necroth asks. She admires Laque. She truly thinks no other Blaidenmaiden can lead the clan.
“Mighty fine, girl”, Laque laughs.” And how are you doing Visse”.
“I’m fine”.
“Let’s go for a walk”, Laque says all of the sudden. Her voice is calm, but Visse knows this isn’t going to be a happy stroll along the “lake of lounge lizards”.

The 105th floor of the Orb. Aryss stares down. He looks at the enormous crowd of Necris fighters. So many, maybe 100.000? Or more?
Lucky for them there’s a huge agora in front of the Orb. It should easily hold up to 300.000 Necris.
“So how’s the view commander?” a loud voice sounds from across the room.
“Don’t call me commander ”, Aryss snarls.
“But you are”. A dark figure approaches.
“Yeah but I don’t like it, I like my previous status more, being captain of the Necris Phalanx
(The Phalanx was the commanding ship of a big part of the Necris Starfleet.)
“Look”, Archon says ,”you’re commander now, like it or not.”
“What’s there not to like?” Aryss grumbles, “no more being captain of a mighty vessel, but instead being stuck on the ground? Wonderful prospects , Achron, really wonderful.”
Aryss starts biting his nails. I mean, what is left of them.
“You’re the first guy I heard complaining about a promotion within the elite Necris ranking system.” Achron frowns.
“Well not really.. I’ll take up my responsibilities as a commander don’t worry.”, Aryss continues,” I won’t let my fellow Necris down. Guess I’m stuck being a commander.”
“Do you realise how many other Necris would like to be in your boots?” Archon whispers with a highly pitched voice,” stop whining about your “loss”. If it’s that important to you, ask the council if they want to reinstate you as the captain of the Phalanx?
“No, what happened, has happened”, Aryss mumbles,” the new captain deserves her place on that vessel.. She’s my equal. Maybe even better. I wish her the best of luck.”
“Ok, Aryss, anyway, the clans and war parties are meeting within 1 quatron. Be sure to be in the main hall by then ok?”
Achron walks away. The door closes. Aryss is still staring down.

Loque stares up to the might building when he steps out of the cab.
“That’ll be 3 hukrins”, mumbles the cabby.
“Oh, ok here “compadre”.
Loque pays the cab driver and walks toward the huge Necris crowd.
Now where are those Phayders? Sure there are 5000 Phayders. But where are they? This crowd is big! And it’s getting bigger by the triniton (eh 1 triniton= 2 minutes)
Finally he sees his best mate Raynor.
“Yoooooo Loque whassup?”, Raynor laughs.
Loque slaps his hand on Raynors. And so begins the Phayder greeting.
Each clan has it’s own greeting. Most of them are too complicated for humans to understand.

“Pretty insane, isn’t is”, Raynor says looking at the huge crowd.
“Damn right man, never seen so many Necris in one place”.
Loque continues: ”Is our benevolent leader here? Or is he late as usual?”
“Hmm”, Rhaynor mumbles”, yeah he’s here. First time ever he’s on time, can you believe that?”
Loque shakes his head. If it wasn’t for his leader qualities, malakai could jump in the canal of pain. He knew about the sacred rule, killing no fellow Necris. But it wouldn’t hurt if Malakai would all of the sudden decide to jump in the canal, now would it?
Loque didn’t want to feel like a lowlife anyway, there would be no honor in killing another Necris. And what if the others would find out? What if Visse would find out?
He’d be banned to the dark woods, where not even a highly skilled Necris could survive for over one hour. The nightmares hiding in there are that bad, seeing one would make you go
insane.

No. If loque wants Visse to love him again, he’ll need her genuine love. He wants a special place in her dark heart. The only way to achieve that, is to do the impossible. At least, it seemed impossible for loque.
Once, echons ago(one echon= 1.5 years on earth) Visse and he were a happy dark couple.
They went hunting in the valley of the dolls. The dolls were violent little flesh eating “cows”.
Each brought back a limb or a skull. Those were the days.
Sitting together with her on the blooded mountain pass of Rachnoran, the most impressive Valley Of Necron. Staring at those 3 moons. It seemed as if their love would never die.
But it did.

“Visse, I want to talk to you ” Laque had taken Visse to a more quiet part of the agora.
“What is it leadster?” said visse with a worried voice,” have I done bad in the clan? Have I..”
“No Visse afcourse not”, laque smiles,” it’s about Malakai.”
The impression on Visse ‘s face changes. As if she’s not really surprised.
“Oh, really?”, she whispers,” so what about him?”
“I don’t know girl”, Laque continues ,” tell me honestly.. I know it’s not of my business, but I need to know , I care for you, you’re like a younger sister . Thing is, do you still love him?
Visse looks up.
“I..”, she begins, but a loud voice interrupts her.
“Necris clans, war parties, armies, cults!!! In half a quatron the meeting will commence! I advice you to go to the main hall. There are many of you. We need structure and organisation in a time like this! Let the first clan approach the hall! Let the Blaidenmaiden approach!
Visse stares towards the sky. “Sorry Laque, it’ll have to wait. We have more important things on our mind know.”
“Guess you’re right”, Laque whispers.
Then she orders the other Blaidenmaiden to gather around her.
“Time to go, my brave warrior sisters”, she shouts.
The Blaidenmaiden start walking up the stairs of the Orb.

_Zd_Phoenix_
6th Jul 2001, 07:41 PM
I've only just realised how good the initial idea for your story was, having ut in it as a game and yet haviong the ut story real. It's, well.........good! ;)

NeoNite
6th Jul 2001, 07:45 PM
Well I had the idea already for a couple of months, hm.. maybe since march :) i don't know.. cause I saw someone talk about "hey suppose this game would be real, or "what if the bots were playing on the computer, just like us.. or something like that.
I gave it a little twist. :)
Should I make a part 3? Is it still working?

:)

_Zd_Phoenix_
6th Jul 2001, 07:56 PM
If you don't make a part three, you are in danger of having me kill you ;)

But I wish you had been writing for the tournament story thread, if there had been a couple more people on it, it wouldn't have just died. Now I'm gonna have to finish it off in three sections just like you're doin. It's not easy doin all that typing is it?

NeoNite
6th Jul 2001, 08:00 PM
I'm kinda used to typing :)
Thing is, I think i was one of the first to post in that tournament story thread, i'm the one who introduced loque to it :D
But eh.. well the main reason I won't be working on it anymore:
I'm on 56K. Would take too long to read.. well of course I could copy and paste it.. but i don't know.. Maybe i will.. i'll see. :)
Keep on working on it anyway zd_phoenix!

Zenda
6th Jul 2001, 08:02 PM
Go for part three?

Yes, definitely. :)

As you know, it was growning on me from the start and has continued to do so with this installment. It's building. :D

I'm also taken by the use of UT the game as a bridge.

[Pratchet or Douglas Adams wrote a book based on the story of a lad how, playing a computer game ound that the sprites and characters in the game were actually real in their part of the galaxy and that his gameplay was really affecting their lives - I can't remember the title. Doesn't matter, really - you're doing something very different here and I'm captivated. I can kind of feel it going in big directions.

A few posts ago you mentioned about doing more descriptin of the world ... well my comment on that is probably more indicative of my personal preferences than anything else, but I really like those little bits of cultural norms, likthe trinitons, which have meaning in themselves when given initial explanation, but are able to become part of the wll used language of that world. I feel drawn into the culture's idiosynchracies. The throwaway info IMO works a treat ... eg: “My kid plays it the entire day, 38/12. " ... Magic :)

_Zd_Phoenix_
6th Jul 2001, 08:04 PM
Originally posted by NeoNite
Would take too long to read..

oh don't worry, just cause i'm finishing it off doesn't mean that I expect anyone to read it!!! :rolleyes: I just can't stand unfinished stories (especially ones where I put loads of time into them)

NeoNite
6th Jul 2001, 08:09 PM
I'm glad it also works for you zenda. :)
I have already made up the ending of the story.. don't know what part it will be :D But don't worry, once i'm sitting in front of that computer, staring at the story, it won't take long for me to create a part 3. :)
I was kind off affraid i had lost my creativity.. but i'm glad i didn't.

Yes the words, the own language, the own terms.. well of course :) the necris are different from us humans, so I intentionally want to avoid using human terms like hours etc etc.. and the days are longer etc.. creating a different society/world is very challenging, I like it. :)

I'll post part three as soon as it's finished.

Zenda
6th Jul 2001, 08:11 PM
Phoenix: I'll certainly read it.

I did a couple of contributions but I soon realised that my literary skillz were not up to being able to contribute well enough to what I could see was a great thread. .... but I was still solid in keeping up to date reading it. And will continue to be so:)

NeoNite
6th Jul 2001, 08:11 PM
Well that's a shame phoenix, don't you think? :(
I mean if I was on a dsl connection now or cable, i'd read throught the 91 posts in that thread and make a sequel :D
I'm not kidding. Cursed 56k!
:)

_Zd_Phoenix_
6th Jul 2001, 08:16 PM
I know how it feels, im on 56k too :( and yes it's a shame the thread died (but i thought your posts were good zenda :) )

It's nice to know that someone will read it i suppose, but it will probably drop off the first page before anyone else gets the chance.

And I agree with Neo, I'd probably make a sequel too...;)

NeoNite
6th Jul 2001, 08:20 PM
Wel let's make a sequel, why not? And we'll make sure it won't drop off the first page!!!
Let's start all over again, i mean look at it like this; the first 91 posts were part 1, this is part 2. HOw does that sound?
insane? good.
:)
Well?
It's on page 4 know I think.

_Zd_Phoenix_
6th Jul 2001, 08:26 PM
Well I did sort of have an idea for part two...but hey, you haven't even seen the end to part one yet :)

Ill be posting the first part of the ending in an hour or so.

NeoNite
6th Jul 2001, 08:37 PM
OK, but i'll be gone real soon, i'll probably return within the next 12 or 18 hours.. depends.. :hmm:
Anyway, POST IT!

NeoNite
7th Jul 2001, 06:13 PM
Ok, for those who still care :hmm: here is part 3. Don't really feel like making a part 4.. ah well we'll see.

Part 3: The assault
*****************

“My fellow Necris”, said the man standing in front of the large hall, ”welcome to the Orb. Within one quatron, we will engage a huge assault on the planet Earth.”
The main hall of the Orb was filled with hundreds of clans, war parties etc.
There were about 250.000 Necris in there.
But the Orb wasn’t the only meeting centre on Magran. Other centre like “the blood eagle” and “the Rising death”, in the cities “Mandrak” and “Epsilon4”, held it’s share of Necris.
One million Necris would take part in the assault. The Orb was the meeting centre for the most important and fierce clans.

“I know I speak for all of you, when I say I can’t stand humans!”, the man continues,” they are so unreliable, and they’ve caused us a lot of harm. We never wanted this war to happen. They are the responsible ones.”
Back in the 23rd century, the first Necris arrived on Earth. Sure, they didn’t like what they see, humans appeared to be filthy creatures, and not as developed :Their technology was inferior.
However the Necris wanted to sign a trade agreement, cause Earth offered minerals and raw materials the planet Necron did not have. These products were very useful for powering the Necris “factories”. One mineral was very suitable as fuel for the ships. Better than the old product.
But the humans betrayed them.
”We’ll never forget what happened on outpost Eridani, no Necris ever will…” said the man with a grim voice.

All the other Necris nodded.
It was the year 2290. That is, counting in human terms. This incident happened 30 years ago.
The humans were about to sign a very important agreement with the Necris. Humans could also use some of the minerals and materials the planet Necron had to offer.
The captain of the Necris’ vessel “the dark star” had almost signed the agreement, if it wasn’t for a distress call coming through on his com channel! It seemed that the humans engaged an attack on Necron. Back then, the widowmaker wasn’t fully operational.
An impressive Starfleet attacked the main capital GraviCrun. The Necris were too surprised and suffered heavy losses. The humans murdered, looted and raped. There were too many of them at once. Somehow they had been able to use the wormhole the Necris generated in the solar system.
Captain Nuyan immediately ordered his crew to fall back to the ship, but the dirty lowlife humans opened fire on them. Apparently they were afraid the Necris would kill them.

The sad part of it all is that these humans on outpost Eridani had nothing to do with the attack on GraviCrun. They were very sincere about signing that agreement. But the Necris didn’t know what to think. They felt betrayed. The humans were equally surprised and tried defending themselves.
Fortunately for the humans, the Necris lost. Only the Captain himself could fly the ship into safety, near the mars asteroid belt. Alas, he was heavily wounded, and never made it back to the wormhole near Jupiter.

Later on we’ll find out who was responsible for the lowlife attack on GraviCrun.
Let us now return to the present.

The man standing in front of the main hall, was the grand Necris leader: the Raygi. Together with his wife, SpidrElla, he had accompanied many Necris clans on raids on the planet Earth. He was also a great fighter. Maybe one of the best on Necron.

“Our plan is as following”, the Raygi continued,” one third of our army will engage an attack on the most important human space stations, near mars and earth. We believe they have some very important data stored there, data concerning their defensive systems. And the space stations seem to be generating a deflector shield, surrounding the entire planet.”
The man pauses. ”Therefore, it is very important that we succeed in taking over these space stations.
‘But it can’t be that hard”, a young Necris yagrun says. The Yagrun were a clan of younger Necris raiders. Known on Necron for their recklessness.
“Oh but it is”, the Raygi sighed,” see, it’s heavily guarded, and we believe they have powerful shields surrounding the stations.”
“Well, we need to eliminate the main power core, which distributes the energy for the shields”, Raynor said.
The Raygi smiled “Of course, and we know where it’s located. On mars itself. Somewhere in a deep canyon, there’s a human base. We need to infiltrate that base, and shut down the power.
But do NOT, I repeat, do NOT underestimate their firepower and strategic skills. Sure, humans are not advanced as we are, but they’re quite dangerous.”
The Necris crowd started muttering.
“Who’s going to infiltrate that base?”, Raynor shouted.
“You are”, the Raygi laughed.
Raynor swallowed. But a big smile came on his face.
“Yes! Yes! Yes!”, he shouted,” finally a real challenge woooot!”
Loque wasn’t sure what to think. This sounded like a challenging, important mission.
“Am I up to this, can I handle it”, he thought to himself,” what if I’m not?
What if it comes down to me shutting down the core? Will I be able doing it?”
Raynor slaps Loque on the shoulderblade. “Yeah Loque, this is what we’ve been waiting for isn’t it?” he laughs. He almost seemed hysterical.
“Hm yeah”, Loque smiled. But it was a feeble smile.
“Malakai”, the Raygi said,” you’re in charge of 15 Phayders. We’re all counting on you. You must succeed, for if we can’t take over the space stations, we can’t drop the shield surrounding Earth.

“The most important space station is the one stationed near the mars moon Phobos.”, the raygi spoke, ”I’m assigning a group of Blaidenmaiden to assault the station when the shield drops.
Be ready. I have full confidence the Phayder will succeed in their mission.
Other main space stations are the Cybriosis and Axyan outpost. There’s also an huge outpost on the moon.”

The Raygi continued in explaining his masterful strategies. Another third of the army would simply cloak itself, hiding in the darkness of the universe, hidden from human sensors and sonars. The remaining part of the huge Starfleet would surround the earth, keeping the silly humans busy, distracting them for what will happen on the space stations and Mars.
They will at least give it a try.

Then the time had come. The Raygi stepped toward a huge console, and entered a command.
All of the sudden, the agora near the Orb opened itself. Out of the ground came an impressive base, a base filled with spaceships and defense weapons. It was huge. It was the product of Necris genius.

The Necris left the Orb, and headed for the huge base. Most of them would climb into the Razorblades (fast little fighters, very agile and who have the ability to cloak themselves)
The bigger ships, called the “GraLinnz” were small commanding ships. Then there were the supply ships, who not only served purpose for assuring the army wouldn’t run out of firepower, but also offered a fine medlab for the wounded.

Malakai chose his 15 phayders.
“Lemme see”, he said using a rasping voice, “ Rhaynor, Barak, Dessloch, Kosak, Ramija, Loque, Tygrun, Pharon, Ygrun, Talgrik, Sirifa, Zoljo, Lyque, Cilia, Makrog.“
“Ok, I’m in a part of this”, Loque thought to himself, “now it’s time for me to prove myself. Show that I’m a worthy Necris fighter. I can do it.”
Then the Phayders stepped inside a small infiltration vessel, the “Phantom”. I mean, that’s what humans like to call it. Necris believe it is some sort of superstition. They like to call it the Tygron: Silent and deadly.

The Necris Starfleet took off. It was quite an impressive sight you had when watching from one of the nearby buildings. Little Necris kids went outside to have a better look.
“Look manji”, the small boy laughed,” there goes our proud fleet!”
“Yes Dran”, the girl said,” I hope dad will bring back a human spine, he promised.”
“Mine too!”, Dran said.
“Oh, but mine will also bring back a pair of human feet, so we can finally try out new shoes.”, Manji whispered to Dran.
Dran was jealous. “Blablabla”, he said. Manji laughed.

Thousands of little flies, that’s what it looked like when you would have been hovering over the planet Necron. It was indeed an impressive sight.
That’s what the Necris in the PHALANX saw. Indeed, the mothership was ready to lead the gigantic fleet into the wormhole, which led to Jupiter.

“Hey Visse, are you ready to slash’n’hack?”, Jared shouts!
“Damn right I am girl!”, Visse cries!
“That’s the spirit”, Laque laughs.” But I do want you do keep a cool head during this time of war, my dear black widows. Otherwise we might not succeed!”
All the other Blaidenmaiden nod.
“Don’t worry fearless leader”, Arachne grins,” I’m sooooo ready for this!”
“Ok , HERE WE GO!”, Laque shouts, “ THE PHALANX IS PREPARING TO GO TO LIGHT SPEED! THAT MEANS WE’LL HAVE TO FOLLOW SOON!”
The Blaidenmaiden ship jolted and rocked when switching to light speed. All the other Razorblades and Gralinzz followed. Then, there was nothing left, but the serenity of the universe.

“My mom promised me to bring back a human brain”, Dran said.
“Why in the hell would she do that for?”, Manji jested.
“Well I’ve never seen a human brain, it’s supposed to be really small”, Dran laughed.
“We’ll see Dran”, Manji smiled.

Our solar system. The wormhole opened behind Jupiter. The huge Starfleet came out, most of the ships were already cloaked.
On board of the Phalanx the Captain spoke:” Listen up, I want the first 15 Fedas (squadrons) of the fleet to set the course for the earth moon. The other Razors will set course to the asteroid belt and await my orders. First off all, the most important off all, let the Tygron set course to the Mars base!”

Loque looked at the flashing green lights in the Necris ship. This was it: the green sign. This means the opening, the start of a Necris assault.
“Are you ready compadre?”, Raynor asks.
“Yeah I am, but what is it with this word “compadre”, mumbles Loque,” the cabby on the way to the Orb called me compadre, now you do…”
“Oh , eh well it’s a human term ok, but it’s.. it’s kinda cool”, Raynor sighed, “One of the very few cool terran things.”
“Oh”, Loque was a bit surprised. “Terran and cool? That doesn’t seem to go hand in hand.”
Malakai stood up from his commander chair: “Right Phayders, we’ve entered the Mars atmosphere, we’re cloaked, and we’re positive human sensors haven’t spotted us. On the other hand, we’ve located their base on screen. We’ll set down the ship on a 5-5-Q (roughly translated: 100 metres distance) and approach on foot.
Yes, back in the late 21st century, the humans had changed the mars atmosphere, set up these huge atmosphere processors, filters, making the air breathable. No more biospheres, humans were able to freely walk around on the martian surface.
And pollute it of course.

The ship set down on mars. The Phayders geared up.
“Hey Barak”, Magrok grinned ,” will you check out this baby? It can pulverize a human ribcage from a 15 yagru distance (1 yagru = 2,4 metres)
“Very cool”, Barak laughs.
The Phayders exited the Tygron.
“Ready to hack’n’slash Loque?”, Raynor smiles.
“Hey, it can’t be harder than Operation Overlord, now can it?”, Loque smirks.
“Say what?”. Raynor was confused. What the hell is Loque talking about?
“Nah nothing Rhaynor”, said Loque using a silly voice, “ let’s assault that base!”
And so the Phayder set course for the human base.

NeoNite
7th Jul 2001, 07:19 PM
Oh to hell with it then.
Appearantly no one is interested, aside from Zenda and zd_phoenix. Tnx guys.

Look, I don't want to sound uptight or anything, or like a whiner, :( but honestly, almost nobody gave me constructive criticism or .. anything. Maybe it has something to do with me still not being a part of the group ah well.. screw it.

I'm not angry you know.. more like dissapointed but hey.. that's life. I'm used to it already.

Again, a big tnx to zenda and phoenix for giving comments on the story. I'll not forget it :)

out.

_Zd_Phoenix_
7th Jul 2001, 08:43 PM
It's a shame it ended there, I was starting to see real promise in that. But I wouldn't take the lack of reception to this personally, I think that people cannot be bothered with the story threads on here.

I know Xadoom's story was met with little responce a while back, and look at the tournament story thread, im finishing it now with a readership of....1, being me.

I dont knopw why the threads with alot of work in them or the serious ones get dismissed by many (eg, the god thread) but they do. Life suks huh? ;)

Zenda
7th Jul 2001, 10:23 PM
Hi there. I got back about 01:00 this morning after being out all day.

Not so much humor in this episode, but I can feel the wit still operating as you add cross cultural effects ... eg: the Necris use of 'compadre'. It's creating a kind of subtle and uncomfortable dynamis tension that balances what could have been a monochrome race-hatred. IMO it's creating a very stable base that accounts for the ambiguity of the Necris/Earth relations as hinted in the 'broken agreement' section in which what woul dhave been a smooth trade agreement has been messed up by what seems likely to be some as yet unidentified minority.

Because of this the gung-ho 'mommy's going to bring a brain home' has somewhere to go, to develop. I can forsee some very interesting twists and turns in terms of movement toward gradual awakening of the factions involved.



Yeah, and to echo Phoenix, I'm also sad it's going to finish here.

There have been times in my life when I have managed to write for more than a page and to remain coherent. So I not only appreciate your output but I also appreciate the effort that went into it.


:)

NeoNite
8th Jul 2001, 11:43 AM
I don't know what to say guys :)
Hm maybe it shouldn't end here.. screw the others :) if they don't feel like saying anything at all.. ah well. that's life.
A moment of weakness ,please forgive me :D
I'll start writing a part 4 to this story. It NEEDS a sequel! :D damn it!

btw Phoenix i've copied your last post in the "tournament thread" ina word document file. Maybe if it's ok with you, i'll continue the story. SO I guess you're not alone anymore on this :)

Things are starting to get really serious, so I guess i'll have to cut back on the humour a bit, only a bit.
But it won't end here. Tnx to you 2. You've convinced me in making another part to this story. :)

Zenda
8th Jul 2001, 10:00 PM
The story line is getting densewith interestintg possiblities.
And as you say, it NEEDS a sequel.

Music has tended to be my creative output. That moment when the existence of an audience has become less important than the needs of the product/creation has sometimes been what has kept me going into doing really good stuff. Against all odds.

Cutting back on the humour a bit? So be it. :) Let's face it, I think I know what you mean when you say that things are getting really serious.

Follow your instincts.

My feedback is well meaning and reasonably articulate. Unfortunately it is also severely contaminated by my personal preferences! The last part was less humourous but the laugh was still there. Without havig read the last bit since last night i can still remember the bit where the Blademaiden is going to bring a human brain back for the child. And the throwaway comment is that the human brain is believed to be very small. :D The build up of serious tension is also very compelling.

See ya tomorrow:)

NeoNite
9th Jul 2001, 06:10 PM
Ah but the humour WILL make it's comeback in the story :) be patient..
Ok, here's part 4. I don't know how many other parts will follow, maybe 4-5 i'll see :)
Tnx again for the feedback Zenda. I appreciate it.
To be honest, I prefer making drawings instead of writing stories...:)
I used to draw a lot of comics. :)

Part 4 : The beginning of the end
****************************

They’re all death. My brothers, my sisters.. all of them. Not a single one has survived the brutal human attack. We stood no chance. We were completely outnumbered. There was no other option but to retreat. This is the end! The very end of the Necris !!!

“Loque”, Rhaynor whispered,” wake up compadre, we’re about to assault the human base!”
“Oh yeah,.. I .. I was dreaming away … I’m sorry”, Loque sighed.
“Not now idiot”, said a man with a grim voice. It was Malakai, he was kind off nervous.
He and his 15 fellow Phayders were hiding behind a rock formation. Downhill was the human base. It was mighty big. And it’s defensive systems were not be underestimated.
There were 5 guards patrolling the area. They wore heavy battle suits and carried large Tazer guns.
“Well, looks like we’re in for a challenge right?”, Barak whispered.
“Hmm yeah”, Lyque sniffed.
“What’s the battle plan? How are we going to take over that base?”, Zoljo asked.
“Malakai?”, Rhaynor looked at his leader.
“Uh well a Claw grip formation afcourse, what else?”, Malakai stumbled.
Loque frowned. “What? A “Claw grip” on a base like this? It would only take out half of the guards, and the others would immediately sound the alarm bell! So long invasion!”
Malakai pressed his lips together.
“Maybe .. maybe not ..ok.. OK bad idea”. He sounded a bit irritated. I mean, he’s the leader right? He ought to know best ?
“Hmkay, so what do YOU suggest then, Loque?”, Malakai grinned.
“Me?” Loque turned his head towards the other Phayders. It was as if they knew Loque was the man with the plan.
“Well, you DO have a plan, don’t you? I mean, I do have this other brilliant idea but”..
Before Malakai could finish his sentence Loque interrupted him.
“Yes I do have a plan, it might work! I saw it in “the Unreal Tournament, this game I’m playing and…”.
“Say what???”, Pharon whispered, “a game? What are you talking about Loque?”
“Oh it’s ok I know what he’s talking about, my dad plays the game in his spare time”, said Tygrun,” go ahead Loque. We’re open to all ideas.”
Loque started talking: “It goes a bit like this…”

Jupiter. The Phalanx and 15 of the most important ships were hanging around the moon called Europe. They were still cloaked.
A third of the Necris army was approaching Earth, also cloaked , invisible for human technology.
Zenith was in command of the beautiful Phalanx. She enjoyed being captain of a fierce Necris army. It was her childhood dream to command a starhship and it’s fleet.
Her mother was one of the 3 commanders who had lead the counterstrike against Earth, all those many years ago. It was a devastating war, the Necris suffered many losses, but in the end, they had caused serious damage on Earth. One third of it’s population was kidnapped or killed.
If a human “prisoner of war” was still in good shape, he or she was to be brought back to Necron. There they would be enslaved or sacrificed.
The wounded were killed instantly. Their blood was being saved for supplying the Necris’ aerocats etc…
But it didn’t end there. The Necris kept attacking Earth and the killing went on. Their raids became worse and worse.
The human race was starting to become really afraid of the Necris. But again, it didn’t suffice. It would never seem to end.
This attack was simply one of the most important raids on Earth.

In the end, the Necris wanted nothing less but the total destruction of the human race.
The past could never be forgotten.

“Captain, an incoming message from the Phayder team on Mars!”, a young officer shouted.
“Well what are you waiting for Gral (Gral = junior luitenant)?”, Zenith spoke.
“They have successfully invaded the human base and shut down the power”, the Gral smiled.
“Open a direct com channel to their leader”, Zenith shouted!

Malakai walked across the control room. He kicked a human body, to make sure if the man was actually dead or still alive.
“Well that makes all of them”, he sighed.
“Yeah but we’ve lost Lyque, Pharon and Kosak.”, Rhaynor whispered.
Malakai looked at him.
“They’ve sacrificed themselves, if it wasn’t for them, the human guards in the third room would have been able to alert their superiors. We should honour them. Their bravery will not be forgotten.”
“What is that .. thing .. you’re holding in your hand Dessloch?”, Loque asked.
“Hmmm don’t know. It looks weird doesn’t it?”, Dessloch mumbled,” think I’ll take it back home, could make a nice souvenir.”
“It looks nice”, Loque said with a calm voice. The attack wasn’t all that bad. Heck, his crazy plan actually worked! And he was surprised he was able to take the strain and fight like any fierce Necris warrior would.
His first real battle. And it wouldn’t be his last.
Dessloch observed Loque for a while.
“What? What’s the matter?”, Loque stumbled.
“You like this thing?” Dessloch asked.” I mean, if you do, you can have it. Somehow.. I don’t know why.. it might come in handy for you…”
“Say, you’re right, … you’re ok with it? I can have it?” Loque was surprised.
Dessloch gave him the “thing”.
“There you go compadre”, he smiled. Now don’t lose it.”

All of the sudden Malakai shouted:” silence! The captain of the phalanx is transmitting a message! I’ll let an hologram appear!”
A holographic version of Zenith did appear in the control room.
“Job well done, my brave Phayders. Are there any losses?”, Zenith asked.
“ 3 brave Necris warriors”, Rhaynor replied.
“…What were their names?”, Zenith whispered.
“ Lyque Rhynor, Pharon Kumukra and Kosak Tikyri”, Rhaynor sighed. Kosak was also one of his best “compadres”. “Thanks to them, we were able to succeed in this mission.”
“ Their names won’t be forgotten”, spoke Zenith. A short moment of silence followed.
“Shri-taki, brave warriors !” Zenith shouted.
Shri taki meant, if translated in human language, “ you will live forever”.
Zenith continued:” Now the time has come, we shall commence our attack on the space stations. Malakai, when I give the signal, you will drop the shields on the first station, called Ares, the station orbiting the mars moon phobos. I will send 50 Razors to the mars base, just in case a human war party may engage an attack on it.”
“Very well captain”, Malakai smiled.

And so it began. The Ares moon station was totally surprised when the first Razors commenced their brutal attack.
They tried fighting back, but it was of no use. The Necris were prepared, strong and determined. The assault only lasted for 15 minutes.
Then the other space stations followed…

A Necris war party started investigating the Ares space station.
The Blaidenmaiden had suffered no losses. The way they had executed this professional attack, was beyond appraisal.
The Orbiting mars moon looked beautiful.

Laque walked towards the edge of the gigantic space station. Althought the human technology isn’t as advanced as theirs, the station was great to look at.
The build was the most impressive of all. Laque detested humans, but somehow admired their art and architectural skills.
“Admiring the space station, oh fierce leader”, said an asthonished Blaidenmaiden.
It was Cali, one of the youngest members of the clan. She was also knows as the most ruthless one.
“Maybe”, Laque smiled,” you have to admit, the build isn’t that bad.”
Cali looks around her. “Hm yeah maybe”, she grins”, but ah I hate the colors”
“Damn right”, laque mumbled, “ the colors are awful. Bah, typical human idiocy, spoiling great art with awful colors”
Cali laughed. “What do you expect?”
“You’re absolutely right”, laque smirked, “ now come on, we have a job to do”.
The Blaidenmaiden had to “hack” the human consoles and mainframes to gain access to the shield surrounding Earth.
No big deal. It would only take up to ten minutes.

Visse was hacking one of the 4 important consoles, stationed in the belly of the space station.
“There, all done”, she laughed.
“That was ****ing quick girl” Jared smiled.
“Well, I was always the first one to make a kill when we went hunting”, Visse grinned.
“Oh you’re talking about you and…” jared asked but she couldn’t finish her sentence. The other Blaidenmaiden opened fire on a human squadron attacking the space station !
“HIDE”, Visse shouted !!!
Blaidenmaiden are known to be very agile and quick. It took them less than 10 seconds to take save cover and man their ships. 3 took of and terminated the human squadron.
“Five ****ing minutes”, Arachne said with a heavy voice,” we’re getting old you know, it used to take us but 3 minutes!
“Bitching”, Nocturna cried, “and started dancing on the surface of the space station.
“Cool your jets, Nocturna”, Laque shouted,” we’re not there yet.

The other space stations were apprehended by the Necris in no time.
Zenith was ready. There she stood, on the bridge, looking at Earth. The Phalanx had already approached the Earth moon, but it was still cloaked. So was over 60 % of the fleet.
“Drop the shield”, she shouted in the com channel!!!
And so it happened, the shield dropped. Of course the human army was aware of the Necris attack by now, they were sending a large war party of dozens of fighters to meet the Necris fleet.
Then it happened. The cloaked ships dropped their cover and all of sudden, it seemed as out of nowhere, dozens and dozens of Necris ships appeared. The humans stood no chance.
And so the attack on Earth commenced !

“Ready to slash’n’hack girl”, Visse whispered to Jared.
“Anytime, anywhere on Earth”, Jared laughed.
The Blaidenmaiden watched the Necris fleet making mince meat out of the humans. Soon it would be their turn to engage an attack on the biggest cities.

Loque and the other Phayders were already on their way.
“Now the fun really begins!”, Rhaynor laughed to Loque.
“I couldn’t agree more”, Loque smiled back.
“Heck, I promised my kid to bring back a human brain”, Rhaynor smirked.
“I’m sure you will”. Loque turned his head at the window and looked at the Ares space station.
“See you real soon, Visse”, he whispered.

Zenda
9th Jul 2001, 09:02 PM
Good stuff:)

I like the way that it goes from wide to narrow scope and back again. The visual analogy I would use here is the photographic one of the zoom lens on a camera. A fleet of cloaked Necris ships. Powerful image in any event as they reveal their presence.

However, the emphasis is made more focussed and powerful as the dialogue between the spaceborne team and the ground team with Loque,... "Shri-taki, brave warriors !" ... Has made the whole thing very close up and personal.

The light relief is nice ... "Bah, typical human idiocy, spoiling great art with awful colors" ... To some extent it is the 'In'Joke-ness' that gets me :). A bit like that time when a clan of Necris were having fun with a human slave. I've got to be familiar with the UT voices or I won't get it. And here are the Necris doing a Nali City on a newly conquered base. LOL

I must admit I'm very curious as to how what seems to be a total wipe-out of the Humans is going to progress. And just what is that thing that Dessloch has given to Loque?

It's very exciting for the reader to be introduced to such a significant peice of Necris history.





Now for a bit of a ramble ... i think it could also apply to the UT fiction thread that, I think Creator started, and Phoenix, Gabriel and co were working on.

Basically it's this.

I played a game called Daggerfall a few years ago. it was part 2 in 'the Elder Scrolls chronicles. I'm looking forward to part three. I have plaed one or two other games that have taken place in that world. they have been very accessible and in some way familiar to me from the start because they capitalise on an already existing world.

Similarly with Outcast. I know that I am going to go for the Outcast 2 when it comes out. Yves Grolet and the gang did really good stuff in Outcast 1 [OK it was a bit of a first person sitback and witness the hilarious and never-ending dialog-'em-up, but it suited me.

Now Unreal Tournament has a sketchy concept of the its word. There's not a lot of continuity with Na Pali. So you and the others are not just adding a bit of detail. The user - created literature, the Unreal Community Vision IS building the surrounding context in which the game gets played..

I was doing botmatch in David M's award-winning 5-cubes map. Me and 7 bots. Theres Freylis - agressive and jumpy as usual ... but the whole feeling was different. And it's brcause she is now a warrior who's family are engaged in war. Her background is current and robust.


I call it this ramble because it's one thing to have ongoing thoughts as a keen reader about the plot as it develops, but this is to do with my sense of appreciation that you are writing it at all, and the overall effect of the existence of this work on my experience of the game and the Unreal World.

cya :)

_Zd_Phoenix_
10th Jul 2001, 02:00 PM
Sorry I didn't read this sooner, but I only just noticed it. I think the concept of looking at an attack on Earth through a Necris point of view is great :) Many people would choose to do it through the humans but I think I like your way better.

I know what Zenda means too, it is always better when the characters you are playing have a history.

So when can we expect Part 5?

NeoNite
11th Jul 2001, 06:51 PM
:)

I still don't know what to say...
I really appreciate the feedback. And yes Zenda, what is a story without personages who don't have a background, no history, past ..anything? :(

The Necris point of view works best for the story.. so i'll keep it that way. Humans are on the background this time.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES :D I'm finishing this story, i'm sorry i've been gone for a day :) i WILL write part 5 and 6 and maybe 7 or 8 we'll see.. I'll be posting it really soon.

:) And i already have an idea for another story, ... but I ain't telling yet :D

_Zd_Phoenix_
11th Jul 2001, 06:59 PM
Glad to see you haven't given up ;)

Zenda
11th Jul 2001, 09:29 PM
Seconded :)

Though I appreciate it was a close thing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
The Necris point of view works best for the story.. so i'll keep it that way. Humans are on the background this time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah ... I think that's one of the things that really does it for me.

cya :)

NeoNite
12th Jul 2001, 06:31 PM
Ok here's part 5. 6 pages this time :)
I'm already working on a another story, it's no sequel.. more like a eh.. you'll see :D

Part 5: They will repent…
***********************

And so it began.. the hundreds of Razors, follwed by dozens of Grallinz entered the earth atmosphere, engaging attacks on earth’s biggest metropoles.
Earth had changed a lot during the last 3 centuries. There were only 250 million humans left.
Back in the late 21st century a horrible techno virus wiped out 80% of earth’s population.
Only 1.4 billion survived. But it was not the end of the misery. Then came the fifth world war. It lasted from 2090-2105. Fifteen horrible years, and again, a horrible loss for humanity. 1 billion died in that war.

The early 22nd century wasn’t much better. No world wars or techno viruses this time, but dissension. People were divided in small camps, separated…
Then came the smaller “gang-wars”. Camps fighting it out, simply cause they couldn’t stand one another.
But the 5th world war also caused the continents to move. Also some countries were completely wiped out ,vanished…
2259 introduced a new era for mankind. People were sick and tired of being divided. So their leaders came together and agreed in merging all small lands into one state.
The Neo Earth Conglomerate was born. Why conglomerate? Because the new earth leaders were the dark corporations, born out of the ashes of the Genocide conflicts, back in the late 22nd and early 23rd century
Before they were enemies, now they were partners. This was merely the beginning, the mistrust wouldn’t vanish like that, it would take decades to unite the remains of the human race.
Huge “Bridges” were build, to close the gap between the continents known as America, Europe and Asia, back in the 21st century.
These Bridges were called the “technolands”. Along the coasts of these Bridges rose many technocities, each inhabited my many humans and other species, the visitors.
The visitors were no one less than inhabitants from close star systems.
The oceans were also polluted, nothing more than huge pools of filth, death and decay.
Many seas were gone, dried up. What was left was a huge crater, a deep canyon…

The Humans were afraid of going into these canyons, they were inhibited by Mutants, crossbreeds ( a bloody marriage between human and other species).
If it wasn’t for the dark corporations, earth would start to rebuild. But that was merely a dream.
Dreams hadn’t died on earth. There were still poets, writers and many other artists, but …
Their work wasn’t really appreciated, and they were nothing but social outcasts.
It was if time stood still on this once blue and wonderful planet.

The Necris didn’t care. Their first Assaults were on the capitals of Ergonon, one the biggest states on earth. Again, the humans weren’t prepared and the Necris were victorious.
It was a beautiful day for the Necris race. They knew the humans were still divided, not as before, but the team spirit wasn’t present.

The first Necris war parties invaded the Capital, after having it bombed for over 5 hours.
It were the Phayders.

Malakai jumped over the debris. What was once an impressive building, owned by the Grundack Corporation, was now reduced to a bloody ruin.
He shot a human soldier. And another one who all of the sudden jumped from behind a wall.
“Sooo there you go, I always knew that Reaper would come in handy”, Malakai laughed.
“Damn fine gun, I agree,” Rhaynor sighed,” If only I had one of those…”.
“Hey”, Malakai grinned,” this baby has cost me 16 pairs of human eyes. It was worth it!”.
“Lucky”, Loque whispered.
Rhaynor looked at him.
“So.. Loque, how are we feeling?”, he asked.
Loque frowned.
“You NEED to ask, compadre?”, he laughed, “ we’ve successfully invaded and beaten a human metropolis. THE biggest metropolis.”
“Hehehe, yes, it’s a great day for the Necris, isn’t it?” Rhaynor smiled.
“Sure is”. Loque walked towards a wall, and noticed the huge poster.
“What are you looking at Loque”, Barak asked.
“I don’t know well.. this is weird”, Loque stumbled, “ I saw it one of the previous raids on earth, but that was before I’ve found the game and...”
“Come to the point”, Barak sighed.. He knew Loque could be very very chatty when excited.
“OH well, you see, in this game I’m playing..”, Loque continued but Rhayon interrupted him.
“Grown men shouldn’t be playing games anymore compadre”, he laughed.
“Yeah yeah whatever” Loque said with an impatient tone in his voice.
“Look the thing is, you see the name on the poster?”
“Hmm yes it says époque rising games”, Rhaynor whispered.
“No no, in the left corner of the poster”, Loque almost shouted.
“Wow cool your engines compadre”, Rhaynor laughed,” let’s see .. Li-an-driii ..corporation…
Rhaynor likes to mess around with his friend.
“Yah ok, so the Liandri corporation are the ones responsible for this huge tournament in the game..”, Loque continued.
“ So?”, Rhaynor asked with a silly voice.
“Well I don’t know.. I thought Liandri was .. well..i’m sure they’ve made up that name.. I mean”, Loque stumbled once again.
“Hm but it’s not.. it actually exists”, Rhaynor whispered.
“Yes!”, Loque shouted.
“So, where does that leave us .. I mean”, Rhaynor continued,” what does this have to do with us? And the current attack on Earth?”
Loque opened his mouth, but didn’t know anything to say aside from…
“I . I just think it’s weird.. you know”, he sighed, “ I wonder where the Liandri corporation is established ? I mean, what if it’s right here, in this metropolis? I feel like it’s worth checking out.”
“Why Loque”, Rhaynor laughed, “it’s just another dark corporation on the face of this planet”.
Loque stared sulking.
“Oh really, go ask Malakai if he knows of the whereabouts of the Liandri corporation you never know..”, Rhaynor sighed.
“Yeah maybe.. maybe he can help me out”, Loque smiled.

Malakai was meeting the leader from the Zungrin clan. The Zungrin had finished their raid through the streets of the metropolis.
“So, anyone knows the whereabouts of the capital building yet?”, Malakai whispered.
“Yes”, T’kAnn sighed,” finally we’ve been able to locate it. It’s well hidden, deep into the bowels of the city. It’s a jungle out there.
“So, when are we going to attack it, my fingers are itching!”, Malakai snarled.
“Patience leader of the Phayders”, T’Kann said with a heavy voice, “ Zenith will keep you up to date.”
“Ooohkay”, Malakai mumbled.
“Anyway”, T’Kann continued, “we have to go now, and meet the other clans at the technocentre. Our commander Aryss will be waiting there.
“Aryss, the former captain of the Phalanx, right?” Malakai whispered.
“Damn right”, T’kann almost shouted.
“So.. is he coping with his loss, I mean is he doing all right..?”. Malakai just had to know, somehow he still admired Aryss, he believed it wasn’t his fault for what had happened on board of that ship, a long long time ago.
T’kann sighed. “He’s a fine commander”..

Visse kicked a human skull in the nearby river. A black river that is. Visse kind off licked it.
It was dark an beautiful, and dangerous. She looked at her reflection: pale skin, white eyes, black hair.. shiny armor, human blood on her hands. She started smiling. It was as if she had never felt so alive in her entire life.
“Hellllllllllo you little nymphomaniac, we’re about to raid the outskirts of the technocity,” Laque laughed,” are you with me?”
“Oh oh yeah heh”, Visse grinned,” I .. I was only ..you know..”
“Yes I know girl”, Laque smiled,” but save it for when we’re done here. Sure we have beaten the army who was defending the city, but we can’t forget about the small war parties and gangs.”
“We need to weed them out!”, Jared cried,” kill ‘em all! Kill ‘em aaaaaaaall!”
Laque nodded.
“Damn right we do”, she shouted,” now get ready, we’re about to kick some human skull!”
“I can’t wait to slith another throat”, Arachne yelled!
Visse took her special bladegun. The gun fired 10 small blades every 2 Kraylins (One Kraylin= 0.75 seconds)
You could compare them to small fish hooks. Once attached to a prey, the only way to get them out was losing a limb or a huge chunk of meat.
“First one to rip of a head, may drink the eyeball juice!!!”, Laque yelled and ran towards the outskirts!
The other Blaidenmaiden cried and followed their brave leader.

“What’s our status?”, Aryss yelled. He was commanding the Alpha Necris Freylon.
Freylons were small hovering “tanks”. The sound of the huge lasercannons, the battle cries, the yelling of the ones being killed, the collapsing buildings, the razors flying over the city…
“We’re breaking through the defense grid surrounding the Capital building!”, Habran shouted throught the com channel.
“Good work luitenant-shra”, Aryss yelled back,” show them what we’re made off!”
“Yes sir!”, Habran cried.
It was very hectic in the Freylon’s control room. The Yellow flashing lights, the men and women manning the consoles, incoming messages on the com channels.
But they didn’t complain. They actually liked situations like these. Necris were a war breed.

“An incoming message from the Phalanx, sir”, said a young female tech.
“Open a holochannel”, Aryss shouted.
Zenith, captain of the mighty Phalanx, appeared on the holoboard, right in front of the commander’s seat.
“Commander Aryss”, Zenith said with a firm voice,” what is your status?”
“We’re doing fine”, Aryss sighed,” we’ve almost breached through the defense grid surrounding the Capital building We’re almost there.”
“Excellent work commander”, Zenith said with a soft voice.
She knew much about Aryss his past on the Phalanx, and like other Necris she didn’t agree with what he had done, but she still admired the true Necris in him. The warrior, the leader.
Starting with a clean slate was a wise decision. That’s what she liked to believe.
“I’ll order the ground troops to assemble at the Capital building in one third of a quatron. Zenith out.”
Aryss turned around and shouted: “Well, what are we waiting for, alert all Necris clans! Send all Freylons and Razors to the C.B.!

The Blaidenmaiden were still raiding the dark outskirts of the devastated city.
Arachne took her Slasher (large sharp sword) and decapitated a human.
“Seee-weeet!”, she grinned.
She grabbed inside her left pocket and took out a small notebook. Then she used a small blade to cut open the arm of the human, laying in front of her.
“Need.. something… to ..write of course”, she smiled.
“Hm.. dark nice, red blood. Just what I need!”
Without hesitating one moment she plunged the sharp little blade in the small “pool” of blood.
“Now let’s see, that’s the fifth one I’ve decapitated today.. and already dismembered …7”, she sighed, “do I love these raids or what?”
All of the sudden a human scavenger jumped at her from behind a wall. Completely overwhelmed she fell on the ground and the human grabbed her arms.
Arachne started hissing and growling.
The human spitted her in the face.
“Shut up Necris wench”, he shouted.
“You you dirty, filthy rat”, she snarled.
The human paused. He had a rough time trying to keep that wild blaidenmaiden under control.
“You know, I always wanted to know what it’d be like, ****ing a ..”
But all of the sudden 3 small sharp blades appeared from under Arachne’s glove. She broke out of the humans’ grip, and cut of his nose and upper lip.
The human rat fell on the ground, yelling and screaming, waving his arms like a madman, trying to protect himself.
Suddenly Arachne heard footsteps nearby. Nothing to fear, it were Jared and Nocturna
They looked at her sister and then at the filthy human rat.
“Did this .. thing.. cause you any harm, sister,” Jared said with a voice filled with anger and rage.
“No, ..but he did call me a wench”, she growled.
“WHAT?”, Nocturna cried, “this piece of human **** called you, a member of the proud Necris race, a WENCH?”
“You know, I do enjoy a good kill”, Jared hissed,” but most of the times dead comes rather quickly.. too quick if you ask me.”
“I agree”, Nocturna growled”, let us skin this rat, let us take him apart, piece ….by piece”.
“You have the honor Arachne, “ Jared smiled,” where would you like to begin?”
“We’ll start at his feet, and work our way up”, she growled.
The 3 blaidenmaiden grabbed the human. The small critters populating the nearby sewers ran away scared when they heard the loud yelling, echoing through the dark neighbourhood.

“Can you? Can you tell me Malakai?”, Loque asked.
Malakai was getting pretty sick and tired of loque’s begging and “whining”.
“Give it a rest, Phayder!!!!”, he shouted,” I’m not sure if there’s a Liandri corporation in this city, this place is huge!!! And even if there was, I’m pretty sure it’s already bombed or being raided. It is of no interest!! Now cut it out!!!”
“Oh okay”, Loque sulked.
Rhaynor smiled at his buddy.
“Yeah well, see I told you it was a lost cause, now didn’t I?”, he laughed.
“Hey you were the one encouraging me asking Malakai if he knew about the Liandri corp!!”, Loque shouted.
“Okay”, Rhaynor sighed,” but it’s just.. we both knew it was a waste of time, right ? Heck, I’m even surprised you actually did ask him!”
“I’m .. only curious.. about..”, Loque stumbled.
“Phayders!”, Malakai shouted all of the sudden,” we should be going on our way, all clans are meeting at the Capital building of the technocity!”
And so the Necris Phayders climbed aboard of their ship, took off and set course to the rendez vous point.
“Don’t worry Loque”, Rhaynor whispered,” maybe.. maybe we’ll accidentally come across the building.. you know??
“Yeah right”, Loque sighed,” It’s just… I have this feeling, there’s more to this Liandri corporation…I can’t explain why.”
“Ok, maybe there is”, Rhaynor mumbled,” but now is not the time. We’re about to storm the most important building of the city. Their leaders are hidden there. If we take them out, it’s all over.”
“Fine by me”, Loque sighed, “ let’s do it. Let’s crush these humans.”
Rhaynor smiled.

The rendez-vous point. The Blaidenmaiden had already arrived.
“Shiiiiit Arachne, what’s that you’re wearing?”, said Laque with a surprised voice,” where did you get that?”
“Aaaah heck”, Arachne smiled,” it’s a human skin, I’ve kind off restyled it, you know, a bit of blood here and there, and other stuff…”
“What other stuff,” Laque whispered and frowned. It was if no one else was allowed to hear this.
“Sorry oh fearless leader”, Arachne grinned, “my little secret.”
“Ah well, can’t blame a girl for trying right?”, she laughed.
The Phayder ship arrived.
“Say Visse,”, Jared whispered,” won’t you meet up with Malakai?
“No way, “ she snarled, “the bastard is ignoring me. He hasn’t said a single word to me since we’ve came together at the Orb.. how about that hm?”
“Apparently his job IS more important to him than you are”, said Laque, using a soft, but husky voice.
“I.. I guess so”, Visse whispered.
“Wait, he’s coming out of the ship”, Jared mumbled,” maybe wave at him?”
Malakai jumped out of the Phayder ship. He saw his wife waving at him, he looked at her for two kraylins, and waved back. It was a poor wave.
Then he walked towards the other Phayders and war parties.
Visse bowed her head.
“I .. I’m sorry Laque I…”, Visse whispered. A dark tear rolled out of her eye, along her cheek, on her lip…
“It’s okay sister”, Laque said using a soft voice,” let it out.. let it all out”

“Never forget who you are Visse”, the voice says, “you’re an intelligent bright young woman, and we’re very proud of you. You’re a strong Necris. Make us proud. Never lose faith in yourself. And find the true meaning of dark love. Never settle with anything less, Visse. For it won’t last very long, it’s dark fire will extinguish within the blink of a setting and sleeping moon. We love you Visse, we don’t like seeing you get hurt. Never forget we’re there for you.
You can count on us.

Aryss came out of the Freylon and walked towards the leaders of the clans.
“So, the shield is down, and how many troops were hiding behind it?”, he asked Gudra, the leader of the female/male D-struktas clan.
“Oh not that much,” she whispered, “ maybe 200 or less. They do posses heavy firepower, one of our Razors tried bombing them. But one blast of a powerful cannon incinerated the ship. Furthermore, we believe the humans are using shock rifles.
“Please don’t tell me they use enhanced shock rifles?”, Aryss shouted.
Enhanced shock rifles, or instagib guns. Very dangerous, it would only take one accurate hit to eliminate an enemy. You could also lose an arm, a leg, .. your head.
“No way”, Gudra laughed,” have you forgotten already? Back in 2305, we’ve robbed the humans from their ESR’s!!
“Oh yeah, sorry”, Aryss grinned.
Gundra rolled her eyes.
“Are you eyeballing me?”, Aryss whispered.
“No no”, Gundra laughed.
Aryss pressed his lips together and frowned. Then he smiled.
“Oh okay, I’ve made a silly mistake, please forgive me yes?”
“Okeydokey smokey”, Gundra smirked.

Malakai joined the group. Loque was standing nearby, so were to other Phayder.
“When are we going to attack this building, my men are getting impatient,” Malakai asked using a firm voice.
“Cool your jet clan leader”, Aryss smiled. “Only 1/10th of a quatron left.”
“Oh okay, but I do need to known one more thing commander”, Malakai continued.
“And what is that?”, Aryss asked.
“Hm what is the name of the building? We still don’t know”, Malakai grinned.
“Well, it’s known as the Capital building of this technocity, but we have reasons to believe it’s owned by the Liandri corporation. That’ll be all. Now go back to your clan and await my orders.”

Malakai returned to his men.
“Well Loque, guess what?”, he said, whilst checking his gun.
“What?”, loque asked and stared at Malakai.
“The building we’re about to attack, is the property of the Liandri corporation.”
Malakai didn’t look up. He was too busy checking the damn gun, or that’s what he likes to call it.
Loque was smiling.

_Zd_Phoenix_
12th Jul 2001, 06:45 PM
Wow, i was riveted at the end that was a really good piece! The liandri twist was great! I didn't get why Loque was smiling though, I thought he'd be horrified.

I really cannot wait to see the next bit, and I mean really. I want the necris to be overwhelmed and have to retreat back with everyone dieing in a dark twist. But that's just me. Cant wait to see what's gonna happen :)

NeoNite
12th Jul 2001, 06:49 PM
ok that was quick :)!!!
Well you'll just have to wait and see zd_phoenix :D
This took me one hour to write down.
And yes, to be honest, I like it :)
The previous parts weren't the same as this one...:hmm:

Zenda
12th Jul 2001, 07:12 PM
W00t..... Right ..... I'm off to the kitchen to put on a cup of tea, Hey, I've got some chocolate chip cake. Yes ... I'll have a slice of that. put it on the tray, bring it over to the computer, sit back and enjoy this next part.

{(nb ... this is a literal description of what I'm going to do. I've been looking forward to this next part. So I'm having a quiet celebration as I read it :) )}

NeoNite
12th Jul 2001, 07:15 PM
Whew I sure hope you'll enjoy reading this part Zenda.. :D
Btw tnx for pimping my story in LDW's thread. :)

_Zd_Phoenix_
12th Jul 2001, 07:21 PM
Yeah thx zenda, you are constantly the only one who seems to support our threads like this and the tournament one:)

/me makes Zenda's cup of tea for him

NeoNite
12th Jul 2001, 07:26 PM
Almost forget to tell you phoenix, i've read a part of the tournament story thread, a part written by you.. Not bad!
:)
The part were Creator is walking through a dark hall (?) with slime etc.. well it's good stuff. However this story is big.. I still need do to a lot of catching up. :)
(reading that is, I know you're writing it now :D)

Zenda
12th Jul 2001, 07:55 PM
What can I say?

I think you've surpassed yourself. :)

The content is getting more complex, but the style is getting more clear. Each paragraph has its own personality and feel to it. I was noticing this as the Would-be violator of the Blademaiden was about to be severely and terminally punished ... and then the scene AND the writing mood changed to Loque-pique and the pumping of the curiosity about Lliandri. As Phoenix says, it's a great twist.

(btw, he's just posted another piece of his UT Story)


I was blown away by that Sudden and relentless updating of Earth's History ... that was sure some ride:D

That 'fishook' bladegun is a winner.


Yeah:) :) ... This has been well worth waiting for. You were saying it took you an hour [!!!!! - to me an hour to do this is a very short time!]

Anyway, Thx and cya:)

NeoNite
13th Jul 2001, 05:34 AM
Glad you enjoyed the story so far zenda :)
Depends .. maybe one hour is short... :)
I'll be posting part 6 really soon.

_Zd_Phoenix_
13th Jul 2001, 06:55 AM
Nice to know that you're still readin the story thread Neo, that doubles the current readership ;)

I feel sorry that Ill have finished it by the end of the week now, but like they say about all good things....

/me sits back and waits for part six impatiently :D

NeoNite
13th Jul 2001, 06:33 PM
It's done, another 4-5 pages.. there WILL be a part 7 to all of this :D
You know, I have had this idea since may.. but I was a bit affraid of you know.. didn't know if people would like it or not..
Lucky for me I have 2 big fans :)
Still don't understand why no other pufers post in this thread.. ah well.. :)

Zenda
13th Jul 2001, 06:49 PM
Hi:)

I don't know whether I'm replying too soon ... You mention there will be a part 7. But i think part 6 is the next bit.

Anyway. Quite apart from the individual parts, I think the overall idea is terrific. Thing is, It's pulling some very poweful coneps together. Total focus on the Necris point of view. And bringing in UT the game as something that has a kind of slide between the realities.

As to whether people are posting or not, well, I'm thinking of Hal's reply in the 'Too many goodbyes' thread. Your story, Phoenix's work on the UT story and, as it happens, those compelling topics, poetry and artwork that SaphireNights posts will be among some incredibly powerful memories of my first few months as member of this forum.

best wishes:)

NeoNite
13th Jul 2001, 06:54 PM
Yeah I know what you mean zenda, this is my 8th month on puf
(yes it is! :)..!..! ) and well.. I also have some great memories, a couple of great threads and you know.. the ambiance..

TO be quite honest, I wouldn't have dreamed of posting a story like this on the planetquake forum...cause.. people are so different there.. I used to hang out there but.. I don't know..
Puf is one of the better forums...not the best sorry.. :hmm: but it's defenitily in my top 3.
:p

NeoNite
14th Jul 2001, 08:11 AM
Here it is, part 6 (and i'm already working on part 7:)..)
Enjoy.

Part 6: The infiltration
****************************************

Rhaynor looked at Loque.
“What the heck are you smiling for?”, he asked his friend.
Loque scratched his stubbles.
“I.. you see..”, he stumbled,” on the way to earth, back in the ship, I was thinking of
the UT game and somehow I was hoping seeing ..”
“Seeing what?”, Rhaynor mumbled.
“Eh hard to explain”, Loque whispered,” you know me.. I need to get to the bottom of things,
cause.. you see finding that this Liandri corp is real…”
“I still don’t understand Loque”, Rhaynor smirked and frowned.
Loque turned around and looked at his friend, he raised his arms:
“You see, there’s this one thing I don’t understand about this game!”
“What is it?”, Rhaynor asked.
“Well.. the date of the game”, Loque whispered.
And he opened his backpack. Every Necris wore a one of those, very useful for conserving important supplies and ammo.
He showed him the game box.
“What am I supposed to be looking at”, Rhaynor said with a confused tone in his voice.
“Well, look at the bottom of the box”, Loque whispered.
“Why are you whispering?”, Rhaynor asked.
“Doesn’t matter,” Loque whispered once again,” just look at the bottom of the box… and tell me what you’re reading.”
Rhaynor sighed and did what his friend asked him to do.
“Oook..,” Rhaynor began, “I see .. The unreal tournament… 2009 made by époque rising games inc. all rights reserved. Created by épo..”
Loque interrupted him.
“Well?”, he almost yelled.
Rhaynor frowned.
“Eh.. what is this,” he mumbled,” made in… 2009?”
Rhaynor looked at Loque.
“2009?”, he continued,” but .. this is the year… 2360 on earth.. right?”
“Right”, Loque whispered, “now you have to agree, this is WEIRD.”
Rhaynor opened his mouth and shook his head. He had to agree, this was spooky stuff.

“Now look,” Loque continued,” we all know about the huge world war back in the late 21st century killing almost the entire population on earth, it’s in the data files back on Necron”
Necris liked to accumulate all data on the human race they could get their hands on. Know you enemy.
Knowledge leads to victory. Ignorance leads to defeat.
Of course Loque didn’t like humans, but he had to agree on what this.. Shun Tsoe man.. or whatever his name was, had written down all those centuries ago.
“Loque”, Rhaynor said with astonished voice,” why didn’t you tell us this game was over 350 years old?”
Loque sighed and looked around him.
“Well..”, he mumbled,” I didn’t think you guys .. were interested in one of my eh.. rants or well.. a silly game you know.”
“But we would have if you had told us how old it was”, Rhaynor laughed,” look you said the name Liandri appeared in the game and the building we’re about to charge is owned by the Liandri corporation!”
Rhaynor paused.” Now .. we NEED to get to the bottom of this, how is it possible that a game made in the 21st century, ends up in the 24th?

All of the sudden Aryss spoke to his fellow Necris.
“Allright, we came up with a battle scheme, all I need is 30 warriors to invade the Liandri building while the rest of us are keeping the human army busy.” Aryss paused and took a deep breath.” Now, we don’t want to underestimate the firepower of this small army. Inside the building you may even expect heavy resistance. Do need hesitate for half a Kraylin!!
“But how are we going to get in there ?”, Malakai shouted.
“There’s a sewage system beneath this technocentre.”, Aryss said with a calm voice.,” see that lasergrid there? We’ll have it disabled in 5 kraylins or less. So primitve.” He paused for a moment.
“Anyway, 30 volunteers will make their way through that sewer and end up .. here!”
All of the sudden a huge “blueprint” appeared in front of the Necris clans. Aryss had set up a
G-console. These devices were able to show a transparent image, a so called “blue print” of a building.
“Where did you get that”, Malakai whispered. He was baffled. How could they’ve made a “blue print” of that Capital building this fast?
“Apparently our friend Malakai hasn’t heard about the newest technology implemented into the system consoles of the Phalanx,” Aryss said with an amused tone in his voice.
“Latest technology enables us to make G-console images of buildings, even from outer space. However ships need to be in 5000 km range. Here you can see an superbly detailed image of the inners of the C.B. Every room, every small detail expect for lifeforms. That’s the only flaw in our technology so far. That’s because lifeforms aren’t always stationary and we can’t track them on our g-c images. We need to perfect the devices, this is all we have so far. And I’m satisfied.”

Aryss paused and looked at the Necris crowd. He saw nothing but determined warriors, ready for battle.
“Just to let you know”, he continued,” this technocity is the last one which has not been conquered by us today. Not yet that is. Half a quatron ago I received a message, Necris clans saying they had concurred the famous “Morpheuscity”. Now THAT is an accomplishment! And I want those humans to crawl at our feet!! We must take control of this planet!!”

Side-note: Morpheuscity was one of the most special human space bases, orbiting the sun!! Of course at a cool distance of 45 billion kilometres, and protected by a large atmospheric defense shield. It’s defensive systems were very impressive, for human technology that is. Mcity was supposed to be a final hidden outpost for humanity. An asylum. Although well hidden, it didn’t take the Necris very long to find it.
The last human base had fallen into their hands.

The Necris crowd shouted! One big yell. Then Aryss rose his hand.
“All we need now, is 30 volunteers,” he said, again with a calm voice. No matter what he had done in the past, this guy was a natural born leader.
Aryss was glad he was able to come along on this mission, to man a vessel again. Sure it wasn’t the phalanx, but it suffised. The thought of being stuck back on Necron, while the others are waging war on Earth .. it send shivers up his spine. More on Aryss later.

“I’ll volunteer”, Rhaynor shouted,” and so will my fellow Phayder.”
“I’m with you “compadre”, Barak yelled!
Laque looked at her Blaidenmaiden.
“Who’s with me?”, she whispered and smiled.
“ I for one am”, Visse grinned.
“Count me oh fearless leader”, Arachne yelled.
“Can I come as well?”, Jared whispered.
“Sure you can”, Nocturna smirked,” that is, if you can put up with me getting in your way and
claiming all the kills?”
“Sho’ thing honey”, Jared smiled.

It came down to 9 bladenmaiden, 12 Phayders, 4 Tuglocks and 5 Raven.
The human army was waiting for the Necris assault. They were too afraid to come from behind their barricade.
“Operation Overlord”, Loque whispered.
“Say what”, asked a nervous Blaidenmaiden.
“Eh nothing..”, Loque grinned.
“You’re a weird dude”, she laughed and joined the assault group.
“What was that all about?”, said Rhaynor to his friend with a sneaky voice, “that was a cute blaidenmaiden right?”
Loque sighed and nodded.
“Shut up”, he mumbled to his friend and smiled.
“I wonder if she has a partner?”, Rhaynor smirked.
“Well go and ask her”, Loque said with a silly voice.
“Not now” ,Rhaynor whispered, ” I mean we’re ready to assault that building, and what use would it have asking her now, suppose she gets killed in there or me, .. and I can always ask her if we survive this?”
Rhaynor looked at Loque, as if he was waiting for a reasonable answer.
“You’re right Rhaynor”, Loque laughed,” now let’s join the assault group. They’re waving at us.”

A young tech “hacked” the console generating the laser grid which protected the entrance to the sewers.
The assault group jumped in. Aryss ordered the Necris war parties and clans to open fire upon the small human army.

“Eeeh yucky”, Cayla shouted,” I’ve stepped into a hot charles..” Cayla was one of the younger Blaidenmaiden.
“Eh a what?”, Barak asked.
“A hot charles!”, she hissed.
“Oh excuussse me”, Barak laughed.
“Be quiet you two,” Laque whispered,” we’re approaching the entrance to the building.
Now as Aryss told us, they’re probably expecting us. I want your finger on the trigger of your gun, and expect… or storm troopers… or defensive mechanisms such as laser turrets and trip mines.
“Trip mines”, GaX asked with a silly voice,” we’d see one of those lying around now would we?”
“Unfortunately humans already have the technology to cloak trip mines.”, Laque whispered.
“Oh”, Gax said with a husky voice.
The sewer was warm. And an incredible stench filled the Necris with disgust . Not even on Necron there were places as dirty and infested as this sewer.
The creatures running around weren’t threatening at all, but they were ugly as hell. Some of them had 3 eyes, or 6 legs, or even better.. 2 mouths.
“Ok”, Laque whispered,” we’re here, this is the entrance of the building.”
“What? This old rusty door?”, Jared asked.
“No, behind this door is ..”Laque swallowed. The fumes of the sewer seem to get to her.” ..well a room of course, but we have to be careful, we don’t .. know what’s in there!”
She pointed at Loque, Arachne and a Bragg, a semi veteran Tuglock.”
“Get your disintegrators ready, this door appears to be old and weak. We’ll blow him to pieces. IF there is a squad of storm troopers behind that door, they might be too surprised to react in time. So that should buy us time to jump inside and take them out.
“But Laque, what if they’re wearing Hydromasques?”, Malakai almost yelled.
“Get a grip leader of the Phayder”, she snarled,” I don’t believe this, you do know the disintegrators are very powerful weapons? We can only fire once every 1 Triniton (=2 minutes) but it disrupts the sensors in the humans’ battlesuits for 5 Kraylins. That should, again, buy us enough time to take them out. Understood?”
Malakai pressed his lips together and felt the eyes of the other Necris upon him. He knew Visse was looking as well, but he didn’t seem to care. All he knew was that his rep as a leader was damaged. He had failed to remember a standard datafile about one of the most important weapons Necris used on their assaults.
“Understood”, he said with a quiet voice.
“Fine,” Laque sighed,” now let’s stand back. These 3 Necris have a job to do! Take cover and get ready!”

The Room behind the door. It was dark, one red light lit up the place, a small mutant rat crawled back in his hole.
Then came the explosion and the smoke, the debris flying around.
The Necris jumped in the room and opened fire!
3 human troopers fell down. Their blood stained the cracked floor.
“****, you were right Laque”, Visse sighed.
“I’m not surprised”, she whispered,” humans are so predictable.
“What happens now,” Cilia asked and coughed. The smoke was starting to clear up.
“Maybe we shouldn’t have done this”, Nocturna said with a nervous tone in her voice, “ I mean they know we’re here now, and they might change their positions and…”
“Doesn’t matter”, Laque said with a firm voice,” I’m pretty sure they had us on their scanners when we entered the sewers.”
She paused and looked at her fellow fighters.
“We’ll split up into 5 groups”, she whispered,” a group this large wouldn’t be as organised as a small group of 6. Let’s form teams and split up.”
She pointed towards a staircase. “We’ll climb up there, open the door, and split up.
Now our goal is to find the leader of this building. If he or she falls, it’s all over.”
Loque nodded. Did he admire his sister or what? She never seemed to show fear. She was so determined and strong.
And so the group climbed the stairs, hacked the lock on the door, and entered a large hall. At the end of the hall were 4 turbolifts.

“No sign of lifeforms in the vicinity,” Rhaynor mumbled,” otherwise this tensor (Necris ultra techie sensor device. 100% reliable.)
“What if they’re cloaked?”, Arachne whispered;
“Then this thing would show them on screen!”, Rhaynor smiled.
“Wow, that advanced?”, she laughed,” human cloak shields were supposed to hide their body heat etc..?”
“Well their cloaking fields are useless against this baby”, Rhaynor grinned.
“How very cool”, Arachne giggled.
Rhaynor frowned. “You bet your sweet arse it is!”, he laughed.
Then the Necris split up into 4 directions, each team carried a tensor. Just in case.
Loque, Visse, Rhaynor, Tchi, Cilia and Jared were on the same team.
They proceeded to the large turbolifts, leading to the next floor of the building.
The other Necris teams were already gone in the other turbolifts.
“Good luck”, Loque whispered to Rhaynor.
“ We don’t need luck compadre”, Rhaynor smiled,” we’re Necris.”
Loque smirked and stepped inside the big turbolift.
Then it took off, making it’s way to the next floor.

Zenda
14th Jul 2001, 08:36 AM
I'm up and out for the day!

I've just seen that you've posted this part and will look forward to reading it when I get back:)

KliwX
14th Jul 2001, 10:19 AM
LOL! You just had to put in hot carls somewhere?
Anyway, good stuff. Keep it coming.

NeoNite
14th Jul 2001, 10:23 AM
I .. I ..I don't believe what i'm seeing here.. I .. I :D

ANother poster in this thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES! :D

Tnx for the feedback Kliwx :)
Yes hot charles.. :D NIce to known someone else aside from phoenix and zenda is reading this :)

_Zd_Phoenix_
14th Jul 2001, 11:56 AM
The tension is building.....

I hope that us humans kick those necris bastards back to where they came from!!!!! No one messes with Liandri! :mad: sorry, couldn't help that...:)

Gripping. I can't wait to see what happens next. And when he gets back im sure Zenda will agree. ;)

Camel
14th Jul 2001, 01:36 PM
nice story

lol hot charles:D

Camel
14th Jul 2001, 02:45 PM
this story has inspired me to start using a necris skin

Synastren
14th Jul 2001, 04:53 PM
GREAT STUff!
I'm sorry I didn't see it earlier!
Keep it up, d00d!

NeoNite
14th Jul 2001, 06:13 PM
Holy poop on a stick :D 2 new posters! :)

Make sure you use or the male grail skin, or the female cryss or visse skin :

Heh here's part 7.. and i've already started on part 8...
Yeah I know i'm insane.


:p

Part 7: The first floor…
**************************

The turbolift stopped at the first floor. A soft humming sound, and the doors opened.
3 rifles came out, pointing at different directions.
“All clear”, a large man said. It was Tchi, a member of the Raven clan.
“Ok, let’s proceed..”, Rhaynor whispered,” Visse, show us your copy of that g-console image again?”
There were few lights illuminating the long corridor. Not a sound could be heard, aside from the footsteps of the Necris wandering through the corridor.
All of the sudden Rhaynor raised his hand and the group stopped moving.
“What is it, Rhaynor?”, Jared whispered.
“I’m not sure, my tensor is registrating lifeforms at the far end of the corridor”, he whispered back.
They had to be quiet, suppose the humans had installed screaming devices on the walls and cloaked them? “Screaming devices”, small horrible weapons, activated when someone exceeded the maximum sound limit. Then they would produce a highly pitched, brain stewing scream. Most of the times good enough to blow your head apart. The tensor should read them though…

“Keep your gun ready”, Visse ordered them.
“Who made you the boss?”, Cilia mumbled.
“I’m the second in command of the Blaidenmaiden clan”, she hissed.
“Ok, but this isn’t your clan you know”, Cilia whispered back.
“Will you 2 keep quiet?”, Rhaynor hissed,” I’m not sure what to expect down the corridor, but it appears we might be in for a fight!”
“Why don’t we go to the left?”, Jared mumbled.
“Cause it’s a dead end, you know,” Rhaynor whispered,” that g-c image showed us that, didn’t it?”
“Oh oh yes”, Jared stumbled,” I’m sorry I’m nervous.
“Dead end”, Loque mumbled,” let’s hope THIS won’t be OUR dead end.”
“Oh do shut up already,” Tchi snarled,” what are you a Necris warrior or a human cry baby?”
Loque nodded.
“Yeah you’re right”, he sighed, “I’m sorry. I’ll try and keep my cool from now on..”
Visse held her gun with a steady grip and aimed it and the far end of the dark corridor.
“C’mon then”, she whispered,” what the **** are we waiting for? Let’s move!”
The other Necris followed her.

Outside the building, the Necris war parties and clans had a rough time battling the small human army.
“Status”, Aryss yelled. His voice was barely heard amongst the cries of the soldiers, the gunfire and the roaring of the Razors flying by.
A semi veteran Necris lieutenant looked at the battlefield, then at his commander:“ Despite the heavy resistance we’ve stumbled upon, we’re making progress. It appears we have found a weak spot in the humans their defensive systems.”
“So what are we waiting for?”, Aryss yelled back.
“Quiet frankly sir”, the lieutenant shouted,” it’s not going to be that easy, you see the humans have powerful lasercannons, but it takes time to reload them. Unfortunately a group of snipers is holding us back from destroying those cannons!”
“Snipers?”, Aryss sighed,” how many?”
“We’ve counted 15 so far”, the lieutenant yelled. A razor was hit and fell down to earth. A huge explosion, and debris flying by made the two men search for cover behind a nearby Freylon.
“So what we have here”, the lieutenant continued,” is a small, but prepared human army, who put up a heavy fight!”
“There must be a way to end this quickly”, Aryss mumbled,” If only Loque was here…”
“Excuse me sir”, the lt shouted.
“Loque”, Aryss yelled back. A squad of Razors flew by.
“You see kid”, he continued,” Loque is one of our finest marksmen, he’s has a wonderful aim.”
“But he volunteered to infiltrate the building sir right?”, the lt yelled.
“Yes he did”, Aryss shouted and started coughing. The smoke surrounding the battlefield got to him.”
“Let’s go inside the Freylon sir”, the lt said with a worried tone in his voice.
“No no”, Aryss laughed, “thanks for the concern officer, but I’m fine. I can take this.
No, I think it’s time for me to do, what I ought to have done when engaging assault on that human resistance army.”
“What sir?”, the lt asked him with a husky voice.
“Join the battle, up close!”, he cried and took his laser rifle and an ammo belt.
“I want 10 Necris to cover my back, I’ll take those snipers out, even if it’s the last thing I’ll do!”, Aryss yelled.
“Ok you’ve got it sir”, the lt smiled. He really admired his commander.

Aryss crouched down on a “ safer” spot nearby the Capital building and put on his sniperview. These were specially designed hi-tech goggles, enabling a zoom up to 50 meters distance. A small x-lock would appear on the goggle if a target was in range. 10 Necris warriors surrounded him, shooting at the human barricades.
“Now where are those filthy rats hiding”, Aryss grinned and putted his finger on the trigger.

“Told you it was a trap”, Visse whispered.
“What are you whispering for”, Rhaynor laughed, “the humans are dead! See, they’re lying at our feet, their blood is all over the place oooh I like this…”
“But but suppose there are others hiding..” ,Visse mumbled.
“Eh my …tensor.. would read them?” Rhaynor smiled.
“Oh okay”, she sighed.
Tchi looked at his leg.
“Does it hurt bad?”, Loque asked him.
“Yeah, kind off”, Tchi whispered and cringed his teeth, “it won’t stop bleeding.”
“Don’t worry,” Loque sighed,” give me your medkit.”
Loque opened Tchi’s backpak. Tchi sighed. How could he forget about that medkit?
“Why is everybody so nervous?”, Loque smiled and looked at his friend Rhaynor.
“Well, this IS a bloody important raid Loque”, Rhaynor mumbled,” if we find the leader, hiding somewhere in the building, and take him out.. well.. it’s all over then.”
“Hope he can tell me something about UT”, Loque whispered.
He grabbed Tchi’s medkit and took out a small needle, and filled it with a healing fluid.
“There Tchi, this should stop the bleeding and ease the pain”, Loque smiled.
“Now that is one yucky uniform you got there Tchi”, Jared said in a teasing manner.
“Ahaha”, Tchi laughed, “you’re just jealous cause I’m wearing a blue uniform and blue really goes with white!”
Jared laughed back and shook her head.

Lucky for them they had been able to switch on the emergency lights. The human storm troopers where stationed near a power control room. Of course the corridors we’re still poorly lit, but if was way better than before.

“Nice red lighting”, Visse said to Loque.
Loque looked up and was rather surprised.
“You talking to me?”, he stumbled.
“No, I’m talking to the wall behind you Loque, “ Visse whispered,” see I really like talking to
the walls!”
Loque frowned and a scratched his right cheek.
“Very funny”, he smiled.
“How are you doing”, Visse asked in a serious manner, “Are you coping through all this?”
Loque looked at her, and then at his boots.
“I’m .. I’m doing ok, I mean this is my first real battle, you know..my first real BIG battle..”
“Yes”, she smiled, “and in my opinion, you seem to be doing fine.”
“How is that”, he asked her and frowned.
“Oh, you see,” she whispered,” you’re keeping your cool, I mean, sure you’re under a lot of stress, as all of us are..” She paused and took a small snack out of her backpak.
“Energizers”, she said whilst eating the delightful snack,” makes sure .. you stay alert you know.”
Loque smiled.
“Anyway”, she continued,” … when we were fighting those troopers, I noticed you staying really cool while the others went berserk. I mean, you and Rhaynor… one of you could absolutely make it to “leader of the Phayders” if you ask me.”
She raised her eyebrows and nodded at Loque.
“Want a bite?”, she asked him.
“Eh?”, Loque mumbled,” oh yeah sure thanks Visse.”
“That’s o’right Loque”, she smiled and walked towards Jared and Cilia.

Loque was baffled. He didn’t know what to think. Here he was, sitting down on the cold floor of a dark building of the Liandri corporation. Two Trinitrons ago, he had been battling a large group of human storm troopers and indeed, he didn’t lose his cool.
But what gripped him most, was the fact that Visse had been watching him.
Could it be, that she still had feelings, hidden feelings that is, for him.
He was too afraid to ask her. What if she wouldn’t know what to say?
What if it would open old wounds?
I mean, it had been a long time since Visse actually talked to Loque.
And he didn’t feel like spoiling this precious moment.
He looked at the packaging of the small snack and read the content on the back.
“This .. will.. make ..you.. feel .. alive .. again.. more .. than .. ever”, he whispered.
He sighed. “ It sure has”.

“Incoming message from Laque’s team”, Jared shouted.
“Not so loud”, Cilia whispered!
“Oh okay”, she mumbled.
The other Necris gathered around her.
“This is Laque, what is your status? We’ve eliminated 2 teams of storm troopers. Unfortunately we’ve also lost 2 team members.”
“Fine over here”, Visse said with a firm voice,” we’ve also eliminated a team of troopers, but we have no losses on our team, Tchi is hurt but he’s getting better.
Laque sighed through the com channel.
“Glad to hear that. We’ll make our way to the second floor. Appearantly there are a lot of life signs up there. Expect heavy resistance. We’re teaming up with team 2.
I suggest you guys teaming up with the other teams! Meet them at a nearby turbolift.”
“Talk about a tygron”, Loque mumbled,” we’ve just received an incoming message of the third team.” Loque opened a second com channel.
“This is Nocturna speaking. All the other team members are dead. We were overwhelmed by 4 teams of troopers and the bastards had set up a series of screamers along the walls.. cloaked of course. For some reason, our ****ing tensor didn’t read them. I’m meeting up with you, stay where you are. I’ll be there in a couple of Trinitrons. Nocturna out.”
“Damn, how about that”, Tchi whispered.
“Wait”, Visse yelled,” what about team 5?
Jared tried contacting them.
“No response”, she said with a grim voice.
“Ok”, Visse whispered,” this is not good, it appears we’ve already lost 13 fellow Necris.”
“Maybe the tensors aren’t THAT reliable”, Rhaynor sighed.
“Then”, Visse whispered back to him,” we’ll have to rely on our feelings instead of on a not so trustworthy device.”
“Agree”, Loque said with a firm voice, “we better carefully watch every move we make from now on.”
“We’ll wait for Nocturna to meet us here”, Visse mumbled,” and then we’ll make our way to the turbolift, which will take us to the second floor.”

“Got another one”, Aryss grinned.
“You’re doing just fine”, a Necris soldier smiled back at him.
“Of course”, Aryss laughed whilst scanning the barricade with his goggles, “this laser rifle is state of the art.”
And a scary rifle it was too! It literally fried the enemy, searing the flesh of their bones!
“10 down, 5 to go”, he snarled,” c’mon arseholes, show me your faces!”

The Necris team stopped in front of the turbolift.
Nocturna pressed one of the buttons. Nothing happened.
“It’s secured, those dirty bastards secured the lift with a code”, she hissed and slammed the wall.
“No biggie”, Rhaynor smiled and started hacking the console on the wall.
It only took him half a triniton.
All of the sudden Loque received an incoming message on his com channel.
“Laque here dear brother”, she smiled, “we had to hack the turbolift in order to gain access to the second floor. I’m sure you’re experiencing the same problem. We’ve already taken out a team of high classed troopers. Laque out.”
“Was that Laque?”, Jared whispered.
“Yes,” Loque sighed,” the other teams have already made it to the next floor and they’ve taken out a squad of high classed troopers.”
Rhaynor frowned.
“Damn”, he said,” those guys wield heavy weaponry you know!”
“Yeah, “Visse smiled, “but they’re slow and clumsy.”
“How do you know”, cilia whispered.
“Heh me and Jared here”, Visse grinned,” once fought one of those squads, and it took us only 2 trinitons to terminate them We were raiding a building of the Shades corporation.”
“Ok fine,” Cilia sighed,” your experience might come in handy now…”
Visse smiled and stepped into the turbolift.
All of the sudden a trooper fell through the roof and almost crushed her! He aimed his gun at Rhaynor but before he was able to pull that trigger, Loque took him out with a lasermark between the eyes.
“****!”, Visse shouted!
“Oh man”, Rhaynor yelled,” thanks.. thanks for saving my life Loque!”
Loque put his hand on Rhaynor’s shoulder.
“Are you o’right compadre?”, he smiled.
“Thanks to you Loque,” Rhaynor laughed, “I OWE you BIG time.”

Visse got on her feet and whipped the dirt of her uniform.
“Damn son of a bitch,” she growled.
“Are you ok”, Loque asked her. He was very worried that she might’ve been seriously injured by that trooper falling on her.
Visse sniffed and whipped the blood of her lips. Her nose was bleeding heavily.
“Guess I’ll have to use my medkit now”, she smiled, “don’t worry Loque I’m ok, nothing broken. I’m still in one piece.”

Loque was relieved.
All of the sudden he received another message on his com channel.
“Who is it?”, Tchi asked.
“Oh well what about that”, Loque smiled.
“This… is Barak, from team 5. Me, Vaughn and Nayli are still alive. We’ve lost 2 team members to those blasted ****ing trip mines. It appears we’ve underestimated the human cloaking devices.
“It appears we have”, Jared sighed,” Laque’s team has also lost 2 members.”
Barak sniffed. “Anyway, we’re making our way to the turbolift. Don’t wait for us. We’ll manage.”
“Prepare yourselves for high classed storm troopers on the next floor”, Loque said with a husky voice.
Barak nodded: “Thanks compadre. Barak out.”

“Well, no use in waiting any longer”, Jared mumbled”, lets make our way to the next floor.”
“Wait”, Loque whispered and took out his special shockrifle. He took one step inside the lift and literally perforated the ceiling.
Another storm trooper fell trough.
“Stupid son of a bitch”, he growled.
“Smart thinking”, Visse smiled.
“Ah well, you see the other part of the ceiling was still in one piece and..” Loque mumbled.
“Good work compadre”, Jared grinned,” now let’s move.”
The Necris stepped inside the dusky turbolift.
The doors closed and the lift set his way to the next floor.

The death silence returned to the gloomy corridor.

NeoNite
14th Jul 2001, 07:29 PM
Oh yeah, what do you guys think?
I want to use this in my sig. Don't worry, i'll scale it.
I mean, when the story is finished, the thread will dissapear in the depths of the puf forest.. :)
Anyway, I want to make it live forever :D

Problem is I have trouble uploading it. i'm using ws_ftp pro.. but ehMM :( ok i have to admit i'm a dummy when it comes to html stuff sigh...I know how to navigate the www etc.. but stuff like this :) Guess i'm still a noob. Can anyone help me out?

Here's the pic..

Zenda
14th Jul 2001, 08:25 PM
Originally posted by _Zd_Phoenix_
The tension is building.....

I hope that us humans kick those necris bastards back to where they came from!!!!! No one messes with Liandri! :mad: sorry, couldn't help that...:)

Gripping. I can't wait to see what happens next. And when he gets back im sure Zenda will agree. ;) I certainly do agree. It's all blending together.

Closing in on the paradox of UT the ancient game!

I like the way that the Visse - Loque is blending the romance and the warrior - bonding in one go.

Strategic use of a guarded sniper ... neat!

This is working - BIG time :)

I look forward to the next part.




Now then, that picture ... could you clarify what you want to do. At first sight it looks like you solved your problem of uploading it ... er ... it's there. I bet I'm missing something!

However, I am at your service. How can I help?

nb: for what its worth - cos though I have done my own website with the aid of front page and have used WS ftp, I'm a n00b on the net as well - but whatever it is you need, if I can do it, I will.:)

Zenda
14th Jul 2001, 08:51 PM
Meanwhile, what I've done is to have copied it and had a look.

the original file size is 30KB.

I put it into PhotoDraw and have now got 2 other versions that have been 'optimized' - according to Microsoft - for the web. one of them is not 22KB and the other one is 14KB.

I'm going to try someting.

_Zd_Phoenix_
14th Jul 2001, 08:56 PM
Now you see if I were there, the necris scum invading OUR planet would all be dead by now;)
But anyway.....

Originally posted by Zenda
This is working - BIG time :)

I look forward to the next part.

Can't say much more than that can I?

Originally posted by Zenda
I'm a n00b on the net as well - but whatever it is you need, if I can do it, I will.:)

Im not a noob on the net, but anything technical goes strait over my head. I've got every major program available and don't know how to use one of 'em. sad huh?

Gamma_Sword
14th Jul 2001, 09:13 PM
After reading all this, I have only one thing to say: This story friggin 0wnz! :)

Keep up with your great work, NeoNite!

Zenda
14th Jul 2001, 09:17 PM
OK, Compressed to 22 and 14 K respectively ... one problem, they're bloody Huge ... I tested an {img} ...{/img} ... bleh, it made ARUZINSKI look modest. So click to them if you want. meanwhile, I'm going back to the drawingboard to see if I can get them to post at your original size.


BWAHAHAHHAH .... I think I've got it.


And this one is down to 15K
http://www.glynmuir.co.uk/15Ksignn.jpg

And this is down to 11K
http://www.glynmuir.co.uk/11Ksignn.jpg


I can get it down to 7K but then it starts looking like rubbish.
I'm pretty sure I can get them to be smaller on the page and maybe smaller in file size, but I'll wait for your further instruction.

:)

NeoNite
15th Jul 2001, 11:15 AM
Well the thing is, :hmm: I need a site where I can upload the pic too, so I can link it in my sig.. I know i sound silly.. noob when it comes to html etc.. :/
Thnx zenda for modifying that pic, i've scaled it a bit, it's down to 16 kb now.
I'll post it really soon, and part 8 is coming as well.

Btw Thanks Gamma_sword :)

NeoNite
15th Jul 2001, 06:34 PM
Here's as promised, part 8.
:)

Part 8: Trouble on the 2nd floor
***************************

Next stop, 2nd floor. Again, poorly lit . Red lights were flashing on and off.
The doors of the turbolift opened and 5 Necris fired their guns.
10 Kraylins later they ceased fire.
“Coast is clear”, Visse sighed.
“Yeah you’d never knew, suppose one of those trooper teams was actually waiting for us, here at the lift!”, Rhaynor whispered, “ anyway, the tensor is picking up several lifeforms, but .. it has trouble confirming their position.”
“Don’t tell me”, Loque mumbled.
“Oh yeah”, Rhaynor sighed, “apparently our tensor is damaged.
“How did that happen”, Jared snarled.
“LOOK”, Visse yelled,” I thought we agreed to forget about that tensor and rely on our instincts and reflexes?”
Rhaynor frowned and nodded.
“Yeah you’re right Visse”, he said with a husky voice.
She scratched her chin.
“Now look”, Visse spoke with a firm voice, “we need to make our way past these teams of storm troopers. They’re hiding somewhere, behind these walls, in the rooms. We need to be very careful. I want you to stay frosty, and be ready for anything!”
Loque smiled. Now that was the Visse he remembered.. ready for anything, strong and determined. It was as if Malakai had caused her to doubt her qualities as a fierceful blaidenmaiden. As if he had been holding her back from a better future.
Malakai was a good leader yes, but he had one flaw though.. It appeared that the most important Necris in his live was himself. Visse understood that now.
It was as if the bird had finally broken free from her open cage.

“So, where do we go from now?”, Cilia sighed.
“Fortunately for us, we still have the g-c image right?”, Jared smirked.
“Oh indeed,” Cilia smiled,” hey Visse, show us the image again?”
Visse grabbed the small g-console on her belt and pressed a small button.
The image appeared in front of her.
“Ok”, she whispered,” apparently we need to proceed to the left, down the corridor, and then to the right.. and cross a large.. room right.”
“A large room”, Loque mumbled,” that doesn’t sound very good.”
“Wait a triniton”, Rhaynor whispered,” look at the image, there are only 5 rooms on this floor.”
Jared raised her eyebrows.
“It’s a pretty big floor”, she sighed,” and only that many rooms?”
“Apparently the other end of the corridor is another dead end”, Visse continued,” so we have no other choice but to proceed to the left.”
Visse shut down the g-console and put it back on her belt.
“O.k., let’s move it”, she whispered. And the group of 6 made their way through the poorly lit corridor.”

“Yes!”, Aryss yelled,” that was the last one!”
He had finally taken out all the snipers behind the barricade.
“Whew”, he sighed,” this took me longer than I thought would.”
“Good work sir”, a young soldier shouted.
The large lasercannon had fired at a squad of Razors again.
“Now to take out that annoying lasercannon”, Aryss yelled,” all troops, proceed to the barricade!”
The first Necris soldiers jumped from behind the debris, but then it happened.
A loud cry, a soldier reduced to little gibs.
Aryss’ face turned green. He was shocked! This couldn’t be happening!
“Retreat!”, he yelled at the soldiers,” retreat now!!”
Only 5 made it back.
“What is it sir”, a member of the Vultron clan asked him.
“They.. they..”, Aryss stumbled,” they.. they’ve got…. Enhanced shock rifles!!!”

“Bah”, Visse snarled,” only 3 this time.”
“Took us only 1 triniton to take them out”, Loque whispered,” this doesn’t feel right.”
“Yeah”, Rhaynor sighed,” things are way to easy up here.”
“It is as if they want us to reach that large room”, Jared growled.
Visse frowned. A worried look came on her face.
“It’s a trap of course”, she whispered.
“Well yes”, Cilia answered ,” we do realise that.”
“Ok”, Visse said with a hoarse voice”, but what about Laque her team?”
Loque swallowed.
“I.. I’ll try contacting them”, he stumbled. He couldn’t imagine anything bad had happened to his sister, but you’d never know!
He typed in a code, trying to open a com channel, hoping someone would answer his call.
Nothing happened.
Loque tried again. But still, nothing happened.
“Oh ****ing ****!”, he yelled and kicked the wall.
“Maybe their com channel is disturbed, maybe they’re experiencing intereference..”, Visse whispered. She tried calming him down.
“Maybe”, Loque sighed,” I really hope so. Suppose they were ambushed in that large room?
What if they’re killed, every single one of them.. Laque as well?”
“Look Loque”, Visse whispered,” don’t think about that ok? They do have a g-console image right? Like we do ? So, they were prepared. Maybe they’re just cut off , and trying to establish a link with us, open a com channel ?”
“I h..ho..hope so Visse,” Loque stumbled.
“Don’t worry about it, I’m sure they’re fine”,Visse laughed,” Laque is one of the strongest Necris I know. And her team members are pretty good as well. They’re fine. Now come on, we need to keep on moving.”
Rhaynor put his arm on loque’s shoulder. “Yeah c’mon compadre”, he smiled, “the lady is right, let’s go”.

10 scary trinitons later, the team arrived at the large room. The doors were opened. A small ray of light came through.
“Well c’mon then”, Jared whispered,” what are we waiting for? Let’s go!”
“Okay”, Visse whispered back.
Carefully one of the Necris stepped into the large room. The others followed, looking at all directions.
“This room is HUGE”, Rhaynor sighed.
Indeed it was. The Necris were standing in a large console room, crates to the left and right, and several storm troopers outfits on the left wall. The entire room measured up to 50 metres in length and 30 metres in width.
“Look at all those crates”, Nocturna whispered.
“Perfect for an ambush”, Visse said with a husky voice and shouldered her gun.
“Be prepared”, she continued,” we might be walking into a trap!”
The Necris walked through the room, as silently as they could. Jared and Tchi checked out the left side of the room whilst Nocturna and Cilia roamed the right side. Loque, Rhaynor and Visse strolled between the large consoles standing in the middle of the room.
“Not of any use to us”, Visse mumbled,” these things are broken.”
“Broken”, Loque whispered,” well afcourse, look at the date.. 2299. These consoles are over 60 terran years old. Wasted I’d say.”
“This probably is a room for stocking old materials they might want to .. re-use?”, Rhaynor smiled.
“Could be”, Visse smirked,” humans are really weird.”

Cilia arrived at the other end of the room. A metallic door appeared to be opened.
“Hey compadres”, he yelled towards the other Necris,” I’m at the end of the room.”
“We’re almost there”, Visse shouted back,” we’re not that far away.”
“Ok”, Cilia shouted back.
“I don’t like this”, Nocturna whispered,” why are all the doors open?”
“Heck I expected a trap in this room”, Cilia sighed, “maybe they’re testing us?”
“Testing us”, Nocturna laughed.
She frowned.
“Maybe ..” but Nocturna couldn’t finish her sentence, a trapdoor opened beneath her and she disappeared into the hole. Cilia tried to rescue her, but he fell in as well.
When the other Necris arrived, they didn’t know what to think.
“Where .. where are Cilia and Nocturna?”, Loque stumbled.
“Damn, what happened”, Visse hissed,” one moment I hear Cilia’s voice, and a couple of Kraylins later he’s gone, and so is Nocturna!”
Visse shook her head.
“We better stick together from now on”, she sighed, “shoulder your gun, we’re proceeding through this door.”
Carefully they opened the door.

Aryss wiped the sweat from his face.
“How many losses?”, he sighed.
“20 so far”, a young soldier growled,” .. those human cowards!”
“Well, I would prefer to call them sneaky bastards”, Aryss said with a grim voice,
“Apparently they had something up their sleeve we weren’t expecting”.
“Yes, I thought we had stolen all their ESR’s ?”, the soldier sighed.
“Guess not compadre”, Aryss mumbled.
“What are we going to do know sir”. The soldier’s voice sounded desperate.
“Open a com channel to the Phalanx”, Aryss whispered.

Space. The Phalanx was still orbiting earth.
“Sir”, a tech cried to Zenith,” an incoming message from Aryss.”
“Put him through!”, Zenith said with a quiet voice.
“Go ahead commander.”
“Captain”, Aryss spoke,” we have a problem on our hands!”
Zenith frowned. She had never heard Aryss sound like this… confused and worried.
“What is it, commander?”, she whispered.
“The humans are using ESR’s!, he cried.

Zenith fell back in her chair.
“Tell me you’re joking”, she sighed.
“No captain”, Aryss shouted. Nearby another Razor crashed.
“I.. I think this calls for the executioner?”
“The executioner..”, Zenith whispered,” but we’re not sure if this thing is stable enough to use in the field. We brought with us, in case of .. but we never expected..”
“Oh ****”, Aryss mumbled,” we were foolish not to bring back any ESR’s!!!
All of the sudden Zenith jumped out of her chair.
“Wait a minute”, she laughed,” ok, maybe the army didn’t think of it, but I always have my ESR with me. It’s right in my quarters, in the top drawer of my closet.”
“Only one rifle”, Aryss sighed, “what good will this do?”
“I do believe you have a good aim, commander?”, Zenith smiled.
“Yes I do”, Aryss sighed, “ I took out 15 snipers a while ago, but I’m out of ammo, and.. our supplies are shrinking fast.. the humans are constantly changing position…”
Zenith interrupted him.
“I’m sending JiggaR down with the rifle”, she smiled, “and in the mean time, we’ll check if the executioner is save to use in the field, or not…”
Aryss nodded and sighed again.
“Ok, thanks Zenith”, he smiled,” I know, once I have the executioner, the humans won’t stand a chance. But this ESR will keep do the job in the meantime. When will it arrive?”
“Within 15 trinitons”, Zenith said with a firm voice and ordered JiggaR to collect the weapon from her quarters and take of to earth in a Razor.”
“JiggaR is a fine pilot and a trained scout”, she whispered,” she’ll bring you the rifle”.
“What can I say, captain”, Aryss laughed,” I’ll be expecting her. Aryss out.”
Zenith closed the com channel and ordered 5 techs to check out the executioner.

“Are you picking up any signals from team 5”, Visse whispered.
“No, nothing..”, Loque sighed. He closed his com channel.
“So that means”, Rhaynor said with a hoarse voice,” that we’re the only ones left?”
“The others..”, Jared whispered,” they .. they can’t be dead... right?”
Tchi looked at her. He had a sad look on his face.
“What if they are?”, he said in a whining manner.
Visse pressed her lips together and slammed the wall.
“What if, what if?”, she cried,” enough with these assumptions. Maybe they are, but what if they’re not? What if they’re in need for our help? We can just stand here and give up...right?”
“I.. I. Ne…never mentioned giving up”, Rhaynor stumbled.
“Well ok then”, Visse hissed, “so.. are we just going to keep standing here and look silly?”
“She’s right”, Jared shouted,” on to the next floor!! The turbolift is probably around the corner!”
“No it’s not Jared”, Rhaynor smiled,” we’re standing right in front of it”.
“Oh oh yes oh heh”, she stumbled,” .. got to excuse me.. the strain..”
Rhaynor smirked. “I understand.”
“I wonder”, Tchi said with a heavy voice,” what could be waiting for us on the 3rd floor?”
“Only one way to find out compadre”, Loque whispered and stepped in the turbolift.
“Wait!”, Visse yelled,” what if there are more of those troopers on top of the lift?”
Loque grinned:” Well, it’s your turn this time.. go ahead, perforate the damn thing.”
Visse smiled and turned the ceiling of the turbolift into a “swish cheese”.
“Whew”, she sighed and whipped the sweat and dust of her forehead, “ I guess the coast is clear.”
All of the sudden a rat fell through the ceiling. The poor thing had been turned into a leaky piece of meat.
“Nice going girl”, Jared laughed.
“Yeah, that rat won’t hurt anyone anymore”, Rhaynor jested.
“Oh do shut up”, Visse said with a husky voice but she had to agree, it was kind off funny.
The team stepped into the turbolift. The doors closed and the lift took off.

A Necris came running up the hall.
“No wait!”, the man shouted,” wait for me!”
It was Barak, from team 5. Like a madman he smashed upon the buttons of the on the control panel, trying to make the damn thing turn around and descend...
No use. It wouldn’t work.
“Oh ****,” he cried,” It’s too late..”
Barak took a step back, shook his head and ran down the hall, making his way back to the sewers. He had to warn the other necris!

NeoNite
15th Jul 2001, 06:39 PM
ps zenda, as you can see on page 2, i've scaled the image down, it's now at a more reasonable size and you can still read the text.
It's still at 21 kb tough.. saved the image at a jpeg quality of 7.. :hmm:

_Zd_Phoenix_
15th Jul 2001, 06:47 PM
Nice to see the necris scum dieing ;) very good as usual. Makes me wonder what 'the executioner' is..... I hope to see more from this thread soon, and whatever is to come after that :D

Oh, I posted the next part of the Tournament Story Thread for those few who are interested.

NeoNite
15th Jul 2001, 06:49 PM
Necris scum? ho hu ho hum :D

I'm interested, i'll check it out. :)

Zenda
15th Jul 2001, 07:25 PM
This isn't letting up at all! Waiting for the ESR, Is Loque's sister and Co alive, What's this executionaer? Whats with the lift and the need to warn the others?

w00t! :D

One of the things I like about the Necriscentricity is that some of the 'human' characteristics stand out in bolder relief than they would have otherwize.
---------------------------
What if they’re in need for our help? We can just stand here and give up...right?”
“I.. I. Ne…never mentioned giving up”, Rhaynor stumbled.
“Well ok then”, Visse hissed, “so.. are we just going to keep standing here and look silly?”
----------------------------


looking forward to the next part:)






Now then, your re-sized sig .... I'm going to pop over to the other page. Would you like me to copy it, do some KB reduction and put them up in place of the ones I did last night?

NeoNite
15th Jul 2001, 07:30 PM
I feel so silly for asking this :/
I need some webspace to upload the image to, mentioned i'm a noob when it comes to html, so I can put it in my signature.
(pimping the "necris story" until the end of time :D)
I can't let this story die, this my first story on puf! :D

Zenda
15th Jul 2001, 07:45 PM
Originally posted by NeoNite
ps zenda, as you can see on page 2, i've scaled the image down, it's now at a more reasonable size and you can still read the text.
It's still at 21 kb tough.. saved the image at a jpeg quality of 7.. :hmm: I've had a look on page 2 ... I don't think I've been able to find your modified version ... what I found was the one which was the same size and 30KB ... I'm going to potter about a while, refresh a few times, then come back. .... my pages sometimes remain out of date longer than they should.

NeoNite
15th Jul 2001, 07:49 PM
Well I'm sure i've replaced the old version with the new one

... makes sense :D

Eh, here's a Necris version, at 16 kb :rolleyes:
Hey i'm only having fun here. I'm not being serious!

:)

NeoNite
15th Jul 2001, 08:04 PM
Oh i've almost forgot!!!

PAGE 3! WEEEEEEEE! :D

Serious: A week ago, i had never expected this thing to .. you know.. "take off".. thought it was going to die..
But thanks to phoenix and zenda, it didn't :D
Tnx guys!
And there's still more to come!!!

page 4, 5, 10, 20,30 :D

kidding :)

NeoNite
16th Jul 2001, 06:17 PM
What? THis thread has fallen back to page 3?
ingrates!
:D

Ok, here's part 9.
...
:)

Part 9: The third floor…
*********************

“Oh yuck”, Jared cried, “ Bright lights! Bright lights! Somebody take them out!”
Loque aimed his gun towards a couple of lamps at the ceiling.
He took out 5, and the corridor was filled with a certain moodlighting now.
“Better?”, he asked Jared.
“Whew”, she sighed, “ muuuuuch better!”
Rhaynor saw the lift doors closing, and walked toward Visse.
“Well”, he said with a cheesy voice,” where do we go from here, leader?”
He smiled at her.
Visse grinned.
“Why thanks Rhaynor”.
It sure had a nice ring to it, being called leader. This was her moment in the spotlights.
And of course, she was doing a great job. But she did realise she could never be as good as her clanleader and close friend Laque.
She took out the g-console again.
“Let me see.. there are 4 .. yes 4 rooms on this floorrr.. aaaand.. you know... this is strange.”
She paused for a moment.
“There’s only one room on the top floor. One big room.”
“Who knows what is up there”, Tchi hissed. He was really starting to get more unstable, the strain was getting to him.”
Visse did notice it and studied the look on his face… cringed teeth, eyes wide open and constantly switching from the left to the right, his hands cramped around the gun…an itchy trigger finger.”
“We don’t know Tchi”, she answered him. She stared him in the eyes and frowned.
“Are you doing fine. If you’re having trouble coping with this, don’t hesitate to tell me.. and don’t forget, you’re not alone on this.. we’re a team. Right?”
The other Necris nodded.
Tchi felt a drop of sweat rolling down his cheek.
“I’m sorry Visse”, he almost cried,” this is all happening so fast, there are only 5 of us left.. we don’t know what’s on this floor… another ambush.. we don’t know how many of us will make it to the next floor.”
Visse sighed.
“I understand how you’re feeling Tchi. But look, you don’t have to worry. We’ll make it out of here. Yes there are only five of us left, but we have come this far… we need to find the one responsible for killing our fellow Necris ok?”
Tchi wiped the sweat from his forehead.

“NO”, he yelled and all of the sudden he putted the gun against his temple.
A blast from a gun, a short loud yell, an exploding head, blood staining the uniforms of the other necris and gibs flying all over the place!!!!

“Tchi, are you still with me”, Visse whispered. The look on her face had changed to a worried one.
Tchi swallowed a couple of times and a poor smile came on his lips.
“I’m .. with you guys”, he answered her.
“Ok, .. we’ll have to move now”, Visse smiled,” we have your back.”
Tchi smiled back and stepped toward Rhaynor and Jared.
Visse looked at Loque and sighed.
“This is bad,” she said to him,” he’s losing it.”
“We’ll have to watch him closely”, Loque whispered.” What if he goes bananas when we encounter another team of storm troopers?”
“You watch his back”, Visse ordered Loque.
“Me?”, Loque said with a surprised voice.
“Yes, you’re stable and you’re the quickest team member. Not to forget, you have a great aim.”
“Thanks to my sister”, Loque sighed.
“We’ll find her Loque”, Visse said with a soft voice,” now come on, no point in standing around like this anymore.. we have to move.”

A large TL lamp in the right wall lit up the next part of the corridor. It ‘s constant buzzing would annoy anyone walking down there. Why you ask me, didn’t they do something about that buzzing? My guess is, humans didn’t seem to care. If the light works, it’s fine by them. Even if it’s making one of the most annoying sounds ever!
Necris never seemed to understand humans.
It was as if the boundaries of their stupidity had not been discovered yet!

“Look, on the floor”, Rhaynor quickly yelled.
It was a storm trooper. The body seemed dead. It wasn’t moving. But it could be a decoy!
Loque took his gun and perforated the human.
A pool of yellow fluid appeared on the floor; surrounding the trooper.
Rhaynor frowned and scratched his nose.
“Eh my knowledge of the human body is somewhat limited”, he began,” but don’t humans have red blood?”
“Yes they do”, Loque answered and stepped towards the body. He gave it a kick.
“He’s already dead you know?”, Jared jested.
Loque kneeled down and noticed marks on the troopers’ uniform.
“I know, but I enjoy kicking corpses.”
“Look at this”, he continued.
The other Necris gathered around him.
“What is it Loque”, Rhaynor whispered.
“Look at these marks”, Loque said with a husky voice,” this man must’ve been lying here for a couple of terran days.”
“Are you kidding me?”, Rhaynor said with a surprised look on his face.
He knew the humans were filthy rats, but he never expected them leaving their dead behind like that, rotting on the floor of a building.”
Visse took out the G-console.
“What are you doing”, Jared asked Visse . Jared took a deep breath and wiped the white hair out of her eyes.
“Some of you may not know this”, Visse began,” but a g-console can also examine matter and give us an idea of what this yellow.. fluid is”.
Visse bowed down and put the device in the fluid. A soft humming sound came from the g-console.
“So what the device is doing right know.. is absorbing a small portion of the fluid.. and analysing it. Should only take up to 2 trinitons.”

All of the sudden Rhaynor became aware of the fact that Tchi was missing.
“He’s gone!” Rhaynor was baffled. Only one triniton ago he had been watching him, then he gathered around Loque to look at the dead trooper, expecting Tchi doing the same thing…
“Tchi is gone????”, Jared cried, “oh **** how did that happen?”
“I don’t know!”, Rhaynor yelled back!
“Necris!”, Visse shouted, “calm down. This is very strange indeed, but panic isn’t going to get us ANYWHERE! Do you understand?”
Rhaynor sighed and nodded. Jared shook her head. But all of the sudden she saw Tchi’s gun lying on the floor, near a rusty door.
“There, that’s Tchi’s gun’, she yelled,” he must have gone through there.”
Visse studied the floor.
“Can’t be”, she mumbled,” he’s been dragged through there, look at the floor!”
And indeed, the others saw the signs of a body being dragged along the floor, through the door. No signs of blood however.

“This **** is getting freakier by the triniton”, Jared hissed.
“We need to make our way through that door”, Visse whispered.
“Oh c’mon”, Jared complained,” what if they’re waiting for us in there, with oh say.. two or three squads of storm troopers?”
“Only one way to find out”, Visse said with a grim and determined voice. She wasn’t going to give up. Her will was uncanny.

Jared shook her head again and sighed. But she decided to follow her fellow blaidenmaiden.
The rusty door opened. A soft humming sound, sparks from both ends of the grey door.
The door appeared to have been seriously damaged on the other side. Or it simply could have been the age. The room the Necris were wandering in, was dusty and appeared to have been abandoned for quite a while. Up until now, and a couple of trinitons ago.
“Look”, Rhaynor whispered, “the morons didn’t wipe out their footmarks in the dust”!
“Maybe they’ve done that on purpose ?”, Loque answered him.
“ Can’t be Loque,” Rhaynor continued”, all of the footsteps are leading towards the next door!”
Visse studied the room. It was yet again filled with crates and old consoles.
The large hall down below had been ultra modern, but the further the Necris proceeded into the building, the older and withered it appeared to look. abandoned.
But that couldn’t be. Someone was hiding in here, somewhere.. and she would find that person, and cut out his entrails.

“Ok fine,” She sighed, “nothing of interest in this room. Let’s proceed through that door and find Tchi.”
Jared and Rhaynor took point.
They arrived at the door.
Visse all of the sudden stopped walking and took a step back to look at an old console. She called Loque.
“Hey Loque”, she whispered, “what a strange logo on this console”
“Let me see”, he laughed. But the smile disappeared on his face.
“Well I’ll be”, he whispered.
“What is it?” Visse was confused. It was as if Loque had seen a Juduba.
A Juduba was a 3 legged predator back on Necron, and one might praise him or herself lucky if he or she had never to cross it ‘s path. It was a cruel and ferocious beast.
Only one Necris hunter came back with a severed Juduba head once. Unfortunately, half of the skin of it’s head was gone. The hunter explained he had to defend himself against the beast. So no one really knows what a Juduba looks like, but they do know it’s probably very scary. If it even scares the **** out of a Necris…
“Well”, Loque answered her,” it’s the same logo as the one on the box of that Ut game”
“What .. game?”, Visse said with a very confused tone in her voice.
“Oh you see it g..”

But Loque couldn’t finish his sentence. Visse interrupted him.
“Jared and Rhaynor”, she hissed, “they’re gone, while we were talking here, they ..
what happened to them?”
Loque walked towards the door, gun ready and looking at all directions.
The door was opened.
Loque stepped into another poorly lit corridor. Yellow lights coming out of the floor created a spooky mood. Loque found two guns lying on the ground.
He watched a turbolift taking off to the next floor. Visse joined him and started swearing.
“The arseholes,” she snarled.
“So I guess it’s just you and me now”, Loque said with a voice that couldn’t almost be heard.
Visse sighed and looked at him.
“This party isn’t going into the right direction, now is it”.
“Heck no”, he answered her.
“So, what are we going to do about it?”, she sighed.
“Find the guy who poisoned the bowl of blood?”, Loque mumbled.
Visse started smiling. Sure it was a poor smile, but Loque had always been able to make her laugh.

They walked up to the turbolift.
“They’ll be waiting for us up there,” Visse whispered, “and we don’t know how many there are;”
“Chances aren’t in our favour”, Loque mumbled, “but we have no choice. We don’ know if the others are dead.. or still alive and held captive for the moment.”
Visse and Loque waited for another 3 trinitons.
Then Visse pressed the buttons on the control panel, making the turbolift come down.
“Here we go again”, she said while taking a deep breath. A faint smile came upon her dark lips.
“Now they really better start to ph34r us”, Loque grinned.
“Why is that”, Visse asked him with a squeaky voice. She scratched her nose.
“Because you and me, we make a formidable team”
Visse smiled. The doors opened, and the two necris stepped in, once again perforating the ceilng…just in case.
The doors of the turbolift closed.
Maybe this was their last ride. Who knows, what could be waiting up there for them?

NeoNite
16th Jul 2001, 07:39 PM
Well it's almost done, finished.. a couple of parts left to the story..

And when i'll be able to link the pic in my sig, tnx to zenda btw :) really appreciate it, this thread will live forever!

(evil laughter)

Zenda
16th Jul 2001, 07:54 PM
Hi :)

I look forward to seeing your sig flying proud.

I like the way this last part is consolidating the relationship between Loque and Visse.

As a kind of aside, I was well tickled by the continued Necris appreciation and critisism of Earth architecture. The emphasis on getting some mood lighting and also the critisism of the electric humming. .... What got me into ROFLM@O mode was the way I have been putting up with D-M ing amonst loads of nosiy lights. And it takes the Necris in a life and death situation to point this out. I feel ashamed to be Human [:D ], because, true to form, I had not been bothered by it. I had never noticed it!

I thought the description of Tchi beginning to lose it was a very nice touch. It also kind of builds up the positive qualities of Loque in an indirect way.


------------------------
Well it's almost done, finished.. a couple of parts left to the story..
------------------------

:(

I look forward to those parts. I'll be sad to see it finish.

cya :)

NeoNite
16th Jul 2001, 07:58 PM
Yes Zenda has arrived, now I can leave ! :D
Eh i was kinda waiting for someone to post in here :)

The buzzing lights? :) Ah well..
quake had lots of humming and buzzing lights.. oh it did..believe me on this one.. :D

Well don't worry Zenda, sure THIS story will end.. but eh..
nah.. i'll tell you later :)

Btw tried clicking the link in your pm, got "document not found" message.

NeoNite
17th Jul 2001, 07:24 PM
First off all: Thanks Zenda, the pic is up, it's done, it's there :D
Really appreciate this. Now this thread will live .. well.. for a long time :)

Part 10 here it is..

Part 10: The penthouse.
******************

The Rusty doors of the dark turbolift opened. A bright light dazzled Loque and Visse.
Then, they saw the room lying in front of them.
Ultra-modern, state of the art consoles, “tasteful” indoor decorations… music playing through one of the speakers which hung right above the entrance of the room.
“I have got to be dreaming”, Visse said with an amused tone in her voice.
“Yeah, the 2nd and 3rd floor were old and withered and..”, Loque began but Visse interrupted him.
“No, not that”, she laughed and patted him on his shoulderpad,” I believe this human has good taste! How can you beat that?”
Loque smirked and shook his head.
He wandered through the big room, checking out all the corners and of course, the ultra-modern consoles. Again, he noticed the ut logo displayed on each one of them.
The room did smell somewhat funny though. As if someone had been urinating in there.
But that couldn’t be. This place was clean. In fact, the 2 necris had never seen a cleaner room before in their entire life.
Necris had a higher life expectancy than humans. Most of them reached 60, in terran years that would make 90.

“I’m stunned”, Loque smirked,” you’re right Visse, this place looks good.”
She stood at the window, looking down and watching the Necris warriors taking on the human army.
“Shame our com channels won’t work while we’re inside this building”, she sighed, “ I could radio the exact locations of the human opponents to our fellow Necris down below..”
“Something is interfering our channels”, Loque whispered.
“Yes from the minute we came in here”, Visse continued, “we’ve not been able to set up a com link with the troops outside.”
“Laque tried, right?”, Loque said while standing next to her, watching the terran city.
“Yeah, she did ”, Visse answered him using a gentil voice,” shes tried before we made our way to the first floor, when we were standing in the large hall.”
Loque looked down.
“Why is it taking them so long?”.

Zenith walked through one of the long shady corridors of the Phalanx. She entered a room called “the analysis lab” where special tech heads were checking out the executioner.
“So, are we making progress here, or are we watching our hair grow?”, she said with a firm voice and stared one of the tech heads in the eyes. The poor man stood no chance against the dark and harsh stare of his captain.
“I’m .. I’m sorry captain”, he stumbled,” we just want to make sure if this thing is stable enough.. we need to do a couple of more tests and..”
Zenith interrupted him and slammed her fist upon the table. The executioner lying on it launched itself into the air and came down without almost making a sound.

“Gentlemen”, she hissed, “you have been experimenting for the last 30 trinitons! Now that is a looong time. I’m sure this executioner is suitable for field testing, unless there are any negative results so far?”
A little tech head raised his hand.
“I told you not to do that”, Zenith sighed.
“Sorry captain, can’t help myself”, he said while a faint smile came on his lips, he was almost pooping his pants.
“What is it?”, Zenith said with a heavy voice.
“The.. well..”, the techie began,” the executioner’s results are positive, but..”
Zenith frowned and walked towards the little man.
She had to look down to stare him in the eyes.
“Well but what”, she snarled,” c’mon compadre, time isn’t a luxury we can afford ourselves now!”
“Eh I’m sorry captain”, he mumbled,” ok here here.. here’s the deal.. you see the executioner is ok, but.. the person wielding it, can only make use of it ONCE. That’s it.”
Zenith frowned again and ..
“If… if”, the little techie continued,” if the user tries using it twice.. heh.. eh.. the executioner will most probably .. detonate.”
Zenith raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth. She started swearing.
“Oh ****ing fantastic, **** **** ****!”
She paused for a couple of Kraylins and took a look at the executioner. She had no problem lifting the heavy device, while it took 3 tech heads for carrying it to the analysis lab.

She took a deep breath.. and put the exectioner back on the table.
“We have no choice”, she whispered,” we’ll have to sent it down.. But why hasn’t this thing been tested more? I don’t understand.”
The techies were baffled. They shook their heads and one of them opened his mouth.
Zenith was one step ahead and said:
“Oh put a tygron in it.”
She walked towards the exit and gave the techies a direct order:
“You have 5 trinitons to make a final analysis on the gun, then I want you to bring it to me. If not, I’ll have your base are for dinner. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes captain”, the tech heads yelled as if they were using one single voice.
One did poop his pants. But he had no time to change. Talk about ruining a perfect hypersuit!

Back to the techno centre on earth, the capital building.
Aryss was wielding the ESR and boy, did he like it! Sure he knew Loque was his superior when it came to being the greatest marksman, but Aryss was happy knowing he was one of the best.
“I just slaughtered that guy,” he grinned whilst human gibs flew over the barricade.
“Nice shooting commander”, a fellow officer yelled at him.
Aryss grinned.
“On to the next one”, he whispered and crouched down again, while aiming the gun, searching for a human target.

“Hey Visse”, Loque laughed, “check this out.”
“What is it”, she yelled from across the room.
“A picture..”, Loque shouted back at her.
Visse ran towards Loque and snatched the picture out of his hands.
She started laughing like a madcat.
“Oh ****”, she said while a tear came running down her eye,” this human looks ugly!”
“He appears to be old”, Loque smiled.
“I’ve never seen a human THIS ugly”, she said and a hysteric laughter filled the room whilst she took another look at the pic.”
“This guy is like a living GrOn,” Loque grinned.
Grons were fossilised predators back on Necron.

Loque took the picture back from Visse and put it in his backpak.
“If we get out here”, he smirked, “I’ll have to show this to the guys.”
“Hey, and what about me?”, Visse said with a hoarse voice. She was still laughing though.
“Oh dear”, he sighed, “can’t your g-console take a copy of the pic?”
Visse frowned and looked at the device.
“Sure it can”, she said with a silly voice,” now give me the pic already, gimme gimme gimme!”
Loque shook his head, opened the backpak and gave Visse the pic.
Visse used the g-c to make a copy of the pic. An evil grin came upon her sensual, dark lips.
“The girls will have a laugh when they’ll see this!”

The picture showed a funny looking, old man. He had big, weird eyes with hazel brown pupils. His head looked like an ancient parchment, due to the amount of wrinkles.
The white hair on the left and right side of his head, was long and sloppy.
On the background one could descry a younger looking, yet aged woman. She had long white, beautiful hair. Unlike the man on the pic, she wasn’t smiling.
The edges on the picture were stained, and a yellow border showed that the picture hadn’t been treated properly.

“This room is big isn’t it?”, Visse whispered when she was done laughing.
“Well”, Loque answered her and sniffed,” actually, it’s one big room, but it’s divided in smaller quarters. Look over there you can see .. what the humans like to call.. a kitchen. If I’m not mistaking.”
Visse was closely paying attention to what Loque was saying.
“Go on”, she said with an impatient voice.
“And over there you can see eh.. a restroom or a bathroom or both.. I’m not sure. The rooms are divided from each other by transparent doors. And look, over there is the living room.”
“The what”, Visse asked him. She did not understand the meaning of that word. What was a living room?
“Oh”, Loque smiled,” a living room. The humans like to use this room for watching eh.. their console screens, or hypertv’s, whatever it IS they’re using I’m not sure.” He paused for a Kraylin and swallowed.” See they like to relax in this room.”
Visse rolled her eyes.
“Relax?”, she mumbled,” .. typical human behaviour.. making a special room to relax in.”
She turned towards loque and looked him in the eye.
“How come you know so much about the humans, “ she asked him and studied his face. His look changed into a somewhat surprised and silly one.
“But Visse, didn’t Laque tell you? I like to study the behaviour of my opponent. Know your enemy right?”
Visse sniffed.
“I think you’re exaggerating Loque”.

Loque opened the door to the living room. It was empty. He pointed his gun across the room, not being sure if someone would be hiding behind one of the seats.
The wall hung full of paintings and pictures. Most of them showed the old woman from the picture.
Some pictures showed what appeared to have been a tournament.. in a large arena.
He saw a young man standing on top of his opponent, an ancient out dated minigun in his right hand. It was pointing at the head of the man lying beneath him.
Loque noticed a cruel smile on the man’s face. His eyes were big and .. weird. Blue pupils.

Trophies decorated the mantelpiece. Beneath it a simulated technofire lit up the place.
A shock went through Loque’s spine when he saw a huge poster hanging next to the mantelpiece.
It said: The Tournament, Tempest arena, date 15/8/2023.”
He noticed a group of men and women standing together, clapping hands. One held a big trophy.

Loque focused on the woman in the pic. She was carrying the trophy.
He scratched his chin and noticed the same green eyes, as he had seen on the woman in the pic he was carrying in his backpak.
Also, she was standing next to the guy with the big weird eyes, and blue pupils.
She was smiling at him. But he was smiling at the trophy.

Visse sniffed and Loque almost jumped out of his boots.
“Don’t do that please”, he hissed,” I’m extremely jumpy right now!”
Visse raised her left eyebrow and pointed her head at the poster.
“This seems familiar”, she mumbled.
“What?”, Loque sighed and touched his forehead. It sure was warm in there!
Visse looked at him, and it was if she was staring right through him.
She slowly nodded and raised her shoulders. Then she took a deep breath and smiled.
“It’s .. not that important Loque. At least, I don’t seem to care anymore, .. but eh looking at that poster.. ah never mind.”
“Ok”, Loque smirked, “but don’t sneak up on me anymore promise?”
Visse grinned.
“H..hey c’mon!”, Loque stumbled,” stop fooling around!”
“What’s the matter”, Visse jested,” is our big scary warrior afraid? A little edgy?”
“Yeah, edgy is the word I was looking for”, he whispered, “ no Visse look, suppose I mistake you for an enemy and kill you? You know..”
Visse rolled her eyes.
“Mkay”, she said while holding Loque’s nose.
“Let go”, he said with a funny voice.
Visse laughed and let go, she slapped him on the cheek.
“C’mon compadre”, she grinned,” I’ll walk you to the next room, and make sure no bad man will..”
But she couldn’t finish her sentence. The wall in front of them crumbled down, and a team of heavily armed storm troopers came through!
The 2 Necris immediately took cover behind a nearby seat.
Loque even shot one of the troopers whilst searching for cover! The trooper fell down to the ground a pool of yellow fluid came out of his eyes.
The room was filled with the sounds of shots coming from blasters, guns and tasers.
“It appears”, Visse yelled,” we’re in a sticky situation!”
Loque swallowed and fired two shots at the troopers, only taking one Kraylin to duck back for safe cover behind the seat.
“I have to agree”, he said while panting heavily,” so far I’ve counted 6 of them. Why aren’t they closing in on our position?”
“Maybe they feel like toying around with us?”, Visse coughed while a cloud of dust came down on the 2 necris warriors. An old 21st century Tl light smacked down right in front of her.
“Those bastards”, Visse growled.
Loque looked at her and nodded. “The darkening?”, he asked her.
She was startled for a moment, but then agreed. “The darkening!”
Loque took out a black box from his backpak while Visse returned fire.
He threw it at the troopers and all of the sudden the room was engulfed by a dark cloud. Loque heard the troopers coughing, gasping for air. He started counting as he heard the sound of bodies hitting the floor.
“That makes 6 of them”, he yelled,” ok it’s done, you can go back to sleep!”
It was as if the dark cloud understood him. It disappeared back in the black box.

Visse stood up from behind the seat and immediately terminated the troopers who where rolling over the floor.
“Good thing you brought that black box!”, she sighed.
“I know,” he smirked,” almost forgot it though.”

The black box held a dark cloud, this was an unique Necris weapon. What made it so special, was that the carrier of the black box, could actually order the cloud around! It had a highly developed AI.
The Necris had specifically designed for use against humans. They weren’t sure it would affect other alien species…

Meanwhile, outside the building, the young pilot named Jiggar received a message on her com channel.
She notified Aryss.
“It’s captain Zenith”, she said in her typical squeaky, silly manner of speaking.
“Oh great”, he smiled,” well what does she want?”
“Wait just a Krrraylin”, she grinned and opened the channel.
“Pilot Jiggar”, Zenith commenced, “ tell commander Aryss we’re sending the executioner down.”
Jiggar wanted to say something, but Aryss rudely interrupted her.
“Great Zenith. When can we expect it to arrive?”
Jiggar frowned: “I’d say, the captain was talking to me!”
Aryss looked at her and apologised:” I’m sorry girl, I’m in a rush. But I really need to talk to the captain now!”
Jiggar sniffed and turned her head to the left.
Aryss sighed.
“Jiggar has to return to the Phalanx and collect the executioner, and bring it to you”, Zenith spoke using her typical firm, disciplined voice.
“Jiggar, but she..” Aryss stopped and looked around. No Jiggar.
A razor took of, and set course for the phalanx.
“My my”, he said to Zenith”, she sure is fast!”
“Of course”, she smiled,” why’d you think I sent her down in the first place? She might sound a bit silly from time to time, but she’s one of the most disciplined pilots under my command. Meaning if I need an job to be executed quick and swiftly, Jiggar is the Necris I’m looking for.”
Aryss looked up to the sky.
“SO when will she back?”
Zenith smiled and slowly blinked her eyes.
“She’ll be back before you can say “QwüzyIqlnQgröix”. Zenith out.”
Aryss scratched the back of his head.
“I hate that word”, he said with a irritated tone in his voice,” I really hate that word why does she have to keep mentioning that! She knows I can’t pronounce it!”

“Eck, look at all that yellow fluid.. and eh blue organs, “ Visse said with a voice showing nothing but disgust.
“Well I’ve got to agree”, Loque mumbled and cringed his teeth,” these humans look awkward!”
“Oooh it’s on my booth!”, Visse sighed. She started complainging, saying that stain probably wouldn’t go away. She really hated human blood. Ok, she wasn’t sure if this yellow fluid was blood, but it was a human product, therefore disgusting and smelly.”
Loque rolled his eyes and shook his head.

All of the sudden a figure appeared behind one of the transparent doors.
The door got smashed out of it’s locks, and a loud bang rang across the room when it hit concrete.
A big man came stepping through the door and he was growling. He held a big gun in his left hand.
Behind him 5 more storm troopers came stumbling in the room.
He opened his mouth and moved his head towards the troopers, still keeping his eye on the 2 necris standing in front of him.
“Keep your guns aimed at their heads!”, he spoke with a brutal and harsh voice. It was as if the voice almost sounded robotic.
The armour he was wearing was a state of the art 24th century battle outfit.
His face was red, and a similar coloured moustache decorated the room underneath his big nose. The man measured up to almost 7 feet!

“You’re a big fellow”, Loque said while looking at the large man standing in front of him.
Most Necris reached the 6 feet and 3 inches.. or a bit more. But never in the history of Necron there had been a 7 feet Necris.
He swallowed when the man looked him in the eyes. A brutal, fresh stare. The stare of a man knowing everything was under control.
He spitted the Necris in the face and laughed.
Loque cringed his teeth. But he couldn’t fire at the big man, cause his loyal “guards”, as they appeared to be, were still aiming for his head.
“I’m surprised,” the large man began,” you even made it this far!”
He paused and looked at both Necris.
“Only 2 of you left,” he continued,” I hate Necris you know.. probably as much as you hate us humans, but .. I do .. kind off admire you persistence, your strong will; especially the lady…
Visse frowned.
“Tell me one thing my dear,” he chuckled, “ why is it that all of the Necris female are so beautiful, and all Necris male are so ugly?”
She growled.
“Oh I’m scared I admit,” he laughed at her”, I’ve heard many stories of the insane blaidenmaiden tearing of heads or skinning their victims. Little… black… widows.”
He walked up to a cupboard, and opened the small doors. He reached for what appeared to be wine, and one glass. He poured in a drink, and took a long sip.
“Aaaah”, he sighed,” nothing beats good old 20th century wine!”
When he had the finished the drink, he looked at the room.
“My my,” he said and an insane grim came upon his face”, you 2 have been making a mess.. look at my troopers!”

Loque’s fist were aching to take of that arrogant humans’ head.
The man laughed and walked up to a window. He looked down and laughed again.
Then he scratched his nose, started singing a weird song, and walked up to a white console.
“This,”, he proudly stated,” is my little darling. She controls this building, heck she controls about everything which surrounds the building, for example .. the net!”
Visse looked at Loque, the she turned her head at the big, maybe totally insane man and hissed:” What ****ing net, what the **** are you talking about human?”
The man paused and studied her.
“Never seen a Necris woman naked in my entire life”, he whispered,” soon I’ll have the opportunity.”
A look of disgust and pure hatred came upon Visse her face. This human was really twisted and evil.
“Ok, my friends.. eeh. Let me correct that.. alien idiots”, the man laughed,” the net.. there’s a net surrounding the building, and when activitated it produces 100.000 volts of pure, deadly electricity.
Loque swallowed. A Necris could only take up to 5000 volts!
“What the **** are you talking about”, Loque snarled.
“See this .. button?”, the man hissed, “one push, and the net activates. And your friends down there have been standing on it all along! Unfortunately when I activate the net, my.. human troopers will fry as well. Too bad… I have always considered them as cannon fodder.”
Meanwhile Visse studied the movements of the man. Somehow she felt there was something peculiar about this man. She wasn’t really sure what exactly was wrong about him, but she was pretty sure it was a…

The man paused and pointed his forefinger at the Necris, “but there’s more.. this button also activates the berserk mode in my troopers. See, it doesn’t matter if you blow of their heads, a computer will KEEP transmitting the exact coordinates of your current position to them, so they can take you out and serve your head on my plate for dinner tonight.”
He sat down in the chair in front of the white console, and let his hand slide over the control board..
“I do love her so much”, he said with an insane voice, “WELL time’s up, it’s done.. ehm.. time to go.. show’s over.. th.. th.. th.. that’s all.. peeps!”
The troopers marched in front of their leader, prepared to attack the 2 Necris.
The man hysterically laughed when he pushed the button!!!

Nothing happened though. He stopped smiling and pushed it again. Again, nothing happened.
Even better, the troopers standing in front of him froze!
The man panicked, and jumped out of his chair. He aimed his gun at the Necris, but they were gone. A bottle of whine hit his head and he fell to the floor.

“Look”, Visse growled, “just as I thought.”
Her fingers searched for a button in the large man his neck.
All of the sudden the body unfolded, opened.
“An exoskeleton”, Loque shouted, “ that ****ing pig!”
He and Visse stared at the person in the exoskeleton.
They couldn’t believe their eyes.

Zenda
17th Jul 2001, 08:05 PM
LOL:) 'I want you to bring it to me. If not, I’ll have your base are for dinner'

... That humour just slaughtered this guy.

The Necris - A bunch of heavy duty warriors, with the capacity to quip and bicker with the best.

-----------------
“She’ll be back before you can say “QwüzyIqlnQgröix”. Zenith out.”
Aryss scratched the back of his head.
“I hate that word”, he said with a irritated tone in his voice,” I really hate that word why does she have to keep mentioning that! She knows I can’t pronounce it!”
----------------------------

I wonder whether the original designers of UT expected them to take on these characteristics?

In the original single person tournament, lots of humans got biographies. The necris were generally left alone. Is good to see them coming more and more alive with each episode. :)

I like their reaction to human eyes.

I thought it was going to lead to a top floor deathmatch. Instead, we've got this unexpected turn with the exoskeleton [great false start with that doomsday button:D]. I'm intrigued.

Roll on the next part :)







And I'm relieved that that link is working. Your sig looks good, I'm glad it's sorted :)

NeoNite
17th Jul 2001, 08:12 PM
If it wasn't for you zenda :)

The sad news: Guess i'll soon be posting the last 2-3 parts.. depends. The story will come to an end. :(

The good news: When I have a future story in mind, i'll post it here. So whenever the thread appears on page 1.. :D

Necris=human?

hm maybe a bit.. not too much really.. :)
The exoskeleton... yes I felt like doing this..
But this story isn't really an UT story.. meaning... sure there's Loque and Visse etc.. but not the same Loque and Visse as in the ut game we know.

(sure it's the same l and v from ut in the pic in my sig, but eh .. I want the people to recognise them.. :) see?)

47 pages so far.. :)
More to come.. real soon.

pine
17th Jul 2001, 09:09 PM
Interesting, how did I miss this thread for such a long time? Anyhoo, I'll read it the story tomorrow morning when I have more time on my hands, but right now I just wanted to point out, Neonite, that the "Necris Story" link in your sig doesn't work correctly.

laterz, gl and keep writing!

Zenda
17th Jul 2001, 09:23 PM
Quote from Pineconeboy ...
---------------
'I just wanted to point out, Neonite, that the "Necris Story" link in your sig doesn't work correctly. '
---------------

Uh oh :( I just tried the thread-link. Problem confirmed on my computer.

thx, Pine :)

_Zd_Phoenix_
18th Jul 2001, 02:38 PM
I wasn't able to read this for a couple of days, but wow, look what I find when I come back! I sorta thought it was gonna be one big victory for the necris with not that much goin on (even tho i want the necris scum to die...:))

But it looks great at the moment, i hope you post the next bit soon :D

pine
18th Jul 2001, 04:52 PM
Ok, so I just read through all 10 (!) parts of this story and it took me almost an hour. Onto the constructive criticism........

Firstly, your creativity and storytelling is GREAT. Just keep it coming; I wish I had half as much imagination.

Most of the things I would point out are technical details. For example, you change tenses randomly.......past to present, and back to past again........when writing a narrative like this, it's way easier if you just get in the past tense and STAY there. Seems like later on in the story you did that.

Your grammar actually gets better throughout the story......maybe you just needed to warm up your writing skills. Another thing I noticed, however, is that you sometimes use a lot of really short sentences. Try throwing a conjunction in every once in awhile.

Lastly, a couple times earlier in the story you spoke directly to the reader or changed perspective to first-person briefly. I.E. "you will notice......" or "I might mention that......". Instead say "It is notable that......." or "It should be mentioned that......."

Good work! You've inspired me to go back to work on a fanfic I started MONTHS ago about the game Septerra Core. It really had a good start, but I ran out of ideas.........

NeoNite
18th Jul 2001, 06:29 PM
Glad I inspired you pineconeboy :)
Yes I know about me and switching tenses.. I should be more careful in the future.. :hmm:
Ah well, this is my first big story, it's my first story on a forum :)
I hope the second one will be better we'll see :)

Phoenix, where have you been? :D
I've read the entire "tournament story" ..
It's not bad! I'm really glad you came in though.. if it wasn't for you, the story would have died a cruel and painful death meaning.. well.. you created a good storyline..
But all of the sudden, I was reading the part were Creator was on callisto, searching for Phoenix :)

and .. ehm.. 4 guys jumped in right and made their own contribution and kind off ruined the story..
Luckily you jumped in and set things right.
:)

It's not bad. I hope you'll be starting a story on your own on puf real soon.

Oh the link :/ silly me .. i'll correct that small problem :D


And here's part 11...

Two more parts to come and then.. well.. then it's over. At least, this story is ;)




Part 11: A little, old man…
**********************

Visse frowned and the surprised look on her face immediately changed to that of a furious one. She reached for the person lying inside the skeleton, grabbed him and slapped his head.
“Wake up, you dirt miserable human”, she hissed.
All of the sudden he did. He blinked and stared at the 2 Necris in front of him.
He started shivering and said with a highly pitched voice:
“No pl..pl please don’t hurt me”.

It was the old man from the pic. The big, weird eyes and the sloppy hear on the head, yes.. it most definitely was him.
The little, old man started sweating and his hands were trembling.
Loque couldn’t believe his eyes. Was this supposed to be a joke? The large man who was insulting them a couple of trinitons ago, was nothing but a scared, little old man using a state of the art exo-skeleton.
He started laughing at the thought of it.
Visse slapped his cheek.
“Cut it out Loque”, she snarled,” this is no time for jokes and fun.. We’re about to give this little human rat a special treatment. She took out her evisceration knife. That knife was only used at special occasions.
“Wait Visse”, Loque quickly said,” I want to know why this human was using an exoskeleteon.. although I do have a good idea why..”
He studied the old man: bony legs, skin like parchment,…

“Get on your feet”, Visse shouted at the little man. It only took him one kraylin to obey the order the dangerous Necris had given.

“Yes ma’am”, the old, wrinkled guy said with a timid voice.
Visse looked him in the eyes and showed her white, sharp teeth.
The little old man almost pooped his pants.
“You know what this is?”, she said while pointing at the knife with her head,” I save this knife to disembowel my prey.. and I think it’s an appropriate time for using it.”
The little man swallowed and his eyes grew bigger with the second. It was as if they were going to burst out of their sockets.

“But I might change my mind”, she growled dangerously,” my friend Loque here wants to know why you’re wearing an exo skeleton….”
The little man turned his head towards Loque, only to be greeted by another angry looking Necris.
“B..B..”, the little man stumbled.
“SPEAK OR REST IN PIECES!”, Visse shouted.
The little man really started shivering now.. He swallowed twice, took a deep breath, wiped the sweat from his forehead and whispered:
“I. I was .. using that “, he stumbled, and Visse had about enough of it and put the knife on his throat.
She hissed. “Last .. chance, human rat”.
The little man couldn’t stop his body from trembling, but still tried his best controlling himself.
He swallowed once again, staring at the big knife on his throat.
Loque took him by his left ear and snarled: “Your name first!”

He let go of the man’s ear, as he was waving like a madman.
He sighed and started talking:
“M..my name is.. John summers.. I.. I am the .. the leader of this .. city..”
Loque frowned and started laughing. He couldn’t help himself. Visse sniggered.
“What.. what’s s..s..so funny,” the little man said with a trembling voice, still looking at the large knife on his throat. He could have sworn it was cutting his flesh.
“You HAVE to ask”, Loque said with a surprised voice and patted the man on his head,” how is it possible, that an old and little man like yourself can run a city?”
“Only trough treachery”, Visse continued while looking at the exo skeleton.
“Yeah”, Loque whispered,” I still want you to explain this thing with the skeleton to me, little man.”
The little man shook his head.
“Ok ok”, he said and shrugged, “look at me will ya ? I’m old, weak.. and .. butt ugly.. can you blame me?”
Visse had to agree with the guy: “ Yes sir, you’re more ugly than a decayed Tygron!”
Loque smiled at her.
“Nice skeleton by the way”, he said to the little man,” ultra modern, state of the art.”
The little man was still heavily trembling.
“How come he felt the blow to his head?”, he asked Visse.
“Simple .. look at all those sensors in the suit. The user connects him or herself with the suit trough these sensors, it has it’s advantages and disadvantages..
biggest disadvantage is feeling “pain. If we hit the exoskeleton on the head, the user will feel it. Just to give you an example here.”
Visse grinned.
Loque slapped his hands together and grabbed the skeleton.
“W..w..wait what are you going to do?”, the little man said with a trembling voice.
“Why.. destroy it of course”, Loque smirked.
“No do..”
But it was too late. Loque switched his gun to the highest frequency, threw the skeleton at the near wall and fired his weapon at it. The skeleton simply disintegrated.
Then he kneeled in front of the little man, called John Summers.
“Now I only have one more question for you”, Loque sighed,” can you please explain THIS to me?”
He took out a copy of the Unreal tournament game.
The man called John Summers uttered a cry of surprise when he saw the blue and black game box.
“Where .. wh.. where did you get that from”, he whispered. He reached for it, trying to grab it, but Visse still had to large knife sitting at his throat.
Louqe looked at the game box, then at the man called John Summers.
“On one of the previous small raids on earth.”, he said with a heavy voice,” I’ve been here before, in the streets of this big techno city..”
John Summers shook his head.
“Well, I’m waiting,” Loque impassively said.
John dropped his head to his chest, and sighed 3 times…
“It all started in the year 2009”, he said with a grim, still trembling voice,” I was a kid back then. A company called “époque rising” made this wonderful game. The gamers all over the world were captivated with the shear excitement and sphere the game offered. There was another game called “the quaking arena”, … but it wasn’t nearly as popular. The unreal tournament took the gamers world by storm.”
He paused for a second and looked at Visse.
“Could you please b.be careful with that thing”, he stumbled,” I think I felt it cutting through my skin.”
Visse hissed and pushed the knife deeper down his throat.
John Summer swallowed and a highly pitched scream left his mouth.
“Go on”, Visse ordered him and she looked at Loque. She knew this was important to him.
“Basically”, John continued,” this was the king of all videogames. It was released for many platforms such as the z-box, the Tintendo and let’s not forget about the p.c.
I was a young kid back then. Of course I had to buy me a copy of that game, all my friends did. 6 years later it was more popular than ever, and the “quaking arena” was nothing but a vague memory. Then it happened.
A corporation called “Avatar” bought the rights of the game, and transformed it into a real event. They simply made the game concept reality. From all over the world foolish, young fighters enlisted for the grand tournament.
A bunch of scientist at the Avatar corp created a new form of technology.
The fighters in the tournament would never actually die… it’s too long and boring to explain now..”
Loque frowned.” I don’t care, do explain this technology”, he whispered.
John sighed.
“Ok, every fighter in the tournament was connected to a mainframe. A virtual representation of the fighter entered the arenas, and fought for it’s so called “virtual” life..
the winner won huge amounts of money.
I was among them.”

Visse observed the man called John Summers for a while. She did not understand. How could he have been there? Sure, this man was old, but he couldn’t have reached the 350 years.. could he?
“How come you’re still alive”, she said using her most intimidating voice,” how can you explain that..if this event happened all these centuries ago..”
She wanted to put John under so much pressure, he would simply snap.
“Well, you see it went like this. Me and my friends enlisted in the games, and.. we made one hell of a team..”
“Hell”, Loque interrupted him”, what is .. hell?”
John looked at him and stumbled:”…H.. how do you m.. mean?”
“DOESN’T matter”, Visse shouted,” go on with the story.”
Loque mumbled something and agreed with Visse.
“Anyway, we won all the ctf.. capture the flag that is, events, and the assault, domination and last man standing games…Our so called “clan” had become notorious. We were the best of the best. No team of challengers could beat us.
I had a girlfriend back then..”
Loque opened his backpak and took the picture.
“This woman ?”, he said to John.
“Yes, that’s here”, he sighed and glanced at the shiny knife on his throat.
There was definitely a wound in his neck now. The blood was dripping on the blade.
“O..ok I’ll shorten the story for you… see.. she.. the tournament was so important to me.. to her as well.. but..”
Visse started growling. Somehow this sounded familiar.
“Eh, well…”, John continued while his voice was heavily trembling,” it was the year 2023.. we had won the biggest tournament of all. We had defeated the upcoming GS_destructa clan. We owned the tournament.
But then things started to go wrong. Our clan slowly fell apart… my girlfriend realised I cared more for the games, the millions watching the fights, the glory.. than her ..”
He felt the knife cutting in his throat.
Visse was really hissing now.
“H..h..hey lady”, John almost yelled,” y.. you .. you want me to finish the story .. or wh.. what?”
Loque grabbed Visse’s hand and took the knife. John fell to the floor.
He saw the wound in the human’s throat. Visse growled and walked towards the window. Loque looked at the knife, and put it back on John’s throat. This time, more careful. He really wanted to hear the story of “the unreal tournament”…

John continued his story. He asked Loque for the handkerchief lying on the nearby table, for taking care of that nasty wound.
Loque disagreed. “Finish the story first, human”, he snarled.
“Ok, our clan fell apart, I moved to Europe.. the name of one the continents back in… the 21st century. My live was empty. It had been insane if I would’ve continued fighting in the tournament solo. I was a team fighter. In a free for all I would have been slaughtered.
The years went by, I grew older.. developed an interest in the field of science, and worked with famous scientists. These people attempted building a “time machine”.. of course they did not succeed.
Then it happened. The earth quaked on march the 23rd, 2063. A mad man released a technovirus on humanity. 80% was online by then. Onliners had a virtual representation of him/herself. The techno virus would invade the consoles and attack their virtual person. The real body would suffer the same fate as the virtual one.
I was working on a break trough at that time, I had perfected the “time travel” machine.. my colleagues wouldn’t believe me though…
The techno virus worked fast. In no matter of time, half of earth’s population was death.
Lucky for me I wasn’t online at that current time. See, a major event took place when the techno virus was launched on the virtua net..and indeed.. 80% was watching it.
My console started flickering, I noticed the chaos and disorder when I looked outside the window of my apartment.
Maybe I was insane for doing so.. but I took some of my belongings, I panicked I guess.. took a copy of the ut game I had kept to myself for all those years.. and stepped inside the “time travel” machine.. I randomly entered a date.. and wound up in the year 2350.
At first I didn’t like what I saw.. humanity was broken, destroyed, robbed of it’s strong will..
But the time travel machine must had done something to my brain,.. I took advantage of the weak people living in the so called techno city.. and took charge. I let them build this construction, this “towering building”, and was the founder of the Liandri corp. Using the new technology, .. well.. there wasn’t that much.. humanity hadn’t made that much progress in the last 3 centuries..
And recreated the ut games.. added a couple of the new species as the nali and skaarj to it..but I grew hungry.. hungry for more.
So I started messing with the weak minds of the city people.
I created “little darling”, the white console..”. John paused and sighed..
“Go on”, Loque impassively said and slapped him in the face.
“Ok ok!”, John said with a quivering voice. He rubbed his hand over his large forehead and continued:” Little darling was able to create illusions. The illusions were nothing but “posters”, hanging on the city walls. Only those who were strong willed, had the spirit of the wolf sleeping inside them, could see them. They came to my building, I drugged them and connected them with the mainframe.. little darling..”
“The storm troopers”, Loque whispered.
John nodded.
“What about the yellow fluid and blue organs? What about the trooper we’ve found on the 3rd floor? Loque slapped John again in the face.
“Well, the ones with the yellow fluid etc.. WERE my elite guards.. you’ve killed them obviously .. and the others were common troopers.. as the ones who are fighting your friends down there. I wanted to perfect my elite guards, but something went wrong I guess.. their blood changed colour etc..I still can’t explain why..

I became obsessed with the Ut game once again, and organised private tournaments in a section of my penthouse. I used the holoroom technology, entered designs of many arenas in little darling’s dbase, and she transformed them to live settings. If one of my troopers died in the arena, .. he was immediately revived. We used no heavy artillery, as we wanted to keep the bodies in one piece.
“We?”, Loque mumbled.
John shook his head and rolled his eyes:” Me and little.. darling.. Anyway, everything seemed to go fine, a couple of days ago, one of my elite guards started rebelling.. I still don’t understand why.. I HAD robbed him of his free will! I ordered my other elite guards to terminate him. I never used the 3rd floor anymore so…I let him down there, to crumble away, decay..

“What about our friends?”, Visse asked the man with a firm voice and growled. She couldn’t hide the disgust and hatred she felt towards the man sitting on the floor, at her feet.
The man bowed his head.
“They’re o.k.. well most of them are.. I had ordered my elite guards to capture them, and.. save them.. I needed .. new .. healthy guards.. and although. I don’t like Necris.. I have to admit, you.. are fine warriors.
“WHERE.. ARE THEY!”, Loque all of the sudden yelled. He cringed his teeth. There was a chance his sister was still alive and kicking.
“I.. in the quarter down the hall”, John quickly said while looking at the knife, which once more made a scar in his neck.
Visse took the man by his hair, and kicked him in the arse. “Lead us the way, maggot”, she snarled,” and no sudden movements, or I’ll fry you alive.”
The man got to his feet once again, wiped his shady clothes, and turned towards the 2 Necris. Their guns were aimed at his head.
“Th.. this way”, he said with his cowardly, trembling voice.
He lead them to a darker quarter.
When Loque and Visse entered the room, they were baffled...

_Zd_Phoenix_
18th Jul 2001, 06:47 PM
I don't really have to say much about that. Again, the twists and turns you take are amazing, in fact im sure you've been smoking something of Meelobee's :)

What I do want to say, is this:

evisceration knife.

Oh yes. You can almost hear the onomatopoeic quality of that. A name worthy to be in Unreal Warfare :)

NeoNite
18th Jul 2001, 06:52 PM
No you've got it all wrong, i was born this way :D

Evisceration knife yeah well... :) it's ok I guess.
Btw i've already written 52 pages on this story.. wonder how much more bigger it'll get.. two more parts to go.. yes... maybe i'll reach the 60 pages :D

pine
18th Jul 2001, 07:21 PM
Ain't I spoiled; go to read almost the whole story in one day :)

For writing purposes, I'd like to offer a few more pointers (these are small issues, but it must be the English teacher in me bursting out ;) )

One: You used the term "pic" to describe a picture; it's online slang and perfectly normal in a conversation but when you're writing it sounds better to spell out the word "picture".

Two: Spell out numbers......don't write them. As in, "Six years later....." rather than "6 years later......". Dates are ok to leave as numbers (2009=good :) )

Three: Earlier on, when you were writing from the perspective of the two or three different Necris parties as they entered the Liandri building, you switched back and forth fairly often. It's easier to follow and understand if you write large blocks (maybe a whole chapter) from each party and switch around a little less.

Great job on the tie-together explanations from the shriveled old man :) I'd say this story is winding down but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Oh yeah, and "evisceration knife" caught my eye too, I had to L.O.L. ;)

NeoNite
18th Jul 2001, 07:29 PM
Thanks for the comments Pineconeboy. I will take notice of it in future posts :)
you know what i mean.
Hm well switching that many times back and forth between different groups of Necris, I did that on purpose.
I didn't feel like focusing this story on.. :rolleyes: Loque and Visse.
THe others would've remained on the background?
And the numbers yes.. :) you're right.
More to come tomorrow!

pine
18th Jul 2001, 07:42 PM
Originally posted by NeoNite

Hm well switching that many times back and forth between different groups of Necris, I did that on purpose.
I didn't feel like focusing this story on.. :rolleyes: Loque and Visse.
THe others would've remained on the background?


Absolutely, I know you did it on purpose, and it's an excellent storytelling technique. Brian Jacques used it to great effect in his books (the Redwall series; read 'em all when I was younger). You have a lot of different characters though; some mentioned only briefly and sometimes it is hard to keep track of them all and where they are.

NeoNite
18th Jul 2001, 07:45 PM
Maybe I do :hmm:
But don't worry, for my next story, i will only be using 5 characters.
I'm busy writing it :)

(i've read books from michael crichton, and I really liked "Sphere".. the movie however :hmm:)

NeoNite
18th Jul 2001, 07:53 PM
Ok i'm off, will be back tomorrow.. :)
Expect the last two parts arriving this week!

Zenda
18th Jul 2001, 08:04 PM
Just got back -

Dance practice went well for first time EVER!!!!!!!!!
Then Indian meal with gf


And now for a great end to a good day ....

/Me puts kettle on now. cys soon:)

Zenda
18th Jul 2001, 08:51 PM
That was a damn fine read. I'm a bit too tired and drunk to make coherent remarks!! ... But I mean ... theres so much in this section which is making sense of things. I like the way that othere team members are suddenly possibly alive.

Urgh .. my brain just isn't working at the moment... I'll just leave it as saying that it was really good to come home to this next great part of this great story. Phoenix mentions the twists and turns. Yep:)

And as Pine and Phoenix mention .. that evisceration knife is a classic :D



Quotes ... selection of some of the magic moments.
---------------------
“Ok ok”, he said and shrugged, “look at me will ya ? I’m old, weak.. and .. butt ugly.. can you blame me?”

Then it happened.
A corporation called “Avatar” bought the rights of the game, and transformed it into a real event.

..... Europe.. the name of one the continents back in… the 21st century.
----------------------

_Zd_Phoenix_
19th Jul 2001, 06:01 PM
I bet Zenda had a hangover this morning :)

NeoNite
19th Jul 2001, 06:30 PM
Hope he's feeling better now :D Cause here's part 12..
imho .. I'm not that satisfied with this part.. :hmm:
next part will be the last..
and after that..

:D

Part 12 : The reckoning…
********************

A small Razor set down in front of the Capital Building, near the Necris troops.
The young pilot called Jiggar jumped out and she was carrying a large device. Some would be surprised a young woman of her size was able to carry a heavy thing like that ! But you should never underestimate Jiggar. Most Necris knew that. And Aryss was catching on.

“The executioner”, he shouted and heaved a sigh of relief.
“It took you long enough.”
Jiggar’s eyes grew larger from disbelief, then she started smiling.
“Oh you silly commander”, she grinned, “ you KNOW I’m the fastest pilot of the fleet, now do you?”
Aryss slapped her on the left shoulder. “Good work pilot”, he sighed, “we were really aching for this thing to arrive…”
Jiggard interrupted him.
“But the captain forgot to mention one thing though”, she smirked.
“And what’s that”, Aryss whispered while checking out the impressive executioner.
“Eh… you see.. you can only fire this thing once… if fired twice, it .. it will explode in your face…”
Aryss frowned and smiled.
Jiggar didn’t understand:” Is that a .. good thing or what commander?”
“I only need.. one shot, pilot”, he said with a confident tone in his voice.

“Here are your friends,” the man called John Summers said, while stepping back from the two Necris..
He was nothing more than a cowardly old man, alienated from the outside world.
The last time he had left his sanctuary, this dark building, was back in 2358. It had been a long time.
Loque looked at the walls, from the left to the right.. everywhere there were these kinds of pods. And inside them were his fellow Necris.
He became very anxious when searching those pods for his sister.
“Laque,” he yelled, “where are you?”
Visse raised her eyebrows when she saw John Summers heading for the door.
“And where the **** do you think you’re going?”, she hissed,” you’re staying right here. One more step, and I’ll blow your ****ing left leg off, got that maggot?”
John stopped moving. It was as if he had been spiked to the floor. And then it happened. He pooped his pants.
“Damn, Loque”, Visse said with an amused tone in her voice, “ the maggot has finally done it!”
But Loque didn’t hear her. He was searching for his sister.
The green fluid in the pods was blocking the view. Loque could only perceive the silhouettes of the Necris who where apparently drifting in there.
“How.. to drain these pods”, he shouted at John summers, who was still standing on the same spot, nailed to the floor. Loque really meant business, and he walked up to him.
John got lifted from the floor and was held a feet in the air by Loque’s strong arms.
He started sweating again.
“Let.. let.. l..let me she-she-show you”, he whispered with a trembling voice.
Loque threw him to the floor, and slowly John got back on his feet. The floor was stained by a small amount of poop.
“Oh really nice”, Visse sighed,” human poop.. what could be more disgusting?”
John walked up to a console near on the wall. He looked at the pods, then back at the console and entered a voice command:
“This is John Summers speaking”, he sighed, “I order the pods to be drained.”
And only one second later, the green fluid left the dark pods in the wall.
Loque immediately noticed his sister in the third pod. He ran up to it, and looked at her. She was still wearing her uniform, and appeared to be fine.
Then the pods opened. All the captive Necris fell out and Loque caught his sister, preventing her from hitting the cold, hard floor.
“Laque”, he laughed,” how are you sister?”
She looked at her brother, eyes half opened, and started smiling. She opened her mouth, coughed a couple of times and said with a silent voice:” Loque, I’m so happy to see you”.
“Feeling is mutual sis”, he whispered and held her in his arms.
“Do you find this amusing,” Visse snarled at the man called John Summers.
“N.. N..No”, he said with a trembling voice, afraid that the Necris woman would take out her evisceration knife again and put it on his throat.
“THEN STOP STARING AT THEM”, she shouted and knocked him in the stomach.
John gasped, and fell to the floor.
“Better if you just stay there, on the floor, where you belong”, Visse growled.
All of the sudden, she heard footsteps in the far end of the penthouse, quickly approaching..
“Loque, do you hear that”, she whispered, “we’ve got company.”
“Another one of your men?”, he asked the scared man called John Summers, lying on the floor.
“No, that’s impossible”, he stumbled, “you’ve eliminated all of them!”
Visse pointed her gun at the door.
All of the sudden, a man came looking from behind the wall, gun in the hand, finger on the trigger.
Visse uttered a sigh of pure relief..
“Barak! Where have you been? I thought, I mean, we thought you were death!”
Barak looked around him, at the walls, the pods and the old man lying on the floor, trembling…
“Well”, he said with a hoarse voice,” it’s a long story..”
“I want to know”, Loque said while helping his sister to her feet,” c’mon tell us!”
Barak swallowed and moistened his lips.
“See, my team walked into a storm troopers trap, when arriving on the third floor. I was the only one who was able to jump back in the lift, and made it back to the second floor. Although, those troopers had been able to hit my arm with their tasers and it was heavily bleeding.
I had to take care of the wound first, and then I went looking for other team members.
The damn thing is, at the very moment the turbolift carrying you guys to the third floor, closed it’s doors, .. I arrived.
Too late, someone had been messing with the controls I guess.
So I started panicking. I took the lifts back to the main hall.. but when I arrived down there, I paused for a moment, felt my heart pounding in my chest, and relaxed.. an inner voice told me to go after the five of you.. no matter what the odds where.
I made my way up to the third floor, and accidentally came across what appeared to a control room. Really, it was a coincidence.. someone had left the lights on.. I’m surprised none of you guys had noticed it?”
John Summers sighed.
“Damn little darling must’ve been doing a routine control of the building, checking the power, operating the light circuit, testing.. to maintain the functionality of the building, “ he mumbled.
Barak frowned.
“Who is this then?”
Visse smirked: “The .. leader of this.. city..”
Barak really couldn’t believe his eyes.
“Anyway”, he continued,” I went into the room, discovered a console, not too bad state of the art HUMAN technology.. only took me 3 trinitons to master the controls and access the mainframe. “
John sighed.
“Yes, little darling was connected to most, well the most important consoles in the building..”
Barak looked at the man again. He still couldn’t believe his eyes.
“You’re not joking right”, he asked Visse.
“Nope”, she answered him with a firm voice.
“Ok”, barak sighed,” the mainframe must’ve felt I was planning a “takeover” .. and tried blocking my way in ...it did “her” no good. Then I quickly disabled “her”, and fell to the floor.. I was very tired… and it felt as if I had done something really important.”
Loque smiled at him.
“Oh you did Barak. And I will guarantee you.. me, Visse and the people of Necron won’t forget what you’ve done.”
Barak rubbed his eyes. “Thanks Loque”, he yawned ,” I’m feeling a bit tired, can we leave now? The others .. are coming to their senses I see?”
And indeed, the other Necris were getting to their feet, still a bit dazed and confused.
Sure there were only 12 survivors out of the 30 Necris that went into the building.. but they knew the risks…
Laque walked up to Visse and shook her hand. “Thanks for not giving up on us, and holding on in there. You’ve proven yourself to be a true Necris, and a brave Blaidenmaiden.
Visse smiled and shrugged. “Ah, glad to be of your service, my leader.”

“We better start making our way down”, Loque said with a loud voice and waved at his fellow Necris to come standing next to him at the window.
“What is it, Loque”, Visse asked him.
“Our fellow fighters are about to break through the barricade”, he whispered and pointed at a small man down below, sitting on some debris, with a big nasty weapon in his hand.
“The executioner”, Visse said while throwing herself at the window. She wanted to be sure of what she was seeing...
“What about the human?”, Barak asked Loque.
“We’ll take him with us, back to Necron. The Raygi is still in need of a slave. And I’m sure this one will do nice.”
“No no no no no”, John said using his saddest voice,” don’t take me to your home planet! I.. I couldn’t possibly take that!”
Laque took him by neck and spitted in his face:” Coward,” she hissed, “you’re coming with us, and that’s final.”
The group of Necris left the room and were heading for the turbolift, leading to the third floor.
Before stepping in, Loque looked at the penthouse one more time.
Then he joined the others, and while the doors where closing, John uttered a cry of desperation.
The doors started closing, the cry echoed trough the many quarters of the penthouse, and then it died…

Aryss fired the executioner, the kickback of the large weapon made him hit the ground beneath him. The executioner fell next to him, making a heavy sound when hitting the concrete.
A green cloud fell upon the remaining humans behind the barricade. When it swallowed them, they began yelling and yelling, screaming like no human had ever done before.
10 seconds later, all went quiet.

One triniton passed.

The Necris came from behind the debris, and jumped over the barricade.
“Amazing”, a Necris sergeant said, while touching his moustache,” the blast of that weapon has reduced these humans to mere skeletons.”
“Cool”, a younger Necris shrieked.
The others agreed.
“And to think we could have done this at the beginning of the assault, would’ve saved us a lot of trouble, right commander?”, said the Necris sergeant. Aryss had joined his troops and looked at the skeletons lying behind the barricades.
“Well, yes”, he mumbled,” but the only purpose of this gun was using it in an emergency situation like this, but we never expected the humans to have ESRs.. and..”
He paused and took a deep breath.
“Think of it this way, sergeant. Next time, we’ll be more prepared…and ready .. for a human decoy.”
The sergeant nodded.

Aryss walked back from the barricade to the commanding Freylon, while the others were playing with the skeletons. Some of them used the bones as drumsticks, and nearby blaidenmaiden started dancing like the wicked mad cats they were.
Aryss opened a com channel to the Phalanx and notified Zenith of the victory.
“So, what happens now?”, he asked her with a weary voice. This fight had taken a lot from him.
“We have taken control of the techno cities,” Zenith replied,” and have captivated their leaders. 3 of them have confessed that they had been behind the horrible raid on Necron all these years ago. They had been operating on their own however, being head of the most influential corporations on earth, they had the necessary man and firepower for the job.
The others hadn’t the slightest idea.
So basically, we will punish these old humans, it doesn’t matter, they will pay for their crimes against us. We will stay in command of the techno cities and have reached an agreement with the other terran leaders. We won’t wipe out of what remains of mankind, if we can use their minerals/products and everything our little black heart desires. This was a one way agreement, and seeing they had no other choice, the humans agreed.
The Raygi will be sending another fleet to Earth real soon. Time to go home now.”
A heavy sigh crackled through the com channel, and Aryss looked up the sky and smiled.
“Yes Zenith, I had about enough of this planet by now..”
But Zenith had yet to tell him something .
“Eh Aryss”, she said using a husky voice,” the Raygi has put you in charge of the Necris who will be guarding earth. I’m sorry, your stay will be longer than ours. Within 6 terran weeks, someone else will replace you. The raygi has chosen you, cause of your strong leadership and determination.”
Aryss swore for half a triniton, then he seemed to relax, leaned against the wall of the Freylon.
“Ok Zenith”, he finally said,” I’ll give it my best try.”

At that very moment, the doors of the Capital Building opened. 12 Necris came walking through, accompanied by a crying human.
“We made it!”, Loque yelled.
“Damn right we did”, Visse shouted, “ we are Necris warriors!”
Aryss walked up to Loque and greeted him.
“Good to see you back”, he smiled,” but I only count 12 of you.. the others?”
Loque bowed his head.
“Oh”, Aryss sighed.
“But I’m glad 12 of you made it though.. it took you a long a time.. I was starting to worry about the lot of you!”
“You really shouldn’t have”, Laque grinned.
“Who is this? Is this the leader?”, Aryss asked her while looking in disbelief at the small trembling human standing in front of him.
“Unbelievable, isn’t it?”, Laque said with a contemptuous tone in her voice,” we’ll take him back to Necron, they Raygi needs another slave and .. well.. need I explain more.. this human “leader” will do fine. What happened here? Looks like we’ve been missing out on a lot!”
“I’ll tell you on the way back”, Aryss sighed.

“Malakai didn’t make it”, Laque said when Visse joined her.
Visse raised her eyebrows and sniffed.
“I know Laque”, she whispered,” one of the troopers must have killed him.. he was on one of the other teams and…you know this may sound very cruel and harsh…”
She paused and Laque looked at her, she was very worried about her fellow blaidenmaiden… and close friend.
“It’s over, he’s gone”, Visse continued,” I’m still alive, have the opportunity to go on with my life ..and I will”.
Laque caressed Visse her hair and whispered: “I understand girl, I know you’re a strong Necris.. I’m sure you’ll find the power within you to start all over again.”

“We’ve lost our leader”, Barak said with a grim voice, “ Malakai didn’t make it.”
“He was a son of a bitch”, Rhaynor answered almost immediately,” but a great leader..”
They looked at the sky for two trinitons, and didn’t say one word.
Then Loque had to ask his fellow Phayders the following question:
“Who’ll be our next leader?”
No Phayder was able to answer that question.
Loque smiled and said: “I nominate my friend Rhaynor.”
Rhaynor was baffled.
“Me?”
“Sure, why not”, Barak laughed.
“You’re a good fighter”, Loque said with a firm voice.
“And all of us did notice you have a strong personality”, Tchi whispered,” you have my vote.”
Tchi made it as well. He was still suffering from the strain, the stress he experienced while being inside the building, but he was starting to feel better.
“I don’t know guys”, Rhaynor said. He sounded doubtful. Was he really able to fill Malakai’s boots as the leader of the Phayder. He had to give it some though.

“Hey what are Jared and Barak doing nearby those human remains?”, Loque asked Tchi.
“Oh, see they promised their kid to bring back a human brain, intact or not.. it doesn’t matter.” Tchi seemed to smile, a faint smile, but he was having fun, and feeling better… and that’s what counted.

Moments later, the Necris headed for their vessels. Aryss stood at a nearby building, with 150 of his loyal troops. He waved at the Phayders and Blaidenmaiden.
“So long my friends, “he whispered,” hope to see you again soon…”

The ships set course for the Phalanx. Then they took of to the wormhole near Jupiter.
“Ok people”, Zenith shouted through an com channel whilst sitting in her chair on the bridge,” you’ve done a great job. One fifth of our invasion army stays back on earth, waiting for the change of guard. Hold on to your seats, as the Phalanx is about to jump into hyperspace!
The wormhole opened and the Phalanx dived in, followed by the remaining Razors and Gralinnz. As soon as the entire fleet had disappeared in there, the wormhole closed itself.


p.p.s.

Sorry Phoenix, I know you will probably hate the fact that the Necris won the bloody war :D
But this is my story, and i'll do whatever I want :p

Zenda
19th Jul 2001, 06:34 PM
[Budweisser frog-voice]True[/Budweisser frog-voice]

I think I'm still getting over it. :D

----------


Part 12 ... looking forward to this .... :)

_Zd_Phoenix_
19th Jul 2001, 06:50 PM
Originally posted by NeoNite
Sorry Phoenix, I know you will probably hate the fact that the Necris won the bloody war :D
But this is my story, and i'll do whatever I want :p

!!!! I was only joking! Of course you could end the story however you wished! :confused:

To be fair tho, they were nasty bastards :) At least they decided not to wipe out al of mankind, which was a surprisingly nice act for them.

“He was a son of a bitch”, Rhaynor answered almost immediately,” but a great leader..”

Says it all really :D

I don't know why you were so disappointed with that piece, I thought it sort of brought the story into perspective. I suppose the lack of anything really happening with the executioner was the only bad thing, I thought it would kill Loque and Visse. But then, you haven't finished yet, for all I know you could be planning interesting for your last part, knowing the twists you have included before. But then you may not (im not pressuring honest!)

Last part...I dont like that thought, with me writing the last part of the Tournament thread tomorrow (it isnt my thread, but ill still do what i want with it ;)) There will be no more stories about...:(

Until we post our next ones that is :)

Zenda
19th Jul 2001, 06:56 PM
I've read it now.

Very nice :)

Lots of ends were getting tied up. It is all feeling very balanced. Good to see the bad Earth-people being sorted from those who did not know what has been happening.

I've enjoyed this.

Now 'part 12' ... is it the case that there is more to come? because this is feeling like the end ...I'm intrigued


The tying up of the ends ... This part has been kind of reviewing in my mind a lot of the previous episodes. Very important function.

Out of interest, you mention that you are not happy with this part ... I'm wondering, what is it about it that you're not happy with?

cya:)

NeoNite
19th Jul 2001, 06:56 PM
Phoenix, I was only joking, you should know that by now :)
Hm yeah the executioner.. won't be the last you've from eh.. that gun :)

You're finishing the tournament story? WHen will you be posting the last part?
AH well, now you can start your own story on puf, this time it'll be organised, from the very beginning to the very very very end :)

Maybe .. maybe it's not .. the end of the Necris.. you know.. :)
(i'm not saying anything, wait til tomorrow.)

:D

NeoNite
19th Jul 2001, 06:58 PM
I really don't know Zenda.. :)
Yes I know, i'm crazy. :)
Prepare yourself for part 13, the end of the Necris story :(

_Zd_Phoenix_
19th Jul 2001, 07:04 PM
Originally posted by NeoNite
Prepare yourself for part 13, the end of the Necris story :(

Hmm, ending the Necris story on part 13? Im glad no one in here's superstitious.....:D


Anyway, Im (hopefully) ending the Tournament Story

Tomorrow

although I might add an epilogue. But when I say tomorrow, that could mean the early hours of Saturday, cause I always end up rewriting loads of it.

NeoNite
19th Jul 2001, 07:09 PM
Same here Phoenix, it takes me approximately one hour to write everything down, and about a half hour to edit the damn text :)
But it's worth it!

I wish it was already tomorrow ... :(
today sucks :)

Peavey
19th Jul 2001, 11:43 PM
AWESOME STORY!!!!! I'm new at the forums, and i stumbled across this one thru the "How do you talk in UT?" forum. your story rocks!!! Im really looking forward to the last part! :boom:

NeoNite
20th Jul 2001, 12:42 PM
Just checking up my story :)
I'll be posting the last part real soon
Tnx lafnboy88 :) i'm really glad people enjoye reading this story :)

Yes 100 posts!!!
:D

Peavey
20th Jul 2001, 02:10 PM
HURRY POST THE LAST PART IN THE NECRIS STORY!!! I WANNA READ IT!! But if you cant post it right away, at least answer this... Is Marylin Manson (he scares me!) a Necris??? :lol:
see ya - :sniper:

NeoNite
20th Jul 2001, 06:47 PM
Nah he's a wannabe necris :D

Well this is the end, part 13 is here...
:p
What more can I say..
start reading!! :D

Part 13: The End is a new beginning…
**********************************

Necron. The wormhole opened and the mighty Necris fleet came flying through.
Zenith looked at her home planet and smiled.
“I know it hasn’t been THAT long”, she sighed, “but I sure am glad to be home again.”
Zenith really loved her planet. She was one patriotic Necris.
The fleet made it’s way to the surface, and docked in one the big bases.

“O.k. people, you are as of know, officially off duty, enjoy..”, Zenith shouted while standing in front of her commanding seat, looking at her staff of technicians, engineers, pilots and officers.
The ship soon ran empty of it’s “inhabitants” and Zenith took a cab home.
“Here cabby”, she said while yawning,” a fellow officer brought this back from one of the techno cities. I guess this will do if I ask you to bring to the south end of the city right?”
The cabby showed a wide grin and sniffed the liver.
“You got it,.. eh.. captain!”, he shouted,” he had never seen a human heart before...”
The cab took off.

Loque watched Visse talking to her fellow blaidenmaiden. Most of them survived. Yet they knew they had been lucky.
He observed her for a while, waiting for the other maiden to take off.
When they finally did, he ran up to her and said;
“Whew, what a raid that was.”
Visse smiled at him and answered:
“Sure was Loque, very.. unique..”
She paused for a second and slapped him on the cheek.
“We did make one heck of a team, now didn’t we?”
Loque grinned.
“So who’s.. going to lead the Phayders now”, Visse asked using a soft voice.
“Some of the clan vote for Rhaynor, others for Barak..”, Loque whispered,“Rhaynor has my vote though..”
“Of course”, Visse said using a high pitched voice,” he’s your friend.. eh..you know.. I understand.”
Visse looked at the city around her and continued:” What do you say, if we meet tomorrow midnight, at Neve’s crossing, at 15/18?”
“Sounds like a good idea to me, Visse”, Loque mumbled. He was also feeling tired.
But he was still able to add a silly smile to the answer he had given Visse.
“Ok”, she whispered,” meet you at Neve then.. I’m off, home.. see you later”.

Loque watched her take off in an aerocat.
All of the sudden , he opened his backpak and took out a small “something”.
He carefully studied it, frowned, and took a deep breath.
“This better work”, he sighed.
Carefully he putted the “something” back, safely hidden in one of the compartiments of the backpak.
“Cabby”, Loque yelled. A cab stopped nearby, and Loque waved at his fellow Phayders.
He jumped in, reached for his pocket and took out a human ear.
“Hmmm nice”, the cabby grinned, “where d’you get that?”
“Oh”, Loque smirked,” from a shall we say.. weird looking, old and miserable human. Now take me to the west end, the D’jjloQi part, building 5Gx.
“Got it compadre”, the cabby laughed. He was so happy he could finally add a human ear to his collection. He had almost knocked together an entire human face. The only parts missing now, were the nose and the left eye. But he would get them somehow.. he could wait.

Loque arrived at what he called home. He knocked on a rusty metallic door, waited for 5 kraylins, then started shouting impatiently in the speaker.
“Laque, are you home already? I forgot the password again!”
“You moron,” Laque sighed through the speaker and the door opened.
“Gee I’m sorry laque,” Loque mumbled to himself,” it’s just that I had a lot of things on my mind.. and I forgot this silly password sorry .”
He made his way through the dark corridor, and came out in what appeared to be a “kitchen”.
“Hey sis”, Loque smirked and let his body fall down on the seat near the table.
“Feeling tired are we?”, she whispered.
“You better now it”, Loque sighed and took a deep deep breath. He looked outside the window, staring at the 3 moons who where (versieren) de dark sky of Necron.
“Meeting Visse tomorrow midnight right?”, Laque smiled at enjoyed watching the surprised look on his face when he heard that.
“Do you girls keep ANY secret at all from each other”, Loque said using a somewhat desperate tone in his voice.
“Not really”, Laque said amused,” only the really important, personal stuff I guess. Here.. drink this GeFun (You can compare this to our tea), and go to sleep. It really looks like you need some sleep brother. Prepare yourself for that date tomorrow.”
Loque smirked, drank his Gefun, slowly got up from the seat and went to his room.
He slowly entered the voice command in the speaker, next to his door, and stumbled into the messy room. He fell down on what appeared to be a bed, and dozed off.

Visse couldn’t catch the sleep. She walked up to her balcony, and looked at the impressive Necris city.
“The moons really look beautiful, this late night..”, she whispered to herself…
She kept staring at them for half a quatron and then finally went to sleep.

The next day, Neve’s crossing…
“So I’m just standing here, and I’m not interested in buying one of those Tygron paws! Now get lost you brat!”, Visse hissed.
The young Necris took off, mumbling to himself, swearing while looking back at Visse.
She pretended she wanted to chase the little rascal, he got scared and quickly ran away.
Visse laughed.
“Well this one will never become a great warrior.”
She stared back at the cool, dark water of the “canal of pain”.
A Tygron jumped out and gave her the eye.
“Eh?”, she stumbled ,”what the..”
She rubbed her eyes, and noticed she was still feeling very tired. “Me and my silly imagination”, she sighed, “ I should go and write stuff..”
A Thundercracker stopped nearby (=a motorcycle on earth, but bigger and really nasty looking).
It was Loque.
“So you finally made it”, Visse jested.
“I’m sorry, I know I should’ve been here 10 trinitons ago.. at 05/18.. I’m so sorry, Laque made me clean up my room..”
Loque blushed. He shouldn’t have said that.
“That’s ok Loque”, Visse grinned,” I understand. Now come stand beside me.”
She gestured Loque to start moving and join her at the edge of the bridge…

“So what know”, Loque whispered and enjoyed the cool breeze he felt while standing there.
“Now”, Visse answered,”… you know.. I too have no idea. What are we going to do now Loque?”
“What exactly are you talking about”, Loque said while looking at her beautiful white face, her shiny eyes, her raven dark hair and sensual lips.
“I’m talking about .”, she whispered, “we really need to do something here on Necron, I do enjoy time off.. but I need an assignment, a job, a challenge.. just hate sitting on my hands like this.”
“I know what you mean”, Loque mumbled.
They kept staring at the city together, for what seemed an endless amount of trinitons.
All of the sudden a cab stopped near the 2 Necris.
A nervous, strange man jumped out. He was carrying a notepad.
Quickly, almost stumbling over his legs, he ran up to Visse and Loque, and stopped right in front of them.
“Good night to you two”, he quickly said while greeting them. He paused a kraylin, inhaled and wiped the sweat of his nose.. apparently this man didn’t have that much time on his hands.
“Anyway”, the man continued , still heavily breathing,” I… I’m Neoknight, writer for the “Neo Moon”, you know.. the biggest Tredd on Necron (Tredd=newspaper).
I’ve heard about the two of you pulling that stunt back on earth and I must say, I’m impressed..”
Neoknigh showed a big smile while looking at Loque and Visse. They were both frowning and Loque asked the nervous writer:
“And.. what do you want from us???”
“Oh oh”, Neoknight mumbled,” my boss .. the jerk.. ordered me to .. well.. if you guys agree with me on this.. to follow one of you around .. for a couple of days…the daily life .. of .. one of the heroes.. please it’s my job we’re talking about here..”
Visse looked surprised.
“Heroes”, she said, “are we heroes? We merely took out a leader of a technocity.. and it was a ****faced cowardly pig… nothing to write home about. We did our job, and that’s that.”
“No no”, Neoknight quickly said, “see I would REALLY appreciate it if one of you would allow me to.. you know…it’ll only take up to 3 or 4 days, that’s it…16 hours of the 38.. what do you say?”
Visse shrugged. Loque wanted to say something, but Visse interrupted him.
“Maybe.. I don’t know..”
“Wait wait”, Neoknight yelled,” I know! I was planning a trip to Nalina, home world of the nali’s right.. until my boss had to mess things up as usual.. it’s a special planet.. how about you joining me.. so I still can make my trip.. and write the story..”
Visse looked at Loque.
“What do you think?”
“I think this Neoknight guy is crazy”, he whispered.
“I don’t feel like going alone on a trip with him… hm want to join me?”, she asked Loque using a silky voice.
“I would if I could Visse.” Loque sighed, “but me and the eh guys.. have planned a 3 day hunt I’m sorry..”
Visse growled. “Men...”, she tought.
“Ok. I’ll give my half sister Rumiko a call.. see if she wants to join me on the trip..”
“So ok,” Neoknight laughed, “ I’m glad you want to come.”
“Only if my half sister Rumiko joins us”, Visse whispered.
Neoknight raised his eyebrows.
“But of course, no problem, consider it done.”
Boy, was he going to regret saying that.

“So I’ll meet you and Rumiko right.. tomorrow early night, at the Quadranx dock, and we’ll take of to Nanali,” Neoknight said to Visse, who seemed to be frowning her hair…
“Have you heard what I’ve just said?”, Neoknight shouted.
Visse “jumped” and yelled: “Yes I have you idiot, I’ll be there”.
Neoknight shrugged, laughed.. and wrote down the exact time, place on the notepad.. printed out a sheet and gave it to Visse.
“Don’t lose this paper”, he said while heading back to the cab,” see you tomorrow early night.”
The cab took off, with the crazy writer waving at Visse and Loque out of the window.

“Are you sure you didn’t make a crazy decision,Visse”, Loque sighed,” I mean that guy looks weird, and .. eh.. your half sister Rumiko..”
“I’m ok with it”, Visse mumbled,” it’ll be an enjoyable trip.. and if not.. I’ll rip of that writer his head.”

Loque opened his backpak and took out that “something”.
He showed it to Visse.
“What is THAT”, Visse said and her mouth opened all the way. She was very impressed by what she was seeing.
“I .. I honestly don’t know”, Loque whispered,” Dessloch gave it to me, back in the human base on mars… it suits you doesn’t it?”
“Why thanks Loque”, Visse said and a wicked smile came on her face, “but why… me? Why did Dessloch..”
Loque looked at her. Visse already knew the answer. Dessloch had been a close friend of look a couple of years ago, when she and Loque were still an item.
“It’s beautiful Loque”, she said, speaking softly while gently touching the “something”.
“I want you to wear it Visse,” Loque said to her,” If it’s all right with you, I want this thing to represent the bound of friendship between us. I do have your friendship.. do I?”
“And my respect”, Visse whispered.
“Have I ever told you how much I like your beautiful raven hair,” Loque sighed.
“A million times”, Visse laughed,” but I never grow tired of hearing it..”
They stood there watching each other and the city for many countless trinitons.. but then the moment came for Visse to head home, and prepare herself for the trip to Nalina.
“See you in 3 days, friend”, she said to a radiating Loque.
“I’ll be waiting for you, compadre”, he shouted at her, while she was heading for her aerocat.
She took one more look at him,waved and jumped on the aerocat and set course home.
Tomorrow early night, she’d be going on a trip.
But Visse didn’t know by that time that she would be part of a new exciting Necris adventure, called…

THE QUEST FOR THE NALI SKINS!

The end!!! For now!


You have been reading “the Necris story”

Written by Neonite, a die hard fan of the coolest
Characters in Unreal Tournament…
Visse being his favourite.

This story began writing itself on the fifth of july, and
gracefully ended on the twentieth of the same month.

I had fun creating this story, and the next one will be as cool and
enjoyable. I’m looking forward posting the first part!

But I really hope you the reader had as much fun reading as I did writing it!
Or I have failed my quest. :)

The story took place on the homeplanet of the Necris, called Necron, and
Of course Earth.

Now to conclude this first story, here’s the cast of
Characters:


Loque Phayder
Visse Blaidenmaiden, second in command
Laque Loque’s sitser, leader of the blaidenmaiden
Jared Blaidenmaiden
Nocturna Blaidenmaiden
Rhaynor Phayder
Barak Phayder
Arachne Blaidenmaiden
Necroth Blaidenmaiden
Zenith Captain of the Phalanx
Aryss Commander
The Raygi The Raygi
Spidrella The Raygi’s wife

The old man Human called John summers

Nayli Blaidenmaiden
Lyque Phayder
Pharon Phayder
Kosak Phayder
Magrok Phayder
Cali Blaidenmaiden
Cayla Blaidenmaiden
Ramij Phayder
Tygrun Phayder
Ygrun Phayder
T-kann Leader of the Zugrin clan
Gundra Leader of the D-struktas clan
Talgrik Phayder
Sirifa Phayder
Zoljo Phayder
Tchi Raven clan member
Vaughn Raven clan member
Gax Tuglock clan member
Habran Luitenant-shra
Jiggar fastest pilot on the fleet
Goel Techie 1
Jun Techie 2
Fugo Techie 3
Dran Little boy
Manji Little girl
Ychtu Cabby 1
Monjol Cabby 2
Flan Cabby 3
Safrin Luitenant
Patran Sergeant with big moustache
Neoknight A silly writer

Blooddog
20th Jul 2001, 07:39 PM
Woho!!!
This is almost so good as a blizzard-story!!!(Thinking of starcraft and the diabloseries who have the best storys ever in games)
I really liked it and now I will play UT with necrisskins.(hated them before)

NeoNite
20th Jul 2001, 07:45 PM
BUt the fun has only started yet, there's a sequel to all of this :D

You know what the damnest thing is, i have only found one custom skin pak for the necris.. ONE! on utskins.. :(

damn...

:)

62 pages, can you believe that? I never expected to write that many on this story...
62 friggin pages...

_Zd_Phoenix_
20th Jul 2001, 07:52 PM
Argh no! That's it? damn! What the hell am I meant to read now? ;)

Thanks for that story Neo, it was definately entertaining throughout; you certainly kept me guessin :)

I look forward to your next part in the story. Making it a series huh? I was thinking of doing that with the Tournament thread (im finishing right now) but I don't know... The ideas are there but...

Anyway, I definately hope to be hearing more from this:) (even if you do insist in using necris ;))


BTW, if any damn Necris tryed to take my eyes, I'd have to use my evisceration knife on 'em :D

NeoNite
20th Jul 2001, 07:56 PM
BUt of course I will!!! :D

I've said it before Phoenix, start your own story thread! Write a couple of good stories on your own, like I do...
Finish the t.s., link it in your sig :) and start a new thread!

More Necris mayhem to come.. and that's a promise!

Zenda
20th Jul 2001, 08:01 PM
Hi!

Just got back.

Just cooked up a grear plate of pizza and gammon.

Ready to read :D

_Zd_Phoenix_
20th Jul 2001, 08:05 PM
WHAAAAAT??? NO TEA ?????;)

Thx for the idea Neo, I linked it :)

NeoNite
20th Jul 2001, 08:11 PM
Threads like that shouldn't simply dissapear in the dark parts of the puf forest, right?
:) No tnx phoenix.

Anyway, i'm leaving.. see you guys later.
I'll leave you with a pic showing the lovely Visse :D
(yes i'm getting obsessed with the necris.. help!)

Coming soon: Visse's great adventure!

Zenda
20th Jul 2001, 08:26 PM
Well ... What can I say, pal?

62 pages!!!!!
From the 5th ... I mean, the fifth [thx, Pine:)] of July to the twentieth. Hero.

I hadn't known what to expect and that was one of the best endings I could have hoped for.
And I'm looking forward to the sequel :D

As I think about this last couple of weeks, and your story, ... bugger, I can't find the words.

I've just got out some of my best single malt whisky and I'm sitting here, and I'm drinking a special toast right now.

Here's to you, Neo :)

Zenda
20th Jul 2001, 08:39 PM
Ah, Just seen the subsequent threads!

Tea ... yes, thx for reminding me. I'd better put the kettle on. I've been doing some hard rehearsing. Starved. Needed food.

Time passes.

Yep. Got the tea now
And the whisky.
Sorted. :D

Neo. I can well appreciate that picture. It's one of the best I've seen in ages.

[Though S Shepherd, J Lumleyand S Beachum must still be credited as having a special place ;)]

For a long time I have had a fond regard for Freylis. :)

_Zd_Phoenix_
20th Jul 2001, 08:43 PM
rehearsing? rehearsing what me wonders???

Glad to see you remembered the tea tho, I can't imagine you without it ;)

pine
20th Jul 2001, 09:06 PM
Well, it's obvious that you put a TON of hard work into this story; it really shows. Great characters and very imaginative, complete world. Excellent job man; I'm looking forward to reading your next story.

Zenda
20th Jul 2001, 09:15 PM
PCB .... 'Complete World' ... Yes, that's how it feels to me too. :)


Phoenix ... Rehearsing in Twickenham for a classical choral music concert at Waltham Abbey with my GF. My ex-wife and I used to go there often on Sundays for picnics and cream-teas. This is gut-crunch nostalgia ... with new relationship and different reason for going. Life is interesting :D :( ..... :)

_Zd_Phoenix_
20th Jul 2001, 09:21 PM
Choral music concert? wow! Zenda : A man of many talents :)

Zenda
20th Jul 2001, 09:31 PM
Cheers:) When I get to 1000, I might follow TinMan's example and post a celebration song. Might as well stand up and be counted/walk my talk some time.

Though I must admit, I do feel insecure ... I relate to PineConeBoy's sentiments on his recent post in your thread. :)

_Zd_Phoenix_
20th Jul 2001, 09:36 PM
Well if we can be half as supportive as you are, there is no need for insecurity :)

NeoNite
21st Jul 2001, 06:29 PM
o.k. i'm back :)
:) Looking back on it now.. well I'm happy with it.. it's ok I guess.

62 pages using a corps of 12
55 using a c. of 10.

:eek:

:)

Almost finished the first part of the sequel.. there will be LOTS of humour in this one.. :)
And no Loque this time ah well... :D

Tnx to everyone who's made the effort so far for posting, commenting on the story, the regulars phoenix and zenda, tnx for the feedback pineconeboy :) and the tips..

Now.. I really want to read the last part of the tournament story!
See y'all later :D

Zenda
21st Jul 2001, 09:04 PM
CYA :)

Peavey
21st Jul 2001, 11:39 PM
Hi! I just got back from my dads house :) happy to see you finished the story :) i thought it was awesome, and all i have to say is whats already been said above.. well anyways, im looking orward to your next story; keep up the good work! :sniper:

NeoNite
22nd Jul 2001, 09:51 AM
Tnx lafnboy :)
Ok, i'm back, and here's the first part of the sequel...
beware though.. it's different from the first story.. meaning.. well you'll see.. :)
Part 2 is in progress.. I enjoy writing this story.
THing is, while writing it, I listen to UT and Tribes2 music.. don't know.. very inspiring for some reasoN...

:D


Story: The Quest for the Nali Skins!


Part 1: The arrival on Nalina…
*******************************

Space. A solar system.
A nice blue planet. Many forests, beautiful oceans, a rich world when it came to fauna and flora, 2 suns..

WAIT? 2 suns! What the hell is this? There’s only one sun in our solar system!
Yes, but this story does not involve Earth. I’m talking about the homeworld of the Nali.
Bet you didn’t see that one coming.
Sure the planet looked different then it did before the Skaarj had almost completely drained and ruined it. But fortunately a group of smart Skaarj kept the planet alive.
Heck, these guys transformed the old cities and temples into touristic attractions.
Species such as the Makrans, Kralls, MarZians, Blueperries, Schnitwitz and NECRIS visited the planet often.
Talking about the latter, a Razor had set down in one of the airbases.

The ships’ door opened and out came:
Visse, one of the brave Necris who had uncovered the Liandri corporation and it’s dark secret.
Neoknight, a silly somewhat nutty writer for one of the biggest “papers” on Necron. He felt like following on of the heros around for a week. And he agreed in coming with Visse to Nalina (the REAL name of the Nali homeworld!!!)
And let’s not forget about Rumiko, a Necris-aron crossbeed. Aron were much like the Necris, but their appearance was more “human-like”.

“Ok, mister Neoknight,” Visse sighed,” again, I’m sorry Loque couldn’t join us, but .. I did agree in coming along, you wanted the story right?”
“Yah yah”, said Neoknight.,” I know, I need the story or ..I’m fired.. again. uh I hate my boss.”
(Don’t we all?)
Visse sighed once again.
“SO, when are we going to eat?”, Rumiko laughed.
“I don’t know, we have just arrived on Nalina!”, Visse snarled.
“Oh I’m sorry missy”, Rumiko laughed.
“No it’s not like that, I mean, the entire way to Nalina there wasn’t one single minute were you didn’t mention food!! I’m sick and tired of it, now shut up!” Visse slapped her hand on her head. She had a headache.
“Oh dear me ok I’m sorry missy”, said Rumiko but Visse interrupted her..
“And stop calling me MISSY!”, she hissed.
Rumiko looked at Neoknight.
“Blaidenmaiden… unbelievable or what?”, she mumbled.

On their way down, to the surface of the planet, Rumiko bought a sugarbabe ( a sticky, but yummy snack). The three used some sort of an escalator to get to the surface of the planet.
“Now look at what you’re doing”, Neoknight complained,” there’s goo all over my notepad!
These things cost a fortune!”
“Well I’m sooooorrrryyy it was an accident, I didn’t mean to spill my snack on your precious notepaaaaad!”, Rumiko jested.
“Well don’t let it happen again!”, Neoknight shouted.
“It’s the temperatuuuuure ok? My snack is melting!”, Rumiko snarled.
“How can that be! It’s cold up here!!!!”, Neo shouted back.
“Maybe you ‘re having cold, but I know I’m hot..”
But Rumiko couldn’t finish her sentence.
“Will the two of you knock it off already”, Visse yelled!
Neoknight and Rumiko froze.
“Stop acting like children and please SHUT UP!”
Visse looked at Neoknight and frowned.
“What exactly are you writing down in that notepad?”, she asked with a husky voice.
“Stuff”, Neo replied.
“What stuff?”, Visse whispered and studied the look on the writers’ face.
“Just.. you know… stuff”, Neoknight whispered back.
Visse raised her hands and looked up..
“Stuff.. grrrreat .. mister Neoknight takes me on a trip to Nalina so he can write down .. stuff”.
Neoknight looked down at his feet. He felt embarrassed.
Visse sighed.” Just keep quiet until we reach the bar on the surface ok? There you can eat Rumiko, and you..”, she turned to Neoknight and raised her eyebrows,” you can buy another notepad, a cheap one.”
“But the quality..”, Neo aksed
“SHt!”, Visse hissed, “doesn’t matter a notepad is a notepad and that’s it.
Rumiko shook her head and looked at Neo.
“Boy did she get with the wrong gun out of bed today”.
“I heard that”, Visse snarled.
Rumiko rolled her eyes and turned her head, looking outside the gigantic window. From up there, she was able to admire the beautiful planet lying beneath her.

Finally arrived on the surface, they went searching for a bar, any place where you could get a decent drink. Thing about Nalina was, there weren’t many places were you COULD get a decent drink.
All of the sudden Rumiko patted on Visse’s shoulder.
“Hey Visse”, she said with a high pitched voice, ”there’s a Skaarj coming at us!!!”
She immediately turned around, took out her evisceration knife, she never left home without it, and looked at the huge figure heading their way. An 8 feet, 3 inch red Skaarj made it’s way through the crowd as if they weren’t there…
Visse started waving her knife at the big creature, ready for anything to happen.
The Skaarj stopped in front of her, looked at the knife and said:
“Eeew that’s one big knife you’re wielding there”.
Visse frowned and studied the huge figure standing right in front of her. It was as if a look of fear had come on his face.
“Come again?”, she whispered.
“Oh I don’t like them knives you see”, the Skaarj mumbled,” but allow me to introduce myself.. I’m George.”
Rumiko started laughing.
“Geeeoooorge, what a name for a Skaarj”. She coughed a couple of times, obviously the name George had taken her breath away.
“It’s a nice name”, the Skaarj said somewhat offended,” my mommy gave it to me, although my dad insisted on me being called Kugran.. but my dad was a wuss…”
Rumiko coughed again. “Bet he was”, she mumbled.
Neoknight wrote something down on his notepad, and looked up at George.
“Oh so you’re the guide I ordered for our trip on Nalina”, he said using a silly voice.
Visse looked at him and scratched her forehead.
“A guide”, she sighed,” A Skaarj guide, named George?”
“Yeah well, It’s the best I could do in such a short notice, and he knows the planet better than we do!”. Neoknight didn’t feel like looking Visse in the eye.
“Whatever, whatever”, Visse said shaking her head,” what can this guy show us?”
The Skaarj started smiling and said:
“Oh some very nice things, for example the wreckage of the famous spaceship called “the vortex rikers”, stranded in Nyleve’s Falls, and of course, the temple of Vandora.. nice place, but let’s not forget the Spirevillage, tourists really dig this place and of course;. The Isv kran.”
Rumiko obviously got bored and began nagging:
“Yeah yeah whatever, a couple of human spaceships, a temple yadda yadda.. can we get a drink now?”
“Sure”, the big Skaarj named George laughed at her”, there’s a great bar/tavern just around the corner, follow me please.”
So the 2 Necris and the half blood followed their Guide to what appeared to be one of the biggest taverns on the surface.

“Ok, so exactly where are we again?”, Rumiko said while eating one of the taverns’ specialities: a Gwanx, something between a frog and a bird.
“One of the most crowed cities on the face of this planet, named Bouvaja”, the Skaarj answered,” See this place gets over 450 million visitors a Nali year.”
“Amazing”, Neoknight sighed and immediately wrote it down in his new notepad.
“Bet your glad there was a tourist shop this close to the tavern right”, Visse smiled at him,” now make sure nothing happens to this notepad!”
Rumiko grinned.
“Look at all those silly creatures”, she said and putted her hand in front of her mouth, trying to hide a big smile.
“Yeah, that brown one over there looks just like you”, Neoknight answered.
Rumiko’s smile disappeared like snow did before the sun.
“That.. is a .. Hijot!”, she yelled,” take that back, you.. you writer person!”
A hijot could be compared to a terran pig.
“Ah c’mon Rumiko”, Neoknight smirked, “I’m only joking.”
“Better watch that notepad from now on”, Rumiko hissed.
Neoknight immediately slapped both his hands on the pad, trying to protect it.
“Don’t you even think about it”, he said while looking her in the eyes, not sure if she was jesting or being serious.
“Cry baby”, she said using a whining voice.
“Will the 2 of you knock it off”, Visse sighed,” now we have a couple of more days lying in front of us, and I don’t want to spend them seeing the two of you argue and fight all the time, agreed?”
Rumiko and Neoknight stared at her, at their feet, and like 2 punished children they apologised.
“What have I gotten myself into”, Visse thought to herself,” I’m in the company of an overgrown kid, a weirdo writer and a Skaarj who calls himself George.”
She emptied her drink, and tapped the Skaarj on his shoulder.
“So what know?”
“Now”, the Skaarj smiled”, I’m going to show the city, let’s go!”
Rumiko finished her Gwanx, and finally the 4 of them got up from their seats, and disappeared in the huge crowd…

NeoNite
22nd Jul 2001, 10:26 AM
ALmost forgot!

Rumiko is created by Roger[666]bacon. IT's one of the finest female Ut models imho.. I have a couple of Rumiko models in each bot list :)
(6 bot lists present!)

This is the RUmiko in my story.. :)

Pale skin.. half blood Necris-acron...

_Zd_Phoenix_
22nd Jul 2001, 12:09 PM
?????? WOW! ANOTHER STORY ALREADY???? :D

Hmm, interesting start. I see Visse is her usual hissing self ;) This story seems to have a much lighter feel to it, now that the Necris aren't gutting humans everywhere :)

I thought it added to the light mood as you addressed the reader directly

'Space. A solar system. A nice blue planet. Many forests, beautiful oceans, a rich world when it came to fauna and flora, 2 suns..

WAIT? 2 suns! What the hell is this? There’s only one sun in our solar system!'

-I thought that was good. It will be interesting to see where you take it from here, it looks to be shaping up much differently from the last one.

pine
22nd Jul 2001, 02:16 PM
Off to a good start; I'm looking forward to reading this one for sure. Cool characters. I really like the fact that there's a skaarj in this one - dunno why, they're just hella cool :)

Peavey
22nd Jul 2001, 03:02 PM
Nice story so far :) lol an 8 foot skaarj named george! now THAT is cool :D keep it up! :shock:

NeoNite
22nd Jul 2001, 06:40 PM
I'll do what I can :D
Yeah Visse has a short temper.. :)
a short fuse...

Part 2 is almost finished, but i'll post it on tuesady night I'm affraid :)

Laterz :D

Zenda
22nd Jul 2001, 07:47 PM
Hi :)

I think this is the start of something bigger. Everything is starting slower and seems to be getting ready to springboard.

I like the way that time is being given to the drawing of the core characters and the relationships as they are developing.

In the last story, lots of the basic charater cevelopment seemed to be happening during the unfolding of the plot. NB, I am just noticing what I perceive as a difference. I'm just excited that stuff seems to be happening differently this time. It's as though stuff is being done now that will leave time and space for different types of development later on.

I'm well impressed by setting the early scenes to be referring to those places I know and love from the original Unreal. A beautiful world.

And a great beginning to a story taking place on it. :)

NeoNite
23rd Jul 2001, 01:01 PM
I think i'll take it a bit slower this time.. not certain how many parts i'm going to write.. depends.. 10? 20? :) who knows..
:)
I've already made up the ending.. but now .. to fill in gaps between.

Zenda
23rd Jul 2001, 08:03 PM
I'll just settle back to wait patiently, then. :)

GerbilJammer
23rd Jul 2001, 08:52 PM
All i have to say is... this story is damn good! i am a picky reader... and most books and such i start reading and lose interest... but i am on part 7 and damn i just wanna read and read :) so ima go fix am supper and read somemore

NeoNite
24th Jul 2001, 12:19 PM
:eek:

:)
HOnestly, i'm really really surprised by the response i'm getting from all of you cause..
Well i started writing this.. as a mere experiment you know?
Never thought people would actually really eh.. enjoy reading it?
Well.. let's just say.. I didn't expect all this cool feedback :)

Tnx Gerbiljammer I hope the other parts of the story will be as entertaining and interesting to you as the previous were..
...
in english: I hope it rocked! :D

Ok, here's.. part 2 of the new Necris story..
Again, this one is different from the previous.. maybe you'll get the feeling i'm off to a slow start.. but i'll take my time, developping the characters, the world around them.. the storyline :)
main ingredient: humour.

Only 5 leading characters this time.

Part 2: A changed city…
***************************
It was almost impossible penetrating the huge, thick crowd of creatures populating the grand boulevard.
To the left and right there were techno shops, nali souvenir stores, mecha mania malls, dozens of bars/taverns and the all famous Skaarj hell holes. Most creatures were afraid of going in there, since the Skaarj were notorious for their brutality and ruthlessness.
Visse looked up to the sky and admired a huge techno shield protecting the boulevard from environmental hazards such as the dark blizzards, purple rain and thunder storms.
All of the sudden she noticed 2 big, white buildings appearing down the Boulevard. She looked at the left one, and studied the Logo hanging above the entrance.

“What does that mean”, she asked George.
“Oh, the building on your left is the HQ of the Tribe of the Red moon”, he answered her,” the one on the right, is owned by the Tribe of the Tarantellas…very dangerous female species.”
“This place sure has changed since my last visit”, Visse sighed.
“Sure has”, the Skaarj smiled at her”, this boulevard is the home of many notorious clans, teams, tribes, war parties and so on.. the boulevard isn’t the most friendly place on Nalina I’m afraid.”
Visse frowned.
“Ah but you Necris like that eh?”, he grinned and started poking his nose.
“Do you have to do that now?”, Rumiko snarled, clearly disgusted by what she was seeing.

“I’m sorry, force of habit”, the Skaarj mumbled and started blushing.
“Interesting logo though”, Visse whispered while looking at the building of “the Tribe of the red moon.”
Neoknight walked up to her, and squinted his pale eyes…
“Bet it’s made up entirely out of gibs”, he smirked”,” those Red moon creatures are real artists!”
“Got to agree”, Visse answered him,” it really looks nice.”
“Apparently we’re expecting a heavy thunderstorm”, the Skaarj said while scanning the sky,” when the shield colours green… better hold on to your tights. So, let me guide you to your stay here in the city. Tomorrow we’ll go and see the wreckage of the Vortex Rikers. And I guarantee this, you will love it!”
Rumiko sniffed.
“Bet we will”, she thought and looked at the crowd around her.

It was raining outside. The thunderstorm had broken loose. Visse was staring through the window of her room. The 4 of them were staying in one of the largest “hotels” of the city.
The sky was green and red, and a shade of blue covered the horizon. It was getting darker around the Boulevard. Neon lights began flickering everywhere below…
A loud bang resounded as Visse walked up to a table. She grabbed a seat, sat down and opened her backpak. Necris never leaved home without that and an evisceration knife.
“Ok, got my portable com with me”, she sighed. She putted the device on the table and closed her backpak, gently putting it next to her on the floor.

She entered a code, and so opened a channel to Necron.
5 kraylins passed.
“Jared speaking”, a Blaidenmaidens’ voice rang over the com channel.
“Hi Jared”, Visse smiled,” it’s me.. Visse!”
Jared uttered a cry of joy.
“Heeeeeeeeeeey girl”, she laughed,” glad to hear from you. How are things on Nalina?”
Visse wiped her long dark hair out of her eyes, and shook her head.
“Well not bad I guess,” she sighed,” it’s raining outside as we speak…”
“Oh well no big deal”, Jared smirked,” we’re used to **** like that on Necron right?”
“Yeah”, Visse whispered,” but you see, .. this is going to crank you up…”
Jared held her voice, waiting for Visse to tell her what sounded like something really hilarious..
“We have a Skaarj guide, and his name is .. GEORGE!”
Jared started laughing hysterically, and so did Visse.

In one of the other rooms on the same floor, Rumiko was having lunch. Or dinner. Or brunch. Call it what you want, Rumiko really enjoyed eating. And the big advantage of being an Acron was, they wouldn’t grow fat. Eat all you want, stay slim.
Rumiko really enjoyed being an Acron.
“And another Gwanx”, she smiled,” hmmmm I really love this indigenous delicacy…”
Nearly having finished her meal, she opened a can of Tc-DF, a cool drink on Nalina.
“I think I’m going to like my stay here”, Rumiko said while leaning back in her chair.
All of the sudden someone knocked on the door.
Rumiko started grumbling. “I was about to relax and know some halfwit stops by.. whoever it is..”
She opened the door and immediately froze. A huge blue Skaarj was standing in front of her.
Staring him in the eyes, frightened, she reached for the gun on her belt. But the Skaarj moved one of his big arms towards her!
Rumiko started yelling.

Neoknight was about to finish the piece he was working on, as he heard a yell resounding in the corridor. He hesitated for not one Kraylin and ran for the door, eager to see what all the fuss was about.
Visse came running down the corridor.
“What was that?”, she yelled.
“You got me”, Neoknight mumbled.
All of the sudden Rumiko appeared from around the corner, followed by the blue Skaarj. Rumiko had a sore look on her face.
“Ok the show is over”, she snarled,” that’s George behind me..”
“George?”, Visse said with an amused tone in her voice,” I thought he was red?”
A silly smile came upon the Skaarj his chapped lips. “Oh see it’s the time of the year us Skaarj shed our skin.. I like my new one”.
Visse rolled her eyes, scratched her raven black hair, and shook her head.
“Yeah George”, she sighed,” it’s a nice colour. Your mommy would’ve been proud.”
“See, I’ve never had a blue skin before”, George smirked, “ I love it!”
Neoknight was gettting bored, and closed the door of his room.
“Dry as dust, “, Visse said while looking at an apparently agitated Rumiko.
“Why didn’t you immediately tell me it was you, you idiot”, she growled and stared George in the red eyes.
He started smiling.
“Oh I thought you knew it was me..”, he mumbled,” I’m sorry miss Rumiko.”
Rumiko glanced at him.
“Never, ever call me Miss Rumiko again, George.”
The Skaarj scratched the back of his neck and looked at Visse, while Rumiko headed back for her room.
“My she can’t take a joke, now can she?”
Visse had to agree. Then, she also returned to her room. George felt like having another drink in the bar on the first floor.

The thunderstorm didn’t seem to end. It’s endless roaring kept the inhabitants of the city Bouvaja on their toes. The green shield successfully blocked all purple rain from coming through. This kind of particular rain was extremely harmful for your skin, as it would eat it away.
Purple rain made it’s entrance on Nalina after Skaarj had set up these huge factories and industrial zones. The Nali’s however had no say in this… they slowly had to witness the decay of their planet.

Visse woke up. She squinted at the window, and blocked the view with her left hand.
“Eeeh, sunlight, too strong..”, she snarled,”.. bleh”.
She got up, stretched and yawned. She didn’t catch to much sleep last night. Blasted thunderstorm!
Putting on her Blaidenmaiden uniform, she grabbed a snack and looked in what appeared to be a “mirror”.
“Uh I look awful today”, she said with a mouth full of spamwich, “… but my skin has never been this pale before.. I’m happy..”

A couple of trinitons later she left her room, walked down the corridor up to Rumiko’s quarter.
“Ruuumiikooo”, Visse yelled,” wake up! We’re going to visit vortex ricers and Vandora’s temple today!!”
A door opened, and a drowsy Rumiko looked at her.
“Give me 10 more trinitons, I’ll meet you in the bar.. ok?”
“Ookay”, Visse whispered. The door slammed shut.
“Ho boy, did someone get out of bed with the wrong biscuit today”, Visse smirked.
She walked up to Neoknights’room. “Wake up Neo”, she shouted in the speaker. Nothing. She knocked on the door. No one answered.
“Hmm bet he’s already in the bar with that Skaarj”, Visse mumbled.
Slowly Visse walked towards one of the turbolifts, taking her down to the first floor.
Arriving in the bar, she saw nothing but the strangest creatures one could imagine. From Cloigs (they have 5 eyes and only one “leg”) to Immaginz (no description available).
A cool tune played through the speakers, named K-Vision. It was very popular around these parts.

There were Neoknight and George, having a drink at one of those white metallic tables. Visse made her way through the crowd of creatures, and sat down at their table.
“Good Nalina morning to you Visse”, George greeted her while having a red Gwanx.
“Same here”, Neoknight yawned.
“Didn’t get too much sleep either eh?”, Visse smiled.
“Bet ya”, he answered her.. and looked at his drink.
He frowned.
“Hey, there’s.. something moving in there”..
The Skaarj grabbed the drink and started laughing.
“Well of course, you did order a Gd-Wil right?
“Eh, yeah a good drink with Illu Lima…?”, Neo said with a high pitched voice. (Illy lima: one of the many fruits on Nalina).
“Nah”, the Skaarj whispered,” a good drink with Indigenous life form…”
Neo’s eyes grew bigger and bigger..
“GREAT”, he yelled and shoved the drink further down the table.
Visse couldn’t hide her smile anymore.
“Happened to me also first time I came to this planet”, she said to him while patting his hand.
“Don’t worry about it too much.”

Rumiko made her entrance to the bar, and most couldn’t take their eyes of her.
Visse also noticed Rumiko parading through the bar and jumped out of her seat.
“I’ve seen that outfit before Rumiko?”, she said with a surprised tone in her voice,” hey wait that’s one of my outfits!!”
“Yeah took it out of yer backpak a couple of trinitons ago, you don’t mind me wearing it now do you?”, she laughed at Visse.
Visse had to cringe her teeth. She took a deep breath.. trying to remain calm. Rumiko had always been a handful of trouble.
“Ok”, she sighed, “as long as nothing happens to it!”
“Don’t worry”, Rumiko smirked,” I’ll take good care of it.”
She noticed Neoknight staring at her as well.
“What are you looking at, writer person?”, she hissed.
Neoknight shook his head, and stumbled: “Nu nu nothing I’m..”
His eyes turned back to the table, and he continued drinking his … GD-WIL.
To be honest, Rumiko did like getting all the attention. It’s what she lived for.

“So we’re going to see that ship now, are we”, Rumiko said while playing with her violet hair.
“The Vortex rikers and temple of va..” George answered her but couldn’t finish his sentence. Rumiko had to interrupt him.
“Oh yeah”, she sighed,” that ship and the temple.. wowie”
George glanced at Visse, obviously a bit agitated how Rumiko had shown her lack of interest.
Visse gestured at him, meaning she didn’t know either what to do about Rumiko and her whole attitude thing going on.
“C’mon Rumiko, it’ll be worth it”, Visse sighed,” and if not, we’ll return to the city and we’ll go shopping ok? I’ve seen this really cool laser rifle…”
“Okay sure”, Rumiko said with a faint smile on her lips.

Finally the 4 of them took off. Visse did notice a group of humans sitting in the bar, and observed them for a couple of kraylins. As she turned her head and walked up to her companions, she heard one of the humans saying;
“Oh c’mon Bishop, do the thing with the knife man, c’mon oh c’mon do it!”

Leaving the hotel, again they had to penetrate the thick crowd populating the gigantic boulevard.
Off to see the famous Vortex Rikers, and who knows what else?

Peavey
24th Jul 2001, 01:39 PM
hehe... nice :)

Rumiko made her entrance to the bar, and most couldn’t take their eyes of her. Visse also noticed Rumiko parading through the bar and jumped out of her seat. “I’ve seen that outfit before Rumiko?”, she said with a surprised tone in her voice,” hey wait that’s one of my outfits!!” "Yeah took it out of yer backpak a couple of trinitons ago, you don’t mind me wearing it now do you?”, she laughed at Visse. Visse had to cringe her teeth. She took a deep breath.. trying to remain calm. Rumiko had always been a handful of trouble.
“Ok”, she sighed, “as long as nothing happens to it!” “Don’t worry”, Rumiko smirked,” I’ll take good care of it.” She noticed Neoknight staring at her as well.

I would be staring too!:D

NeoNite
24th Jul 2001, 01:50 PM
Better make sure she doesn't catch you staring at her! :)
Noticed that big "thing" on her right arm?

I'm tired :)

pine
24th Jul 2001, 02:07 PM
All I have to say is, you must spend a lot of time writing. It takes me a couple hours to do a chapter, and that's only two pages or so.....yours tend to be a lot longer. Very nice though, looking forward to the next part. I'm mainly just posting to let ya know I'm reading and bump the thread :)

_Zd_Phoenix_
24th Jul 2001, 03:03 PM
I just finished readin that after printing it off earlier. It was good as always, but as pineconeboy said, are you permanently typing?? I have no idea where you find the time to write all of that, especially after telling us how long you spend doing it. :)

Hey, you should become an author, with the amount of books you'd able to churn out you'd be a millionaire in no time at all ;)

Nice to see the eviscerration knife back btw. :D

Oh, and did you make up that Nalina was the Nali homeworld, or is it the actual name for it???

UnrealGrrl
24th Jul 2001, 03:41 PM
fun stuff keep up the good work... ive enjoyed the stories so far :>

BZMew2|PuF
24th Jul 2001, 03:46 PM
:(

Peavey
24th Jul 2001, 04:43 PM
:rolleyes: naah Rumiko wouldnt hurt a 12 year old...

NeoNite
24th Jul 2001, 05:43 PM
Glad you enjoy reading the story Nygrrrl :)

Me? Constantly typing? :D Nah!

Thing is.. this might sound a little bizzare..(or is it bizarre :D)
anyway..
This story... was a test, in a way, a personal test for me, to see if i hadn't lost my creativity, my .. ehm imagination..
I was worried my "well" of ideas :) was drained.

:(

No kidding. Hate that stuff.
And all of the sudden, the ideas keep coming and coming, like a waterfall has broken lose..
I'm even planning on writing a BIG new story!!
BUt I won't tell you the name..yet ;)

Don't worry mew, Rumiko has an attitude problem yes, but in the end, she's a nice girl :)

she's ok :D

_Zd_Phoenix_
24th Jul 2001, 05:54 PM
Another story??? ARRRRRRRRGH! As long as you're not gonna post it right now, i've already got too much to read, along with writing the TST 2.

(btw Neo, you still didnt answer my question on The Tournie ST)

you would answer it just as i say that wouldn't you? :) so i asked a new one...

NeoNite
24th Jul 2001, 06:03 PM
Sorry phoenix :)
Are you referring to Nalina here?
Cause I made up that name .. used my imagination :)
Why not? I mean, imho, it's better that way...

ALmost forgot:

No don't worry, the third story i'm planning on writing will hit puf around the third week of august .. probably..

TST2! YES!!!!

_Zd_Phoenix_
24th Jul 2001, 06:32 PM
You did know I meant Tournament Story Thread 2 don't ya? Just you seemed excited...;)

Didn't I say I was gonna write a sequel? Well I am anyway, only I get to plan it more now that Im in control of the story. So no more rushed pieces (I had to spend 15 minutes going over the ending in the original for spelling mistakes :rolleyes:)

I hope to get it going some time next week, other story threads permitting and Godly arguements permitting.

I always like to be factually correct to the game in these sotrys (hence the questions about the Nali and Skaarj) but do you mind if I use Nalina as a name for a planet? I just think it works really well :)

NeoNite
24th Jul 2001, 06:38 PM
Well phoenix, isn't that the great thing about writing a story, using your imagination?
:)
But anyway, if that's the way you want it :) ok sure you can use that name why not? :)

Oh tst2 yes I know, you've mentioned it in the tst thread, but i'm happy with the fact you're about to start on making a sequel :)

Smilies man is in da house.. and you better know it :)

Zenda
24th Jul 2001, 11:01 PM
Hi. Neo :) As you say you're spending more time setting up the story and the characters. Nice. This slower pace is kind of stabalizing and adding ballast. I'm getting a big sense of getting to now the people better. I just had a sidelong thought about Loque. Already, he seems to be not as real as this lot ... kind of left behind, a bit. Very interesting feeling.


:)

pine
25th Jul 2001, 02:57 AM
Originally posted by NeoNite

Smilies man is in da house.. and you better know it :)

LOL, that quote belongs in your sig. I've always thought you deserved an award for "most gratiutous use of smileys" :D ;) :) :p

NeoNite
25th Jul 2001, 04:56 AM
And you better know it! :) :D ;) :lol:

Hm in my sig? lemme think...

Yeah Zenda, i'm leaving Loque a bit on the background this time...
:)

NeoNite
25th Jul 2001, 12:27 PM
M-m-m-m-m-monsterrrr BUMP bump bump ump ump mp mp ppp..

:D

Ok, half of the next part is already done. Will probably post part 3 within' the next 6-7 hours..
:)

Peavey
25th Jul 2001, 01:49 PM
Hmm.. Anybody think they could hook me up on a date with Rumiko? :lol: just kidding.. now about the story... I LOVE the idea of the Skaarj Hellholes! And the purple rain that eats away at peoples skin! aWEsOme IDEAs, TheYRe All good! Especially putting Rumiko in the story!

NeoNite
25th Jul 2001, 02:08 PM
Rumiko is my favourite Ut female model :)
Conni (yep, from q3) comes in second.. :D
and third place is for Abbey of course :)

I love Rumiko's taunts.

NeoNite
25th Jul 2001, 06:50 PM
Here's part 3. Enjoy :)

Part 3: Sightseeing…
*****************************

Nyleve’s Falls, a grey ship landed near the famous Vortex Rikers wreck.
Once the engines were turned down, a huge door opened and out came many creatures…known as tourists.
Some of them wore these hyper-tech camera’s, and others simply seem to record the surroundings with their eyes. It was all so fascinating. This vessel had crashed in this valley a couple of centuries ago, it was a part of the planet’s history.
Visse and her companions of course came along on this trip. She stared up to the gigantic, worn hull of the vessel. It’s large shadow swallowed most of the tourists.
Visse noticed little dragon birds hovering over the ship. Apparently they had a nest up there.

“Want a sip?”, Neoknight asked her.
“Hm?”, Visse said. She was somewhat absent minded. Her thoughts drifted along with the wind of Nalina, back to the 22 century…
Out of this Vessel had come a human, and this particular person had overthrown the Skaarj invasion forces on Nalina. This person had single handily took out their queen!
But of course, the poor human took of in one of their ships. Probably cause she thought everything would be fine now on Nalina.. the Queen was dead right? The invasion had ended, no doubt about it.
Wrong.
The Skaarj came back to Nalina, and punished the Nali for their disobedience. They took out one third of the population, and enslaved the others as before.

“Big sucker ain’t it?”, Neo all of the sudden said with a loud voice. Visse rudely got interrupted from her voyage in the land of dreams, and angrily stared at him.
“Keep your voice down ok?”, Visse hissed, “I was dreaming away here.. and then you..”
“Oh”, Neoknight mumbled, “I’m sorry ok… but you weren’t on your guard though so..”
Visse gestured him to leave her alone. Neoknight frowned, and walked up to George.
“Annoying writer”, Visse growled…
Then she turned her head down, looking at the grass under her feet.
“If only Loque would’ve been here right now…”

“Ok, we’re going inside now, care to join us Visse?”, George laughed. She had never noticed the big Skaarj walking up to her.
“Oh yeah sure”, she smiled.” Let’s go.”
Before entering the ship however, the tourists needed to be carefully scanned for weapons.
Sure they were scanned before taking of to Nyleve’s falls, but .. some of these species were very devious and resourceful. They always had some trick up their sleeve.

A guide showed them the belly of the ship, the cells, the main quarters of the guards, the ancient technology. Rumiko couldn’t stop laughing, she was constantly making fun of the looks and feel of the ship.
A human tourist had about enough of it.
“Hey you Acron bitch”, he snarled at her,” stop making fun of this great work of art!”
Rumiko gave him a cold, dry look. Staring him in the eyes, waiting for the human to turn away. But he didn’t. Instead, he seemed to grow more angry with the second.
“Stop staring at me bitch, and apologise!!”
“Apologise for what?”, Rumiko yelled.
“You know! The previous generations of humans worked really hard for this, and now you’re making fun of it! Cut it out!”, the human roared and took out a gun.
The guide wanted to interfere, afraid that things would get of hand. But then it happened.
One shot, the guide falling to the floor. Creatures yelling.
“Don’t worry”, the human smirked, “I shot that alien prick in his left foot, he’ll survive. As for you, Acron bitch, you won’t if you don’t apologise RIGHT NOW!”
Visse had about enough of it. Swift as a serpent, she manoeuvred her right hand behind her back. The famous evisceration knife left the belt, and she held it with a steady grip around her waist. Meanwhile she had been carefully studying the human’s eyes, making sure he wasn’t paying any attention to her.

“So what’s it going to be, bitch?”, the human growled. His lips were engulfed with foam.
This guy was really ticked off!
Rumiko just stood there, saying nothing. She appeared to be very cool, not one muscle moving, not one drop of sweat rolling down her cheeks…
Visse made her move. She plunged the evisceration knife in the human’s heart tearing open the body all the way down to the belly. In the blink of an eye, the human had lost his heart and most of his other vital internal organs..
Blood ran out of the human’s mouth, his eyes turned when he hit the ground. A loud thud, then nothing but the wailing of the injured guide.
“Are you going to be ok”, she asked him while carefully examining his foot,” it’s not so bad..”
“S.. s.. sure”, the guide stumbled, “guess we’ll have to update our scanners right?”
Visse smiled; “Take care of that foot right now. It needs a cast I’m afraid. But you’ll be okay.”
Rumiko walked up to Visse;
“Gee, how did you know?”
“Know what?”, Visse asked her , a little confused.
“Well, about the guy’s foot injury, how bad it was and…” Rumiko mumbled.
“Oh, I have a degree in medical you know? I’m not only the second in command of the blaidenmaiden clan, but.. guess.. I’m also the medic.” Visse smirked when se noticed the weird look on Rumiko’s face.
“You never told me that”, Rumiko said with an incensed tone in her voice.
“You never asked”, Visse sighed.
Rumiko scratched the back of her neck and grinned.
“How come you were staying so cool .. when the human had his gun pointed at your head”, Neoknight asked her, elector pen ready for taking notes on his precious notepad.
“Simple”, Rumiko whispered,” I had a Chagrun (Acron type of forcefield, invisible for human eyes)activated and a Crusher behind my back. (Crusher: compare this to a magnum, but more powerful).
“What, no laserweapon”, Neo mumbled with , obviously surprised. Acron were known to always use laserweapons.
“I like doing things the old fashioned way”, Rumiko grinned and patted him on the head.
“Oh…. Nice”, Neo mumbled.

Back in the grey ship, George was staring out the window. Mainly looking at the large valleys beneath him, and of course the many Skaarj processing plants populating the area.
“So, the temple of Vandora is next right?”, Visse asked him.
“Yeah”, George answered her, not taking his eyes of the big world lying beneath him.
“In front of the temple are a couple of Nali stands , if you really want to buy some souvenirs, .. this will be your one and only opportunity.”
To be honest, it was kind of strange. Necris didn’t really like the look of the Nali home, world.. too nice.. too peaceful..
Yet something attracted them to this planet. But most Necris tend to avoid the floating villages. It appears they have a bad influence on the Necris nervous system.
We all remember the accident as if it was yesterday.. a Necris phayder vomiting on a Nali, and the poor Nali started complaining, the Phayder became angry and decapitated all the Nali they could get their pale, strong hands on.

Visiting the floating villages was a definite no-no!
One Nali hour later, the tourist ship arrived at the temple of Vandora. Extremely excited the tourists started slamming on the big door, wanting it to open. The pilot sighed, and pressed a yellow button. Finally the birds were freed from their cage, and almost half of them ran towards the Nali souvenir stands.

Neoknight shook his head. “Morons”, he said to Visse, who was looking at the purple-blue sky. Although she wasn’t used to sunlight, certainly not to seeing 2 suns at the sky, it did fascinate her. A faint smile came upon her dark lips.
“Well, what are we waiting for”, shouted George,” I’m your guide, let’s go visit that temple!”
Rumiko joined the others. She had bought a Nali souvenir.
“Already bought something Rumiko?”, Visse sighed,” We’ve only been here for a couple of trinitons.”
Rumiko appeared to be very excited, as she slapped her hand on her cheek and started dancing.
“I’ve been searching planets for something like this”, she yelled.
“What is that?”, Neo mumbled.
“THAT.. mister writer person”, Rumiko said with a firm voice,” is an AUTHENTIC Glubu-Wajiga!”
Neo raised his left eyebrow and studied the .. thing in Rumiko’s left hand.
“A.. w..what”, he stumbled.
Rumiko sighed, I mean she really sighed. She looked at the idiot standing in front of her, who obviously didn’t know how precious and beautiful this thing was.
Glubu-wajiga’s were extremely hard to find around these parts of the galaxy. They were small red crystals, but so beautiful, no female could resist it’s temptation…
“If you don’t know, you’re obviously a retard”, she answered him,” and I don’t feel like talking to retards. Bye.”

Neoknight was getting sick and tired of Rumiko’s attitude, but he didn’t have the guts to stand up against her. It hadn’t always been like this though. He seemed to be lacking a great amount of “self esteem”.
He used to be married, and there had been several girls in his life. One blaidenmaiden captured his heart a couple of years ago.. but a sad thing happened.
She had to leave on an away mission. He saw her leaving in a Graylinnz, and smiled at her when waved at him. The mission would only take up to 3 Necron days.
An entire week passed. Neo called the Blaidenmaiden headquarters, but they had no information whatsoever. Yet, he was still hoping on her returning home.
The sad news hit him one early-evening, when he was having “lunch”. Laque, the leader of the blaidenmaiden, told him the group had returned to the headquarters, but.. his girlfriend wasn’t amongst them. She had disappeared.. just like that. That was all Laque knew.

Neoknight felt like there was nothing worth to live for anymore. He got smothered by the darkness and emptiness around him.
The only thing that saved him from despair and death, was this crummy job at the “Neo moon”. Sure it was a lousy job.. but at least it brought a certain stability to his devastated world.
“Bitch”, Neo whispered, “I’m going to write a niiiiice story about you…” And an evil grin decorated his pale, scarred face.

Vandora’s temple was indeed very beautiful. The visitors could actually taste it’s mighty atmosphere, while walking through the shady corridors. On every corner of every room stood a Skaarj guard. One could never know when to expect trouble right?
“Oh would you look at that”, Visse laughed, “this woman has 4 breasts !!”
Rumiko almost chocked on her snack when she saw the painting in the wall.
“Who isj disj then?”, she asked while trying to keep the bits of Gwanx in her mouth.. tears where rolling down her cheeks. ”Ooowh, I really ought to be more .. carefffulll..”
“This.. is Vandora”, George answered, “the Nali goddess.”
Rumiko wiped the food of her mouth and raised her eyebrows.
“No wonder the Nali made HER the goddess..”
Visse grinned.

The group of 4 had made their way to the inner most of the gracious temple. George took them on a boat ride, to see the almighty torch. The Torch of tranquillity.

“Ok, what’s the big deal”, Rumiko sighed,” a torch.. and there are no flames???”
George moistened his chapped lips and shook his head.
“Be patient miss Rumiko”, George said, trying to remain calm.
“I thought I told you to NEVER call me MISS Rumiko again?”, she growled.
Visse quickly interrupted, trying to end the dispute.
“So what happens next.. George??”
George looked at Visse for a couple of kraylins, he seemed to be very irritated. Then he realised it was Visse who was addressing him, and a smile came upon his face.
“Well, now those 4 LAZY.. Nali over there, are going to light the torch.”
George squinted his eyes at the Nali and yelled a loud command. Immediately they stopped meditating and did their job:
They each grabbed a small torch, and walked up to the Torch of tranquillity. Carefully they placed the small torches in the centre of the big torch.
Nothing happened.
“Hey, what the..?”, Neoknight growled , apparently outraged, “ are you having us on?”
George pointed at the ground.
“See that”, he whispered,” If I step on that trigger.. the torch will ignite. Don’t ask me why the Nali placed a trigger here! I mean, why make it so complicated? First, a bunch of lazy ass Nali have to lit the torch, and then one of us has to step on that damn trigger..”
He paused for 5 kraylins.
“Stupid dumbass dip **** Nali”, he sighed and stepped on the brown trigger in the cracked floor.
And then it happened. The temple quaked, and a large purple flame left the heart of the torch, reaching up to the ceiling, making a thundering sound. Visse had to cover her eyes for a moment. She immediately drowned into the beauty of the dancing flames in front of her white eyes. It had a hypnotising effect on her.
“Not bad”, Neo said using a soft voice.” And here I thought Nali were nothing but interstellar llamas.”
Visse looked at him and smiled. “I don’t know why, but I feel like home.. these flames seems.. to possess such an inner beauty.. one I have only seen on Necron.. until now.”

It was early afternoon when the group of tourists returned to the ship. Visse had taken screenshots and motion captures of that beautiful torch, using the newest break through in Necris technology: the watcher. This thing could capture anything at any given time, and replay every piece of information correctly. Didn’t matter if you were using it an overly bright or extremely dark room.. no information would be lost. A very reliable device.

Visse took a seat next to George. It was as if she liked him the most. Neoknight was ok, but a bit weird. Rumiko was her half sister, yes, but stuck-up…
“Where to now”, she asked him.
“The Isv-kran.. it’s right behind this huge rock formation. Going on foot would probably take too long anyway. Days on Nalina are too short.. damn it”, George whispered. All of the sudden he raised his head and looked her in the eyes.
“There might be one small inconvenience though.”
Visse frowned. “What are you talking about George?”
“Eh well.. there’s this really annoying Nali who’s constantly hanging around the ship, harassing tourist, asking them to buy cheap and crummy souvenirs. He’s a real pain in the ass, trust me on this one.”
Visse smirked: “I can take on any Nali I want .. bring them on.”
“Sure Visse”, George sighed,” but please.. don’t underestimate this one. If it was up to me, I’d slash him in two halves. But the little bastard is too quick. One day though.. one day…”
Visse cringed her teeth and shrugged.
“****ing Nali,” she thought, “they better not mess around with this
blaidenmaiden.”

“Short trip this time, Bjog”, the Skaarj pilot said to his co-pilot.
“We’re almost there”, the co-pilot answered him using a firm, husky voice,” Oh wait, we’re there already. I like these type of ships you know? They’re so fast…!”
Skaarj pilot 1 had to agree. These new types of vessels were amazing.
The ship flew over the huge rock formation, and the mighty ISV-kran appeared on screen.

_Zd_Phoenix_
25th Jul 2001, 07:26 PM
I suppose I can grow to like Rumiko, George and Neoknight, but i'm not sure that Visse has one redeeming quality. Im glad I don't know anyone like that.:D

Can you imagine it? Take them anywhere and sooner or later someone is bound to end up gutless. Either that or she'll growl and hiss you to death.

Lol, she is funny tho :)

NeoNite
25th Jul 2001, 07:34 PM
Nah Visse is a delicate flower, she's compassionate, understanding, nice..

Oh wait THAT Visse :D

Hm there's so much about Visse you don't know.. :) trust me on this one. She's brutal, yes, and dangerous, oh yes, and she likes to hiss and growl a lot, oh dear.. but..

Ah you'll see, just keep reading the story, and you'll find that Visse isn't that bad after all..
There's a side to her I haven't showed you peopel yet :)
Ph34r!

_Zd_Phoenix_
25th Jul 2001, 07:36 PM
A side where she doesn't have a hobby of cutting people up? Now that's gonna be something to see!:)

NeoNite
25th Jul 2001, 07:38 PM
You better believe it!!

:lol:

TO be honest, Rumiko is the one with the attitude problem, not Visse...

:hmm:

Gamma_Sword
25th Jul 2001, 08:57 PM
I read the new one... it is definitely more comic than the last one!

A Skaarj named George? Bwa hahahhahah :D GEORGE?!?! AHHAHAHHAHAHAHA! :D

/me laughs like crazy

BTW, I love Rumiko skin in UT as well! Whole bunch of my customized bots use that skin... :)

NeoNite, you make bunch of quality awesome stories! You rule. :)

Zenda
25th Jul 2001, 09:42 PM
w00t! .... This slower style - I think it's working really well. somehow I am getting the opportunity to settle into the scenes.

I remember when I was at Nyleve's falls the first time, I spent quite a long time watching the Nali rabbit. Then I discovered fly-mode and flew around with the lizard - birds.

It's great to be back there.

Settling into getting to know the characters better. Nice. :)

I enjoyed Vandora's Temple, too.
----------------
She immediately drowned into the beauty of the dancing flames in front of her white eyes. It had a hypnotising effect on her.
“Not bad”, Neo said using a soft voice.” And here I thought Nali were nothing but interstellar llamas.”
----------------
Food for thought!


Take care :)

Peavey
25th Jul 2001, 11:05 PM
Yeah i have to agree with zenda, the slower style is working great... Hmm so far my favorite character is George bu dont get me wrong, i love em all.. (Especially Rumiko!:D) well ima go play some Instagib (CTF)... see ya

pine
26th Jul 2001, 12:26 AM
Quality :)

Peavey
26th Jul 2001, 12:29 PM
Hey Neo when you gonna post next story part? Im soo bored... Oh yeah, PineConeBoy, cool pic of Yuffie... you draw it yourself???

NeoNite
26th Jul 2001, 12:36 PM
Sure is great knowing that people enjoy reading the stories you write :)

George yeah :D If you used to watch them old "tex avery" cartoons.. you'll know why I picked that name :D

Same here Zenda, 2 years ago, when I entered Nyleve's Falls for the first time, I spend a long time simply watching that beautiful sky.. I was really amazed,.. there I was, used to quake and quake2... and all of the sudden .. here's unreal.. very nices skies, 2 suns, eve, nightfall.. amazing really..
And of course the fauna and flora.. the fishes and heh the Nali rabbit. :).. They're cute :D
Unfortunately.. if you accidentaly bump into one.. all that remains is a fresh pile of gibs ..
I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE! PLEASE YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME!

:lol:

Noorks' elbow another classy level! (when you exit Terraniux.)
And "the harobed village"...

Part 4 is coming soon, introducing.. one .. wicked.. Nali..

pine
26th Jul 2001, 12:39 PM
Originally posted by lafnboy88
Oh yeah, PineConeBoy, cool pic of Yuffie... you draw it yourself???

LOL, yeah right! Thanks for thinking that, but drawing ain't exactly my strong point......in fact, I couldn't draw a recongizeable human being in non-stick figure form to save my life.

Peavey
26th Jul 2001, 01:03 PM
lol.. FF7 rocks though. one of my favorites along with UT. NeoNite, I still watch those tex avery cartoons!!!

Peavey
26th Jul 2001, 01:06 PM
Im Indoors playin UT to often... i gotta get some sunshine cause im starting to look like a necris :) seeya

NeoNite
26th Jul 2001, 01:07 PM
Yeah me too :) my favourite characters are the wolf :D and little red riding hooood :D
and that dumb big dog, and that small dog..
There are many characters though.. they all seem to rock :D

Mithrandir
26th Jul 2001, 01:17 PM
Very nice. I've allways played as a Necris skinned ut'er and i found it interesting to see someone had created a story about it, i started reading and was caught up in the story untill it's end. My opinion is that you should definately conclude their attack on eath and maybe make a revenge scenario about the trade-arrangement that had gone so wrong. Considdering they are all that pissed about it that could make a bloodthirsty battl :p

good luck in your future writings

NeoNite
26th Jul 2001, 01:32 PM
Maybe Mith.. maybe.. :D
Who knows what the future holds? I mean..
maybe :)

(I've already planned on writing a third story, am working on it, creating the characters and surroundings.. so i'm not sure i'll write a real sequel to what happened on Necron all those years ago.. maybe :)..)

NeoNite
26th Jul 2001, 06:50 PM
What can I say.. here's ..

|
|
V

Part 4: A new generation…
***********************

Rumiko kneeled down, gently wiping her hand over the red surface of the all so famous “Trench”. She looked up, blocking the sun with the palm of her right hand, staring at a huge construction…
There, right in front of them, lay the human vessel, called the ISV-kran. Once it had been a haven for a human rebel, trying to find answers on many questions.
The place had completely changed. Skaarj warriors stood from the left to right at the hull of the ship, carefully guarding the entrance.
Sure the ISV-kran was a popular tourist attraction. Even the Necris seemed to like it.
But there were always the raiders, the lowlifes and thieves, the psychos and freaks.
Staying alert was the primary objective to the Skaarj.

“They sure got this place guarded”, Neoknight said and sniffed a couple of times.
“What’s wrong with you?”, Visse mumbled.
“I guess it’s the sand.. could be allergic to it..” Neoknight whispered and turned his head to the ship.
“Oh boy”, Visse sighed, “we better get you INSIDE.. quick.”
George seemed to be carefully scanning the surroundings. As if he was expecting someone to pop up all of the sudden, out of the middle of nowhere.
“Expecting someone”, Visse asked him and gave him a sarcastic smile.
“Laugh all you can”, George answered her,” cause if that stupid Nali I told you about shows his face..”
“I’m sure a girl like me can handle a pitiful nali?”, Visse sighed.
George nodded his head.
“I”ll keep that in mind, blaidenmaiden”, he said with a firm voice, pointing his big finger up Visse her nose.
Triumphantly George started walking up to the entrance of the ship. Never seeing the small rock, he tripped over it and smacked face down in the red sand.
Visse giggled.
“Damn George, you’ve obviously missed your calling in life...”
George raised his head, carefully removing the sand from his eyebrows and lips.
“AND what would that be?”, he whispered and grinned.
“A job at the Skaarj circus”, Visse laughed and slapped her hands on the belly.
George rolled his eyes. “Why thank you very much”, he sighed.

Rumiko slowly approached her, making sure she wouldn’t share George’s fate in the sand.
“Well, are we going to visit that ship?”, she asked, using that typical arrogant tone of hers.
Visse stopped laughing and a sore look came on her face.
“You sure know how to ruin a good moment, Rumiko.”
Rumiko frowned, her left hand gently caressing her violet hair. “Sooo.. can we go now”, she said, slightly whining.
Visse growled. Half sister or not, she sure was getting on her nerves.

As the group of 4 took of to see the belly of the ISV-kran, George couldn’t resist turning around one more time, making sure HE wasn’t there. HE’d better not be!


“Human technology sure was daft back then”, Neoknight smirked,” but I’m not complaining you know. It makes good material for anti-human stories in the Neo moon.”
Visse studied one of the consoles at the wall.
“How’s the story going?”, she asked Neo, using a soft voice.
Neo took a deep breath and looked at his shiny notepad.
“Fine Visse, it’s practically writing itself. Up to now, it has been very interesting and fascinating following you around. When my boss gave me the assignment, I was a bit unsure how you or Loque would react”.
Neo paused and carefully looked her in the eyes. Visse was indeed a strong-willed woman, and a fierce member of the blaidenmaiden.
“I know I’ve been a pain in the ass from time to time.. and you properly showed me my place hissing and growling at me and.. eh..but ..still. I think you’re all right.”
Visse smirked. She shrugged and smiled.
“You’re not that bad, Neo… for a “writer person”..”
She gestured at Rumiko.
Neo nodded and grinned. “Thanks Visse..”
“No problemo”, she sighed,” now go back to writing your “report” on me.”

All of the sudden, from behind a wall, someone called them.
“Pst”, the figure said using a very low voice. He was standing in a dark part of the ship.
“Say what?”, Visse asked him.
“Pst!!”, repeated the figure,” over here.. I have a nice offer on nali souvenirs! Special prize!”
Visse squinted her eyes and scratched her left cheek. She cringed her teeth, and walked up to the “figure”.
“I said.. what?”, she asked him, this time using a hard voice. Visse had little or no patience.
The figure seemed to be moving one of his hands towards the face, and wiped sweat from his face.
“Look bitch”, he groaned,” don’t make me repeat this **** ok?”
The expression on Visse’s face immediately changed, she felt insulted. No one would talk to her in a way like that.
She violently pulled the figure out of his dark spot.
It was a young Nali., waving his 4 arms like a madman, gesturing to let go of him.
“Let go of me!”, he hissed, “if those ****ing Skaarj find me here, they’ll rip me to shreds!”
Visse took out her evisceration knife and placed it on the Nali’s throat.
“Repeat that word.. one.. more .. time”, she whispered, giving him a look cold as ice.
The Nali started shaking a bit.
“Oh o..ok ok lady”, he stumbled,” you’re no bitch i.. I’m sorry cool? Are we cool lady?”
Visse moistened her lips and let the knife slide over the Nali’s throat.

Meanwhile, Rumiko had been studying the colour of the walls.
“I don’t really like them, typically human taste, .. too bright.. too icky..”
She appeared to be talking to herself.
“A nice shade of stormy blue would be nice though..”
Her mind had grown wings, and took off to the world of daydreams.
George woke her up.
“Hey M.. Rumiko,” he coughed,” Visse has caught some very, very interesting.”
Rumiko pursed her lips, producing a groaning sound.
“This better.. be very interesting George.”
She walked up to Visse and saw a Nali at her feet, pressed against the wall.
There was blood everywhere.

“Look at all that blood”, Rumiko laughed.
“Oh that’s no blood”, Neo smirked, “that’s.. rust.”
Rumiko opened her mouth and stared him in the eyes.
“Shut up, writer person, I knew that!”
She walked up to Visse.
“Who’s this?”
Visse kneeled down, and grabbed the Nali’s head with her left hand.
“Hey leave me alone lady”, the Nali shouted”, you’re ****ing crazy! I don’t want to have anything to do with you! Do you like ****in realise y’almost had slit my throat with that ****ing knife????”
Visse, barely impressed by the Nali’s use of foul language, asked him his name.
“What’s it to you mad lady?”, he growled.
“If you don’t tell me”, Visse smiled,” I’ll use the knife PROPERLY this time.
Know what I mean?”
The Nali’s lips started trembling.
“Yah ok lady, my name is 2kewl!”, he began speaking,” ok? Fine? Happy now?”
George poked his nose, and squinted his right eye.
“2kewl? What kind of name is that for a nali?”
Rumiko angrily pulled George’s finger out of his stinky nose.
“Don’t EVER do that again in my presence!!!!”, she yelled. Her face took on a red colour.
“Oops sorry”, George whispered,” won’t happen again..”

Neoknight studied the nali’s face.
“What the **** are you staring at,” the Nali said, clearly agitated.
“Oh, I was wondering if you were telling us the truth, loud mouth!”, Neo snapped at him.
“Yah mah name is 2kewl dood”, the Nali groaned, “I have an 1337 name.. and I like it okay?
Other Nali used to call me Hujabi, but c’mon… what kind of ***** name is that?”
The Nali shook his head and continued: “ And to think those old farts, my parents”, wouldn’t let me change mah name, but I didn’t care ya know. 2kewl is here to stay!”
He placed his upper arms against his head, as if he wanted to make sure it wouldn’t fall of?
“Look I’m bored ok?”, he sighed, “dood, mah parents are working in the mines all the time, and I don’t have any “friends”.. Life totally blows on Nalina. And the older farty generations don’t feel like changed the oh so sacred ****ing rules and traditions.”
“But why can you speak THE universal language?”, Visse aksed him.
“Found this thing.. whazzid called.. a ****ing universal translator or some **** like that yeah? Had tons of info stored in it’s dbase.. don’t know why.. took the time to learn all those words and sounds I found hidden in there..”
“You have a funny accent”, Rumiko smirked.
“Yah lady”, the Nali mumble,” blame the translator will ya?”

The Nali continued telling the story of his life:
“So I strolled down the streets of many cities, stealing **** from vendors, and selling it to many tourist for a .. hehe.. nice price. Nice for me, that is.
One day, I was wandering around Noorks’ elbow. I came to see the temple of Vandora. Never had been there before dude.. hey I’m young ok?? Anyway, I made my way through the temple, and found the ISV-kran: main tourist attraction, .. meaning.. lotsa money for good ol’ 2kewl hehehe”.

The Nali looked up to Visse, putting the knife back on her belt. He seemed to be waiting for her to say something…
“Very interesting story”, she sighed, “ but we have to continue our tour on the Kran now.
I nor Rumiko, Neo and the Skaarj are interested in that thing you’re holding in your hand, even it you’re selling it for a ‘nice’ price. So long, 2kewl.”
George called a Skaarj guard.
“Time for you to go now, 2kewl”, he grinned, “ and if one us EVER see you hanging around here again, you’re dead meat. Understood?”
2Kewl took a large breath, and nodded.
“Sure big guy; Whateva you say.”
A Skaarj guard came running down the corridor George and 2kewl were standing in.
He hauled the Nali by one his arms to the exit.
“Stupid Nali”, George mumbled.

3 Nalina hours later. Outside the ISV-kran, at the entrance of the tourist ship.
“Ok the moons are appearing at the sky”, Visse said a bit drowsy ,” time for us to return to the hotel…”
“And after that, we’ll visit the many night clubs and bars on Nalina!!!!!”, Rumiko yelled.
“Bet ya”, Visse grinned, “ are you coming as well Neoknight?”
“Me?”, he said, apparently surprised, “isn’t this a girls night out?”
“Not really”, Visse whispered,” you can join us.. and what about you George?”
“Suuuuuuuuuuure”, George said showing a big wide smile.
“We’ll meet at the entrance of the hotel, at 15/29. That means we have 15 trinitons to prep ourselves.”
“ I need more!”, Rumiko protested, “more like 25 trinitons!!!”
Visse sighed.
“Ok, 25 trinitons it is.. now let’s go.. the pilot is signalling us to get inside.”

Finally the ship took off, back to the city Bouvaja.
“We’ll make this a night to remember”, Rumiko grinned and stared outside the window, watching the 2 moons making their way to the top of the world.


******

P.s. Yes this story is slowly unfolding itself, i'll take my dear sweet time. Maybe, maybe i'm not sure :) i'll write 30 parts, maybe 20.
You might think there are things missing here, but be patient and wait for part 5 and 6 etc.. :) things WILL fall into the right place.

Peavey
26th Jul 2001, 06:53 PM
hi.. ummm can you post next part soon before i get out of control and eat radioactive waste and turn into a monster and rampage thru the city and crush cars and do things that arent normal for a human but they are for me because im not a human anymore since i ate that barrel of nuclear waste and and and and and..... HURRY!

NeoNite
26th Jul 2001, 06:56 PM
Look up

:lol:

;)

Peavey
26th Jul 2001, 06:58 PM
darn, you beat me :mad: thats okay tho.... i guess i was typing my reply while u posted that! :)

NeoNite
26th Jul 2001, 07:01 PM
Probably :)

Only 3 1/2 pages this time.. :D
a small part.. more to come .. much more to come.. :)

pine
26th Jul 2001, 07:01 PM
Hey lafnboy, easy on the telling people to hurry :)

Ever tried to write a story within a certain deadline? Of course you have. For school. And it sucks, so let's not make this like school, eh?

_Zd_Phoenix_
26th Jul 2001, 07:04 PM
'Visse giggled. '

ooo...that's a new one! Maybe you meant to put growled or hissed, but just slipped or somethin ;)

And don't worry about how many parts it is Neo, just keep on writing it until you feel it's time to finish it :)

Originally posted by Pineconeboy
Hey lafnboy, easy on the telling people to hurry :)

I gotta agree with that, but mainly cause there are so many story threads around at the moment it becomes difficult to keep track of each :(

Hurry Neo??? If he did this full time, he'd have written about 12 novels by now!!!!!!!! :rolleyes:

Peavey
26th Jul 2001, 07:19 PM
ohh okay i wont tell him to hurry. im sorry, i am just way bored... lol its funny how george pix his nose all the time! must be the skaarj fashion trend or sumthin.... hmmm i should try it sometime :lol: just kidding :D

NeoNite
26th Jul 2001, 07:25 PM
George is a special type of Skaarj :D

Question:


Why did George cross the road?

pine
26th Jul 2001, 07:35 PM
ummmm.......because 2kewl was on the other side, taunting him? Because the voices in his head told him to? Because it's a Skaarj's duty to cross roads? Stop me if I'm getting warm :)

Gamma_Sword
26th Jul 2001, 07:38 PM
Argh! I just read the latest part... and I can't stop the craving for more!!!!!!

NeoNite, I can't wait for the next part! YOU ARE A GENIOUS!

... and Rumiko has something in mind for the night? I wonder what that is ;)

NeoNite
26th Jul 2001, 07:40 PM
Oh Rumiko is one hell of a Party animal :D you'll see.. :)

Eh you're getting warmer Pineconeboy :D

Zenda
26th Jul 2001, 10:10 PM
Hi Neo:)


Tomorrow's the night when i am going to be able to read this. I think I've got to my last drop of energy. I got two hours of sleep last night, Went to a funeral this morning, All the time getting this room with loads of stuff in ready to have a new carpet fitted. My GF fitted the carpet. I converted an office desk to take my music keyboard.

Bugger. I'm running on bad energy at the moment.

I want to read your work when I am fresh and alert.

CYA Tomorrow :)

NeoNite
27th Jul 2001, 12:37 PM
B*u*m*p :D

Sorry, nasty habit :)

Just to tell you people, I'll post the next part ehM.. sunday i'm affraid :)

I want it to be special :D

Sidenote:
I've been thinking about this.. but ..I'm the first pufer.. (?) to actually START a story thread and be the sole writer?? rigth?
I mean, look at the other stories such as "eternaty" and "deep space station", "tst"
...
Could be wrong though..?
Anyway, eh :) if so, it feels great. It feels like I've made a (small?) accomplishment. :D

This will probably be my biggest thread ever on puf.. and I want to make it .. extremely cool :)
you know what I mean..

Well, that's it for now.. cya
:p

_Zd_Phoenix_
27th Jul 2001, 01:24 PM
I'm afraid Im gonna have to spoil your ideas of a record now Neo.

You aren't the first person to start and be the sole writer on a story thread, someone did that in my very first few days here. As usual I read and commented on it, and told whoever wrote it (i think he's gone now) that he should do more.

But I think the normal lack of interest made him give up :(

NeoNite
27th Jul 2001, 05:53 PM
crud..;

:)

I know who you're talking about. I've read his story.
Unreal deathmatch, 3 parts rigth?

Ok ok ok ok :D My bad :)
All apologies..

(But at least i'm the only one up until now who just won't give up!)

:lol:

...

:)

Zenda
27th Jul 2001, 07:38 PM
Worth waiting for. Still that nice slow pace. The previous time you took to build up the main people meant that I was well contextualised and ready to get the full implication of 2Kewl. He was very much and outsider trying a scam on a group that was already well-formed and familiar to me. Nicely added to the tension, because it was the unknown facing the known.

Somebody double check me on this but isn't it the Translator, rather than the Translocator? I have a distant memory of using it when I was wandering around some very special Nali Graveyard a couple of years ago.

I must admit, I'm still used to the cringing 'Oohba-dah' brigade. Oh well ... the young generation leaving behind the old ways :). Skaarj called George ... This world is turning around. I like it a lot.


NO HURRY is important. IMO a slow and easy pace is going to deliver the very best goods in a way that keeps the feeling of enjoying doing it. Pine's example of school homework is very powerful.

CYA :)

NeoNite
27th Jul 2001, 07:42 PM
:eek:!!!!! You're right Zenda!! It's the universal translator..

Mixed it up with Ut's translocator.. :rolleyes:
Will fix it right away..

Yeah don't worry, i won't forget what pine said. I know he's right.

Cya later.

NeoNite
28th Jul 2001, 06:25 PM
Well, here I am again.. :) A bit tired that is...
Warm weather.. been enjoying it.. and partially writing on the story..
Here's the next part.. :) N-joy...

Part 5: Citylights…
******************

The boulevard. A ballad of thousand lights, varying from cheerful to moody colours. Everywhere there were neon-signs flickering on and off.. on and off.. on and off…

BEAT…

Hundreds of different creatures were strolling around the mighty boulevard. The many taverns, bars and Skaarj hellholes were crowded. Loud ambient music resounded from the many nightclubs.
Of course nightlife in Bouvaja was very different from that on Earth and Necron. The many faces on the boulevard showed a solar system wide interest in the Nali city.
The technoshield had taken a red colour, adjusting itself to the nocturnal hours. Making sure it would adjust itself to the moods of the many creatures below.

BEAT…

Visse and Rumiko were walking Amongst the horde of nightcrawlers on the boulevard. Neo and George had also come along, but they were discussing something the girls weren’t supposed to hear. Male bounding…
Rumiko constantly turned her head from the left to the right, inspecting the taverns and nightclubs. Checking out the crowd, making sure there weren’t too many humans present.
Visse stared at the many neon-signs.. red, blue, green, red, blue, yellow, red, blue, purple, green, white, yellow..
It seemed to feed her senses, invade her mind.. she felt hypnotised.
She had only been once to Bouvaja, a long time ago, with Loque. For her it felt like it had been an eternity…
Much had changed. The Nali had changed.
Just like the young Nali 2kewl had told them back on the ISV-kran. The older generations were conservative, not open for changes. But the younger generations had adapted. Most of them enjoyed the city life of Bouvaja, some of them were bar owners…
The image of the friendly Nali pacifist became fainter by the day. However, the Skaarj did make sure they wouldn’t plan a counterstrike, mainly on important powerplants and factories.
Surely the Nali hadn’t forgotten the horror and nightmares from the past. They simply didn’t feel like reviving those dreaded times.

BEAT…

All of the sudden Rumiko grabbed Visse on theshoulder and showed her a dark nightclub, mainly populated by Necris and Acron.
“What’d you say if we try this one?”, she whispered, not too sure if Visse would agree.
Visse studied the looks of the bar.
“Sure thing”, she smiled,” you and me Rumiko, we’ll take this place by storm! Let’s go!”
Before rushing in, she turned her head towards Neoknight.
“You coming or what?”, she shouted at him.
“Oh yeah sure, wait a triniton, I’ll be right there!”, Neo yelled, making sure the sound of his voice would exceed the volume of the mumbling crowd.
“I’m going to check out this hellhole”, George smiled.
Neo frowned, as if he wasn’t sure it would be such a good idea for George to go in there.
“Are you sure you’re going to okay, I mean you seem like a nice Skaarj…?”
George pounded on his chest.
“Sure, I’ll survive in there, see you later!”
Neo waved at him and quickly joined Rumiko and Visse.

BEAT…

The nigtclub was so crowded, it was almost impossible reaching the bar. Finally they made it, Rumiko stepping on a Griffion’s foot on the way and quickly apologising. Griffions were known to have a short temper.
A green, big Crag walked up to them. Raising his voice, he asked them;
“What will it be?”
“A nocturnal cocktail for me”, Rumiko yelled.
“I want a Firestarter”, Visse said while grinning at the green man behind the bar.
“A firestarter?”, he laughed, “ coming from a blaidenmaiden, this doesn’t surprise me one bit!”
The bar tender bowed down, and took out 4 bottles and one blue glass.
There was so much noise in the bar, one could almost hear the cool tune playing through the speakers.
“Here you go”, the bar tender mumbled, giving her the eye,” now just be careful, I know you Necris girls are tough.. but .. don’t drink it all at once. Take my word on it.”
Visse carefully sipped from the Firestarter.
“Hmmm”, she hummed, clearly aroused by it’s taste,” the right temperature and taste.”
The bar tender smirked: “Hey, what can I say, I’m good. So what will it be for you son?”
Neoknight scratched his nose, opened his mouth.. almost saying something..
“C’mon sonny”, the bar tender grumbled, apparently agitated,” time is not a luxury I can afford right now!”
“Ok,” Neo sighed,” give me a Sprizer (compare this to a sprite).
“Okeydokey smokey”, the bar trender grinned.
Rumiko shook her head.
“Necris don’t drink that ****, Neo!”, she hissed.
“But I like it”, Neo muttered, “I really like it ok?”
Rumiko sniffed.
“If I was a true Necris, I wouldn’t drink that ****.”

BEAT…

George watched his red rum (popular Skaarj drink). Although he liked this specific beverage, he’d knew it would only take 2 of those things to make him “light headed”. Necris on the other hand surely could stand 3 of those suckers. Nali would probably pass out after one sip.
“Graa George”, a brown Skaarj groaned,” long time no see!”
“Hey Gruba, same here! How are you? “
Gruba wiped his nose, and shrugged.
“Yeah well.. you know? Life in Bouvaja is ok for us Skaarj. There ‘s the clan I’m leading and I’m chief guard of the Azure mines, watching those damn Nali work and slave all day. We need the crystals right?”
Gruba smirked, took his drink, emptied it in a blink of the Skaarj eye, and hiccupped.
“Sweeeeettttt”, he shouted and slammed his hand on the bar.
A loud burp followed. Surely this wasn’t considered as impolite behaviour, it was merely letting the others know that you liked your drink.
“So, what are you up to these days, George?”, Gruba asked him while carefully studying the expression on his face.
“Oh me, I’m a tour guide”, George mumbled,” I’m letting these 2 Necris and one Acron see the most important tourist attractions in and around Bouvaja. Showed them the wreck of the ISV-kran today, and the temple of Vandora.”
Gruba frowned.
“Heavy. I didn’t know you actually could make a living out of being a tour guide. “
“Hey, no problem Gruba”, George protested,” I make as much grub as the next Skaarj warrior.”
Gruba sighed.
“ Still won’t consider joining my clan George? Ok, I know you’re a bit clumsy, but you’re one of the most trustworthy Skaarj I know. You see George… listen.” Gruba shoved his seat closer to George, and whispered:
“I constantly have to watch my back, cause I’m not sure every clan member is as reliable as they claim to be!
I could be wrong though, they haven’t done anything nasty.. but .. remember when I told you about the incident on outpost 3J? Now there’s something we DON’t want to repeat itself.
Eyes on my back.. I’m telling you.”
George perfectly understood Gubra’s situation and nodded. “But see, that’s why I’m not really interested in joining your clan Gubra. Just… feel like doing something else. I have had it with all this fighting, it’s just.. I don’t think I’m cut out for something like this. Being a tour guide ain’t that bad. If only.. only.. something crazy would happen right? An adventure.. seeking a lost valley, a long forgotten city.. you name it…
“You have too much imagination George”, Gubra smiled. “Here, let me get you another red rum.”

BEAT…

In one of the darker spots of the Skaarj hell hole, 2 red eyes lit up for a second. A black Skaarj carefully studied each movement Gruba made. Finally, after emptying his rum, he got up from his seat and walked up to him.
Gruba noticed something moving towards him and quickly turned around to greet his attacker.
Or that was Gruba’s impression of the Skaarj coming at him.
“Gruba, it’s me FaGrao,” the black Skaarj said with a rasping voice, pounding himself on the chest,” I want you to know… that I no longer agree with you being the leader of our clan!!!”
The black Skaarj showed his blades. Gruba jumped out of his seat and assumed the official attack position.
“Are you calling me out, Fagrao?”, Gruba growled,” cause if you are, you do realise only one us is allowed to survive this fight!”
“Yeah I’m calling you out Gruba”, Fagrao sniffed, his voice showing a lack of respect towards his leader,” prepare yourself for a beat-down.”
It was as if time had frozen for one second, then Fagrao jumped at Gruba, dangerously waving the blades of the right arm at his throat.
Gurba quickly dodged, almost falling over an innocent bystander. Not that it really mattered to this Skaarj, he simply burped and kept watching the fight.
Fagrao landed on the floor, and swiftly tunred around, meeting the eyes of his opponent. He lashed out, this time at Gruba’s heart. Lucky for Gruba, he could evade the deadly swing.
But then it happened. Fagrao lashed out once again, and hit Gubra in the throat. A great amount of blood poured
out of the huge wound, and he hit the floor, gasping for air, trying to cover the gap in his throat...
Gubra simply couldn’t believe it. This was his end. The day of defeat.

BEAT…

Rumiko came wandering back to the table Visse and Neoknight were sitting on. She plumped down in one of the metallic seats, and sighed.
“I love this, I just love this! No better time of the day than the night.”
Visse sucked on her finger. She had dipped it in the drink standing right before her, on the table.
“Hmm tastes okay”, she whispered, “I should come to Bouvaja more often.”
“So why don’t you?”, Neo said while sharply inhaling and exhaling…
“Not your allergy again?”, Visse sighed.
“Oh no no no”, Neo muttered,” well.. the air is thick in here.. all these strange odours.. so different from our homeworld…”
Rumiko ordered another drink. “I’d like a Naiga on the rocks.. and make it a strong one!!!, she said to the Nali waiter.
“Sure lady, no problem”, the Nali said with a sore voice. Rumiko frowned and turned her head to Visse, angrily saying:
“What’s his problem?”
Visse looked up from her drink, obviously back from a trip to lala land..
“Hm what Rumiko, I haven’t been paying attention sorry….”
“Nevermind”, Rumiko said, a bit disappointed,” Nobody ever listens to me!”
“On the contrary.. we have no choice..”, Neoknight thought.
“Say Visse, you haven’t answered my question yet.. you know about why not coming more often to this city?”
Neo shrugged and patiently waited for Visse to finish her drink. She sure looked sexy in the mood lighting of the bar. Her dark hair in her shiny eyes, sweet drops of sweat running down her cheeks, her tempting dangerous lips..
Cringing his teeth, he forced himself to return to the hard reality. No way he was ready for another commitment, or another love in his life. The ghost of his death wife, the memories of a past lifetime kept haunting him.
And besides, Visse was taken. Sure, she and Loque appeared to be “just” friends…
The ways of the Necris hearth, unfathomable and mysterious.

BEAT…

Visse putted her drink back on the table and smiled.
“Good beverage, really.. good beverage!”
Then she looked at Neoknight, with a dozy stare.
“I’ll tell you why it ‘s impossible for me to visit this city more often. There’s the blaidenmaiden clan for starters, I’m second in command…don’t underestimate this.. I’m also the medic. Let’s not forget about all the other activities I participate in while being on Necron: hunting, the aerocat gliding club, the Necris artists board..”
She paused for a Kraylin, and stared at the table.
“ Aside from the BM clan, nothing really interesting. Aerocats are ok, hunting is ok, so.. is the artist board.
But this city makes me feel alive you know ? Still, I find there’s one ingredient missing…”
Neo looked a bit confused.
“And.. what would that be?”
“Adventure Neo”, she cheerfully said,” I crave for experiencing a real adventure. The huge raid on earth wasn’t bad, but ..ah.. it .. probably .. nothing will happen.. I should enjoy the rest of this trip I guess.”
She took a deep breath and leaned back in the chair. Neoknight raised his eyebrows, and started biting his nails.
“Maybe.. who knows?”, he whispered.
Rumiko had finished her drink, and yelled the waiter to come over.
“Gimme.. anoder onnne uf this”, she laughed.
“Oh ****”, Neo mumbled,” Rumiko is drunk, “It must have been a strong one…”

BEAT…

Visse didn’t seem to notice how Rumiko, behaving like an idiot, slapped the Nali waiter on the cheek.
She stared at the vast crowd in the shady nightclub, seeing Necris and Grannx dancing, Nali standing near the wall…
Then her eye hit something interesting. In a blink of a Kraylin, she got extremely focused and looked at what was happening in a dark corner of the nightclub. 2 Skaarj were beating up a Nali. Obviously the smaller Nali couldn’t defend himself against those 2 gigantic brutes. At first, Visse didn’t seem to care. I mean, she was a Necris warrior right? Necris don’t want to interfere in Skaarj their affairs. What was it to her? Nothing!
But still, she didn’t like what she was looking at. It just didn’t seem fair. Necris were cruel warriors, not that different from the Skaarj. But they were no cowards.
Calmly she got out of her chair, her right hand on the e-knife. Ready for anything to happen. Skaarj were so unreliable.
The Skaarj on the left kicked the Nali in the groin. “That’ll teach you, serving me and my brother a warm drink!”
All of the sudden he noticed that someone was watching him, and turned around.
“What do you want Necris female?”, he growled, showing her the blades on his right arm.
“Not much”, Visse hissed,” I want you to leave that Nali alone.. that’s all.”
The Skaarj on the right started laughing like a madman.
“Oh that’s good, that’s a good one Necris female”, he said while wiping the sweat from his forehead.
“We’ll do whatever we want with this scum sucker, now beat it!”
Now you have to realise Visse isn’t a nice little kitten and she really DOESN’T like it when someone tells her what to do.
She sighed and squinted her eyes.
“I’m giving you .. one.. more chance.. to let go of that Nali”, she whispered.
The Skaarj on the left showed his sharp teeth , obviously trying to scare the **** out of her. It didn’t have the slightest effect on her however. She didn’t move one muscle.
The 2 Skaarj were a bit confused. Surely this Necris female HAD to be intimated by their huge shapes and dangerous looks.
“THIS is your final warning Necris”, the Skaarj on the right yelled at her. He was starting to become nervous and waved his blades in front of her eyes.
“Leave now.. or lose the gift of sight!”
Now that was all Visse could possibly stand. She grabbed her knife, and swiftly cut of one of the Skaarj his hands. He cried out, and fell to floor, agonised by the sudden feel of sharp pain. The other Skaarj, to intimated to retaliate, grabbed his brother, and quickly took off.

BEAT…

“Are you okay?”, Visse softly said to the Nali on the ground,” let me see that knee, it must be hurting right?
The creatures who had witnessed the quarrel, stopped losing time and returned to the hypnotic beat of the nightlife.
The Nali whipped his nose, and nodded. “Ok”, Visse sighed, “ let me take care of that knee for you ok?”
A faint smile came upon the Nali’s face. “Thanks lady”, he mumbled,” but why are you doing this?”
Visse grinned. “I really, really hate cowards you know? Now.. let me take a bandage out of my backpak.”
A couple of trinitons went by.
“There, all new”, Visse smiled,” just be careful with that knee, no excessive movement for 3 Nali days ok?”
“Gee, thanks again lady, you’re a cool Necris person”, the Nali laughed, “your kind is rare.”
Visse smirked. “I’m.. ok .. I guess… again.. those cowards needed to be thought a lesson in humility.. really do those Skaarj think they can permit themselves to frankly.. do ANYTHING their sick little minds tells them to?
The Nali was studying Visse her face. She noticed it and frowned.
“What?”
“You sure got a lot of guts, you know that?”, he said, his voice sounded a little hoarse.. probably he had been shouting for help, but nobody had heard them due to the loud music in the club…
“Yes, I know”, Visse said.,” that’s why I’m a member of the blaidenmaiden.”
The Nali grabbed her shoulder.
“I knew it! Of course, you’re a blaidenmaiden! It makes sense. No other Necris would’ve dared pulling a stunt like that.. well.. maybe phayders would have.. who knows..”
The Nali swallowed a couple of times, clearing his throat of the blood he had been coughing up.
“I really appreciate what you have done”, he continued, “.. do you by any chance have the heart of an explorer.. shall we say.. an adventurer?”
Visse looked up to him. “Maybe I do,.. I’ve never.. “BEEN”.. on a heh.. real adventure BEFORE.. but .. I’d really like to?”
The Nali nodded.
“Let me introduce myself first”, he whispered,” my name is Agouba. I’m a middle aged Nali waiter during nighttime. By day I work in a Skaarj facility. Life is rough.. and this night had almost been my final one.
I’m so glad you’ve stood up to my bullies, to be honest;. I had no chance against them.
When I said an adventurer…”
He paused and took a deep breath.” Come closer eh..”
“My name is Visse”, she told him and sat next to him on the floor.
“Ok .. Visse.. let me tell you the following things..”
He whispered a story in her ears.. a story of the lost holy Naliskins... A long time ago, the Skaarj had taken these skins for a sacred temple. These belonged to former high priests. Nali had strange customs if you ask me.
Safely hidden from Nali eyes, they had stashed the skins in a dark valley. The Nali believed it was the Valley of the dormant dragons. None of them dared trespassing there.
What they really needed, was someone with a lot of courage, lot of heart. And the Nali waiter was pretty sure he had found this person.
“So, what do you say, do you like doing this? We’d really appreciate it.. the skins have been lost for nearly a Nali century…”
“Are you sure.. they are still.. in eh .. good shape?”, Visse mumbled,” what if they’re … gone by know.. a whole Nali century..”
The Nali waiter smiled. “Trust me on this, the skins are still.. eh.. in ‘good shape’. C’mon , what do you say?”
Visse ran her hands through her thick, raven black hair.. thinking.. it was tempting.. how long would it take.. does it matter? Does it really matter?
“I’m in the company of another Necris and an Acron”, she whispered. Not mentioning George was a wise thing to do at the present time.
“No problem, the more the merrier…. They can be trusted right?”
“But of course”, Visse said, somewhat insenced.
The Nali grinned, “Go get your companions. First of all I have to take you to my friend. He needs to give you specific guidelines and information he doesn’t like sharing with me.. that prick..”

BEAT…

Visse got up from the floor and ran up to Rumiko and Neoknight.
“C’mon guys”, she smiled,” we’re going on an adventure!”
“Say what?”, Neo mumbled.
They both looked confused, but quickly got up when Visse slammed her fist on the table. Rumiko, still feeling a bit intoxicated from that strong drink, wiggled her booty over the dancefloor, following Neoknight and Visse.
“Fine, ok now follow me”, the Nali whispered and while carefully scanning the surroundings for Skaarj guards, he opened a secret gap in the wall. Within 2 kraylins the four of them had disappeared behind it. The gap closed.
“Ok Visse, so what exaclty IS happening here, and why am I following you through a secret passage in the wall of a nightclub?”, Neo muttered while scratching the back of his neck.
“You do want to write a good story right”, Visse whispered,” Well, this might be your one big chance!”
“Hm.. you may be right. Visse..”, Neo answered”, but I sure hope you know what you’re getting us in.”
“Don’t worry”, Visse smiled,” trust me, we’ll have a blast.”
“Stick close to me”, the Nali waiter mumbled.

The four of them followed him through the shady passage in the wall, not really sure what was coming next.

NeoNite
28th Jul 2001, 07:12 PM
Come to think off it.. why the hell should I keep posting parts of this story here?
I mean, when the dreaded forumplanet (no no capital letter) will swallow us.. we'll probably lose all our posts and ..
CRAP..
:mad:
Finally found a cool forum, and .. now this ****..
...

I don't know...:(

Zenda
28th Jul 2001, 08:25 PM
Phew! That was a c001 r34d :D

The wait and the build up was well worth it. The scene has been established, I've been getting to know these characters. Both George and Visse felt, to me, to be ready for what happened. 2kewl had been a taste of the outside as it meets the team. Now these skaarj where Georgs is at and that Nali where Visse is at IMO constituted two very well balanced confrontations.
I like it. And also Neoknights's reference to his past romantic pain.

This feels like it is working really well - moving forward and knitting together at the same time. I'm keen to read the next bit ... and feel ready for it, because this story has been progressing, as it were, at the same rate as itself. It's feeling unified. Much respect. :)


... er ... red rum ... I'm vaguely familiar with that drink and was much amewsed :D


---------------------------------------------------------------

And on to the other serious stuff. I think you should copy the whole of this thread. Then when we get to the forumplanet, paste it in its entirety. I think I'll do a copy of your and Phoenix's stuff just to get a bit of redundency into the system. It's got to be kept safe.

Things might not be as bad as they seem. Phoenix and i were posting on the : 'Ho-lee Fecking Shyte! Someone at ForumPlanet has a problem!' thread, and DeeperShade said that we need not worry [have a look to get the exact words.

Personally, I'll be very sad to be going on to that other forum software, because there is such a lot that i like about this one. Let's thank our lucky stars, though, that this is not a graphix-intensive thread. I think [total guessing, here :D] that graphics is where forum planet will be giving Puffers most problems. [I could well be talking bull here]

What was this that mew was saying about sorting some kind of hosting/websote for PuF Writers' guild? I've posted a few thoughts on that over at his thread. I feel supportive and at the same time have some mixed feelings. One thing is, however for sure, and that is that if he gets is set up, well it will be a reasonably safe and secure repository with which refine creative focus.


BEAT


Keep the faith and take care :)


BEAT


And THX fotr Citylights

BEAT


:) :cool: :)

_Zd_Phoenix_
28th Jul 2001, 10:28 PM
Just when I think nothing is gonna happen and this thread is gonna turn into a cheap drama series script, you bring in something that starts everything moving and justifies the slow build up. I love that.

BEAT

A ballad of a thousand lights- i thought that was a great phrasing.

BEAT

Now you have to realise Visse isn’t a nice little kitten and she really DOESN’T like it when someone tells her what to do. -I liked that too :)

BEAT

Maybe I do,.. I’ve never.. “BEEN”.. on a heh.. real adventure BEFORE - cause the war on earth is all in a days work for Visse ;)

BEAT

What the hell is all this beating about???

BEAT

Ok, stop it now, my head hurts.

BEAT

I said stop it!!!!!

BEAT

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!! :D

Peavey
29th Jul 2001, 12:19 AM
okay im back... i am really tired so im not going to say very much... nice addition to the story :) like how you described that everywhere there were neon lights, NeoNite! :D. Rumiko getting drunk! she actually seems NICER when shes drunk... she should get drunk more often! again, im very sorry for telling you to hurry. take your time... see ya

NeoNite
29th Jul 2001, 02:05 PM
The beats? :) I don't know.. I felt like adding this..
citylights..-nigthbeats... nightlife..

:D

Zenda, I've already c/ped the first 2 pages.. and no, i'm not giving up..
I guess I was feeling bad when posting my previous post...
:hmm:
But i'm better now.
Same here. Great forum, all those little extras..which make it so good..
Forumplanet.. icky.. :D
We'll see..
Yeah I've read the "holy fekig shyte" thread and DS his comment..
Again.. we'll see...

Lafnboy: See? Rumiko ain't THAT bad :)

Eh phoenix blaidenmaiden have a turbulent life-style :)

...
I'm out of ammo.. cya later.

Peavey
30th Jul 2001, 05:11 PM
*groan* ouch those carne asada burritos didnt do me much good. gaseous form growing at an alarming rate in my stomach so im not going to be able to read for about a day or at least until uhh well theres no other way to put it so :morety: :rolleyes: see ya later

NeoNite
30th Jul 2001, 06:08 PM
Well, i'll post the next part probably on wednesday so.. :)
Enjoying the nice weather.. playing ut, old doom levels.. enjoying the nice weather :D
Cya later

Peavey
1st Aug 2001, 11:54 AM
good morning :) we FINALLY! bought Diablo][, awesome game. liked the first one, too. just slayin zombies with my two handed sword... CIXXX{[""""""""""""""> NeoNite, if your scared of losing this thread, you COULD ask the guy in charge of PuF if he could put it in the classics categorie. Just a suggestion. :) Oh yeah, any of you catch the Gumball rally 3000 on Jackass?

NeoNite
1st Aug 2001, 01:41 PM
Nah I won't lose it cause it's in my sig ;)

Puf classics? Bad idea, cause all threads in there are closed, and i'm not finished writing this story yet so...

:)

I don't know when i'll be able to post the next part.. i'm sorry.
:I

Peavey
1st Aug 2001, 02:31 PM
thats okay i really dont mind waiting so long; its actually better cause im not always on my toes waiting for the next part :) gives me time to play outside and get sunshine n stuff

NeoNite
1st Aug 2001, 07:20 PM
OKeydokey Smokey

pine
1st Aug 2001, 07:39 PM
Hey, first of all serious w00tage on the last story section. I honestly felt like it was the best-written section I've read yet by you. Secondly, don't worry overmuch about the looming prospect of us getting moved to forumplanet. Just make sure ya got all your work saved, and create a new thread to post in when we get there. I know I'll come along (hell, I gotta finish MY story, right? :D Course now it looks like that'll take another month or so......:rolleyes:)

NeoNite
1st Aug 2001, 07:43 PM
Hey pine :)

Forumplanet.. yeah.. I know.
I'll be prepared. Will read the latest chapter you've posted in your story thread.
For the moment, i'm eh.. :D having this "girl trouble" thingie..
DON'T ASK! :D
Anyway.. see you later.


Forumplanet.. bah.. :D

Zenda
1st Aug 2001, 09:03 PM
having this "girl trouble" thingie..
DON'T ASK!


WON'T ASK ....
but
BEST WISHES - I hope it works out OK :)

NeoNite
2nd Aug 2001, 08:20 AM
I really hope so Zenda, .. she's one of the few persons I know who can make me laugh in this day and dage you know.. :(
And i'd hate losing her.. :/

Btw: I'll probably post a new story when we'll be hosted at fp, so the new thread will grow large and large and large again :D
BIG!
200 posts! 1105 views.. not bad :)

Peavey
3rd Aug 2001, 03:13 PM
Yikes! sorry to hear that :( . Hope evrything turns out good. Women- :rolleyes: ill never understand em.

NeoNite
3rd Aug 2001, 06:55 PM
Oh it did turn out ok :)
phew.. luckily it did..

Ok back to business.. will post .. next part.. eh.. saturday.. or sunday... still enjoying .. nice weather :D

HUmble apologies :D

Zenda
3rd Aug 2001, 09:12 PM
I'm very happy that it has turned out OK:)

Peavey
4th Aug 2001, 10:54 PM
well im not allowed to go on the computer til monday, cause i was being mean to my brother. So, fortunately for all of you, you wont be hearing from me for a little while ;) good to see things worked out.

Peavey
7th Aug 2001, 01:05 PM
Did you guys move to forumplanet already?

Mohamz
8th Aug 2001, 07:59 AM
Hi NeoNite,

you have now a new reader/fan :)
I've read all the stories, great you are a genius!
It hasn't bother me that the humans lost the war, but i found
that the Necris victory was too easy(never underestimate the humans).

Now, what is it all about this, moving to forumplanet ?
Will you continue posting here ?
If not WHERE can i read the rest of the story ?
I neeeed to know the rest...

Thank you for this fascinating stories!

Mohamz

Synastren
8th Aug 2001, 11:48 AM
Ahhh! Great, as usual!
Keep it up!
Oh, one thing: the Nali Homeworld is called Na Pali... if you go by the game, any way.
Can't wait for the next part.
The slow build of the second story is really helping the actuall mood of the story, albiet only minimally... it still helps. Very funny, in most parts.
Great job!
And the Necris Story (origional) was great (I just finished that oe and read the 2nd one today)!
Keep it up!
cheers!

_Zd_Phoenix_
8th Aug 2001, 12:00 PM
Im glad in a way that you havent posted any more to it yet, as my computer is broken, and I only get 10 mintues a weekday to see any of the threads from work :(

But it wont sstop me from keeping up with the thread in the long term :) That goes for any of the other stories too.

Wow this thread is getting popular, that sig has really done a great job. It's nice to know that there are people on PuF who like the stories on here.

@Mohamz... Dont worry, Neo has said he has the full story safe and he can repost it when this forum is moved (if he needs to)

Ive also got it as a word doc, so this thread is goin nowhere (unless the cpu repair guys wipe my hard drive :()

I think Nalina is a better name than Na Pali too.

Mohamz
9th Aug 2001, 09:30 AM
Yeah,

after reading the 3rd part of the first story, i quickly decided to save it:
I have it as a word document, so this story will live for ever!
What I was asking, is where will he post the rest of the story ?
And I didn't hear about this forumplanet event, will the planetunreal forums disappear(move) ?

Mohamz

PS In the meantime I'm reading the Tournament Story :D

Synastren
9th Aug 2001, 12:09 PM
After you're done with TST, read mine (in the sig.)

_Zd_Phoenix_
9th Aug 2001, 12:17 PM
Glad to hear your readin other stories too M, there is alot of talent in this forum (see pineconeboys effort and various others)

This forum is being moved to forum planet, but dont worry, it will still be the PuF we all know and love :)

Daedalus
9th Aug 2001, 07:59 PM
wow, awesome story, wish I knew about it sooner, would have made ya feel better :D

anyway, very cool story who would have thought that the Necris were so interesting?

very cool man!

Would make an AWESOME UT mod BTW!!! :)

Keep writing this UT Goodness, it's just too peachy!!!

Peavey
10th Aug 2001, 12:59 PM
3 new veiwers... I'm impressed! NeoNite, you should have this published! i would definitely buy the book.

Mohamz
10th Aug 2001, 05:47 PM
No,
no I'm not posting this to Bump up the thread :)

Gamma_Sword
10th Aug 2001, 06:23 PM
:eek: The entire stories (both) takes 90 pages on my Word?! :eek:

But this proves how good and nice NeoNite was to us by supplying us with this wonderful story... :)

And yes, that was bump, Mohamz, you bad bad boy :D Oops, I bumped it too :D Okay, we are both bad guys :D

Mohamz
13th Aug 2001, 05:48 AM
Neonite!?
Ne...o...ni...te !?
Are you still living ? :D

Aaaaand * Bump *!!! :cool:

_Zd_Phoenix_
13th Aug 2001, 07:25 AM
He never was living. He's an undead kinda guy ;)

Mohamz
13th Aug 2001, 08:10 AM
Hi Phoenix,

in "The next story thread..." you wrote:
was slightly disturbed by how it was similar to the plot of the Tournie story thread 2

Have you already started with the tst2 ?
If yes, could you please give me the link to it ?

Thanks

Synastren
13th Aug 2001, 10:05 AM
If you wanna read a story, check my sig.
And no, he's nto started on TST2, cause being his comp's b0rked ATM.

_Zd_Phoenix_
13th Aug 2001, 12:11 PM
Syn's right, my cpu is dead, but I have been working on TST2 and have the plot layed out, but I can't post it yet due to said deadness of my cpu :(

Mohamz
15th Aug 2001, 08:34 AM
I've already done that days ago and found you story
very good!
I just didn't want to post there, so that the hole thread stays only for the story.

Hey! I've read the fourth part :tup:

Keep it coming, I'm so glad I've found these threads :)

Peavey
18th Aug 2001, 12:46 AM
Hmm this thread seems kind of dead... I know this story is supposed to use the slower style, but its been a looong time since NeoNite last posted. seems like somethings wrong ((beside the fact my ENTIRE FACE is PEELING!! :LOL: )) :( but as for me, i'll be leaving for Las Vegas on Sunday!!!

_Zd_Phoenix_
18th Aug 2001, 11:18 AM
No need to get bored while waiting, like I said there are many stories out there, may I suggest going to www.planetunreal.com/chapteralpha which consists of a group of writers regularly supplying stories in parts.

It's already up, but im not sure if the first bits of the stories have been put on there yet, but they will soon.

Synastren
18th Aug 2001, 11:28 AM
Actually LDW's and Kyeman's stories are on the current issue.
:)
Good reads...
I've read them already, but still...

_Zd_Phoenix_
18th Aug 2001, 01:09 PM
well if you hadn't read them already it would be pretty pointless saying they were good reads ;)

Mohamz
20th Aug 2001, 04:32 AM
I'm looking forward reading these stories.
But I have to say that there is one HTML display error on the page: overlapping texts. I know it's not really important, but I wanted to contribute :)

Peavey
23rd Aug 2001, 10:06 PM
well im back from Las Vegas, not much to say... wow - i just realized how much this thread has grown since the beginning. well im going to sleep im really tired, 7 hour road trips suck.

_Zd_Phoenix_
23rd Aug 2001, 10:12 PM
Nice to hear you're back, but it's all quiet on the story front im afraid.

I may post the start of TST2 just to get through the bordem...

BZMew2|PuF
23rd Aug 2001, 10:36 PM
NeoNite's story isn't good enough to be published... but it's good enough to get him a permenant spot on the CH:A (Chapter Alpha; the new PU hosted site... click the link in my sig) team ;).

Zenda
25th Aug 2001, 11:26 PM
Yup, I popped over there a couple of days ago. Cool site, Mew.
I'll be visiting quite often.:)

... Now I wonder where Neo is?

Peavey
27th Aug 2001, 10:47 PM
Yeah, where could he be? Its been so long since he last posted. I wonder what happened.

_Zd_Phoenix_
28th Aug 2001, 06:30 PM
im gonna bump this.

Im don't know why imk doing it seeing as Neo is dead, but im bored so why not?

Synastren
28th Aug 2001, 06:38 PM
Originally posted by BZMew2|PuF
NeoNite's story isn't good enough to be published... but it's good enough to get him a permenant spot on the CH:A (Chapter Alpha; the new PU hosted site... click the link in my sig) team ;).
Oh REALLY?
Since when did you make decisions... ;)
Seeing as how the voting has gone out the window... :hmm:
Anyway, it would be paperback material if only slightly more detailed and a bit longer (the detail would do the trick)...
I'm not saying mine's better, though.
It's not.

_Zd_Phoenix_
28th Aug 2001, 06:45 PM
it is.

Synastren
28th Aug 2001, 06:55 PM
Originally posted by _Zd_Phoenix_
it is.
WHAT is?

_Zd_Phoenix_
28th Aug 2001, 08:51 PM
your story

Synastren
28th Aug 2001, 09:03 PM
My story isn't Neo's...

_Zd_Phoenix_
28th Aug 2001, 09:07 PM
Originally posted by _Zd_Synastren_
My story isn't Neo's...

Im sorry, i forgot english was your second language ;)

"I'm not saying mine's better, though.
It's not"

it is.

"what is?"

your story


see?

Synastren
28th Aug 2001, 09:11 PM
Oh... You're just...
1)... trying to suck up so I'll give you a few minutes' peace.
2)... trying to get Neo back by underrating his story with mine.
3)... confusing me with someone else.
4)... all of the above.

_Zd_Phoenix_
28th Aug 2001, 09:14 PM
none of them. I think your story is better because

a) you're not dead and so can finish it
b) i like fantasy better
c) Visse is a bit*h ;)

but if Neo would come back (subtle hint to Neo) all could change...




Ok, subtlety didnt work: Neo! get you're ass back here!

Synastren
28th Aug 2001, 09:17 PM
Which means #2.

_Zd_Phoenix_
28th Aug 2001, 09:23 PM
no, it means 5) Synastren gave me a load of money to say his story was good. :)

Peavey
30th Aug 2001, 12:07 AM
GRRR..... NEO, WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!! Hey i think i know where he went! Maybe he read my post when i said i was going to las vegas and then he got confused and thought it was HIS post and then he went to Las Vegas! Or..... maybe he suddenly lost interest in UT... naaaah. Maybe hes having girl trouble again??? Who knows.

pine
30th Aug 2001, 12:10 AM
OMFG, a story thread is back!

/me hides in a corner

Please don't start poking fun and/or sticks at me for not finishing my story!

_Zd_Phoenix_
30th Aug 2001, 07:24 PM
we won't, as long as you DO ACTUALLY FINISH IT! Then I promise not to kill you. Can't speak for everyone else tho ;)

Synastren
30th Aug 2001, 07:44 PM
Originally posted by Pineconeboy
OMFG, a story thread is back!

/me hides in a corner

Please don't start poking fun and/or sticks at me for not finishing my story!
I'll PROBABLY not... if you read and comment on my story...
I just posted a part earlier today (just use the sig :))
:D

Thuringwethil
31st Aug 2001, 02:39 PM
Now this is the kind of thing which makes the game more worth playing. Look at how the "Aliens" universe from the films has been developed in graphic novels and books.

Same with this story. Playing the game becomes like seeing a snapshot of the world which you are creating and embelishing with the story. Keep it up!

PS - anyone want to form a necris-only clan? ;)

NeoNite
6th Sep 2001, 06:10 PM
Oh damn guys girls I'm so sorry I dissappeared like that.. :(
I have a good reason.. but.. eh.. it's too damn complicated i'm just glad i'm back..
ALthought be it for a short while .. but pretty soon i'll be back for good :)
AM so glad forums didn't change whilst I was gone.. (horrible forumplanet ...)

It's been one hell of a month..

NeoNite
6th Sep 2001, 06:12 PM
:D
OOOOOOOOOOOOOk small misunderstandings here ;)
NO i have NOT lost my interest in ut.. au contraire :)
Have been playing lot of ut offline ...
And will probably play ut for a long long long time.. won't lose my interest THIS GAME ROCKS!
It's my number 1 game together with doom2 :)

Girl trouble.. hm.. no.:)
DOn't worry.

I'm SO EXcited ;:àDFD f, :D