>
> > Here is the real truth....
> >
> > Microsoft Test Nuclear Device
> >
> > MICROSOFT TESTS NUCLEAR DEVICE AT SECRET OLYMPIA FACILITY
> >
> > REDMOND (BNN)--World leaders reacted with stunned silence as
> > Microsoft Corp. (MSFT) conducted an underground nuclear test at a
> > secret facility in Washington state. The device, exploded at
> > 10:55 am PDT (1:55 pm EDT) today, was timed to coincide with
> > talks between Microsoft and the US Department of Justice over
> > possible antitrust action.
> >
> > "Microsoft is going to defend its right to market its products by
> > any and all necessary means," said Microsoft CEO Bill Gates. "Not
> > that I'm anti-government" he continued, "but there would be few tears
> > shed in the computer industry if Washington were engulfed in a bath
> > of nuclear fire."
> >
> > Scientists pegged the explosion at around 100 kilotons. "I nearly
> > dropped my latte when I saw the seismometer" explained University of
> > Washington geophysicist Dr. Whoops Blammover, "At first I thought it
> > was Mt. Rainier, and I was thinking, damn, there goes the mountain
> > bike vacation."
> >
> > In Washington, President Bush announced the US Government would
> > boycott all Microsoft products indefinitely. Minutes later, the
> > President reversed his decision. "We've tried sanctions since
> > lunchtime, and they don't work," said the President. Instead, the
> > administration will initiate a policy of "constructive engagement"
> > with Microsoft.
> >
> > Microsoft's Chief Technology Officer Nathan Myrhvold said the test
> > justified Microsoft's recent acquisition of the Hanford Nuclear
> > Reservation from the US Government. Not only did Microsoft acquire
> > "kilograms of weapons grade plutonium" in the deal, said Myrhvold,
> > "but we've finally found a place to dump those millions of unsold
> > copies of Microsoft Bob."
> >
> > Myrhvold warned users not to replace Microsoft NT products with rival
> > operating systems. "I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a
> > radioisotope thermoelectric generator inside of every Pentium III
> > microprocessor," said Myrhvold, "but anyone who installs an OS
> > written by a bunch of long-hairs on the Internet is going to get what
> > they deserve."
> >
> > The existence of an RTG in each Pentium III microprocessor would
> > explain why the microprocessors, made by the Intel Corporation, run
> > so hot. The Intel chips "put out more heat than they draw in
> > electrical power" said Prof. E. E. Thymes of MIT. "This should
> > finally dispell those stories about cold fusion."
> >
> > Rumors suggest a second weapons development project is underway in
> > California, headed by Microsoft rival Sun Microsystems. "They're
> > doing all of the development work in Java," said one source close to
> > the project. The development of a delivery system is said to be
> > holding up progress. "Write once, bomb anywhere is still a dream at
> > the moment."
> >
> > Meanwhile, in Cupertino, California, Apple interim-CEO Steve Jobs was
> > rumored to be in discussion with Oracle CEO Larry Ellison about
> > deploying Apple's Newton technology against Microsoft. "Newton was
> > the biggest bomb the Valley has developed in years," said one
> > hardware engineer. "I'd hate to be around when they drop that product
> > a second time."
> > Here is the real truth....
> >
> > Microsoft Test Nuclear Device
> >
> > MICROSOFT TESTS NUCLEAR DEVICE AT SECRET OLYMPIA FACILITY
> >
> > REDMOND (BNN)--World leaders reacted with stunned silence as
> > Microsoft Corp. (MSFT) conducted an underground nuclear test at a
> > secret facility in Washington state. The device, exploded at
> > 10:55 am PDT (1:55 pm EDT) today, was timed to coincide with
> > talks between Microsoft and the US Department of Justice over
> > possible antitrust action.
> >
> > "Microsoft is going to defend its right to market its products by
> > any and all necessary means," said Microsoft CEO Bill Gates. "Not
> > that I'm anti-government" he continued, "but there would be few tears
> > shed in the computer industry if Washington were engulfed in a bath
> > of nuclear fire."
> >
> > Scientists pegged the explosion at around 100 kilotons. "I nearly
> > dropped my latte when I saw the seismometer" explained University of
> > Washington geophysicist Dr. Whoops Blammover, "At first I thought it
> > was Mt. Rainier, and I was thinking, damn, there goes the mountain
> > bike vacation."
> >
> > In Washington, President Bush announced the US Government would
> > boycott all Microsoft products indefinitely. Minutes later, the
> > President reversed his decision. "We've tried sanctions since
> > lunchtime, and they don't work," said the President. Instead, the
> > administration will initiate a policy of "constructive engagement"
> > with Microsoft.
> >
> > Microsoft's Chief Technology Officer Nathan Myrhvold said the test
> > justified Microsoft's recent acquisition of the Hanford Nuclear
> > Reservation from the US Government. Not only did Microsoft acquire
> > "kilograms of weapons grade plutonium" in the deal, said Myrhvold,
> > "but we've finally found a place to dump those millions of unsold
> > copies of Microsoft Bob."
> >
> > Myrhvold warned users not to replace Microsoft NT products with rival
> > operating systems. "I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a
> > radioisotope thermoelectric generator inside of every Pentium III
> > microprocessor," said Myrhvold, "but anyone who installs an OS
> > written by a bunch of long-hairs on the Internet is going to get what
> > they deserve."
> >
> > The existence of an RTG in each Pentium III microprocessor would
> > explain why the microprocessors, made by the Intel Corporation, run
> > so hot. The Intel chips "put out more heat than they draw in
> > electrical power" said Prof. E. E. Thymes of MIT. "This should
> > finally dispell those stories about cold fusion."
> >
> > Rumors suggest a second weapons development project is underway in
> > California, headed by Microsoft rival Sun Microsystems. "They're
> > doing all of the development work in Java," said one source close to
> > the project. The development of a delivery system is said to be
> > holding up progress. "Write once, bomb anywhere is still a dream at
> > the moment."
> >
> > Meanwhile, in Cupertino, California, Apple interim-CEO Steve Jobs was
> > rumored to be in discussion with Oracle CEO Larry Ellison about
> > deploying Apple's Newton technology against Microsoft. "Newton was
> > the biggest bomb the Valley has developed in years," said one
> > hardware engineer. "I'd hate to be around when they drop that product
> > a second time."