PDA

View Full Version : [Old (Funnay) News]Catholic Church On Masturbating


Synastren
26th Oct 2003, 12:19 PM
Vatican City - Masturbation is like owning a Ferrari and driving only in first gear, a senior Catholic theologian said in an article published Wednesday.

"Driving only in first gear, not only do you prevent the Ferrari expressing its full power, but gradually you wear it out and thereby ruin a masterpiece of technology," Father Giordano Muraro wrote in the magazine Vita Pastorale.

Muraro was responding to a reader who asked whether it was sinful to masturbate in the absence of one's spouse in order to reduce sexual tension.

According to Muraro, while masturbation - the sin of onanism in the bible - is "objectively a serious act, circumstances must be taken into account".

He said it was up to the person involved to "judge the gravity of his deed, in the context of the couple's path to God". - Sapa-AFP

Source (http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?sf=29&click_id=29&art_id=qw939307501764V325&set_id=1)

Saw that on MacHall Comics (www.machall.com) earlier. :D

Atropos Megarea
26th Oct 2003, 12:35 PM
O_o

das_ben
26th Oct 2003, 12:44 PM
Now that's an interesting analogy.

Synastren
26th Oct 2003, 12:48 PM
Indeed it is. And I think my Ferrari needs a new transmission. :shy:
;)

Vers Vlees
26th Oct 2003, 12:51 PM
Indeed it is. And I think my Ferrari needs a new transmission. :shy:
;)

lol :lol:

KJAX
26th Oct 2003, 01:02 PM
:2thumb:

Cap'n Beeb
26th Oct 2003, 01:24 PM
Oddly enough, I've come to suspect the majority of ferrari owners are compensating for something. Perhaps someone should jackoff in this tard's eye as an example of sufficent power of one's wang.

Atropos Megarea
26th Oct 2003, 01:31 PM
Originally Posted by Synastren
Indeed it is. And I think my Ferrari needs a new transmission. :shy:
;)


~raises an eye brow and shakes her head slowly~ men

TossMonkey
26th Oct 2003, 01:50 PM
ahahaa... thats the best analogy ever. He's encouraging sex over masturbation which is always a good thing.

Atropos Megarea
26th Oct 2003, 01:53 PM
sex = good
sex = teh win!

edhe
26th Oct 2003, 05:19 PM
**waits for tropi to say anything of worth.

The bible says something about casting your seed upon the earth as a sin. God knows why, rest of us don't. Catholic religion also thinks that any act of sex should be contributary to procreation. So, of course, he'd be saying that sex is far better than masterbation, and that wanking off is, basically, a sin... just he said it cooler :)

Sam_The_Man
26th Oct 2003, 06:15 PM
I fail to see how a million wasted sperm is so much worse than nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine wasted sperm if you're lucky (or unlucky, depending on the circumstances) :)

But yeah, Catholic Cardinals would know all about Ferraris, of course (not sarcasm).

Swarthy_Foreskin
26th Oct 2003, 06:44 PM
Did this thread make anyone else horny as hell?

FireSlash
26th Oct 2003, 09:50 PM
On the other hand, throwing your Ferrari into 5th gear gives you a nice speeding ticket ;)

PhrozeN
26th Oct 2003, 10:10 PM
Anybody watch the movie Supertroopers? Remember that part with the speedgun?

Papapishu
27th Oct 2003, 07:58 AM
As usual, they have got it backwards.
The deal was; the israelits had a social security system that said that if a woman was widowed, her late husbands brother (or closest living male relative) should marry herm because otherwise she might not be able to handle economicaly.
Both parts happy, the brother gets a(nother) wife, the widow gets economic security.
The sin in that case was that Onan, being the brother in question, when ordered to perform his duty to impregnate his late brothers wife, pulled out prematurely, "spilling it on the earth", thus sinning against the law.

The only other thing I can think of would be to "let your limbs be dead towards adultery".
And the bible is still unclear wether masturbation is concidered adultery, which it can't if you're married, can it?

D66
27th Oct 2003, 09:13 AM
So to elaborate,
(and yes I am Catholic)
Even in a Catholic Bible,
The sin of Onan was that of Oathbreaking. Not sexual misconduct.
Heh, I argued this subject just yesterday with a by-the-book Catholic.

Nickelass
27th Oct 2003, 04:16 PM
Anybody watch the movie Supertroopers? Remember that part with the speedgun?
:lol: i was thinking that too.

AriTheDog
27th Oct 2003, 09:43 PM
Did this thread make anyone else horny as hell?

I came.

Sam_The_Man
27th Oct 2003, 10:27 PM
The only other thing I can think of would be to "let your limbs be dead towards adultery".

So you can commit adultery if you lie still and let her go on top?

Peavey
28th Oct 2003, 03:04 AM
My Ferrari popped a wheelie in 5th gear the other day whilst getting a paintjob. Shortly after, the oil tank spurted its contents all over itself, because the RPM was so overwhelming.

I'll let you all use your imagination with that one ;)