The_Pikeman
30th Jun 2003, 12:33 PM
Sorry about the length
> > Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
> >
> > A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction, honey .
> >
> > Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction .
> >
> > A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them .
> >
> > Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
> >
> > A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections .
> >
> > Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of
mass
> > destruction, did we?
> >
> > A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll
find
> > something, probably right before the 2004 election .
> >
> > Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
> >
> > A: To use them in a war, silly .
> >
> > Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to
use
in
> > a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went
to
war
> > with them?
> >
> > A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those
weapons,
> > so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves.
> >
> > Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if
they
had
> > all those big weapons to fight us back with?
> >
> > A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.
> >
> > Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those
weapons
> > our government said they did.
> >
> > A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those
> > weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.
> >
> > Q: And what was that?
> >
> > A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam
Hussein
> was
> > a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another
country
.
> >
> > Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his
> > country?
> >
> > A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
> >
> > Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
> >
> > A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic
competitor,
> > where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make
U.S.
> > corporations richer .
> >
> > Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American
corporate
> > gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?
> >
> > A: Right .
> >
> > Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
> >
> > A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government.
People
> > who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and
tortured.
> >
> > Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
> >
> > A: I told you, China is different .
> >
> > Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
> >
> > A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while
China
is
> > Communist .
> >
> > Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
> >
> > A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad .
> >
> > Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
> >
> > A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba
are
> sent
> > to prison and tortured .
> >
> > Q: Like in Iraq?
> >
> > A: Exactly .
> >
> > Q: And like in China, too?
> >
> > A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the
other
> hand,
> > is not.
> >
> > Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
> >
> > A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed
some
> laws
> > that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with
Cuba
> > until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists
like
us.
> >
> > Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and
started
> > doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become
> capitalists?
> >
> > A: Don't be a smart-ass.
> >
> > Q: I didn't think I was being one.
> >
> > A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba .
> >
> > Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
> >
> > A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam
Hussein
> > came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a
legitimate
> > leader anyway .
> >
> > Q: What's a military coup?
> >
> > A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a
country
> by
> > force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United
States
.
> >
> > Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
> >
> > A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan
is
> our
> > friend.
> >
> > Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
> >
> > A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
> >
> > Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by
forcibly
> > overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an
illegitimate
> > leader?
> >
> > A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he
helped
> > us invade Afghanistan .
> >
> > Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
> >
> > A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
> >
> > Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
> >
> > A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men (Fifteen of them Saudi
Arabians)
> > hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings,
killing
> over
> > 3,000 Americans.
> >
> > Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
> >
> > A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive
rule
> > of the Taliban.
> >
> > Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off
> > people's heads and hands?
> >
> > A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off
> > people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.
> >
> > Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million
dollars
back
> > in May of 2001?
> >
> > A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job
> > fighting drugs .
> >
> > Q: Fighting drugs?
> >
> > A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from
growing
> opium
> > poppies.
> >
> > Q: How did they do such a good job?
> >
> > A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban
would
> > have their hands and heads cut off .
> >
> > Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing
> > flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands
off
for
> > other
> > reasons?
> >
> > A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off
> people's
> > hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's
hands
> for
> > stealing bread .
> >
> > Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
> >
> > A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical
patriarchy
that
> > oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in
> > public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not
comply.
> >
> > Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
> >
> > A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.
> >
> > Q: What's the difference?
> >
> > A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest
yet
> > fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her
eyes
> > and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of
patriarchal
> > oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and
> fingers .
> >
> > Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name .
> >
> > A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis
are
> our
> > friends .
> >
> > Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th
were
> > from Saudi Arabia .
> >
> > A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan .
> >
> > Q: Who trained them?
> >
> > A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden .
> >
> > Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
> >
> > A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a
very
bad
> > man .
> >
> > Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once .
> >
> > A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet
invasion
of
> > Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
> >
> > Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald
Reagan
> > talked about?
> >
> > A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
> > thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We
call
> > them Russians now .
> >
> > Q: So the Soviets ? I mean, the Russians ? are now our friends?
> >
> > A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years
after
> > they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our
> > invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the
> > French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq
either
> >
> > Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
> >
> > A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename
French
> fries
> > and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast .
> >
> > Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do
what we
> > want them to do?
> >
> > A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade .
> >
> > Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
> >
> > A: Well, yeah. For a while .
> >
> > Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
> >
> > A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him
our
> > friend, temporarily .
> >
> > Q: Why did that make him our friend?
> >
> > A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
> >
> > Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
> >
> > A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we
looked
the
> > other way, to show him we were his friend.
> >
> > Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically
becomes
> > our friend?
> >
> > A: Most of the time, yes .
> >
> > Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is
automatically an
> > enemy?
> >
> > A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can
> profit
> > by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.
> >
> > Q: Why?
> >
> > A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for
> > America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes
> > war is a
godless
> > un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?
> >
> > Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
> >
> > A: Yes .
> >
> > Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
> >
> > A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells
him
> > what to do .
> >
> > Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because
> George
> > W. Bush hears voices in his head?
> >
> > A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your
> > eyes,make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night .
> >
> > Q: Good night, Daddy.
> > ><
> >
> >
>
-How.
> > Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
> >
> > A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction, honey .
> >
> > Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction .
> >
> > A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them .
> >
> > Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
> >
> > A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections .
> >
> > Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of
mass
> > destruction, did we?
> >
> > A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll
find
> > something, probably right before the 2004 election .
> >
> > Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
> >
> > A: To use them in a war, silly .
> >
> > Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to
use
in
> > a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went
to
war
> > with them?
> >
> > A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those
weapons,
> > so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves.
> >
> > Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if
they
had
> > all those big weapons to fight us back with?
> >
> > A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.
> >
> > Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those
weapons
> > our government said they did.
> >
> > A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those
> > weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.
> >
> > Q: And what was that?
> >
> > A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam
Hussein
> was
> > a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another
country
.
> >
> > Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his
> > country?
> >
> > A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
> >
> > Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
> >
> > A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic
competitor,
> > where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make
U.S.
> > corporations richer .
> >
> > Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American
corporate
> > gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?
> >
> > A: Right .
> >
> > Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
> >
> > A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government.
People
> > who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and
tortured.
> >
> > Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
> >
> > A: I told you, China is different .
> >
> > Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
> >
> > A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while
China
is
> > Communist .
> >
> > Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
> >
> > A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad .
> >
> > Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
> >
> > A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba
are
> sent
> > to prison and tortured .
> >
> > Q: Like in Iraq?
> >
> > A: Exactly .
> >
> > Q: And like in China, too?
> >
> > A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the
other
> hand,
> > is not.
> >
> > Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
> >
> > A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed
some
> laws
> > that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with
Cuba
> > until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists
like
us.
> >
> > Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and
started
> > doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become
> capitalists?
> >
> > A: Don't be a smart-ass.
> >
> > Q: I didn't think I was being one.
> >
> > A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba .
> >
> > Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
> >
> > A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam
Hussein
> > came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a
legitimate
> > leader anyway .
> >
> > Q: What's a military coup?
> >
> > A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a
country
> by
> > force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United
States
.
> >
> > Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
> >
> > A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan
is
> our
> > friend.
> >
> > Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
> >
> > A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
> >
> > Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by
forcibly
> > overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an
illegitimate
> > leader?
> >
> > A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he
helped
> > us invade Afghanistan .
> >
> > Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
> >
> > A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
> >
> > Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
> >
> > A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men (Fifteen of them Saudi
Arabians)
> > hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings,
killing
> over
> > 3,000 Americans.
> >
> > Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
> >
> > A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive
rule
> > of the Taliban.
> >
> > Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off
> > people's heads and hands?
> >
> > A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off
> > people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.
> >
> > Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million
dollars
back
> > in May of 2001?
> >
> > A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job
> > fighting drugs .
> >
> > Q: Fighting drugs?
> >
> > A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from
growing
> opium
> > poppies.
> >
> > Q: How did they do such a good job?
> >
> > A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban
would
> > have their hands and heads cut off .
> >
> > Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing
> > flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands
off
for
> > other
> > reasons?
> >
> > A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off
> people's
> > hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's
hands
> for
> > stealing bread .
> >
> > Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
> >
> > A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical
patriarchy
that
> > oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in
> > public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not
comply.
> >
> > Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
> >
> > A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.
> >
> > Q: What's the difference?
> >
> > A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest
yet
> > fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her
eyes
> > and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of
patriarchal
> > oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and
> fingers .
> >
> > Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name .
> >
> > A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis
are
> our
> > friends .
> >
> > Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th
were
> > from Saudi Arabia .
> >
> > A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan .
> >
> > Q: Who trained them?
> >
> > A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden .
> >
> > Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
> >
> > A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a
very
bad
> > man .
> >
> > Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once .
> >
> > A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet
invasion
of
> > Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
> >
> > Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald
Reagan
> > talked about?
> >
> > A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
> > thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We
call
> > them Russians now .
> >
> > Q: So the Soviets ? I mean, the Russians ? are now our friends?
> >
> > A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years
after
> > they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our
> > invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the
> > French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq
either
> >
> > Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
> >
> > A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename
French
> fries
> > and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast .
> >
> > Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do
what we
> > want them to do?
> >
> > A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade .
> >
> > Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
> >
> > A: Well, yeah. For a while .
> >
> > Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
> >
> > A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him
our
> > friend, temporarily .
> >
> > Q: Why did that make him our friend?
> >
> > A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
> >
> > Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
> >
> > A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we
looked
the
> > other way, to show him we were his friend.
> >
> > Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically
becomes
> > our friend?
> >
> > A: Most of the time, yes .
> >
> > Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is
automatically an
> > enemy?
> >
> > A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can
> profit
> > by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.
> >
> > Q: Why?
> >
> > A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for
> > America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes
> > war is a
godless
> > un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?
> >
> > Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
> >
> > A: Yes .
> >
> > Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
> >
> > A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells
him
> > what to do .
> >
> > Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because
> George
> > W. Bush hears voices in his head?
> >
> > A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your
> > eyes,make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night .
> >
> > Q: Good night, Daddy.
> > ><
> >
> >
>
-How.