I couldn't believe my eyes! I was barreling down the main catwalk of Deck16][, dodging rockets and madly dispensing hot spinning flak when all of a sudden I heard the familiar whoosh of air that signals a redeemer launch. I tried to dodge out of the way, but before I could fully react the redeemer exploded into a hot ball of flame and tossed me unceremoniously off the side of the catwalk and into the churning pit of green slime below. I splashed into the slime like a hot crap into the porcelain poop pot and promptly sunk like a rock. Before my health expired, however, I let loose a secondary flak shell into the side wall of the slime pit, and to my surprise a secret wall slid open! With the last of my health slipping away I managed to gain entry, only to be teleported away...
What followed was a complete and relentless assault on every sense God has seen fit to equip my fragile mortal frame. I was standing in a steamy atrium with poorly aligned textures and gaudy, unsourced lighting. Far off in the corner there was a sickly nali war cow, obviously suffering from the late stage effects of mad war-cow disease. Standing directly behind him was a half-breed Skaarj in a tight leather skirt, fishnets and f***-me pumps slowly pushing the business end of a sniper rifle into the poop chute of the cow. Underneath the cow was a heavily pierced Nali with all 4 of hands furiously occupied, twisting, slapping, pinching, tweaking and pumping away with total abandon. "Habouji, habojui!" he screamed.... The Skaarj's eyes rolled back in his head as he throatily replied, "Hold this position...Hold this position..."
I turned away in disgust, only to be hit with a face full of what at first I mistook to be dripping green load. I fell to the floor expecting the bio-sludge to explode and burn, but instead it dripped down my face and into my nose and mouth. One salty taste and I knew this was not fired from a sludge cannon...
On my feet, I rapidly tried to assess my surroundings so I could beat a hasty retreat. Behind me, the source of the salty emission taunted me from atop a pile of festering gibs. It was a burly bot with his pants at half-mast and his fleshy impact hammer reared back and shaking with excitement. I knew one hit would spell my doom, not to mention utter and abysmal disgust. He stood there momentarily, simultaneously thrusting his hips and saluting me in a sickening display of his adept taunting abilities. "Yeah bitch," he growled in pleasure. "Proceed according to operational parameters."
That was enough for me. With one hand shielding my genitals and the other fingering the safety on my flak cannon, I took off full tilt in the opposite direction of my would-be violator. I tried not to look at the blatant debauchery taking place everywhere around me, but it was impossible to avoid. Off in the distance, leaning over a stack of crates was a helpless Nali, all of his appendages tied back, with his legs spread open. A few feet behind him a group of bots were loading a greased potato into a redeemer and aiming it towards the Nali's one-eyed winking brown hole. I ran harder, looking desperately for some exit. Behind me I could hear the other bot in hot pursuit. I could hear his bio cannon loading up a steaming helping of man-chowder, which only made me run faster. Just as I heard it let loose with a thunderous pop, I rounded a corner and stepped into the swirling blue energy ribbons of a teleporter.
So astonished was I, I nearly forgot I was playing a game. I landed in the redeemer room of Deck16][, only to be hastily dispatched by an impact hammer-camper. I stepped back from my keyboard and finally let myself breath. Anyhow, I forgot to snap off a screenshot. I think the secret room is detailed in the gaming guide that shipped with UT game of the year edition. Anyone else run into this Easter egg?
What followed was a complete and relentless assault on every sense God has seen fit to equip my fragile mortal frame. I was standing in a steamy atrium with poorly aligned textures and gaudy, unsourced lighting. Far off in the corner there was a sickly nali war cow, obviously suffering from the late stage effects of mad war-cow disease. Standing directly behind him was a half-breed Skaarj in a tight leather skirt, fishnets and f***-me pumps slowly pushing the business end of a sniper rifle into the poop chute of the cow. Underneath the cow was a heavily pierced Nali with all 4 of hands furiously occupied, twisting, slapping, pinching, tweaking and pumping away with total abandon. "Habouji, habojui!" he screamed.... The Skaarj's eyes rolled back in his head as he throatily replied, "Hold this position...Hold this position..."
I turned away in disgust, only to be hit with a face full of what at first I mistook to be dripping green load. I fell to the floor expecting the bio-sludge to explode and burn, but instead it dripped down my face and into my nose and mouth. One salty taste and I knew this was not fired from a sludge cannon...
On my feet, I rapidly tried to assess my surroundings so I could beat a hasty retreat. Behind me, the source of the salty emission taunted me from atop a pile of festering gibs. It was a burly bot with his pants at half-mast and his fleshy impact hammer reared back and shaking with excitement. I knew one hit would spell my doom, not to mention utter and abysmal disgust. He stood there momentarily, simultaneously thrusting his hips and saluting me in a sickening display of his adept taunting abilities. "Yeah bitch," he growled in pleasure. "Proceed according to operational parameters."
That was enough for me. With one hand shielding my genitals and the other fingering the safety on my flak cannon, I took off full tilt in the opposite direction of my would-be violator. I tried not to look at the blatant debauchery taking place everywhere around me, but it was impossible to avoid. Off in the distance, leaning over a stack of crates was a helpless Nali, all of his appendages tied back, with his legs spread open. A few feet behind him a group of bots were loading a greased potato into a redeemer and aiming it towards the Nali's one-eyed winking brown hole. I ran harder, looking desperately for some exit. Behind me I could hear the other bot in hot pursuit. I could hear his bio cannon loading up a steaming helping of man-chowder, which only made me run faster. Just as I heard it let loose with a thunderous pop, I rounded a corner and stepped into the swirling blue energy ribbons of a teleporter.
So astonished was I, I nearly forgot I was playing a game. I landed in the redeemer room of Deck16][, only to be hastily dispatched by an impact hammer-camper. I stepped back from my keyboard and finally let myself breath. Anyhow, I forgot to snap off a screenshot. I think the secret room is detailed in the gaming guide that shipped with UT game of the year edition. Anyone else run into this Easter egg?
