Critical Analysis of DCSB vs. PET

Wow, GG and well played guys. To all the DCSB's. It was a tough fought match and one we were happy and glad and excited and aroused to partake in.

Let's have a rundown shall we? DCSB and pet joined the server. Tensions were high. I'm not sure how it was on DCSB's end but we were sweating bullets in fear of the mighty Euro team in Jolt's leagues and we knew we had to play our absolute hardest to squeek away with even a tie since the skill levels were obviously overwhelming on their side. I soiled myself as I was typing in the IP but that's neither here nor there..

We join the game on Sunset Beach, well 5 or so of us joined the game.. and we were relaying the IP back to the other members. The screen was counting down towards the beginning of our demise.. 456 seconds left until utter domination and being hand fed our asses on a silver platter. BUT WAIT! WHAT'S THIS?! Three pet's down and only half clicking "ready" because 0wl was still masturbating furiously to the picture of Detective's girlfriend and so obviously, wasn't ready to begin.. and the domination begins EARLY! Oh noez, what are pet to do?! We begin the match overstaffed, outnumbered, and completely demoralized due to the unlucky turn of events. In the middle of the match, c0rw overheats and disconnects.. only to re enter and attempt to help, to no avail. But we fight valiantly, Puppy was the Last of the Samupet's as he held the last artifact waiting for us to power up to cap, but he fell to the mighty, swift, and surgical precise attack of some gunner..

DCSB for teh win! On to Lowlands!

We load the map. We settle our strats. We do the damn thing. We win (fast) while 0wl is still furiously masturbating, just to raise morale. All is well.

PET for teh win! On to Alcazar!

We load the map. We settle our strats. 0wl busts. We win (fast). 0wl recjoices.

PET for teh win! On to KAMINARI. Being that we picked this map.. KAMINARI.. and only KAMINARI and not anything else but KAMINARI..

Half of us load the map. Half do not. Why aren't the others loading we cried out in despair?! It was then, that it dawned on us.. THIS WASN'T KAMINARI! NO! What was this map? Kaminari-LE?! Why, I haven't seen a single server run this map in EONS! Where did this map come from, and why wasn't our pick of KAMINARI and just KAMINARI and nothing but KAMINARI and most certainly not anything called KAMINARI-LE on the rotation? What EVER is happening? Did we cross into the twilight zone?! Regardless, pet pushed ever forward and fought hard and tried to gain a foothold.. but DCSB being the mighty powerhouse of a European team, with XMP players who move like ballerinas and crash like football players into the ranks of opposition.. pushed back ever so forcefully.

DCSB for teh hat trick! THE MATCH IS A TIE!

BOY, we weren't expecting THAT tactic. I commend you for your amazingly talented strategical command of the situation and I'd like to shake whoever coordinated that attack on the pet's on Kaminari's hand. We were expecting you to go for the energy, but going for an entirely different map than what we chose was a most excellent turn of events. You just outsmart everyone else. Astounding! Well played old chaps, well played!

You were quite possibly the best performing team against 2-3 players I have EVER seen in my long experience of playing XMP. But as for my critical review and assessment of the situation, in order to help both you out in the future, because I'm a nice guy and believe in chipping in where I can for the betterment of all players.. is as follows: Based on the play experienced from the maps where you actually played a full opposing force.. eh, keep practicing. Enjoy the win, you most definitely EARNED it!

And I quote, directly from Jolt's website.. based on the results of the other weekends matches..

pot and DCSB were level pegging by the third map Miasma before confusing procedings when most of pot failed to have the map, DCSB decided to wait, and the match finally ended before they got the map. Admin intervention decided that pot forfeitted Miasma and the two teams replayed Rampant with DCSB taking an eventual 12-4 win after two and a half hours.

Click to expand...

It's official. DCSB loves Americans and offers them the same consideration they offer their fellow Europeans, on the European ladder. Considering our ping, I don't blame them. WE HAVE EVERY ADVANTAGE!

Once again, well played. You're the better team no doubt. We submit to defeat.

I'm going to start an American XMP ladder. PET will win every match because I'll be the admin. When a team asks to play Garden, I'll load Crystal Garden. It's the same map, PERSE.. I mean, it's not the map they REQUESTED.. but it has "Garden" in the name so if I, being the admin, feels that it would give us a leg up in the match to come.. I'll go ahead and load it. And when the other team asks to to just wait 2 minutes to download that map.. even though we let another team do it, I'll say "NOEZ!" to let them do it, out of FEAR, since the maps we played for REAL against them, they UTTERLY DESTROYED us on, and PET will rape the other team 7 pet's to 2 of the other team's members. So it won't happen again, like we know it would. And then we will declare victory. If they have a problem with it, it won't matter since I'm the admin.. and I'll just ignore any concept of being fair and honorable, and just go jack off to the screenshots of our wins while I sit in my crap-filled adult diapers.

It shall be called "Everytime a European clan signs up for this ladder, we will rape them in the ass and make sure nobody but Americans have fair fights.. since we're biased pricks like that."

Who's game?