Drunk vs. Stoned

[Dank]

Here's what you can expect out of life under the influence. Choose the Right path.


Drunk

Logic: I think therefore I'm not drunk enough

Graduation: Moon your classmates, but forget about your parents in the audience.

Job Loss: Get thrashed. Throw up. Pass out. Get hung over and really depressed.

Sex: Go into bar. Pick up someone or get picked up. Have sex. Wake up. Remember The Elephant man?

Relationship Break-up: Get bombed. Beat up competition. Receive restraining order.

Breakdown on highway: Leave car in center lane. Stagger out to flag down 18-wheeler bearing down on you at 80mph.

Lost in the Forest: Load Rifle. Shoot deer for food. Unfortunately, it has two legs.

Death: Knock over coffin at the funeral home.

Your Death: Everybody remembers how drunk you got.

Stoned

Logic: I think therefore I am a particle in god's teeny tiny wheels and cogs, like microcosms, which.....umm.....wow, are we like, out of cookies?

Graduation: Face audience and pretend diploma is a giant spliff.

Job Loss: Go home. Get stoned. Order pizza. Pot will get you through times of no money better than vice-versa.

Sex: Light joint. Scent of good ganja lures supermodel. Have sex on private jet to Jamaica.

Relationship Break-up: Get high. Take walk. Notice how cute the neighbor is.

Breakdown on highway: Bring car to shoulder. Switch on safety blinkers. Get out. Roll joint. Lock keys in car.

Lost in the Forest: Walk in meadow. Light joint. Commune with eagle who leads you to forest ranger. Get busted for possession.

Death: Forget who died.

Your Death: Everybody remembers how happy you were.



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[Kibbles-N-Bits]

My option would be CAFFIENE... here's what you can expect out of life....

LOGIC: I think therefore I need more caffeine
GRADUATION: You get so wired right before your hands are shaking too much to receive the diploma.
JOB LOSS: You are able to work so much overtime that your compnay deems you a financial hazard.
SEX: Hey, caffeine provides extra bursts of energy, no?
RELATIONSHIP BREAK-UP: After a pot of coffee you lose track of time and spend your anniversary day playing INF online with your buddies.
BREAKDOWN ON HIGHWAY: Car breaks down, you push it to the nearest gas station fearing you will lose your buzz before the tow-truck arrives... the gas station has a coffee machine.
LOST IN THE FOREST: You become comatose and are unable to move for hours due to lack of caffeine. A boy-scout troop finds you and carries your butt back to the ranger's station... 45yds away.
DEATH: You come down with caffeine-induced turet's and spend the entire funeral rattling off various swears and squeaking uncontrollably.
YOUR DEATH: Afer staying awake for nearly 60 hours straight, your heart gives out. Autopsy confirms that you had a .99 Blood/Caffeine Level.

[Goat Fucker]

<Jimbob> Peggy Maeh! Git in ehre wumun, and bring mah bee-ya!

<Peggymay> Jimmeh, when u's gonna git dat job?

<Jimbob> Shot up wummun, da radars be playin, whares mah bee-ya!

<Peggymay> Ehre, now git dem messy feet ofah tha table!

<Jimbob> Whats fer eaten?

<Peggymay> Nodin.

<Jimbob> What ya mean nodin.

<Peggymay> Nodin Jimmeh.

<Jimbob> Guud, now git me a bee-ya.

<Peggymay> when ya goen shoppin Jimmeh?

<Jimbob> I aints, joo's is, and git some mo bee-ya while joo's at it.

<Peggymay> I do everythang around this trailor, git joo's ass out dat dorr and git meh some food, i aint cookin without none.

<Jimbob> Dem be fiden words Peggymaeh, joo's know shoppin is a wumuns job.

<Peggymay> Then what joo's job?

<Jimbob> Right about now, it be sitten erhe and watchin dem radars mess up, now git!

<Jimbob> And git some mo bee-ya!

( BTW, i voted drunk :D )

[Ballistophobia]

Nice Dank! Not only funny, but moderately true! I think you all know what I voted. :D

[RavenStarSinger]

Like i was playing this game the other day and it was soo cool. There were these guys running around with guns and s**t, and like, I ran up to them . . . hey, pass me a slice o that pizza . . . and like, this guy brought up this big thing, shoots me with it, and I DIED! Like, in one shot! It was so weird tho, cuz I couldn't find that little aimy-thingy that you use to figure out where your gun shoots, so I couldn't hit anything. Dude, it's not a microphone, 'k, pass that s**t this way! ::takes a long toke, coughs once, takes another and passes it on:: Where was I? Oh yeah, pass me some pizza. Hey, anyone got beer? It would be cool if they made beer flavored pizza, or maybe pizza-flavored beer. ::eating pizza:: Hey, gimme some of those mini donuts. . . ::mows down half the box of mini donuts:: That kicked ass though, like, running around, people all like shooting each other, and these guys that like kept shooting grenades everyone kept yelling at them and killing them, like maybe they were the bad guys. I don't know, but it was fricken awesome! Wish I remembered what game it was though. . . ::starts looking at a shiny object on the floor:: oooooooooooo . . . . .

[AtomicAxis]

There is no crack option. There is nothing like a nice rock of crack.

[jaunty]

So... if I were to load up my bong with Jim Beam instead of water... would I be drunk, stoned, or both?

And why isn't there a "Both" option?

Stoned is my choice, though.

[Ballistophobia]

If you put alcohol in your bong I would f<b></b>uckin kill you! :mad:
How could you desecrate it like that? For shame, for shame...

[the real pacman]

As always polls seem to lack the "All of the above" option. Where I do prefer both, it just all depends on how I'm feeling. As a general facious I would rather be stoned but I know that it goes quick.

So instead you can drink beer and have it last all ****ing night and wash down your hangover that just reminds you of how good of a time you had the night before with a leftover beer.

Or you can dig through your ashtray when you have no more weed the next morning to pull together a roach joint to try and figure out how in the name of god you are going to pay off whoever because you spent their money on weed.

[Keiichi]

Drugs are bad, mkay.

-Keiichi

[Mad_Dog]

never both... ouch.:)

[PhD XaV]

lol, nice sig Ballistophobia

[RavenStarSinger]

What about Magic Markers and Whiteout? You don't have that on there, either. Nothing quite like killing a few braincells over a garbage can filled with Magic Markers, Hi-Liters, and Wite-Out! YEAH! Obviously, my choice is stoned, although I find myself drunk more often. Living in VA sucks. . . can only find mexidirt shake out here . . . I miss living near the wonderful land of Vermont . . . mmmmm, HYDRO! Oh well. Now that I've sufficiently whined about that . . .

[Dank]

I used to live in central Virginia (outside of Charlottesville) and I could always get top notch strains from Amsterdam (White Widow, G13, Skunk#1, Big Bud, Northern Lights) , the UVA kids always had the best s<b></b>hit.

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[Wikkan]

My thoughts are: Pot good, booze bad. Crack cocaine: REALLY bad.

[RavenStarSinger]

I live in the northwestern part of the state, and now that the college kids are all gone, there's REALLY crap around here. We're talking like $80 for a 1/4, and it's always a slack bag of shake. Mebbe I just haven't been here long enough to find a good connection, though. Who the phuk knows? Whatever the case may be, I hate sitting there and smoking a whole bag and gettin nothing out of it but a headache. I miss Northern Lights :(

[Dank]

I have not been able to find a decent connection since I moved to Nevada, I miss Virginia. :(


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[hawaiian c]

THE BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE:


SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to rest room, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.

SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

SYMPTOM: Ugly woman in your sights.
FAULT: Insufficient beer intake.
ACTION: Up the dosage.

SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt.
FAULT: You've been walking into things.
ACTION: Maintain dosage.

SYMPTOM: Squishy feeling in the hands.
FAULT: You have grabbed hold of a woman's breasts.
ACTION: Duck to avoid boyfriend's fist.

SYMPTOM: Bed is bumping around.
FAULT: Taking an ambulance ride.
ACTION: It's too late, you made an ass of yourself

[hawaiian c]

oh i dont know where this came from but it came in to my email
weird

[RavenStarSinger]

All I can say is that the weed in Amsterdam is the best. I don't even remember the week that I spent there. You need to know what places to find the REALLY good stuff, but aside from that, the place is keen on getting you stoned shiznitless on a regular basis. I'm still trying to figger this out, though: While I was there, I noticed they had Marlboros in black packs . . . picked up a pack, only to find that it was some semi-decent commercial smoke. Wonder if they are actually affiliated with Philip Morris . . . they should sell that shiznit here! Might not be the best, but hey, a pack o dubes . . . :) hell yeah! I only found em in one place, it was about fifteen minutes south of the airport (if there's more than one, I'm sorry, cuz I can't remember the name of the place). I almost think they were just some kind of novelty. Anyone else see em? PLEASE confirm that these exist ( I was already pretty phucked up when i went in there, so i might have spaced it, but I remember smoking the whole damned pack in my hotelroom with my friends)

[Sebu_NZ]

The Mary-Jane you get here is best in the world! :D

Seriously though, In this area, it is absulote perfect condistion in harvest time you can get stuff for cheap as dirt, so cheap that people will just give it to you (if they are cool ;))

[hawaiian c]

oh yah why can we mix both of them getther. beer or aka 40 on the right hand, a big fat blunt on the left hand and one fine ass chick in the middle. well u can scratch out the chick if you dont like sharing lol

[RavenStarSinger]

Anyone here own a ProtoPipe? I have one, and MAN do I love it! The only thing I hate is trying to get the resin trap open on the bottom, you gotta like hold a blow torch to it then freeze it to get the thing to come off. Aside from that, though, it's great. No screens to replace, easy to clean (aside from that resin trap, although cuz its so hard, you almost never clean it, and when you finally do you can make some truly amazing resin balls outta it) and what I love about it is that it comes with its own storage capsule for keeping a couple nugs and either matches or a small lighter in. mmmm solid brass bowl . . . . damn thing'll hold a lil over an 1/8th tween the bowl (which has a handy little flip cover) and the storage capsule (which also doubles as wee .. . er, tobacco tamper heh heh . . . that's what the directions say!) That, and the reinforeced carbon-steel cleaning tool makes it a full smoke-kit in itself. You never need anything but the pipe . . . cept weed. And fire. And maybe some buddies to smoke with, if you're sociable :)

[-=WeeD=-Ramon]

Lost in the Forest: Load Rifle. Shoot deer for food. Unfortunately, it has two legs.

a deer with two legs! thats invelievable! can i have one, can I, can I????

[Battosai]

Wait, hold on let me finish rolling..........................
Ok what was the question again?