View Full Version : Pooping in Outer Space

18th Sep 2000, 09:13 AM
I was on my way into work today, and heard on the radio that the shuttle was departing the space station after delivering supplies which included, of all things, a toilet.

Now, me being Morety and all, this gets me wondering about a few things...

- If they're using a toilet, how do they keep what you're doing from floating up and hitting you in the bumcheeks?

- I figure they're using some sort of vaccuum system.

- Now what do they do with the refuse now that you're done?

- I figure they eject it into outer space. I seriously doubt they'll store it simply to bring it back to earth.

- Now, if they eject it into outer space, the following is possible. The shuttle could be approaching the space station and get nailed in the windshield with a big poop. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but this would be the outer space equivalent of getting nailed by something the size of an ostrich (if they could fly) while driving up the road.

Anyway, just a thought.


18th Sep 2000, 09:21 AM
Beware of the shooting star, it smells like $hit :)

18th Sep 2000, 09:41 AM
Actually, I believe the US Space Command currently tracks over 20,000 objects in near-Earth orbit; mostly discarded debris from old launches and the like. There is a specific dimension limitation to the object that they choose to track or not to track, but I'm not sure what it is. I thought it was relatively small, but either way, if your scenario is correct, Morety, it could also be true that part of our tax money goes to track the trajectory of discarded poop in outer space.

Also remember that orbital speed is (relatively) upwards of 17,000 miles per hour. That would be some MIGHTY quick poop! It would also, travelling at that speed, probably rip right through whatever it hit. It would also, depending on the altitude & inclination of it's orbit, freeze, thaw, and refreeze constantly. It's difficult to predict what effects such a cycle would have on the poop.

18th Sep 2000, 10:08 AM
I bet they have poop cannons that they use to fend off the incoming hordes of the Garthax. Those wiley bastards just don't give up.

18th Sep 2000, 10:12 AM
I would ensure I saved up long enough that my poop would be big enough to be tracked by earth.

Upon retiring from actual space duty, I'd get a job in Houson where I could track my space doody. I could take pictures of it to show my grandkids. Yes, I'd be a proud papa.

Now imagine, years from now, somebody directing space traffic up there. "Station to shuttle, veer left or you'll have a collision with Morety's poop #213". "It's in its thawed state right now, and it could impair your vision if it hits your windshield."

Let me see. They've got various windshield fluid for cars, including Winter, and Summer/bug fluids. How many would they need for the shuttle?

18th Sep 2000, 10:28 AM
1. Grab pile of poop
2. Place in plastic container
3. Eject it towards Earth
4. Poop enter's earths atmosphere
5. Poop burns off
6. Bye bye ozone layer

Why do you think the ozone layer is disappearing?? Pollution?? HA!! That's what they want you to think!! It's the Poop from outer space!!!!

18th Sep 2000, 10:37 AM
Morety, I'm guessing that there is ALREADY some sort of top-secret governmental institution that tracks your poop, for the greater good and safety of all mankind.. :)

Consider this scenario. Now, I'm not an expert on poop (where's Boom?), but I'll assume that poop contains some sort of microscopic organisms (bacteria & such.) The vacuum of space offers no protection from the radiation of both our sun or deep space itself. Given the propensity for radiation to cause mutations in micororganisms, it's quite possible that, given time, poop exposed in such a way could mutate to sentience. Once this happens, the sentient poop will probably begin to ask questions about it's creator. Eventually, when enough poop gets together, they will figure out that the Earthlings are responsible for thier creation, and seek us out (most likely hitching a ride on the nearest earth-bound spacecraft.) We, as a society, will then be forced to deal with our poop. You can bet, in such a scenario, that as soon as their existence is validated, civil rights laws will immediately be set in place to ensure the poop is not discriminated against when applying for a job.

18th Sep 2000, 11:02 AM
Yes, I can see it now.

/me addressing sentient poops:

"I am your God!"

Now, as those poops are sentient, how would they feel about the regular poops we all know and love? Would they discriminate against a plain old, non-sentient poop? Or would they hold their ancestry in high regard?

If the poop was sentient, what kind of society would they live in? What would they eat?

The Planet Poopton:
- Would be full of basement apartments, with the main floor being a small, wooden shack.
- Flies would be in abundance, and would be at the top of the food chain.
- Would have extreme ozone problems, due to the extremely high content of methane. The planet itself would have to be located very far away from their sun, in order to keep them from melting.
- Would have an overabundance of plant life, as there'd be unlimited fertilizer available.
- Would have no cab drivers, as pine air-fresheners would be illegal.
- Would stink.

18th Sep 2000, 11:15 AM
It's nice to know I can always rely on PuF for a highly intellectual discussion...

18th Sep 2000, 11:56 AM
I wonder what the job ad looks like for these people.

Wanted: Space Poop Technician

Seeking hightly motivated person with skills in zero G poop management. Will design all necessary equipment to remove poop from astronauts' rectal areas, and deposit into poop receptacle, then further ejection techniques. Requires bachelor's degree in Poop physics, and 2 years experience in research design and testing of poop and poop related equipment.

18th Sep 2000, 01:05 PM
/me just had a flashback of a movie run through my head:

<===== Don Knotts, in the Reluctant Astronaut, when the peanut butter's flying all around the space capsule and gets into all the computer tapes.

-Does one actually find "Should design/maintain zero gravity toilets" on their aptitude tests?

-Which college/university offers courses in zero gravity bowel movements. Is there a scholarship fund for this?

-What if the toilet gets clogged up there? Will they have to fly a butt-cracker up there on the shuttle with a plunger?

-What if the toilet overflows? Wouldn't that be terrible to open the bathroom door and walk into.

18th Sep 2000, 01:13 PM
Imagine moose poop in space, they **** out small balls you know. And like 5 at a time to, so if a moose pooped in space it would create a couple of tiny deathstars raging across the universe.

18th Sep 2000, 01:34 PM
And I was glad cows couldn't fly....

18th Sep 2000, 01:45 PM
that's right, i forgot we have a moose poop specialist here :).

I think it's worth the experiment, however. The first moose in space!

18th Sep 2000, 03:26 PM
Moose? Hell, let's get some dna from that Woolly Mammoth they raised, clone it and get a nice big dump to send into orbit for scientific research.

There was a post here not too long ago about how it was the extremely high methane levels of dinosaur poop which caused the climate change, eventually leading to their extinction. Not a meteor, as is the common belief.

Imagine combining the two, and having a giant poop meteor. Now that's ex"stink"shin.

18th Sep 2000, 06:17 PM
Actually, one of the cases I am working on involves a sewage treatment plant, so I do know a lot more about poop then I ever wanted too.

I'll go into more detail later, as it is already 5:15 and I wanna go home.

Poop is a vibrant utopia for microscopic organisms. All sorts of things are living in there. I usually focus on a little bug known as the fecal coliform. The EPA (through the Clean Water Act) measures the pollution level of water coming from Sewage Plants by the amount of fecal coliform. You are allowed to have 400 of the little buggers per milliliter. A milliliter is like a tiny drop. So a glass of water at legally drinkable levels can have millions of these little poop bugs. The test results of the Sewage plant (or Poop plant as I like to call it) had over 1 million fecal coliform per milliliter. Basically, the were just sending the raw poop right out through the facility because all the treatment stuff was broken. And it discharged right into the Mississippi River. Guess where New Orleans and several other Louisiana towns get their drinking water from...

That's right! The good Old Mississippi River.

I wanna go home.

I will be available to answer more poop related questions in a few hours. :)

18th Sep 2000, 06:35 PM
Okay ready? Here's how it all works...

Thank god for the Discovery Channel!

From: http://www.discovery.com/news/features/spacecamp/dispatch4.html

"This is how it works: You ride it like a horse. Urine is sucked into a tube. Fecal matter goes through a slit in a plastic-covered compartment, which is lined with three layers of bags. The cosmonauts tie off the tops of the bags and dispose of them in the garbage, which is sent back on the Progress supply module to burn up on re-entry."

Ya know, they have a cool job. Fly into Space, land on the moon, and a toilet that you ride like a horse. Sweet!

18th Sep 2000, 06:42 PM
Errr, thanks for the poop lesson Boom :)

/me is trying to imagine all the astronauts that have suffered from bum-crumbs throughout the years. Those things are biatches to get off :D

18th Sep 2000, 08:06 PM
wow.... i come back to OT and i find a poop discussion... lol :D

18th Sep 2000, 09:23 PM
Its not really as suprising as you'd think is it? :rolleyes:

/me wonders when the discusion will change to poop flinging space monkeys! :D

19th Sep 2000, 01:16 AM

/me dances the "I told you so" dance yelling "I told you so!"


20th Sep 2000, 04:40 PM
Did someone say poop flinging space monkeys??

So I've been looking around for more information on the Space Toilet and thee seems to be some sort of news and information blackout on this subject.

I want a picture of the space toilet, and if possible a diagram showing it's proper use. :)

20th Sep 2000, 09:02 PM

------- Forwarded Message Follows -------
Reply-to: "Ron Blue" <rcb5@msn.com>
From: "Ron Blue" <rcb5@msn.com>
To: "SETI League" <seti@sni.net>
Subject: SETI toilet waste in outer space
Date: Sat, 27 Mar 1999 13:39:37 -0500

It was mentioned that viable freeze dried bacteria was found
floating in orbit in outer space from the release of toilet waste
from the space station.

Bacteria usually absorb genes and chromosomes present in their
food supply. This means that human genetic material would be
present in the freeze dried bacteria. A comet could in principle
pick this up and take it to another star system


So that is how we ended up on earth...

21st Sep 2000, 12:02 AM
So what you're saying is that we are all sentient poop then.

21st Sep 2000, 12:07 AM

The article is here:

...or "How to populate the universe"

21st Sep 2000, 01:30 AM
I personally like the idea of shooting it into the atmosphere to burn up. You could also shoot it towards the sun...wouldn't it travel nearly infinitely in zero gravity?

21st Sep 2000, 11:03 AM
Morety, did you say "How to populate the universe"?

Didn't you mean, "How to poopulate the universe"? ;) :p

hal, I have often contemplated the concept of infinite poop. Usually after eating Taco Bell.

21st Sep 2000, 03:17 PM
What is it with our facination with things that come out of our asses, both is gaseous and solid form? :)

21st Sep 2000, 03:47 PM
Boom, you got me roflmao :D


What's our infatuation
with things that exit our bum?
That is a very good question
you deserve and answer my chum.

It could be the sound
so happy and fun
it could be the smell
after ripping out one

It could be the way
a fart brings us smiles
or the pain that one gets
when there's flaring of piles

Or the feeling of pleasure
when you release that big load
that's been giving your gut
gas pangs untold

Or when you let that first fart
go in front of your date
and she doesn't get mad,
then you know that it's fate.

It's the look on the faces
as your fart silently goes
(on a full elevator)
right up everyone's nose

Or when you by accident
hike your leg to be funny
and find out you've let
rip a fart that was runny.

Whether for comfort
or in pain or for pleasure
things that exit our bums
are there for good measure.

They happen each day
and they can't be ignored.
And I find they're big fun
when you're feeling so bored.

So since we're reminded
several times per day
things that exit our bums
will be a topic each day.

22nd Sep 2000, 09:25 AM
In outer space, no one can hear you fart.

22nd Sep 2000, 09:37 AM

Morety: I wanted to post your last comment myself.

What happens if you fart into your space suit?
OK, noone can hear it, but you can smell it!

22nd Sep 2000, 09:48 AM
LOL, I never thought of that 8 4 7 2!!!

I just posted that to *bump* my fart poem because I didn't think anyone saw it.

Just imagine having to eat strained space food for a month, stuff like roast beef from a toothpaste container. Now you gear up, go out for a space walk and let one rip. Man, how do you keep from opening up the visor on your helmet??? I mean it's not as simple as rolling down the car window. Would the visor fog up? Is there room in your suit to hang a little pine tree air freshener? Can you crank up the oxygen from your tank to dilute the smell?


24th Sep 2000, 08:10 AM
Hereby I BUMP up this thread so that it po(o)ps up again on the top of the page.

So what happens if you fart into your spacesuit? Or if you have to poop or pee?
I guess they have some sort of integrated toilet sytem. But what's when it's full? Is there a kind of climate regualtion system that keeps the farts away from your head?

Question over questions....

24th Sep 2000, 03:10 PM
Well spacesuits are supposed to be hermetic so we can assume that farts stay inside, now if farts are lighter then air it would explain why astronauts can fly so easily in the space.:)

24th Sep 2000, 05:29 PM
Well, i don't think there's a toiled system in their space suit.

they only put it on to do some work outside the shuttles, and put em off afterwards. so do your pooping/peeing inside the ship, and, if it's time to work for a short amount of time, don't poop in your suit... like scuba gears...

Well this post doesn't solve the farting problem yet...

4th Oct 2000, 12:37 PM

I think there is still room for discussions in this thread :D

4th Oct 2000, 02:11 PM
Just read about the sub that sank due to a faulty toilet in Proph's Military story thread. Musta been one hell of an overflow to do that.

Gets me thinking, what if the space terlitt was faulty?

Instead of spilling water and gross stuff out onto the floor, it'd shoot straight up into the air and float around the bathroom. Not just any plunger would do. You'd need somebody specialized in the field to repair it. Space Plumber.

Space plumber would have to have some sort of vaccuum hose and wave it around in the air to clean stuff up. Also, there'd have to be some sort of a rip/exposure in his space suit to effectively show the butt crack. Union rules you know.

25th Apr 2001, 08:42 AM
So the first space walk by a Canadian was made this week. He was installing the Canadarm2, which is a large robotic arm which will be used as a crane for the space station.

Maybe it can be used to pick all the frozen flying orbiting p00ps out of the air before they become sentient.

25th Apr 2001, 09:09 AM
urhm, if a fart stays in the suit when its closed, what happens when you get out of your suit????????

i think that space station up there HAS to stink!
what is that up in the sky?
its super man!

no its the power puff girls!


(CaSCaDe will not be held responcible for ne miss typings of ne kind, if you find misstypings non the less blame some one else!)

25th Apr 2001, 09:45 AM
Does anybody have the problem that you go to a post (much like this one) and they ask a question, you, thinking you know an answer to their problem scroll down to "Post reply" but as you are reading the reply someone has already said it????!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!? %)

25th Apr 2001, 10:44 AM
Riding a toilet like a horse must be cool :)
I can imagine it now, you are just mindin your own business on the station when some guy with his pants round his ankle comes ridin past on his fine philly of a crapper ;)

25th Apr 2001, 11:20 AM
Originally posted by Dirty_Dinkums
Does anybody have the problem that you go to a post (much like this one) and they ask a question, you, thinking you know an answer to their problem scroll down to "Post reply" but as you are reading the reply someone has already said it????!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!? %)

Yep. You gotta be quick when you answer these things or you just end up agreeing/disagreeing and maybe adding a point of interest somewhere.

Riding a toilet like a horse must be cool
I can imagine it now, you are just mindin your own business on the station when some guy with his pants round his ankle comes ridin past on his fine philly of a crapper

LMfnAO at the thought of that :D

"Hi Ho Silver!"