the real pacman
5th Feb 2001, 04:57 AM
Well I guess it has been a while. Many things have happened. I will direct this post to the main people who would have even noticed my dissapearance.
-Zundfolge
-Goat ****er
-Mojo (if he gets to read it)
-Deathren Deamonshow
-Keichii
-Gryphon
[EDIT]
-Ballistophobia
-JonnyBoy
[END EDIT]
The way it went is that I lost my job, that is probably the last thing I really had happen to me before I vanished for over a month. If anyone keeps up with the redeemer [which I know other than Glen is nearly nobody] then you would know that I simply wasn't online. But what happened during that month is what matters. In mid December I was talking to Mojo and I decided that I would go back to Ottawa before my next birthday WHICH YOU ALL ****ING FORGOT! but regardless, I decided. Since I recently lost my job, I was short on funds.
But time passed and this place started to irritate me more than ever. Finally someone drew the last straw, and my days here were gone, at least I thought so. So I resorted to going without my only prized possesion...
I sold my PC. Knowing that it would be a while until I got my hands on another I willingly did it. But what happened next was another story. The day before I was to fly to Ottawa, I had an accident. My bad knee got badder. I tore my miniscous, Medial Colateral Ligament and my Anterior Crucial Ligament and I was taken to the hospital.
As soon as I arrived I was taken into the trauma ward rather than taking my turn in the ER Outpatients. The door of minor treatment started to look like a good choice, but the doctor insisted, to trauma I went.
When I was set in a room to wait for an orthepedic surgeon, the minutes got longer from memories of the past. The sheering pain after surgery became so firmiliar again, the pain started to fade, and my head started to clear. I didn't just dislocate my knee joint this time... Oh no, it was worse, although the pain was identical, the expression of the MD was obvious. The fact I wasn't taken to minor treatment as were everyone with head injuries, broken bones and so forth. I knew for sure... It WAS serious.
Soon after an orthepedic surgeon entered the examination room. He immediatly called in a paramedic to cut off my pant leg and get me ice without moving the joint.
When he cut my combat pants the pain suddenly increased to the point I vomited, the pain from just the cloth being removed from my leg was enough to turn my stomach. When the pant leg was removed and I could finally tolerate the pain enough to open my eyes, something I never thought I would ever have the chance to see was before me.
Although I have seen it on movies, and read about it in books, I never immagined it would happen to me. The bone in my lower leg had dislocated from me knee join and penetrated the flesh covering exposing the raw bone and cartilage to the naked eye.
I don't know if it was from the cold from the ice pack or from my own mental instability but as soon as I layed my eyes on it the pain consistantly increased the more I stared at it and I had to force myself to agian close my eyes and lay down my head so that I wouldn't scream.
Not screaming in pain was my main goal when I walked in, but I failed my mission and discovered that there were more serious matters on my mind by the time I left the hospital.
When the surgeon entered again I knew it was bad just by the way he layed his eyes on me. He really didn't say much other than protocol to insure me that everything would be fine while I was in the state of near shock from the scene where my leg was damaged to the point of no return. Afterwards after a general anestetic as given to me, the bone relocated where it was intended to be and 47 stitches later I was informed that the only possible way that I could have damaged my leg more was to break the bone, and it would still be contreversial because the pain would have made me loose conciousness.
Therefore I knew that something was desperately wrong. I was scheduled for in depth orthoscopic surgery and sent home in a wheelchair.
The next week when I was under the knife more news was brought to my attention. I had severely injured myself. They listed the things that have gone wrong, torn cartilage, miniscous, MCL, and ACL.
I didn't really think it was bad until my father came to the recovery room to talk to me. Although the public is not allowed to visit patients directly after surgery while they are waiting for the anestisia to wear off other than personelle that were involved with the operation or a registered nurse. My father was allowed.
He told me that the surgeon had come to the Nuclear Medicine Department where my father works to inform him of the procedure.
My father was the first person I seen when I came to after hearing the half muffled voices of surgeons. He informed me that the surgery was a success while smiling, I knowing my father better than anyone even though I have more than enough hatred for him I looked into his eyes and stared. That was the only moment in my life that I have ever seen worry in its purest form.
I could tell immediatly that he was telling the truth... But there was a catch, with a look like that there is always a catch, why else would my father leave work, walk to the other end of the hospital as soon as I got out of surgery, let alone still unconcious to come and tell me that it worked out just as they planned.
I asked him of this. The reaction was what I wanted but not what I expected. He told me that I have a condition. They call it Football Knee. You have probably heard of it before, Where football players tear the hell out of their knees so damn bad that they will never play sports again. Well mine was in a way like that but instead of sports it was walking normally again.
I never thought, although I have immagined what it would be like not being able to walk I never thought it would happen to me.
When I ****ed my knee, I severely tore some muscles aswell. Although the joint itself will heal appropriately, and in time my knee will go back to the way it was, the muscle structure may never recover, aside from the fact that even when my knee heals I will recover but not fully. So far I now understand that more than ever.
Walking up stairs should be no problem for the average person, although I am lucky to make it up 4 stars before the pain becomes unbearable.
Yesterday I lost my 9 rod splint and was downgraded to the 5 rod. Meaning that there was a splint on my leg enabling me to at least try to walk, having 9 rods placed through it so that my knee wouldn't give out. I was told not to take showers and just bathe myself. I thought it was revolting to think of sitting in water full of your own filth and call it cleaning yourself.
So instead I decided that I would take on the task of showering anyways, soon I discovered why bathing was my only option.
My knee made a revolting crunch, then a pop, then I looked down and was unable to do anything about it and it slowly in front of my eyes bent. Rather than my knee bending behind me, it bent in another direction. The pain again haunted my midnight pillow and I watched my leg collapse to the outside of my body and bend 90 degrees in the wrong direction.
I don't know if it hurt me more physically or if it was the pain of knowing that I was wrong to think that I could take a shower. But it ****ing hurt.
I am now in front of my new system, a but ****tier than my last but it works none the less.
On July 13th 2001 it will be determined if I will be able to walk around without a limp for the rest of my life.
And that, is where I have been for a month... So you think you had a bad day? Mine was pretty awful too.
<center>
<font face=verdana size=1>
<img src=http://www.planetunreal.com/redeemer/images/sig.gif>
<a href=mailto:pacman@planetunreal.com>Pacman</a>|<a href=http://www.planetunreal.com/redeemer>The Redeemer</a>
You forgive and forget.
But you will never forget you forgave and forgot.
[This message was edited by -Pacman on Feb 05, 2001 at 05:04.]
[This message was edited by -Pacman on Feb 05, 2001 at 12:30.]
-Zundfolge
-Goat ****er
-Mojo (if he gets to read it)
-Deathren Deamonshow
-Keichii
-Gryphon
[EDIT]
-Ballistophobia
-JonnyBoy
[END EDIT]
The way it went is that I lost my job, that is probably the last thing I really had happen to me before I vanished for over a month. If anyone keeps up with the redeemer [which I know other than Glen is nearly nobody] then you would know that I simply wasn't online. But what happened during that month is what matters. In mid December I was talking to Mojo and I decided that I would go back to Ottawa before my next birthday WHICH YOU ALL ****ING FORGOT! but regardless, I decided. Since I recently lost my job, I was short on funds.
But time passed and this place started to irritate me more than ever. Finally someone drew the last straw, and my days here were gone, at least I thought so. So I resorted to going without my only prized possesion...
I sold my PC. Knowing that it would be a while until I got my hands on another I willingly did it. But what happened next was another story. The day before I was to fly to Ottawa, I had an accident. My bad knee got badder. I tore my miniscous, Medial Colateral Ligament and my Anterior Crucial Ligament and I was taken to the hospital.
As soon as I arrived I was taken into the trauma ward rather than taking my turn in the ER Outpatients. The door of minor treatment started to look like a good choice, but the doctor insisted, to trauma I went.
When I was set in a room to wait for an orthepedic surgeon, the minutes got longer from memories of the past. The sheering pain after surgery became so firmiliar again, the pain started to fade, and my head started to clear. I didn't just dislocate my knee joint this time... Oh no, it was worse, although the pain was identical, the expression of the MD was obvious. The fact I wasn't taken to minor treatment as were everyone with head injuries, broken bones and so forth. I knew for sure... It WAS serious.
Soon after an orthepedic surgeon entered the examination room. He immediatly called in a paramedic to cut off my pant leg and get me ice without moving the joint.
When he cut my combat pants the pain suddenly increased to the point I vomited, the pain from just the cloth being removed from my leg was enough to turn my stomach. When the pant leg was removed and I could finally tolerate the pain enough to open my eyes, something I never thought I would ever have the chance to see was before me.
Although I have seen it on movies, and read about it in books, I never immagined it would happen to me. The bone in my lower leg had dislocated from me knee join and penetrated the flesh covering exposing the raw bone and cartilage to the naked eye.
I don't know if it was from the cold from the ice pack or from my own mental instability but as soon as I layed my eyes on it the pain consistantly increased the more I stared at it and I had to force myself to agian close my eyes and lay down my head so that I wouldn't scream.
Not screaming in pain was my main goal when I walked in, but I failed my mission and discovered that there were more serious matters on my mind by the time I left the hospital.
When the surgeon entered again I knew it was bad just by the way he layed his eyes on me. He really didn't say much other than protocol to insure me that everything would be fine while I was in the state of near shock from the scene where my leg was damaged to the point of no return. Afterwards after a general anestetic as given to me, the bone relocated where it was intended to be and 47 stitches later I was informed that the only possible way that I could have damaged my leg more was to break the bone, and it would still be contreversial because the pain would have made me loose conciousness.
Therefore I knew that something was desperately wrong. I was scheduled for in depth orthoscopic surgery and sent home in a wheelchair.
The next week when I was under the knife more news was brought to my attention. I had severely injured myself. They listed the things that have gone wrong, torn cartilage, miniscous, MCL, and ACL.
I didn't really think it was bad until my father came to the recovery room to talk to me. Although the public is not allowed to visit patients directly after surgery while they are waiting for the anestisia to wear off other than personelle that were involved with the operation or a registered nurse. My father was allowed.
He told me that the surgeon had come to the Nuclear Medicine Department where my father works to inform him of the procedure.
My father was the first person I seen when I came to after hearing the half muffled voices of surgeons. He informed me that the surgery was a success while smiling, I knowing my father better than anyone even though I have more than enough hatred for him I looked into his eyes and stared. That was the only moment in my life that I have ever seen worry in its purest form.
I could tell immediatly that he was telling the truth... But there was a catch, with a look like that there is always a catch, why else would my father leave work, walk to the other end of the hospital as soon as I got out of surgery, let alone still unconcious to come and tell me that it worked out just as they planned.
I asked him of this. The reaction was what I wanted but not what I expected. He told me that I have a condition. They call it Football Knee. You have probably heard of it before, Where football players tear the hell out of their knees so damn bad that they will never play sports again. Well mine was in a way like that but instead of sports it was walking normally again.
I never thought, although I have immagined what it would be like not being able to walk I never thought it would happen to me.
When I ****ed my knee, I severely tore some muscles aswell. Although the joint itself will heal appropriately, and in time my knee will go back to the way it was, the muscle structure may never recover, aside from the fact that even when my knee heals I will recover but not fully. So far I now understand that more than ever.
Walking up stairs should be no problem for the average person, although I am lucky to make it up 4 stars before the pain becomes unbearable.
Yesterday I lost my 9 rod splint and was downgraded to the 5 rod. Meaning that there was a splint on my leg enabling me to at least try to walk, having 9 rods placed through it so that my knee wouldn't give out. I was told not to take showers and just bathe myself. I thought it was revolting to think of sitting in water full of your own filth and call it cleaning yourself.
So instead I decided that I would take on the task of showering anyways, soon I discovered why bathing was my only option.
My knee made a revolting crunch, then a pop, then I looked down and was unable to do anything about it and it slowly in front of my eyes bent. Rather than my knee bending behind me, it bent in another direction. The pain again haunted my midnight pillow and I watched my leg collapse to the outside of my body and bend 90 degrees in the wrong direction.
I don't know if it hurt me more physically or if it was the pain of knowing that I was wrong to think that I could take a shower. But it ****ing hurt.
I am now in front of my new system, a but ****tier than my last but it works none the less.
On July 13th 2001 it will be determined if I will be able to walk around without a limp for the rest of my life.
And that, is where I have been for a month... So you think you had a bad day? Mine was pretty awful too.
<center>
<font face=verdana size=1>
<img src=http://www.planetunreal.com/redeemer/images/sig.gif>
<a href=mailto:pacman@planetunreal.com>Pacman</a>|<a href=http://www.planetunreal.com/redeemer>The Redeemer</a>
You forgive and forget.
But you will never forget you forgave and forgot.
[This message was edited by -Pacman on Feb 05, 2001 at 05:04.]
[This message was edited by -Pacman on Feb 05, 2001 at 12:30.]